2007 Review

As I sit here with John on New Years Eve - watching my traditional movie for this day... When Harry Met Sally... and listening to all the crazies out there shooting fireworks... I can't help but think back about how many ways my life has changed this year:

• The year started with me meeting and getting to know someone that will be considered one of my best friends for the rest of my life, Sarah. She and her husband Robby have become our favorite friends to hang out with - and their beautiful daughter, Abby has been a joy to watch growing and changing through her first year of life.
  
• Early in the spring - I made a huge decision for my life... I decided to start the process toward having weight loss surgery and began researching doctors. We then went to a seminar and learned lots more information about the different proceedures and decided on gastric-bypass because of it's great benefits for diabetics.
  
• In May, John and I put down the earnest money for building our first home. It was a huge decision, but such a great one...
  
• We moved into the house in August, and have loved every minute since. What a wonderful thing for a couple - to have their own home to grow a family in... with the surgery - we plan on doing just that.
  
• September brought the birth of our youngest neice, Brooklyn. She's such a cutie, and we are thrilled to be able to watch her grow throughout her life.
  
• In October, we found out that all the work for our insurance approval for the surgeries was for nothing - we had an exclusion in our policy that we weren't informed of until we'd already gone through the supervised diets and other hoops for approval. A low point... but in one of the most loving gestures - an angel loaned me the money to push forward with the surgery for my health. (I will forever be grateful to them for the money - and could never put into words the gratitude that John and I both feel.)
  
• I had my surgery on November 15th, and it already has changed my life in ways unimaginable. The rest of the year has been recovery and learning a new lifestyle that will allow us to become closer to that family in 2008.

Those are just the highlights of this past year, but I can't wait to see what is in store for me in 2008... it sure has great promise of being the first year of my healthy new life... and hopefully just the begining of many happy years in the future.

I've got to do some thinking about my resolutions tonight - because I have some, but want to make sure that I word them in a way that is meaningful. I don't want to just say to lose weight - because there is much more to it than that.

Happy New Year everyone!! May your 2008 be a good one!

6 Week Follow-up

I had my 6 week follow up with my surgeon on Friday, but haven't been able to sit down long enough to blog about it until now. This has been a whirlwind weekend... anyway - the doctor's visit was great! I am apparently doing well with healing, and they aren't to worried about my stalled weight loss. It has started creeping back downward again... so that's at least positive.

They told me that I can now eat whatever I want, but should try to avoid fried foods, spicy foods and leftovers... apparently those items can be hard on your digestive system. I tried several different times to ask them what things to try first, but got no answers. Basically everytime they'd just tell me to eat whatever I wanted, and if it doesn't go down well - try it again in a couple of weeks or a month.

I went out to dinner that night, but only managed to eat 1 peice of broccoli - then threw it up. Horrible feeling... but ever since it has been better. I stuck to the softer foods for Saturday, but then yesterday I managed to eat a spinach enchilada at our favorite mexican restaurant. Tonight - I tried to eat pizza, but that didn't work to well - but once it made it through the stoma - I felt much better... so maybe we'll wait a good while before trying to eat that again.

So in summary - things are going really well, it's just a process that I've got to get used to and remember to take everything slowly.

Happy Birthday Stephanie

Today is my oldest friend's 30th birthday... and it should be such a happy occasion for her... but instead this has without a doubt been the saddest day of her life. Her wonderful father passed away today. He was a great man - so sweet and giving - he will certainly be missed. I know that he will be with her everyday from heaven, but there are going to be a lot of hard times for her in the coming months - and I can't think of anything worse to deal with than losing a parent.

I found a prayer that I said for Mike - so I'd like to share it.

Almighty Father, eternal God, hear our prayers for Your son Mike Graham whom You have called from this life to Yourself. Grant him light, happiness, and peace. Let him pass in safety through the gates of death, and live forever with all Your saints in the light You promised to Abraham and to all his descendants in faith. Guard him from all harm and on that great day of resurrection and reward raise him up with all Your saints. Pardon his sins and give him eternal life in Your kingdom. We ask this through Christ our Lord. Amen.

Happy Birthday Robby

Today is one of our really good friend's birthday... Robby is out hunting, but John talked to him earlier... I didn't get to tell him Happy Birthday today - but at least I didn't forget! We'll probably see him on Tuesday for New Year's Day... and then he & John are going hunting this weekend. I hope that they have a good time, and that I don't have to hear to many stories about them shooting anything.

In honor of Robby's birthday - I'm putting up a really cute picture of his daughter, Abby, from Christmas... Sarah sent me several pictures this week of Abby over the last month, and this one is my favorite!

Christmas Day Pics

Our first Christmas celebration was really good - here are a few pictures of us celebrating with John's family.

This is when Taylor arrived to see what had been left by Santa.

Taylor and Brooklyn on Christmas morning.

The stockings were certainly full!

The chaos of presents under the tree

Taylor just getting started on her mountain of gifts.

Her favorite gift - her Hannah Montanna guitar with headset!

Playing outside on the swing set - she is showing me how she can hang from the monkey bars.

Paw Paw getting his last gift - he was to get one last year, but Ryan accidentally broke it before Christmas.

Taylor is showing Paw Paw about her virtual pet game.

Brooklyn and Susan smiling at each other.

Miss Brooklyn - she had a great first Christmas - she slept through the gift frenzy!

Ryan is working on putting together one of Brooklyn's new toys.

Taylor feeding her Baby Alive - the grossest doll ever - it poops!

Sitting down for Christmas dinner - Paw Paw, Ryan and Susan are ready!

Maw Maw, Taylor and Brooklyn on the floor... we're finally ready to eat.

That is the end of the photos of the day - I immediately went and fell asleep on my old couch (we gave it to John's parents) and the rest of the family sat around me and watched Johnny Depp's version of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. My review of the second half of the movie is that I'd have to say that the newer version is VERY creepy... I didn't like it at all - I loved the original... and you just can't beat it. I'd thought that the special effects would have made the movie, but it was just strange - even the oompa loompas freaked me out - it's all the same guy!

New NaBloPoMo Challenge

It's that time again, a new blog challenge!! I don't know how many of us will make it to the end of this one, but I'll give it a shot. The new challenge is to write every day in 2008... I made it through the month challenge with some help from John... so I'll give it a shot for 2008. I know my Dad loved the month of blogs that he could read everyday... so maybe this is right up his alley... something to read everyday from me for an entire year!!

Anyone with me on this?!

Best Husband Ever

I know those are hard words to live up to, but sometimes my husband just amazes me with his toughtfulness. For Christmas this year, he went out on a limb to get me started on something that I will cherish for the rest of my life.

He bought me a bunch of stuff to start scrapbooking - but it wasn't without a purpose, and this is where the real thoughtfulness comes in... he did it all with documenting my weight loss surgery journey in mind.

He wrote to my family and very close friends about writing letters of encouragement to me - and had all of the letters he'd gotten back wrapped up for me to read on Christmas night when we opened gifts. (there was a complete waterfall of tears!!)

He also set up a non-food reward system for me as well - it goes all the way to my goal weight, but has various rewards along the way... I've almost earned the first two which will mean that I'll get a manicure and pedicure at somepoint in January.

I don't know how I'll ever be able to keep up with him and his amazing gifts -because last year he gave me "the 12 months of Christmas" which was a card that I opened every month with a different gift for that month - for instance - one month he gave me a week of not having to clean the kitchen. Another was dinner and a movie of my choice... and my personal favorite was September's gift which was a weekend of NO football!! Now that's the best gift EVER!

So this year he's outdone himself again... and a new hobby is born.

Family Bet

Merry Christmas everyone!!

While we were celebrating Christmas today, John's Dad brought up a contest for 2008. I'm not allowed to play because it was deemed to be unfair... but between John, Susan, Jimmy, Betty, and possibly Ryan - they will see who can lose the most weight in '08.

On January 1st - they will all be at our house to weigh in and pay $50 toward the bet, and we will put it in our money market account to gain as much interest as possible. The trick is - that the first $200 or $250 will be awarded to the biggest loser between January and July 4th. Then a second pot of the same amount will be awarded to the biggest loser between July and January 1, 2009.

This ought to be interesting!! I think that they are all eating their hearts out right now to "bulk" up before the first weigh in... or at least everyone other than John. I'll post pictures when I can of the official weigh in... I guess since I can't play - I'll be the host of the first annual Hawkins Biggest Loser Contest.

I'll also post pics of the holiday as soon as I can - I left our camera at John's parent's house... so we're working on meeting them to get it back.

Happy Birthday Susan

I just wanted to give a shout out to my sister-in-law, Susan who is turning 27 today! We'll be celebrating tomorrow afternoon/evening... with my second restaurant outing. We're going to Steak and Ale - which will be a lot less structured for me, but I've got a plan... I'm thinking baked potato with butter & sour cream or mashed potatoes and some burgundy mushrooms. I LOVE those mushrooms... they are phenomenal!

One Month Visit to Doctor

Yesterday was my one month follow up visit with Dr. Weinstein, and things went really well. He's testing my blood for several vitamins, and we talked about my water intake and exercise. I know that I've got to step it up more with both of those, but have been struggling with them the most.

My blood pressure was really low, which he said could be an indication of needing to change my meds. He said that it also could be dehydration which causes your blood pressure to get lower... so if I am having any dizziness when I get up from sitting or laying down - he said to call and we'd adjust the dosage.

He also said that he's fairly sure that when he tests my A1C level in January - that it will be below a diabetic level - which indicates that I can start coming off of those meds as well. It's so strange to me that in January of 2007 - my level was 12.0 which is double the level of normal people... and 1 year later with the help of surgery and a doctor that is worth a damn... my level will be below normal!

Last night John and I made a pact to start helping each other work out - so we've made a plan to watch television upstairs in the gameroom where we've got the big screen. We can watch up there while we're working out and that way it doesn't feel like such a chore to be away from the family to workout. I rode the bike last night for 30 minutes, rode 7.5 miles, and burned 380 calories... which I probably burned more. They say that the heavier you are the more you burn doing various activities, and my bike isn't high tech enough to figure that out - so we'll go with it. It's funny to me because I actually burned off my entire Isopure shake for the day (which I mix with milk)... so I burned off three of my 6 meals! Can a body be sustained on so few calories left over for the day?!

Basically all that would have been left that I didn't burn off (and we're assuming that my body burned no other calories during the entirety of yesterday) but the other other things that I ate were: a hand-full of cashews and a cup of stirfry of zuchinni, mushrooms and onions mixed with a little butter and soy sauce. WOW!

Movie Reviews

I thought I'd share a little about my television adventures now that the writer's strike is killing my nightly routines! John and I have enjoyed a few good movies over the last few days, and probably will enjoy some more over the holidays... we are avid collectors of DVD's and own about 350-400 titles currently... Christmas is always a big time for adding to our collection - so I'll share whatever we find the time to watch in the coming month.

Wyatt Earp
This is the Kevin Costner biographical movie about Wyatt Earp's life. John and I both love Tombstone and I thought that we'd enjoy this version of the events as well. Honestly though it was a little bit to long in my opinion. It shared a lot of information that I didn't know before seeing it, but I didn't realize that it was almost 3.5 hours long! Dennis Quaid played Doc Holliday, and did a pretty good job, but it wasn't quite as entertaining or as funny as Val Kilmer's version in Tombstone. It's overall a good movie, but is probably better for history buffs than for the average movie viewer.

License to Wed
This movie was hysterical... Robin Williams really played the funniest priest I've ever seen. John Krasinski and Mandy Moore were both equally as funny. It was a story about an engaged couple that wants to get married in the girl's family church. The priest makes all the couples go through a marriage course before they are allowed to get married - and he basically puts them through the wringer! Some of the tests that he makes them go through are beyond anything I could have passed... but it really is great entertainment. I highly reccomend this one!

Evan Almighty
This was another really funny movie. Not at all what I expected, but was really well done. Steve Carell has some great comediac timing and has proven to be one of my favorite comedians to watch. Wanda Sykes is also in this one, and I've always loved her - she plays his assistant at work and has some great one-liners. Lauren Graham plays Evan's wife, and is really good in this too. (I've loved her acting for a while - as she played on one of my all time favorite television shows - Gilmore Girls) This is a story about building the ark and the craziness that would happen if someone tried to do that in 2007. It's a good movie - for people of all ages - no graphic content or sexual content... I'd highly reccomend this one as well.

Christmas Luncheon

Yesterday was my work Christmas luncheon at a restaurant called Tony's. Our party was in a private wine cellar... and was really nice! They made sure to have the chef make something special for me - so that I could actually eat, and they made the most amazing soup with zuchinni and green beans in it for me. We all had a great time, and enjoyed the time out of the office!

On the left is one of my best friends, Hope, and another of our friends, Claudette.

These are some of the other girls from the office: (from left) Lia who's Dad owns Tony's, Samar, Amy, and Tracey.

This is Renita - she's a real character!

This is LaTonya, Lathenia and me... and I really am NOT that pale!!

Three of the most fun people in the office: LaTonya, Renita and Lathenia.

Bonfire Story

My friend, Jenn, said that she'd love to hear the bonfire story - so I thought that I'd share it with the blog world.

On November 18, 1999 things for the Aggie world changed forever. At about 2:30 AM one of the most beloved traditions on the A&M campus crashed down to the ground in a devastating pile of logs and bodies. I was still a student there at the time and remember vividly the day(s) surrounding that collapse. It was to be my last Bonfire as a student, and had always been a highlight of my Thanksgiving tradition... first with my family, then with my Aggie family.

For some during the days after the collapse - it seemed like such a silly tradition, but like they always say about A&M. "From the outside you can't understand it...from the inside looking out you can't explain it..."

Suddenly on that morning - A&M was the topic of every reporter and the messages being put out there weren't always correct or without personal opinion. That morning as I woke up - I found a link to a radio broadcast on the internet from Austin, TX. I can't remember the guy's name or the station in question, but at the time it was documented for anyone that wanted to respond. But, basically the guy was auditioning for a job and was making fun of A&M and what he called the idiot students. (refering to the students still trapped in the pile) He made a lot of very nasty comments about the situation, and I felt the need to write a letter to him and the station about my feelings on the subject.

At the time my main point was to explain that he had a responsibility to think about the entire audience that could potentially be listening to him that morning. Anyone could have been listening - a victim's family or friend... or just someone that was sensitive to the situation. Mainly I was appaulled that someone could talk that way about someone that was still missing and potentially dead - when that kid's mother or father could be listening. Can you imagine?

At any rate - the guy didn't get the job with the station because thousands of Aggie's had written or called to say similar things. I only know that he got fired because he emailed me really upset about having been "fired."

I never felt bad about my decision to write that morning because I felt like those kids needed more respect than that, and my community was going through a very scary ordeal - so we needed to know that we could take action wherever we could to at least feel like we were doing something to help. I think that I wrote letters all over the country in support or defense of the school that I love so deeply... not all were bad either... there were a few complimentary letters written thanking reporters for their balanced reporting.

Like I said, I will never forget that time in my life - At the time, I was the director for what would be the equivalent of a Prom for the senior class (it's called Ring Dance and is really 7 proms all in one event) so I felt a strong connection to other campus leaders - and desperately wanted to help in any way I could. I remember taking food and water to drop off locations for the volunteers working on pulling out survivors and bodies from the stack. I remember going to the vigil at Reed Arena and being surrounded by 15,000 others crying and looking for God to take away the pain. I remember flowers and funeral sprays covering the first floor of the MSC from all sorts of other colleges and friends of the university showing their support. I also remember the first time I walked out to the location of the collapse - there was heavy moving equipment all over and they were still removing all the logs and debris... and I just sobbed. I called John and just cried... I couldn't comprehend what had happened there.

Ignorance in America

An article was brought to my attention this morning by a blog friend. She was disturbed by the author's attitude about weight loss surgery, and after reading the article - I found it to be just as disturbing. I get tired of the ignorance out there in America about obesity. It is not just a bunch of fat people that need to stop eating and learn to exercise... it is a very individualized problem. Sure, for some people it is about simply stopping overeating, but for others (myself included) it is about so much more... it is about saving your life from dibilitating diseases and actually being able to lose enough weight to make a significant difference in your lifespan. I'm sure that some out there won't agree with me on this issue and that is okay, but I made my opinion known to this particular writer - as I have with a few others in the past. (Such as the time I actually helped get a radio personality fired over his discusting rant after the bonfire collapse in 1999.)

Angela,

I take great offense to you saying that weight-loss surgery is easy. For those of us out there that have made the choice to have surgery – it is not without a lot of thought and consideration of many issues. I don’t think that the lifestyle needed to recover from these surgeries could be considered easy by any means – how many people out there can have the determination to live without most foods they are used to eating for weeks or months? It takes a lot to live through that and to relearn how to eat appropriately when you are able to reintroduce foods into your diet again.

In my opinion – when there are millions of articles out there on this topic – it is highly irresponsible of you to write something like that. Did you even consider the statistics that show how many lives are saved by having these surgeries? Not to mention the risks and statistics for those that don’t have surgery… many studies show that for morbidly obese patients it is next to impossible for people to successfully lose weight on their own and keep it off.

I am one of those very people you mention in the top of your article that has several medical factors that are brought on by weight issues, and quite frankly – those medical problems and their treatments make it an endless cycle that only weight loss can fix… but the treatments are all known for causing weight gain… so where would it have ended for me? Certainly it would have ended with more pain and eventually death if I hadn’t taken steps to have a gastric-bypass that will save my life.

As is typical with the media – you only showed one view point in your article that I consider once again to be irresponsible when there might be people out there looking for the answer to their own situation. I don’t think it is fair for you to write about the negatives of programs without showing the positives as well – how about throwing in some statistics on how lives are saved by various weight loss options? Like how over 90% of people that have weight loss surgery are essentially cured from having diabetes… similar statistics are out there for asthma, sleep apnea, and several other diseases that are exacerbated by excess weight. Why would you chose to write such a dismissive paragraph on eating disorders such as anorexia and bulimia… there are millions of articles out there that tell much more about the effects of those diseases without being as callous as you were.

Next time, it might be better to use more words, and actually research the topic that you are writing about to show the whole story… not just your personal viewpoint.

Shopping Galore!

This weekend was certainly a whirl-wind of stores and shopping. We completed a lot of our shopping with just a few little odds and ends to be picked up this week and finished by Saturday. Everything has to ship to Midland tomorrow for my Mom and family there... and that will really be a weight off my shoulders... I really stressed to make sure that I got everything for them this weekend.

All the kids in our life are set and ready for Christmas to come... we've completed the shopping for them. All that is left really is my Dad, Lynne, and John... I think... we might have a couple of little things on top of that, but honestly it's not much at all.

Susan's birthday is Friday, and that starts our Christmas festivities... we'll be having the family over at some point this weekend (I think) to celebrate... otherwise we'll go out - which will be my first outing to a restaurant. Actually, that's not true, but it will be the first one that is out of my control. I've got a company Christmas luncheon on Wednesday, but they called the chef for me to have them make something special for me.

Anyway - we'll be having the family to our house either Friday night or Saturday, and John is sure excited - he loves for people to come see our house all decorated for the holidays. I've got a wonderful lady coming to clean the house on Saturday too - which we hope will remain clean through the week and look nice for when my Dad and siblings get here the following Friday.

Is it just me - or does it always seem like the holidays go by so quickly?! I know that it's the same every year, but sometimes it just takes me by surprise that everything happens within a matter of a week. The nice thing is that my last entertaining happens on a Sunday evening and I've got Monday and Tuesday to recover. I tend to be one of those that goes and goes (even when my body says to stop) until I end up getting sick - so a couple of extra days to rest will be nice before heading back to work.

Blue Days of Winter

I don't know what to say about the ticker at this point - as it hasn't really moved in two weeks. I can't tell you guys how unbelieveably sad that makes me... not to mention it makes me wonder if I did all of this for nothing. I know it's completely irrational and that my body is probably just in shock, but I still am feeling like I went through all of this just to get the same result that I've gotten from every diet program that I've tried over the years.

I should be feeling some happiness from the fact that my measurements are dropping, but something is just really hanging me up on the scale. Maybe it's the fact that things moved so much in the initial days after the surgery - and I'm sure my body is just in shock, but COME ON!!!! I need to see some movement from the stupid hunk of metal sitting on the bathroom floor!!

The results of my monthly measurements are as follows:
Chest: -3 inches
Waist: -2 inches
Lower Abdomen: -4 inches (I think this might have been taken in a different location last time)
Hips: -2 inches
Neck: -1.25 inches
Left Thigh: no change
Right Thigh: no change
Left Calf: -1.5 inches
Right Calf: -1 inch
Left Ankle: -.25 inch
Right Ankle: -.5 inch
Left Bicep: -1 inch
Right Bicep: -1 inch
Left Forearm: -1 inch
Right Forearm: no change

Some of those measurements might seem excessive, but I'm following a chart that I got from a support group online - so I just went with it. That's a total of 18.5 inches in a month, and I really should be happy about it - and deep down - I am... I just am feeling crummy about the scale right now.

Official Grade Posted

It's finally official and over... we got an A in my math class!! WHA-HOO! I am so thrilled to be done with that class - I can't even put it into words. Now I'll have to submit my grades to I Teach Texas for review, and then they will release me to take the certification exam for Kindergarten through 4th grade generalist. Generalist means that I'll be certified to teach all four of the core subjects... but my focus will be on getting a job teaching Language Arts & Social Studies. The only way I'm teaching all of them is if I get a job teaching 1st or 2nd grade - which would be perfectly fine with me too.

My mentor though wanted to try me out in 4th grade because that is when the kids begin to be tested on writing with their state exams... and with my writing background - she thought that it would be a perfect fit for me.

Speaking of writing - I've got to get back to cranking out my writing assignments for that course... hopefully I'll get back to that in a couple of weeks, but its starting to look like the first of the year since I'm pretty much booked between now and January!

I can't believe it all snuck up on me like this - but I guess two weeks surgery recovery will do that to you during the holiday season. Anyway - I've officially got on weekend to crank out all my shopping and get that situated... then Christmas weekend is upon us... and right after that I'll be having a family get together with my Dad and siblings for our holiday celebration. It's crazy - but it will all be fun!

Full Disclosure

I feel like it's time that I actually share how far I have to go on the journey. So I've put a tracker at the top of my post - and I just realized that my first progress pictures are due this week. Wow, it's hard to believe that it'll be a month ago on Thursday! I'll also be taking my measurements on Thursday to see how they've changed during this first month... so hopefully we'll have some really interesting news this week!

It's very humbling to me though to admit that I've got 167 pounds to reach my "goal" and I say it that way because I really don't know what my official goal is. It might change as we go through this process together... because I don't know what my body looks like when it gets into normal ranges, and that makes picking a number just a totally random thing. I know that I'll feel really good at any number close to this goal, but my main focus is on the BMI because that is how we're really supposed to focus... so I'm going to look between now and Thursday to see if I need to adjust it down some more to get my BMI goal to what is considered a healthy weight. I want to make sure that by the end of this - I'm no longer considered obese, morbidly or otherwise... I don't even want to be considered overweight... I want to be considered healthy and normal.

Maybe that is to much to strive for, but until I hit a level that is where my body decides to stick... I've got to shoot for something, and it might as well be a lofty goal... right?

Christmas Decor

Pain in the neck

Well, yesterday started out as a crazy day - John woke up with a severe pain in his neck and shoulder. I went in to work late so that I could get him in to see our doctor - which really was a big help. Our fabulous doctor is not only an internist, but he's also get some specialized training in muscular and skeletol techniques - so he was able to apply some pressure to John's neck and stretch it out for him some.

From there - I went to work, and had a normal day... but dinner was a new experience for me last night... John fixed my first fish dinner. I have to say that it wasn't my favorite, but it wasn't horrible either. He put it in a packet of foil with some olive oil, lemons, onions and capers... it was a successful dinner for a rookie fish eater.

This morning was my first support group meeting, and that was a great experience as well - lots of really interesting ladies there. All of them are more experienced and much farther into their recovery than I am, but at the same time a lot of them seem to have had more problems than I have had. My regular doctor was the speaker today and he talked to us about bone density - I hope to have my bone density tested soon... it was a great talk with lots of good points about bone health and calcium... for everyone out there taking calcium - make sure that it has vitamin D in the supplement as well - it is the key to actually absorbing the calcium.

After my meeting John and I headed to our good friends, Robby and Sarah, house... it was their daughter, Abby's first birthday party today. Sarah is really creative and did several neat things for the party - she had everyone bring an item for us to create a time capsule for Abby to open when she turns 18... such a great idea! I didn't get the memo about that, but will get her something very soon for the capsule. She also created a special Christmas tree in their upstairs loft for Abby, and had all the guests of the party paint ornaments for Abby's tree. It was a really fun idea, and it was really interesting to see how creative everyone can be. It was a really good party - and we were really glad to be able to share in the special day with such wonderful friends.

We are 100% going to finish our Christmas decorating tomorrow - so I will get some photos when the house is finished and post our winter wonderland for all to see... it's really a snowman wonderland... but hopefully no one out there in blog-land is being that technical!

Irrational Thoughts

Today marks my third week out from my surgery, and irrational thoughts have taken over after my trip to the scale this morning. I am down 21 pounds, but am actually up two from the last time I weighed... so my mind immedately started hashing through all the craziness that comes with a let down at the scale. Thoughts like "Why did I have surgery if it's not going to work" and "Did I really need to have my insides reworked to have the same results that I've had for years?" Deep down - I know that for obvious reasons this is really an issue of water retention and my body going into a little bit of shock this week... but it's hard for your intellect to win out over your emotions.

I did have a couple of odd experiences this week... it started with my dinner on Monday night - I wanted some mashed potatoes so John agreed to make them for me, but made me promise to eat some lunchmeat at the same time for the protein benefits. I agreed, and must have gotten a little over excited about having something new - which must have made me forget to really focus on chewing that lunchmeat really well... and about 5 - 10 minutes later - I felt it push through into my stomach. Let me tell you this is the most bizzare and slightly painful experience I've had since my surgery... and I can only describe it in one of two ways:

1) It felt like what I would imagine it would feel like to actually get a stick to cram the food down when you get really full... you know how people will say that they wish they had a stick when they have eaten WAY to much. I can't picture that actually feeling good - so I think that would be option one.
2) It felt like one of those cartoons where the cat swallows a bird (or anything else) and you can see the image of the bird through the cat's throat... and watch it slowly move down... yeah - that's what it felt like... GROSS!

Luckily, John was sitting on the floor in front of me when it happened - or I'm sure we would have made a trip to the ER that night. The look on my face must have been priceless... but only Maggie and Missy will ever know the truth about that one. (if only they could really talk!)

The following morning - I thought I'd try another new item, peanut butter. When the doctor told me that I could eat soft-solid foods - I thought peanut butter would apply to that because it's not really solid... but I never thought about the fact that it's really sticky!! ARG! I felt it push through as I had felt the turkey the night before... not fun! I haven't had anymore experiences like that since, and I hope that I don't have anymore...

Back to Work

Well, the weekend didn't quite turn out as planned. The decorations didn't make it to completion, but we did get the outside done. We started on Saturday by going to gather all our supplies for decking out the house, but as the day progressed - I came down with a cold. We made it home by about 1 or so and worked on the oustide decorations until 4:30 or 5... and by then I was completely wiped... I can't even say that I remember much else from Saturday. Needless to say - I made an early retreat to bed, and as colds often do... it went from bad to worse.

Sunday morning was really bad - when we woke up - I knew something wasn't quite right... but I tried to get up and start my morning routine of taking my crushed up meds with a "shot" of cranberry juice... but that's when I knew something was wrong... I hadn't really thought about it before, but whenever you get a cold and have sinus or any type of nasal congestion - where does it all drain to over the course of the night? Your stomach... well when your stomach only holds somewhere between 2-4 ounces... something has to give... so anyway - I started feeling some nausea. It's pretty critical that I do everything possible to not have any actual vomiting these days, so John rushed out to get me some nose spray to clear up the congestion and drainage.

The rest of Sunday pretty much was napping, and resting on the couch - neither of us felt well, and we sadly didn't make it to church. I was a little bummed because it was our first day at our new church, and they were making a big deal about Fellowship of Houston joining The Met. I've heard great things about the day, and I know that everyone knows we were there in spirit.

Its now Tuesday, and I'm on the mend from the cold - still a little bit of it hanging on, but I certainly feel better than I did this weekend! If the weather would cooperate - we'd all be doing great! This mess with it being in the 30's at night one day and then two days later being in the 80's... is nuts!!

Ok, so back to my update... I've made it through half of my second day back at work, and things here haven't changed... same headaches and craziness spewing all over. I've pretty much stayed quiet and in my little cubicle - which I guess is different than normal for me because one of my work friends has asked me 100 times if I'm mad at her or something... I don't know if it's the cold or if it's something else... but I just feel very disconnected right now - sort of like I'm not in my body but just watching my life from the sidelines... I guess like an out of body experience. I'm sure it's just the adjustment of being back at work and trying to keep up with my food, vitamins, water, and job duties too... Calgon... take me away... (I hope everyone remembers that commercial and gets my reference!)