Small Group Thoughts

We had our small group meeting tonight to finish our study, and once again it hit home a bit. The study talked about Joshua and the city of Jericho. We were asked to think about times when we've accomplished something that we didn't think we could... and ways in which our spirituality could be improved for tests of that nature in the future.

One person in the group talked about how he felt he needed to work on obedience in realizing that God has him just where he needs him... and that he needs to be content with that.

As I reflect on his testimony, it makes me think about areas of my own life where those words ring true as well.

Mainly, I find this to be my biggest struggle in terms of becoming a parent. I struggle so badly with my faith in that area, because I find it very hard living in the moment and at the same time knowing that God will provide what we need in that area when the time is right.

Rationally, I know that - but emotionally and physically is where I struggle. There is nothing more on this planet that I want to do in my life besides to mother children... and there have been times when I have been content to wait for it to happen, and other times when I feel the need for children so intensely that it's hard to breathe.

This really isn't an area where I can separate emotions from the struggle - because it is a deeply emotional issue for me... I get so tired of sitting on the sidelines while my friends are raising children - I want to be right in the middle of it with them sharing the struggles and experiences that make it one of the best experiences life has to offer. Not tired in a jealousy sense - but just in a sense of having some common experiences to be able to share ideas with them and to have friends for my kids to play with.

Coupled with this is my need to be faithful and diligent with my preparing my body for this journey - Although... just like with weight loss surgery fears of being the only person out there that the surgery won't work for - I have similar fears that I've done all of this in order to prepare for a pregnancy that might never come. Would I be okay with that if it were to be God's plan? I honestly don't know at this point - I'd be in a pretty dark place for a while, but I'd like to think that I'd work through it in time.

I pray that my emotions and fears are just my human side not knowing what God has in store for me though - and that he'll provide us with the gift of children when the time is right. I'd hope that they'd come sooner rather than later, but so long as they come... I've waited this long...

I still have a long way to go on this one... but I'm working on it.

Bloggy Women - Help?

Women of the world... I have a question for you... Is there a mascara out there that won't irritate my eyes?

I apparently have extremely sensitive eyes, and am in need of some product suggestions. Every time I put on eye makeup my eyes itch and drive me nuts until I get home and take the stuff off... what is a girl to do?

I'd like to be able to wear makeup to work when I start back, but it has been a good 15 years (ish) since I've worn makeup consistently on a daily basis - and I don't have a clue where to start.

Anyone out there that can help me?

Lets Get Political

I haven't made my thoughts on this whole election business known up until now, and I'm not officially going to say which way I roll... but you might figure it all out by the end of this post. I do have some very strong views, but at one point in my life - they were the complete opposite of what they are now.

When I was in high school (go figure) I had very distorted views of the world, based on circumstance and my lack of knowledge... just like every other teenager in the world... but sometimes even I'm shocked at some of the things I thought and believed back then.

Fast forward about 15 years, and things are very different. It's amazing how living on your own and paying actual taxes will make you really wake up and decide what is important to you.

Just a little cautionary statement before you keep reading... some of my views might be different from yours or even slightly offensive to you, but this is my blog - and if you want to discuss our differences - I'm all for that... but do it with class and respect - OR your comments will be deleted.

The one issue that REALLY gets to me is the idea of abortion. I've got so many reasons to hate abortion that I probably will forget some of them. For starters, I believe in God and his sovereignty which means that in my opinion - he is the only one qualified to truly know when it is time to take a human life. I know that some feel like if the baby is a risk to the mother's life, then it's okay... not me... if God puts a woman in that situation then he is with her and he will do what is perfect in his plan.

I have known some people in my life that have made the decision to abort babies, and I've struggled with that - being a woman that desperately wants a child... I can't imagine anything more selfish than to use abortion as a form of birth control.

When I think about it in a broader perspective - John is adopted, and someone out there loved him enough to give him a chance at life... I shudder to think if that woman had made another choice... I would never have been blessed with such an amazing husband.

Another issue that really gets me going is socialized medicine... who are we kidding?! I happen to be a person that works hard to pay for my insurance coverage, and I love having the freedom to choose my own doctors for myself... that is a fundamental right that is a basis of what makes America GREAT! I do think that the insurance companies need to be knocked down a little and brought back into reality - but a person's health care should be decided by them and their doctor. If a doctor thinks that something is medically necessary - then who is someone sitting over in HMO land to say otherwise? I've yet to talk to anyone at my insurance company that has their MD... and until they get on the phone to talk with my doctor and me... then I feel like the choices are mine alone!

The third issue (and last) that I'll take on is gun control... people - guns don't kill people... people do. I've pretty much lived with guns in my life since I was a toddler - and maybe before... and I've never needed to do anything stupid because of that. They are there for protection, and you'd better believe that if you tried to break in my house... threaten my family... or anything else to make me feel unsafe - I'd shoot you in a heartbeat. They are also used for hunting, and while that isn't something that I want to be involved in - I can completely respect someone going out and shooting their own food.

I'm amazed almost everyday at how far we've come from our roots. We were a country built with certain freedoms and rights... based on a foundation that respected God and his sovereignty, but every other day we're hearing stories about having statues replaced at courthouse buildings because it has a religious slant. Or how we need to rewrite the pledge of allegiance because someone doesn't want to say the line "One nation under God..." - you know what - you don't have to say it... you don't have to participate in a prayer before a sporting event... but don't you dare take my right to do just that away from me. You can just sit quietly and wait until it's over... just like I'd do if you did something I didn't want to participate in.

I'm guessing that at this point - most of you know which way I roll... but this is the only time I'm going to "get political"... while some people enjoy the fight of an election year (Dad!) some of the rest of us truly HATE it! I will exercise my right to vote come November, but the next 60 days are going to drive me completely nuts listening to all the propaganda!

Yipee

Well, I spent the morning at a crazy interview - it was all about getting to know what motivates me as a person, which is an interesting take on employing people. The only notable moment was meeting a woman dressed in a man's suit... I mean literally - suit, tie, men's shoes... the works. I'll have to say that was a first... but whatever floats your boat, right?

After the interview - I spent the rest of the day shopping... well at least a good 5 hours of it. Today though, I bought some things... shoes, pants, work tops... I think I'm just about set to join the land of the gainfully employed again. Thank goodness for the Labor Day sales!

I'll probably spend some time next week making some meals to freeze for lunches, but we'll see about that. It'll have to be cheap things - so maybe some soup or something like that. Then again - since wherever I start, won't know all about my history - I might want to figure out some things I can eat at room temperature for a while?

I don't know that I want to go blazing into a new office and immediately be the girl that's constantly at the microwave! I've been seeing some new nut combinations advertised where they have an energy mix, a heart healthy mix, and a South Beach mix... so maybe I'll check those out and make some little snack bags for a meal. That would get me a protein bar, some nuts, lunch... and then one other meal to eat while I'm at the office.

After I returned home from my shopping, I got a call from the neighborhood center (same place as my morning interview) and they are prepared to make an offer next week. This could be the answers to our prayers in terms of maintaining my old salary!!

I hope that they'll move quickly enough for me to be able to call the law school before they're finished with my background check... I'd feel so much better about it if I could call them before they've notified the other candidates of the position being filled. We'll see how it all works out though.

The football is back on... so I'm headed in for a bubble bath or something... I'm thinking that I need to get a book to read when I get my fill of sports so I can go find a quiet corner somewhere to retreat into a good story. Once it gets cooler - I'd love to sit outside and enjoy some reading time... but that'll happen long about November!

It's Here

Well, my friends... football season is officially upon us... I've spent my evening flipping between the Houston Texans game and the Baylor game. This is what we do now for the next SEVERAL months!! (ARG!) From Thursday through Sunday and even sometimes on Monday... John fits it all in... and basically - I entertain myself by any other means possible.

For all the things that I love about the fall... this one gets old fast. For Christmas in 2006, John (who gives GREAT gifts!!) gave me a deal he called "The 12 months of Christmas." This was a deal where each month of 2007 - I got to open an envelope with a gift of sorts inside.

Some of these gifts were things like - a week of not having to do the dishes, or not having to do the laundry... dinner and a movie (either out or a home)... just some nice simple gifts. Well, the mister decided to give me one weekend without football - a weekend of his choosing, that is. SCORE!

Ok, lets preface this by saying that there is almost always a weekend when the Aggies play on Thursday night instead of on Saturday... and that was the weekend I was given off. Isn't it nice how it worked out for him too? Only he made it through Saturday (God only knows how!), but the poor thing locked himself in our bedroom for a little while on Sunday because he couldn't take it anymore... we decided that it counted because I didn't have to watch any football that weekend.

I guess in the grand scheme of things - it could be worse... but by November - I won't see that point very well.

Today, I spent the day with my friend Renee and her daughter. Little "L" is the cutest thing ever!! She is almost 2 (in two weeks!) and even though Renee has been dealing with the beginnings of those terrible two's - she couldn't have been better today.

We basically went window shopping, but other than the initial stage of getting into the stroller - she was a dream!

We started out the day at their place, and "L" was shy - but it took her about two minutes before she was showing me all her toys and asking me to help with putting them together. Then things progressed - and I think she liked me... because we got to a point where when she needed to hold hands with someone - she'd run from Renee and grab my hand. (Sorry Mommy!!)

Since Renee's husband, "K" is going to the football game with John on Saturday - I get to spend more time with little "L" and her Mommy!! (YEAH!!) If you haven't figured it out yet - I really enjoy spending time with our new friends... because Renee and I have a lot in common and have a good time hanging out - even if we get a slow start because we are both a little indecisive.

So, that's about it for the day - tomorrow brings a cultural interview, and our weekly shopping trip to Wal-Mart - oh and don't forget - there's probably more football. It's exciting stuff, ya'll!

Employed

Well, I'm technically on my way to being employed. I accepted the job with the law school today, but with the background checks and things still to be done... I sort of hope that I never actually start the job.

The tentative start date is September 8th, and even then I'd have two days of university orientation before I'd ever hit the office... but we'll see.

I talked to the lady from the neighborhood center and they desperately want to hire me, but can't until some things within their office get settled in the next week or two... so we'll see how that works out. I go on Friday for a committee interview with them - it's a cultural interview to see if you'd fit within the organization. I've never been through anything like that, but hopefully I can dazzle their panel enough to get them to offer me a job at the salary I was making at the hospital - or more!

I also talked to the guy from the economic council today and he's sending my resume and information to the organization's board members for review. His salary offer would be higher than the law school too, but he doesn't offer ANY benefits... so we'll have to see how it works out. The good thing is that his office is spitting distance to John's office and he works 7:30 - 4:30... so things would be nice and easy in terms of transition into carpooling with John.

The schools again hopefully will notify me next week on the opportunity there... so we'll just have to see what happens. The possibilities are still out there for something else to work out - but it comes along with guilt.

I feel horrible that I might have to pull this on someone that I respect and like... but business is business, right? I've got to do what's financially best for my family, and right now - the law school is better than nothing... but not the best offer pending - by FAR. So we'll just wait and see what God has in store for us.

Ask & Receive

Jenn noticed that I'd been neglecting my scrap booking habit - so today - I spent the afternoon up in the craft room working on some projects. I hadn't gotten around to scrapping for most of the summer, so I had projects dating back to Mother's Day... my birthday... my trip to Midland, and finally Staci's going away party.

I still need to work on my baptism, John's birthday, and the Hawkins Family "vacation"... and order pictures to scrap my trip to Tennessee and Taylor's birthday.

Without further delay... here are the pictures of the projects I completed today: (click any of them for a larger view)

Anyone notice that I messed this up and put the "A" upside down? DOH!

That's it for scrapping for today - I'll write another post about my job drama!

Nothing

Well, if this is a lesson in patience... it's a LONG one! No new news on the job front tonight... well - maybe.

I emailed the principal today, and she said that they won't have the staffing issues figured out for hire until after Labor Day. They are trying to move the current teachers around from schools with low enrollment to the schools that are over enrolled. So hopefully next week - I'll hear something from them.

The neighborhood center emailed me to tell me that they want to move as fast as they can on the hiring process there, and if you remember - they are my first choice outside of teaching... so I'm pulling for them BIG TIME! Their Vice President is going to call me tomorrow and talk through the status of their position.

I've got to notify the law school tomorrow, and I'm really nervous about how that conversation is going to go... I've never had to go through this portion of the job search process before. I'm praying that God gets me through it one way or the other.

Other than that, I surprised John today by organizing our closet - I'd pulled out all the clothes that didn't fit me last week to give away, but hadn't gotten back in there to finish cleaning up the mess. So today, he came home to a clean closet, a sparking bathroom, and clean sheets. Apparently I had a bite from the spring cleaning bug... only about 5 months late!

I also made some Chinese food for dinner... beef and broccoli with some rice... now I'm settling in to watch some recorded television programs... we've been enjoying Bones this summer on TNT - they only play it once a week, and it's typically after we go to bed... so we put it on the DVR, and watch it when we have time.

I'm in search of some new recipes for my menu next week, so if anyone knows of anything healthy and quick - please send the recipe or link my way... and I'll absolutely give you credit when I put it on Kim's Cuisine. I have one recipe to add to that site tomorrow, and you guys will LOVE it!! It's not necessarily the most healthy - but man... it's worth the treat! I guess it could be healthy depending on the amount of cheese you use.

I feel like I'm not very exciting tonight - so I'm going to stop here... is there anything you guys would like to know more about? Anything I've been neglecting? Anything you want to ask and have me answer? Put any of that in the comments!!

No News = Good News?

I haven't heard anything from the school yet, but I didn't really expect to with it being the first day. I sort of thought that it would be tomorrow before she started calling for interviews... so I'll be sitting by the phone tomorrow - jumping out of my skin each time it rings...

I did have an excellent interview with the neighborhood center's leadership today, and she wanted to know if I got any other offers - so I told her about the offer from the Law School. She's going to get back to me before I have to let them know, because she really would like to hire me.

The timing might not be right between this job and the Law School, but I'd absolutely jump from one to the other - of course I'm still hopeful that I won't have to do that.

Nothing much else is going on at the moment... hopefully I'll be able to get some sleep over the next couple of nights... being this unsettled makes for crazy mind games in the middle of the night... or at the very least makes me not be able to shut my brain off enough to relax and fall asleep.

We'll see what happens though - one thing is for sure... I'm going to need a massage after all of this!! Maybe two if I have to set up a classroom over night... but we'll get there if that comes!

Weekend Recap

Whew, well another one has come and gone... this weekend has been a marathon, but we've enjoyed it completely.

Of course we started with Taylor's birthday party, and as promised - here are a few cute pictures... I kept it to only 5 pictures this time, but for more - you can click on our photo page link on the right of the page, and I'll get them up by tomorrow... having some technical problems with it tonight and I'm not willing to spend another hour working on it until tomorrow.

We had a luau party, and Taylor got dressed up to enjoy her party.

Brooklyn had a great time too, and as always - looked super cute!

Ryan with Brooklyn and Taylor in the pool.

The gift frenzy - thank goodness Taylor's friend didn't mind helping out!

Taylor and one of her best friends - the girls live across the street from each other and are almost inseparable!

Today we went to church, and I was asked to run the PowerPoint slides for the Worship Service and the main message portion of the service... it was a little dicey at first while I was trying to figure out how to make it all work, but I think it went fine. Now I'm ready to help whenever needed.

After church we had our friends Renee and her husband over for lunch and an afternoon of fun. We played a game called Settlers of Catan, which is sort of (not really) like Risk... it's similar in that you have to think strategy, but the concept is very different. We had a great time, and I've already gone online to play the computer based version. We love games, so it was a really good time. After we finished that game - we broke out the Wii Fit, and played with that for a little bit.

We loved having them come over and hang out with us... so hopefully we'll be able to do it again soon. Renee and I have tentative plans (tentative being that we don't know what we're going to do) to spend some time together next Saturday - because our husbands are going to the first Texas A&M football game together.

Just a little while ago, we got a call asking us to consider becoming a Growth Group (Small Group) leader this fall for our church. We are going to take this new challenge on, and I'm sure you'll be hearing about bits and pieces of how it comes about. I'm so interested to see how things work out for us, and look forward to getting to know some more people in our church family.

Prayers are going up tonight from John and I that God clearly show me where I need to be this week -as I've got to make a decision on the offer I got last week, AND the kindergarten deal is going to be on the forefront of our minds on Monday and Tuesday. I will be waiting and praying to hear from the principal in order to set up an interview for the job.

I honestly just don't feel like the Law School is where I'm going to end up, I will go if nothing else presents itself - but right now I just don't have a peace about it or clarity. I feel like something else might happen in the next couple days, and pray that my gut feeling is God giving me a glimpse at how he's going to change my life in the next few days... I'm ready to go whenever he is... even to jump completely outside of my comfort zone and start teaching without ANY sort of preparation time!! If he provides the opportunity - I'll be right there with him, praying that he gives me the words and strength to know what to do in the early days while I'm adjusting.

Thank goodness that the kids will be kindergartners and won't have much experience in knowing what school is SUPPOSED to be like!!

Stay tuned... big things are brewing this week...

Busy Busy Busy

Well, guys... this one is guaranteed to be semi short tonight - we just got finished with our day... sort of. We started out at 5AM so that John could get up to his parents' part of town early in the day in order to get a hair cut.

I know - don't get me started about the hair cut situation and driving an hour to get one... but it's the only way he's satisfied, and normally it happens in conjunction with a planned trip to his parent's... so I can't complain to much about the gas... I just tag along and nag for my drug of choice (Starbucks) as a reward.

We then went and window shopped at Lowe's for a while to kill some time... headed to his parents... then off to the party - by way of a party supply store, and picking up the pizza. Nothing like last minute planning! :-) (I love you Susan!!)

The party was great... Taylor had a ball, and I'll go through the pictures tomorrow (hopefully) and post some cute shots from the day. I have to admit that my eating plan went by the wayside a bit today... BUT I did find that I am now prone to having too much sugar mentally... I've always heard people say things like - I'm sick of sugar and stuff like that... but never experienced it myself... after a small piece of cake, and a Starbucks today - I don't really want anymore sugar for a while. (tomorrow's dessert with friends will be my only exception!)

We got home around 6:30 or so and John immediately went out to get the lawn fixed up, and I picked up around the house...

My sister is arriving at about 9 with her family to spend the night... one of our other nieces, Brittany, has some soccer games in town this weekend - and they're staying with us for the night... then back off to the soccer field bright and early in the morning.

After church tomorrow, we're having some friends over for lunch... so after all that fun - I'm sure John and I are going to want to sit and veg out tomorrow evening for a while and just relax after a weekend of non-stop fun!! Isn't it funny how you can get the most tired spending time with those you love?

So I hope that you're all doing well, and I'll catch you in the morning - I've got to eat something before my sister comes!

My Heart Is Full

You guys know me by now, and I'm a pretty simple person... not in a bad way, but the simple things in life make me happy... like for instance the fact that fall is upon us, and kids are going back to school... for most of us - life gets back into routine... and cute clothes (read: sweaters!!) are back in the stores!

I ran over to our new outlet mall today to pick up some things for John, and of course made a spin through the Lane Bryant outlet store. Ya'll, I was so excited about the entire store - I had to leave and make John promise to go with me when I officially accept a job. My love of argyle is in full swing, and they have more than one item to make my love flourish all the way until spring!

In addition to the lovely fall wares - they had a wall full of bathing suits, and I of course had to try a couple of them on... now I know they were 50% off, but seriously in the last remaining days of August... isn't $50 to much to pay for a bathing suit?! Even if you do live in one of the hottest most humid climates, but I just couldn't justify the purchase.

Tomorrow we'll be heading up to my in-laws to celebrate one of the Taylors' birthday... HAPPY BIRTHDAY TAYLOR!! (the actual day is today) She's having a Camp Rock swimming party, and I desperately wanted to surprise her on her 6th birthday, and finally get in a pool with her for her party. Again, I just couldn't justify the expense... but I absolutely plan on donning a bathing suit for her 7th!!

Part of my resistance to spending the money is the fact that I just completely cleaned out my closet for the final time... I have three HUGE trash bags full of clothes that no longer fit me... and about 7 items on my side of the closet now... so with my wardrobe needing basics for work and play... I just couldn't justify spending money on a bathing suit that I might only wear once.

I mean honestly - 7 items... all are tops - because my 2 pair of pants no longer fit!! It's very clear that I've lived off of my few pair of shorts, and some t-shirts for the entirety of the summer... even now most of my shorts don't fit anymore...

Don't get me wrong, it's a GREAT problem to have... but hopefully you can see how the lovely sweaters I found are a MUCH more practical purchase at this point? And maybe some pants? I think it's customary to wear those when you go to work, right?!

So today has been a big day of appreciation for me, I've been loving my friends and family... and of course argyle... what else is there? Oh WAIT - I've got to tell you the biggest news... Praise God!! John and I were sitting at home this evening, and someone came to the door. I almost let her walk away, but realized that she was our mail lady. She brought me a certified letter from my previous employer... containing... wait for it...

My annual bonus check!! Can you believe it?! I was blown completely away... the staff got theirs about a week or two ago - right before the tax free weekend. Hope & I researched the policy and were sure that in light of my lay off before the end of the fiscal year - we thought that there wasn't any way I'd be considered eligible, but I guess I was!! WHA HOO! Praise God again, because only he knows how an extra $350 will benefit our finances... who knows, it might buy me some much needed clothes for work. Possibly some items for a kindergarten classroom... pay for our ridiculous electric bill... whatever it is - he provides like no one else can.

Speaking of money - ya'll I've been doing a very small side job from my living room in my P.J.'s to earn some extra money. We'll need a little bit of a supplement to cover the costs of switching insurance carriers should I get a job with our local school district. So for the last week, John and I have been working in our spare time for a company called ChaCha. We are what they call ChaCha Guides, and we answer questions that people text in to the company via searching on the internet. You can earn between $.10 and $.20 for each question you answer, and the company is telling us every day that the volume of incoming questions is rising.... so it's a great opportunity for anyone that enjoys being on the computer and has some extra time. Should you explore becoming a guide - please put my name in as your referral so that we can be linked as friends.

That's about it for us tonight... I'm about to head off to bed as soon as the Texans game is over.

Blown Away

Again, I am so fortunate to have such wonderful friends. My friend "the other" Kim has taken to the internet to tell people what she thinks about my commenter...

Kim is such a beautiful Christian woman, also going through this process that I am... and of course is rocking the weight loss!!

I don't know what I would do without these wonderful women that I've met on the internet that completely understand where I'm coming from on a surgery front, and the struggles that come with that.

I've got so much support in my life, and I love and appreciate all of you for that... but these women pick up with knowledge that others might not have. Kim, Lacy, Meg, Donna, Laurie, and Jil... you are the best virtual support group in the WORLD!!

My family and friends are the honest to goodness best in the world too - so I'm a VERY lucky girl!

Can I Just Say?

That I have the most amazing friends?! I really appreciate the support from the comments for my last post.

It's interesting the things that get people really upset, and for me... any sort of attack on my family or friends pushes me right over the edge. That being said, I used to be someone that didn't think weight loss surgery was for me. Clearly, I changed my mind along the way...

In 2002, when the surgery would have been covered for both John and I by insurance - I was too scared to do anything about it. I didn't feel like the procedures were well established, and I didn't know anyone that had successfully gone through the surgery.

I'd heard lots of horror stories about the old procedures, and was afraid of the possibilities. I remember vividly the first time the possibility was brought to my attention by a physician though... it was the day I was diagnosed with diabetes just about a week before my 24th birthday.

I'd gone to the doctor because I thought I was pregnant, but was told (in a not so nice bedside manner) that I was not pregnant... but was a diabetic at serious risk. I fiddled around with moments of being seriously devoted to my care, and moments of denial... but it wasn't until 2007 that I truly started exploring ways to rid myself of the terrible disease once in for all.

Diabetics do a crazy dance with insulin, medications, diet, and exercise - but not much out there gives you any real hope of getting over the disease... that is until I met Dr. Adam Naaman, and Dr. Adam Weinstein.

Dr. Naaman was to be my surgeon for my gastric bypass, but he retired before my surgery date... he was the first doctor to give me hope of a light at the end of the tunnel. He explained that people were having incredible success rates of curing diabetes through gastric bypass surgery. Until that seminar I wasn't even sure what type of surgery I wanted... but he started the spark that I believe has changed my life forever.

Dr. Weinstein picked up where Dr. Naaman left of as being my primary care physician, and the true ambassador of my health. He has been there with me every step of this process, and even when the surgery didn't seem to be a possibility - he managed to get my blood sugars the most under control of my entire time being diabetic.

I don't know how or why - I woke up one morning last year and had made up my mind to have this surgery... but I know that God was with me in the process and led me to some of the brightest medical minds in the business to guide me through the steps.

The irrational comments of today got me thinking about my journey, and I honestly can say that no matter what my future brings... I am 100% sure that I made the correct decision that day, and everyday since.

Call me crazy, but my nature is to support anyone that I come in contact with along whatever journey they are traveling... it's truly unfortunate that other people enjoy beating others down.

Opinions & Rude People

For the record, a blog is a place where someone writes in their own words about their own world. It is a place for someone's specific views, life events, and anything else they choose to share... and part of the bargain is that other people in the world (those welcomed and those that are not) have the ability to read the thoughts and feelings of the author.

Today, I've come under attack from a very rude and insensitive commenter, and I've chosen to delete the comments of that person... again - my blog... my choice. Most of you that have been with me for a long time as readers know, that is outside of the normal workings of how I keep my blog - but I don't feel that I have to put up with someone attacking my family.

I am so disheartened that someone out there has chosen to say such negative things about people that they don't even know, and more than that - they've attacked a choice that I've made in my life to in fact, save my life.

Not everyone has to agree or understand weight loss surgery as a whole, but don't for one second kid yourself into thinking that weight loss is "just putting down a fork and getting away from the table" because that is just ignorance about what weight loss surgery is. It is a very hard decision to make, and for people that have other problems contributing to their weight issues... it provides a tool to help you in finding a way to overcome obesity.

It certainly has NOT made losing weight easy by any means - I still have to do all the things that others do in terms of working out, eating right, and eating less... BUT it has helped me to get off of medications that only made my body hold on to the excess weight, has allowed my blood chemistry to regulate, and has helped me to find a balance with my food intake.

Weight loss surgery at it's most basic core gives the patient time to stop eating regular food for a while, and start over learning how to eat. For some it is not a necessary procedure, and I applaud them for being able to lose weight on their own... BUT for others it is the only way that their bodies will be retrained into losing weight. It is not a simple decision, nor is it an easy one... it is not for everybody - but for those of us that make the choice - it is a life saving procedure.

Now, my thoughts about medical insurance are absolutely that... they are MINE. People argue that insurance shouldn't cover weight loss surgery - well I can make the same argument about medical treatments that are covered at my expense that could be just as absurd. Someone doesn't want to have weight loss surgery covered on their plan... fine... but at the same time - we shouldn't cover drug addiction or the recovery from that - for some people weight loss surgery is used to treat their addiction to food. Seems like the same thing to me.

How about someone that has been diagnosed with a disease because of their smoking or drinking addiction - for instance liver problems or lung problems - I pay the premiums to care for their medical treatment, why shouldn't they do the same for others?

It's all a simple issue of perspective on how you think at things, I can respect that people don't agree with me - but I will not allow them to attack my family or me in the comments section of MY blog.

For those of you out there that are my regular, lovely readers - please excuse this post - as it is simply a reply to one harassing reader.

Seriously?

Well, our first offer came in today... and it's a HUGE pay cut, and has several cons - so we'll have to evaluate it as others come in. I asked for them to allow me until next Wednesday to make my decision, and I'm praying that something more in our budget range would come in before that time. This would put a damper on many of our efforts to get out of debt, and save for our future. Their benefits package excludes weight loss surgery too, and that would be very disappointing to us in our quest to get John the same surgery I had.

Nothing new on the other job opportunities today, but I'm sure that things will pick up in the next few days. Mainly though - my biggest concern was getting enough time to make the choice after I have my second interview on Monday with my first choice, AND to see the teaching opportunity through. (Of course that'll be the one that I take if it is offered - and it does cover WLS after you meet their criteria.)

On the workout front - I ran 5.005 miles today!! CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?! My friend Hope was funny she said that I was doing what marathon runner does. It's about a 6 1/2 minute mile... which is completely amazing... and beyond anything I thought that I'd ever be able to do. Of course there is no way for me to know how accurate the Wii Fit system is on this, but I'd have to believe that they did their homework on it before releasing the game. There are ways to trick the system and have it move faster, BUT my goal is to actually see what I am doing - not cheat. So I feel really good about it.

I am proud of the progress I'm making in my workouts, and hope that the scale will show my efforts this week!

Bonus Post

A glimpse at the world view of the class of 2012

1. Harry Potter could be a classmate, playing on their Quidditch team.

2. Since they were in diapers, karaoke machines have been annoying people at parties.

3. They have always been looking for Carmen Sandiego.

4. GPS satellite navigation systems have always been available.

5. Coke and Pepsi have always used recycled plastic bottles.

6. Shampoo and conditioner have always been available in the same bottle.

7. Gas stations have never fixed flats, but most serve cappuccino.

8. Their parents may have dropped them in shock when they heard George Bush announce "tax revenue increases."

9. Electronic filing of tax returns has always been an option.

10. Girls in head scarves have always been part of the school fashion scene.

11. All have had a relative — or known about a friend's relative - who died comfortably at home with hospice.

12. As a precursor to "whatever," they have recognized that some people "just don't get it."

13. Universal Studios has always offered an alternative to Mickey in Orlando.

14. Grandma has always had wheels on her walker.

15. Martha Stewart Living has always been setting the style.

16. Haagen-Dazs ice cream has always come in quarts.

17. Club Med resorts have always been places to take the whole family.

18. WWW has never stood for World Wide Wrestling.

19. Films have never been X rated, only NC-17.

20. The Warsaw Pact is as hazy for them as the League of Nations was for their parents.

21. Students have always been "Rocking the Vote."

22. Clarence Thomas has always sat on the Supreme Court.

23. Schools have always been concerned about multiculturalism.

24. We have always known that "All I Ever Really Needed to Know I Learned in Kindergarten."

25. There have always been gay rabbis.

26. Wayne Newton has never had a mustache.

27. College grads have always been able to Teach for America.

28. IBM has never made typewriters.

29. Roseanne Barr has never been invited to sing the National Anthem again.

30. McDonald's and Burger King have always used vegetable oil for cooking french fries.

31. They have never been able to color a tree using a raw umber Crayola.

32. There has always been Pearl Jam.

33. The Tonight Show has always been hosted by Jay Leno and started at 11:35 EST.

34. Pee-Wee has never been in his playhouse during the day.

35. They never tasted Benefit Cereal with psyllium.

36. They may have been given a Nintendo Game Boy to play with in the crib.

37. Authorities have always been building a wall across the Mexican border.

38. Lenin's name has never been on a major city in Russia.

39. Employers have always been able to do credit checks on employees.

40. Balsamic vinegar has always been available in the U.S.

41. Macaulay Culkin has always been "Home Alone."

42. Their parents may have watched "The American Gladiators" on TV the day they were born.

43. Personal privacy has always been threatened.

44. Caller ID has always been available on phones.

45. Living wills have always been asked for at hospital check-ins.

46. The Green Bay Packers (almost) always had the same starting quarterback.

47. They never heard an attendant ask "Want me to check under the hood?"

48. Iced tea has always come in cans and bottles.

49. Soft drink refills have always been free.

50. They have never known life without Seinfeld references from a show about "nothing."

51. The Windows 3.0 operating system made IBM PCs user-friendly the year they were born.

52. Moscow residents have always been able to buy Big Macs.

53. The Royal New Zealand Navy has never been permitted a daily ration of rum.

54. The Hubble Space Telescope has always been eavesdropping on the heavens.

55. 98.6 F or otherwise has always been confirmed in the ear.

56. Michael Milken has always been a philanthropist promoting prostate cancer research.

57. Offshore oil drilling in the United States has always been prohibited.

58. Radio stations have never been required to present both sides of public issues.

59. There have always been charter schools.

60. Students always had Goosebumps.

Daily Recap

Another full day of interviews - I had two again... can I say that I'm truly exhausted at the possibilities that are out there right now?!

The first interview was actually held at The Federal Reserve Bank in downtown Houston, and I don't know how many of you have seen the movie Mad Money... but those facilities are like Fort Knox - seriously!! I'm embarrassed to say that I almost couldn't figure out how to get inside to my interview... you've got to drive up the driveway to the first security checkpoint, and they lower these big concrete pillars for you to drive into the property. From there - you've got to drive into the parking garage, and go into the lobby... where it's very similar to going through airport security! After passing through the metal detectors and having your purse x-rayed... you've got to get a badge and show them some ID. Finally after all of that - the person you're going to meet has to come and get you from the security booth.

I completely understand all the security, but what I thought was interesting is that someone in that building had their family go through all of that just to come have lunch with them!!

It was a very impressive building and surroundings... apparently the employees go through the security everyday and have to use their thumbprint to get into the building.

The interview went really well, and while I would love the job - I don't know that it's going to work out. The man I interviewed with was great, and his son was really great too - that'd be who I'd replace if I took the job. The only problem that I had was that there are absolutely NO benefits offered by the organization... they give you $250 to go get yourself insurance or put into retirement for your future, and I just don't know how comfortable John and I are with that.

We'll just have to see what happens next week.

The second interview was much shorter, and was with a historical preservation organization... it was also downtown, and their offices are in a museum park with 9 or so preserved historical homes. The offices are in a preserved building as well, which was sort of neat. That job is much more special event driven, and would be interesting... so I'm looking forward to hearing what they have to say when we talk again as well.

I've had all these interviews, and they all have parts that would be great - and other parts that I'm apprehensive about... I just don't know what's going on in my brain... I haven't gotten a sense of complete peace about which would be my top choice and where I go from here. I pray that as the offers start to come in (I have been told that the Law School is preparing one for me) that God gives me the clarity that I need to figure out where I need to be.

I know that my life is in his hands, and I pray that I hear him loud and clear when the time is right.

On the workout front, I missed yesterday - I didn't plan well, and my interviews were earlier in the day... I had one at 11, and then my 1 o'clock went until 3... so it just didn't happen for me yesterday. I made up for it today with a short condensed workout - I ran for 30 minutes, and my distance was 4.6 miles!! YA'LL - I ran 4.6 miles!!

I don't know how this translates into real distance running - as I'm running in place with my Wii Fit, but it's better than nothing right? I remember when I first started trying to run along with that thing - and 2 minutes about killed me... now I'm doing 30! I'm going to try to run another 30 minutes tomorrow and do 30 minutes of step... that ought to be the best workout for me in terms of my heart rate staying up for an hour, and should give me the biggest bang for my workout buck.

Now if I can just get myself to where I'm not feeling like a bottomless pit in terms of food - I'd be doing great! I can't eat much at one time, but I find that I want to eat in between my 6 daily meals... maybe I need to bump up the water consumption to more than the 64 ounces daily.

One lesson was learned this morning though - I did my workout at 10:30 and had to start getting ready for my interview right after I finished...so without a good 30 minutes to an hour of cool down time... I got my shower and found myself still sweating when I left to get in the car. Sooooo - I'm going to have a challenge figuring out a working schedule that fits my workouts in at a time that is convenient, and allows for adequate cool down time.

I've also posted 7 new recipes on Kim's Cuisine today for your enjoyment. Most (5) of them are collected from our Small Group meeting this week where we had an AMAZING meal... thanks to Jen and Angela!

Too Much

Tonight, I'm still suffering from a major headache... so I'm going to keep this short and sweet. The job interview process is proving to be very taxing these days as I've got WAY too many irons in the fire right now.

My current list of possibilities is:

1. The Law School - second interview was today, and it could be an okay position - but not my first choice by far.
   
2. The Medical School - first interview was today, and I was up for two positions there - the one that they felt I was more qualified for is going to be on the back-burner until the other position is filled.
3. Economic Council - called out of the blue today for an interview, and it will either be tomorrow or Monday depending on when the guy's flight out of town leaves tomorrow. So far the cool thing about this one is that they office in The Federal Bank building, which is newly built - and is literally .08 miles from John's office.
   
4. Neighborhood Center - called this morning for a second interview that will be next Monday.
   
5. Housing Preservation Society - interview is tomorrow afternoon, and I'm not sure that this position is really in my league - it seems very low-level, but I'm going to give them the benefit of the doubt and see how tomorrow goes.
   
6. The school teaching thing - my friend talked to her principal, and they are looking at having to add a kindergarten position... they have to wait until the first or second day of school to make sure that the enrolled students all show up to class, and then she's going to call me in for an interview.
   

It's a lot to juggle for me right now, and I'm truly seeking God's guidance to find peace and clarity about one of these opportunities.

I'm going to keep it at that list for today's post so that I can go find an unlit corner of my house to lay in for a while and let my eyes rest from light. See ya'll tomorrow!

Memory Moments

We just got home from our small group session tonight, and the focus of our Bible study was moments in our lives that we would always remember. Moments that can be good or bad, but moments that I typically like to call "snapshot moments." Snapshot moments are moments in time that no matter what you go through in your life - you'll always remember every little detail about the situation.

We also took it a step further to talk about moments when you knew that God was with you, or even if you didn't know it in the moment - you can recognize now that he was in control. We also talked about symbols of those moments.

In the Bible - God speaks with symbols, and has his disciples go forth with symbols to show the world who he is and show them the things that he has done. So, we also talked about how we could make our own symbols in our own lives to show the things that God has done.

Being the typical shy girl (shout out to Renee - my sister in shyness!), I not only couldn't think of any examples in my own life to share with the group - but I wasn't fully digesting the discussion either.

I apparently need to take my own Bible in the future so that I can follow along with the reading, because ya'll - I am NOT an auditory learner by any stretch of the imagination. I can't follow or comprehend a single thing that goes on if I hear it. I've got to see it or touch it in order to understand what's happening. On a side note - it's sad that I've married a man that loves to read articles and things to me - because it's all lost on me... as I don't pick up a single thought from anything he's read to me.

So, anyway, as I sit here tonight trying to think of the things in my life that would apply to the discussion... I'm still a little at a loss because I of course have the obvious things like my wedding, college graduation... and the like where there are traditional symbols... but that's not enough for me on this topic.

I don't know what the symbol would be attached to this, but I think that I am smack in the middle of two very big God lessons...

1) This job search process - and the faith that it is taking to not panic, and know that he's going to land me in the right place at the right time. I truly am being faithful on that, and obedient to give every opportunity a shot - so that he can guide me when the right one comes along. (I just pray that I hear him clearly in that moment!) Would my symbol be a paycheck? Or just another entry on my resume? I don't know, but whatever it is... I know I'll remember the day that this season comes to an end. (You'll probably hear John's cheers all the way in California and Maine!)

2) My weight loss surgery journey - now I could wrap this into so many other things (like having a baby), but I don't know what the future holds for anything in my life... but it has truly tested my faith in so many ways going through this process. I put my faith and trust in him to provide me a way to have the surgery, and bring me through that process safely. I've also put my faith in him to show me the way to truly learn, believe, and live like my body is a temple.

You see, I whole-heartily believe that God has his hands all over this process... because I really don't consider myself to have anything resembling will-power of any sort. I also don't have the drive on my own to workout vigorously like I have been for the last 10 days. So it has to be God's prodding and pushing... I can't figure any other reason that I woke up one day and started a routine for my health and stuck to it for this long. It has to be God all over that because I honestly started trying to talk myself into doing it several days before I actually did. What was different that day? God was tired of watching me sit there and beat myself up about it... and pushed me in the right direction... in which I finally followed and stepped out in faith that he would bring me through it.

I don't know what symbol I would use... my scars? See, here I could say that us having a child could be a symbol that the ultimate goal was achieved, but at the same time - having a child is a miracle all to itself, and brings its own symbols and snapshot moments.

Who knows, but I'm so glad that we've been given the gift of being able to look back at those moments and really appreciate what God has given/taught us.

What are some of your snapshot moments? Please share some in the comments...

Just Checking In

I really don't have it in me tonight to write much at all... I can't say that today has been that taxing, but for some reason tonight - every muscle, joint, and bone in my body is aching.

I did get a good workout in today - burned over 700 calories!! I bumped the running portion of my workout up to 20 minutes today, and ran just short of 3 miles... I mean literally - I was running for it at the end of the time, but just didn't make it all the way there.

John offered to buy his sister's treadmill for me today because of my running, but his Dad is using it right now - so we'll have to see what happens with that. As the weather cools off - I'd like to take it to the streets and actually run for distance like the traditionalists, but while it's 105 degrees with 100% humidity - I'm not seeing it happening for me.

I'm starting to look into new tennis shoes too - I'm going to need them sooner rather than later if I am going to keep up the running. I found some in my Weight Watchers magazine that are gel lined and designed for treadmills... but man I never remember that shoes cost over $100 for the good ones!

Other than that - I got my nails done today which makes me feel light years better about my interviews on Monday... because you know that someone looking at my hands was going to black ball me for a job because I needed a refill in the worst way... right?!

I've been resting for a good portion of the day, but tonight - my body is aching... it's mainly my neck and my back... nothing a good massage wouldn't cure - but for the time being - I'm going to have to make due with whatever relief I can get from John rubbing my back, and a hot shower. MAN - I can't wait to get a job!! I believe I owe myself a pedicure and a massage!

Tax Free

I don't have any updates on the job front for today - I did hear from my friend's principal... and the district has asked that they wait until the last minute to make any more hiring decisions because they want to make sure that they don't end up with too many teachers, but she said that if she gets to do anymore hiring - she'll give me a call.

So on to the rest of my day. For the last 10 years, Texas sponsors what they call the tax-free weekend right before school starts where they suspend the sales tax (8.25%) on all clothing items, and a few other things. (diapers are included which cracks me up) We don't have a state income tax here - so the sales tax is where our state generates its revenues... but for this one weekend they suspend it for all clothing items under $100. The stores run some great sales this weekend too on top of the tax savings.

I avoid shopping during this weekend of the year like the plague because of all the craziness that ensues when everyone takes their kids out shopping. It's worse than the day before school starts! DO NOT GO TO WALMART the Sunday before school starts for any reason!! Take my word for it! We made the mistake last year, and waited in the checkout line for over an hour before we even were able to unload our cart.

This year however, I need clothes... so I thought that I'd brave the stores today before the mass chaos that will happen tomorrow and Sunday. In all honesty - it really wasn't that bad until I got to Walmart, but before we get to that...

I started out at Lane Bryant because I am in desperate need of tops, and they were having a buy one get one half off sale... along with their clearance sale where everything is $9.99. I ended up with 5 tops today, and they really are cute... only one more size before I'm out of that store forever!!

After that - I had the presence of mind to make my way through Starbucks before hitting the pandemonium at Walmart. With my new drug of choice in hand... I made my way to crazy town, and it did not disappoint.

What genious decided that the best idea would be to put all of the school supplies on 1 aisle of the store?! Doesn't Target have like an entire section of the store devoted to this?!

I obviously don't have any kids yet, so no real reason to be in the school supply section... but our local YMCA's are holding an event called Operation Backpack this weekend where people drop off school supplies and backpacks for the needy children in the area.

Our church meets in a YMCA close to our house, and our pastor asked that we all consider helping out with the Operation Backpack efforts... so John and I decided to do what we can, on our limited extra funds right now - and give what we can... so I loaded up on the cheaper supplies to bring with us to church on Sunday.

While in that section of the store - it was an amazing lesson in patience... one woman actually stopped me to praise my brilliance of bringing a Starbucks with me to help ease the pain.

Interestingly enough - once I got to the other side of the store to the grocery section... it was rather empty! I fully enjoyed being able to read labels and take my time to make healthier choices.

I ended up with one more shirt from Walmart just for casual wear, and I'm pretty happy with all my purchases. I'm making myself eat more fruit as I continue on my healthy eating plan. I loaded up on strawberries, cantalope, and bananas for this week. Next week, I'll add in some other items like nectarines and apples.

I am not a big fan of fruit - so this is an effort, and baby steps are being taken. I can say that a banana a day has VASTLY improved the pain I was having in my legs earlier in the week due to my workouts.

Speaking of workouts - I sort of took the day off - I plugged my shopping in to myplate.com along with the vacuuming and other things I did today and let that be my workout. I was having some pain in my feet this morning probably due to the running - so I decided to lay off for today. I'll be back to it tomorrow morning bright and early!

Roller Coaster

Every step of this job searching process is one giant emotional roller coaster! I swear!! The immediate need for the 1st grade teacher didn't pan out - apparently they filled the position earlier this week. ARG! In the process though they did want to offer me a job as an assistant teacher, but I really can't afford that much of a pay cut... so I'll have to turn that down.

They also told me about another school that might be in need of two teachers, so I emailed that principal tonight... we'll see. I'm honestly trying my best not to let these leads get the best of me, but last night proved that I'm just not that strong. My mind kept going and going for hours with the possibilities of teaching. (I might have to take something just to sleep without my brain doing this again tonight.)

The interview today went great though - the lady was amazing, and the position isn't exactly the one I applied for. She brought me in to talk to me about another position she's creating that would be perfect for me... and would lead eventually to me having a staff of people to manage. It sounds amazing, but as with everything else - there is a catch right now. They are only beginning to create the position and she doesn't know if they're 30 days away from hiring or 60... and naturally I can't wait 60 days.

So she was going to go back and call her boss and see what we can work out on this because she absolutely wants me in the job. She asked that I not take any job offers without talking to her first - which I've been down this road before - so we'll see how that works out.

In the meantime - I've got a second interview on Monday with the Law School, an interview with a Medical School on Monday, and another one with a home/park restoration organization on Tuesday. Things are absolutely crazy right now, but I'm putting my faith in God to lead me in the right direction each step of the way. I'm absolutely going to need his guidance if they all come in at the same time with several different offers.

Stay tuned for the continuing saga of my job search...

I didn't do a formal workout today - I jogged and did some step while watching a movie this morning for about 35 minutes or so - burned about 300 calories, and proved my theory that I can't workout and watch television at the same time. I get WAY to bored during the commercials... I need the structure of watching the Wii Fit time me and push me to beat my personal best scores each time I do something. So tomorrow we'll be back to the formal Wii Fit program.

I'm currently debating on if I'll take this Sunday off from working out and give myself a day of rest... it's going to be a tight day with church and our small group meeting... so I'll keep thinking about it and decide what I'm going to do between now and then.

Great Day

Hi All,

I'm going to keep this fairly short because my eyes are killing me, and apparently want a break from the laptop screen tonight.

I completed day 6 of working out, and did in fact run again today. I was a little iffy on it when John left this morning because my hip was bothering me... but I pushed through it and kept on trucking. As it turns out - yesterday I ran exactly 1.509 miles and today I ran 1.594 miles - so an improvement, and I'm happy with that.

The interview went well this afternoon, they aren't offering the type of salary I really need - but we're keeping the option open. I should hear back from them next week if I make it to the next round of interviews.

When I got home though, I had another email from someone wanting to interview me... and a phone call (literally the minute I walked in) from a church friend who's school is in desperate need of a 1st grade teacher!! The school office was closed by the time she got to call me, but was going to talk to her principal first thing in the morning if she didn't get her via cell phone this evening. She said that they were about to offer the job to a counselor that used to teach at a college... so she thought that I'd be much better for the job than someone that is used to dealing with adult aged students.

We shall see where God lands me. I would absolutely LOVE it if the 1st grade deal worked out for me, but if it doesn't - I'm at peace with that now too. I'm a little slow on the uptake with that whole making peace about it stuff... but better late than never, right?

I've got another interview tomorrow afternoon at 4 with another place - at Starbucks no less... which I'm not sure what that means. Is that a less formal interview setting? Should I not wear a jacket? I don't know... so I guess I'll error on the side of caution and wear my suit. I've spent a good amount of time on Starbuck's website today figuring out what I can order within my calorie constraints too... the funny thing is that I've never thought about it before, and manage to lose a pound everytime I drink one...

Things are moving and shaking around here... and I'd suspect that if the teaching thing is going to happen that it'll happen within the next day or so because the professional development days for the teachers start on Monday. We'll see!!

Proud Day

Ya'll today is day 5 in my program, (am I boring you with this yet?) that sounds funny to me because my life has been changing for the better for what... 9 months now... so we're much farther in than 5 days. Anyway, we're on the 5th day of a more tightly regimented plan.

Each day, I manage to impress myself more than I ever have in the past - today was no exception. I started my workout like the others, and for the first 20 minutes or better I was having trouble getting my heart rate up into the correct range... but then I tried something new.

I was working out on my Wii Fit as usual... and yesterday unlocked a new aerobics option. For those of you that are unfamiliar with the Wii Fit - you start out with only a few options of workouts and games... but as you log hours and time using the game/machine - you get more choices of activities. Well, yesterday I hit 10 hours total of time on the Wii Fit, and it unlocked a "free run" activity.

I've had a "free step" activity for a while now, and use it as my main heart pumping portion of my workout because I can get on there with my Ipod and just get in a groove listening to my music. The only option on these activities is the amount of time - 10, 20, or 30 minute increments.

So today just for some variety - I decided to check out the free run, and put it on for 10 minutes. I never really thought that I'd be able to stick with it for the full time, but why not give it a shot - right? Well, I did it - I ran/jogged in place for 10 minutes and logged 1.5 miles!! Can you believe it?!

I was so proud/excited about it when I was done - I had to email John and my parents just to let them know about my new accomplishment. Maybe there is hope that I'll run a 5K somewhere down the road. I'll try it again tomorrow - so long as my legs are working, and try to go just a little farther. I think I ran a little bit over 1.5 miles, but less than 1.6 - so maybe that'll be my goal. As long as it's even .01 mile farther than yesterday I'll be happy with that.

At some point - I'll push it up to 20 minutes, but I don't think I can hang in there with that just yet. So I did 10 minutes of jogging, 20 minutes of step, 10 minutes of boxing, 10 minutes of a pre-programmed step routine, and 10 minutes hula hooping. Breaking it up like that seems to be the easiest for my brain because it doesn't get to bored doing the same thing for to long.

Below, I've included an image of my food record for today. If you click on it you'll be able to see the full sized version. The bold items are "meals" that I've pre-set into the program, and at the bottom where it shows my calorie total for today... keep in mind that has my workout calories subtracted out.

Things are going really well with all of this, and I'm actually finding myself enjoying the logging of the food - and I don't mind the workouts once I get myself into it... it's just getting ready to do it that is a challenge.

I talked to my Dad today, and it was funny - he used to be a big guy when I was really young, but he managed to start working out and eating right - and you'd never know today that he ever has had a problem with his weight. Through this journey - I've learned things about him that I never knew before... things like - he still struggles with the balance of calorie intake versus calorie burn - so I feel a little more connected in that way. Today though, he told me that if I kept with the working out long enough - it would become all I ever think about/want to do.

I can't imagine that day, but I do see how it can happen... I'm not sure what was the final straw that made me become more determined - maybe it's the second surgery for the gallbladder issues, or maybe it's a gentle push from God... but either way - I am THRILLED that it's working so far. If it is at God's hand - I pray that he'll just keep pushing me for the days and weeks ahead... and most importantly after I start working again because that'll be when I need the push the most!

I've got my first of two interviews tomorrow with the law school - the one on Thursday seems more exciting to me on paper at least - so I pray that one of these opportunities be the one that God wants me to serve in for a while... and that it be a better situation than the last!

People are Mean

After finally pushing the lady at the drug place - with the threat of a competing offer coming in... (we were getting desperate to find out from these people!!) I found out this morning that I didn't get that job. I was/am a little miffed at the fact that they strung me along for two weeks, but I guess this isn't the place that God wants me to be right now.

I've spent the entire day (short of a workout and a shower) looking for a job, and have some promising leads. I have an interview with a local law school for an executive secretary/coordinator position - they were already starting interviews - so I got in on this one just under the wire. On Thursday, I've got another interview for an Assistant Director position for a community service organization. The second possibility is more interesting to me, and I know that their salary range is right up my alley. When the lady called she sounded very excited to meet me and said that she was impressed with my resume... so we'll say a prayer for these two possibilities... and as always - we're praying that God puts me where he needs me to be, while hopefully providing for a better work environment too.

Among all the fun looking for jobs to apply for - I also applied for unemployment. Which was very humiliating to me, but a necessary evil for us right now. I guess I just got caught in the feelings of my own politics and my thoughts that I'd never be dependent on anything like that. To tell you the truth - we really aren't in a position that is that bad, but even a little money coming in right now helps keep us from having to spend all of our savings. Of course I'm not eligible for my first payment until like August 27th or something... so maybe I'll have a job by then.

In other news, we are on day 4 of my workout/eat right plan... and things are still going well. I was a little frustrated today because I worked out really hard on our stationary bike... and while my heart rate stayed within the range that it needed to be for 30 minutes... I only managed to burn 380 calories. I'm not sure what that means, but I'll try something else tomorrow. I thought I was going to die on our bike... I mean I've never sweat like that in my life... and I was absolutely winded, but still ONLY 380 calories!! Tomorrow - I'll go back to the Wii Fit and see how my calves can hang in there... I can still barely walk!

I guess on the bright side of this whole job mess is that I've got a little while longer to get in a groove with the workouts, right?

OMG!

Wait until you get to the bottom of this to really understand where I'm coming from on the title!

Type of Exercise - Calories/hour
Sleeping - 55
Eating - 85
Sewing - 85
Knitting - 85
Sitting - 85
Standing - 100
Driving - 110
Office Work - 140
Housework, moderate - 160+
Golf, with trolley - 180
Golf, without trolley - 240
Gardening, planting - 250
Dancing, ballroom - 260
Walking, 3mph - 280
Table Tennis - 290
Gardening, hoeing etc. - 350 (for some reasong "hoeing" cracks me up!)
Tennis - 350+
Water Aerobics - 400
Skating/blading - 420+
Dancing, aerobic - 420+
Aerobics - 450+
Bicycling, moderate - 450+
Jogging, 5mph - 500
Gardening, digging - 500
Swimming, active - 500+
Cross country ski machine - 500+
Hiking - 500+
Step Aerobics - 550+
Rowing - 550+
Power Walking - 600+
Cycling, studio - 650
Squash - 650+
Skipping with rope - 700+
Running - 700+

Exercise for your health! It has been calculated that 1 pound of body fat is equal to 3500 calories. (OMG! Are you kidding me?!) This means that in order to lose 1 pound we have to walk for about 12.5 hours. So don't expect fast weight loss and remember to eat sensibly.

The mood and feel-good benefits, however, are immediate and the health benefits of exercise are endless. So GET ACTIVE!!

Day of Rest?

Doesn't he look peaceful?

That is pretty much what I wanted to do today, but only managed to do it for about an hour after lunch. I woke up this morning just about unable to walk - my calf muscles are SCREAMING from yesterday's workout.

I managed to make it to church, and had a lovely welcome back from Pastor Kevin and our Worship Pastor Justin. I walked into the Worship Center this morning while our Worship Team was in the middle of practicing... and Justin welcomed me back over the microphone. He also told me after the service that I'm not allowed to miss anymore Sundays - he's so funny! (I've missed the last two weeks because of my vacation and then the surgery)

Ya'll - I think there is a lady at our church that doesn't like me... or has some sort of issue with me. I'm not going to go into the details, but she just seems to have an issue. I don't really have much contact with her at all, and that makes it sort of weird that she'd have this sort of problem with me... but it's honestly sort of obvious to John and I. It's not someone that I'm willing to confront, and not even really the sort of issue that needs anything said - because it honestly could just be her personality being so vastly different from mine that it comes off in a negative way. It's totally nothing done directly to me - just weird looks and comments... so it's really not that big of a deal... I just needed to work through it in my head, which means that you've got to read about it.

The rest of the day has been just relaxing, a light workout, and tracking my food online. (Oh and putting recipes up on my other blog) I decided to do a light workout today because of my leg pain, and well - if I were going to take a day off during the week, it's going to be Sunday. I did one of my Biggest Loser workout videos, and it kicked my butt - it's so strange that I got winded doing it, but never did get my heart rate into the range. The video was only 20 minutes, so then I just did some playing on the Wii Fit. Nothing seriously designed to work out hard, but in the hour I managed to burn off 480 calories.

I'm tracking my food on My Plate, which allows me to plug in my calories burned off of my heart rate monitor - and shows me my net calories for the day. I'll try to do some research tomorrow about how many calories my body needs to maintain my weight versus what it's actually getting right now on my plan.

On a sad note, for me at least... pre-season football started yesterday... so the fall is truly upon us again - which means that my television will be full of football for months to come... nothing gets by my husband in terms of college football, and even really pro-football when the timing allows... so I guess I'll be spending a bit of time working out or something other than watching football!!

Workout Day 2

Well, I did it again...today I kept my heart rate up for a full hour today, which burned 680 calories! I'm not sure why it wasn't closer to 820, but I'm still happy with it. I worked out for a total of an hour and 20 minutes today... which is impressive for me!!

The heart rate monitor raised my range by two beats... yesterday it was 131-152 and today it was 133-152... I found that interesting, but also hard. I had to do my step routine with 3 pound weights the entire time (30 minutes!! WHEW!), and even with them at times I had to really pump my arms to get the heart rate up in range.

I am starting to feel better, and I lost another pound since yesterday!! I don't know how, but I'm taking it as a reward for two days of hard work.

Ya'll, I've come to a strange realization... all my life - I've been told to follow a 1,200 calorie diet to lose weight... and since that works for Meghan - it's going to be my magic number too. The thing that I find amazing though is that it's taken me a major surgery to be able to do that while being satisfied. How in the world would anyone ever expect me to be able to maintain a diet like that with my original stomach?!

I just find it amazing... because I always thought that I was just a major wimp before when I couldn't hang with the Total Body Makeover program, Weight Watchers, Jenny Craig, and the like... ok - Weight Watchers is a bad example because the problem there was that I'd use all my points to eat bad things and then starve the rest of the day...

Anyway, I just find it amazing that even after the surgery - where I can only eat a fraction of what I was eating - I still find myself today having 70 calories over my 1,200 limit... and yesterday I was 200 over!! I just can't imagine trying it again with a full sized stomach.

I also would never be able to jump back into working out with the vigor that I'm doing it right now if I still had those 78 pounds hanging on to me... I am so thankful for the blessing that God has given me through this surgery.

I also find myself thinking about where I was 1 year ago... 2 weeks away from moving into our new house... and out of our second floor apartment - can you imagine?! I can't imagine that moving is ever easy - but what a different story it would be this year than it was last... I was so overwhelmed and tired even at the thought of the work, and we had MOVERS!! All I had to do was get the little stuff and unpack... and I still was completely exhausted and sick over the physical strain.

Again, what a difference a little time makes... I know deep in my heart that I never want to get back there... I just have to lean on God, make good choices, and keep moving in order to make that a long-term reality.

Heart Rate Monitor

When I woke up this morning, I did exactly what I've done everyday since my gallbladder surgery. I weighed myself... and for the first time - I've managed to lose a pound over my highest weight loss to date.

I've got some ideas about why this might have happened - or what is helping... for one - I've been really trying to make a continuous effort to drink more fluids... this one is extremely hard for me, but I'm doing my best to work on it.

I've also been fairly deliberate about eating better and more healthy than I was before surgery... I'm trying to get as much weight loss mileage as I can out of this deal. Not to mention - I am really ready to move into the phase where I can seriously think about becoming a mother... and the more weight I can lose between now and early next year... the healthier any pregnancy would be for me and the baby.

I've gone to bed for the last couple of days telling myself that I was going to start my working out routine up again the next morning, but hadn't been able to make it happen... well this morning when the scale turned out to be my friend one more time... I decided that today was going to be the day... no more excuses!

A month or so ago, John bought me a little something to help me along with my workouts - based on the recommendation of a church friend that is a personal trainer. I talked to her about my concern that working out on the Wii Fit was going to be difficult to know my calories burned because the product is so new... it isn't listed on any of the popular tracking websites.

The suggestion was that I look into getting a heart rate monitor so that the information would be based completely on my body. I hadn't used it until this morning, and I highly recommend everyone getting one! It was amazing - it told me where my target heart rate range was, tracked when I got there, how long my rate stayed within range, and my calories burned.

I bought a Polar F6 monitor in pink... because even when we sweat - we're girls, right?! John found it for me on EBay for a much cheaper price than I could have gotten it in the store - I think he saved a good $20 off of retail or something like that... but the money is well worth it!!


I kept the monitor on today for about an hour - and kept my heart rate within the target range for 30 minutes of that time. (It took me a little while to figure out what I was doing) I burned a total of 465 calories in that 30 minute time frame... which proves what I suspected all along. When I was doing my workouts on my stationary bike - I knew that the calories burned had to be wrong... because in 30 minutes it said I burned 400 calories and that was 76 pounds ago!

I can't wait to see how things go when I can build my workouts up to and hour within my target range...

Healing Nicely

Those are the words of the day from Dr. Ngo. He is such a great doctor - I really liked his bedside manner and his techniques... and John liked him too...so it's sort of sad to me that I'll more that likely never need his services again. (or at least I hope not)

He said things were looking well, and that I should expect to feel a little better and gain a little more energy every day. I'm still going to plan on starting some workouts in order to help boost that along.

I mentioned my blood sugars being a little high and low at times to him, and he said that it wasn't a result of the gallbladder being taken out - so I'll need to follow up with Dr. Weinstein about that situation. I didn't notice it today - so maybe it's working itself out - sometimes I think my body just goes into shock when anything changes. I'll give it some more time and see how things go - I know when I work out things tend to be lower - so I'll just continue to check it if I feel an extreme, and try to at least catch a trend or pattern to help in explaining it to Dr. W.

The other Kim said that I'm being to hard on myself in terms of being frustrated with my lack of energy, and while that's probably right - lets face it... we are all our own toughest critics - I think that part of the problem at this point is that I'm getting a little bit bored. Had this been a surgery where I had to take off of work a few days to do it... I don't think it would be quite as taxing on the stir-crazy meter... because I was just fine not driving and recovering for two weeks with the bypass, but after I stopped being in a pain medicated haze this time around - I started getting some serious cabin fever!

I got the licence plates for the car today - which absolutely crack me up!! The first three digits of it are KMY... which Hope thought I'd done on purpose... because it looks like it spells Kimmy!! HA!

Speaking of Hope - I got to have lunch with her today, and it was lovely - we hadn't seen each other in quite some time... and we enjoyed a nice light lunch which gave us lots of time to just sit and gab about gossip at my old office, and many other things... she and I have such a random relationship, and certainly our own brand of humor - I miss having her as my partner in crime on a daily basis at the office.

Still no call from the lady at the drug place... and it's starting to weird me out - because they acted like they really wanted to fill the job quickly... but I'm not getting that impression now. I don't know - maybe there are some big issues happening around there with their construction project and other things... but it just seems weird that in a week she hasn't found a moment to call me or email me to let me know what's going on. Seriously, every time my cell phone rings - I run over to it and then see that it's someone I know... and get a little bit of a let down. Not that I don't want to talk to my friends and family... but John and I have been on pins and needles now for a week!!

I did go back to looking for other options today, and heard from my principal friend that she gave my name to another principal in the district - so maybe that will pan out... who knows, but it certainly will be a relief when I get something!!