I'm finally trying to get some control over my Google Reader - because I've basically abandoned it for the last few days.
I found a GREAT post from my friend Laurie over at Gastric Girl - in an attempt to keep her grocery costs down, and not waste money... she is starting a very cool idea. She is going to make a spreadsheet with her reviews of frozen meals that she's tried, and she's willing to send it to anyone that might want it.
She'd probably also love some help with reviewing all of the options out there - and I have no idea if any frozen meals are regional... but pop on over to her post to sign up in whatever capacity you might want.
I think this could really be a great thing for a lot of us that are busy and trying to eat the best options we can on the go!
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Protector/Provider
This week, I've learned a lot about leaning on people when you need to. I've learned that my husband truly can do more without words than anyone else can. The only way to explain it would be that God certainly picked the perfect man to pair me with - because I don't think I could have gotten through this without him.
I'm not saying that I am through it... but the healing process is certainly made better by a strong protective provider in my corner.
He went in to the appointment with me and held my hand through another painful and invasive procedure - without batting an eye. He was very aware of all of the measurements going on with the ultrasound... much more than I'd ever remember on my own.
From the moment that John found out that our cycle had been cancelled - he has been great. He has held my hand, checked on me, made me a warm brownie ala mode, and gone to bat with the doctor's office for us.
The hardest pill for us to swallow is that this was so completely preventable - and that it was our gut feeling to prevent it in the first place, but we let the doctor talk us out of it. All because he wanted to save us some money... which in reality - if you consider the wasted medicine, 2 ultrasounds, a teaching visit, and some blood work... we are out $1,600 or so just so that he could save us $250! *Nice going Doc!*
I think we've both been very angry over that fact, but unlike me... John goes to bat. My doctor's office is learning that they aren't just dealing with me anymore. John talked to them today - because when I talked to the lady on Tuesday... she insisted that I needed another $100 teaching visit for this new medication.
The main issue with that is the fact that I've been giving myself injections for quite a while now... and my first teaching visit only lasted at most 15 minutes. They booked me for an hour... so John talked to them and we won't be paying for the next teaching visit.
He's also working on getting them to give us an ultrasound for free as well - because in all reality - we feel like they should do the $85 blood work, get those results, and THEN do the $300 ultrasound... because honestly - my blood work was the only way they knew something was wrong. Anyone else think this is messed up?
They could have cancelled us by only using the $85 test... but instead we had the ultrasound first, and are out $385 - on top of the $350 that I paid for the baseline/teaching visit... and the $1,000 for medications!
UGH!
Bitter... party of 2...
You bet!
The more we talk about it - the more we just don't understand why things were done in the order that they were. I mean if there was a pill that could have stopped my testosterone at the level it was when I went off of the birth control pill... why didn't they just give me that? Knowing that I have a severe problem with my body stopping ovulation by surging testosterone...
It also doesn't make sense that I've had to fight to get those testosterone levels taken in the first place. It's crazy!
John has also gotten them to give us some extra long needles (ummm...GREAT! bleh!) to help get the injections in deeper this time around to maximize absorption. Apparently these shots will go in a different injection site... so John will be more involved... because I don't think I can do it on my own.
I haven't had a chance to talk to him fully about his conversation with the doctor's office, but I'm sure that I'll learn a lot more when he gets home.
I am just grateful that he's able to make these sort of calls and protect us - because I know I couldn't do it on my own. Something about talking with that office makes me either go completely blank in my mind... or get emotional.
Since I'm still down about this whole mess... I think the emotional would have happened today.
The thing that has happened for me, is that my need to keep moving and keep busy so that I don't think about it - has caused me to be more productive in all areas of my life... the house is a little cleaner, the laundry is actually folded AND put away, the kitchen is clean, I've cooked, and I've gotten more crossed off my "to do" list from work than I ever thought possible in two days.
But more than anything - I had to tell everyone that my husband is a prince... and I love him for just being him. Hopefully tomorrow or Saturday we'll be able to get away from our normal routine and find something fun to do together. I'm on the hunt for something... if anyone has any ideas - shoot them my way.
I'm not saying that I am through it... but the healing process is certainly made better by a strong protective provider in my corner.
He went in to the appointment with me and held my hand through another painful and invasive procedure - without batting an eye. He was very aware of all of the measurements going on with the ultrasound... much more than I'd ever remember on my own.
From the moment that John found out that our cycle had been cancelled - he has been great. He has held my hand, checked on me, made me a warm brownie ala mode, and gone to bat with the doctor's office for us.
The hardest pill for us to swallow is that this was so completely preventable - and that it was our gut feeling to prevent it in the first place, but we let the doctor talk us out of it. All because he wanted to save us some money... which in reality - if you consider the wasted medicine, 2 ultrasounds, a teaching visit, and some blood work... we are out $1,600 or so just so that he could save us $250! *Nice going Doc!*
I think we've both been very angry over that fact, but unlike me... John goes to bat. My doctor's office is learning that they aren't just dealing with me anymore. John talked to them today - because when I talked to the lady on Tuesday... she insisted that I needed another $100 teaching visit for this new medication.
The main issue with that is the fact that I've been giving myself injections for quite a while now... and my first teaching visit only lasted at most 15 minutes. They booked me for an hour... so John talked to them and we won't be paying for the next teaching visit.
He's also working on getting them to give us an ultrasound for free as well - because in all reality - we feel like they should do the $85 blood work, get those results, and THEN do the $300 ultrasound... because honestly - my blood work was the only way they knew something was wrong. Anyone else think this is messed up?
They could have cancelled us by only using the $85 test... but instead we had the ultrasound first, and are out $385 - on top of the $350 that I paid for the baseline/teaching visit... and the $1,000 for medications!
UGH!
Bitter... party of 2...
You bet!
The more we talk about it - the more we just don't understand why things were done in the order that they were. I mean if there was a pill that could have stopped my testosterone at the level it was when I went off of the birth control pill... why didn't they just give me that? Knowing that I have a severe problem with my body stopping ovulation by surging testosterone...
It also doesn't make sense that I've had to fight to get those testosterone levels taken in the first place. It's crazy!
John has also gotten them to give us some extra long needles (ummm...GREAT! bleh!) to help get the injections in deeper this time around to maximize absorption. Apparently these shots will go in a different injection site... so John will be more involved... because I don't think I can do it on my own.
I haven't had a chance to talk to him fully about his conversation with the doctor's office, but I'm sure that I'll learn a lot more when he gets home.
I am just grateful that he's able to make these sort of calls and protect us - because I know I couldn't do it on my own. Something about talking with that office makes me either go completely blank in my mind... or get emotional.
Since I'm still down about this whole mess... I think the emotional would have happened today.
The thing that has happened for me, is that my need to keep moving and keep busy so that I don't think about it - has caused me to be more productive in all areas of my life... the house is a little cleaner, the laundry is actually folded AND put away, the kitchen is clean, I've cooked, and I've gotten more crossed off my "to do" list from work than I ever thought possible in two days.
But more than anything - I had to tell everyone that my husband is a prince... and I love him for just being him. Hopefully tomorrow or Saturday we'll be able to get away from our normal routine and find something fun to do together. I'm on the hunt for something... if anyone has any ideas - shoot them my way.
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Extremes
This morning we had our first appointment since starting the shots last Friday. The scan went really well, and we saw 5 follicles. Two of them were on the right side, measuring roughly 5mm. Three of them were on the left side, measuring roughly 7mm. Judging by the ultrasound alone, we were tracking great - and all was well.
Then comes the blood work. Let me start off by saying that it's clear that I've got some serious problems with my hormone levels. SERIOUS. If you remember, when we met with the doctor - we talked at length about this issue... and the possibilities. There was a combination of drugs that we could have tried, but the doctor didn't think it was necessary yet... then there was also the possibility of testing my testosterone during the cycle and if it hadn't reached the upper limit - there was a medication that I could take to stop it right where the level was... and we could continue with the cycle.
Now, having had this discussion at length - just a few weeks ago... WHY on earth did I have to fight them to even test my testosterone level today?! I mean seriously... they looked at me like I was crazy... and I'm so glad that I fought them.
There were a myriad of reasons based on the number of follicles that could cause the cycle to be cancelled... but we'd crossed that hurdle this morning... so I was feeling GREAT. A pretty good emotional high point - actually.
That lasted until about 4:15 when the doctor's office called with my blood work results. My estrogen level is extremely low... which means that the follicles aren't on track to grow. My testosterone level is 44... it needs to be under 40 for you to be able to ovulate. This level is after only being off of my birth control pills for 9 days. (NINE!)
My body is seriously jacked up... so they told me that we are "wasting medicine" at this point and that I need to start back on the birth control pill tonight. So much for my 5 little "maybe babies."
The new protocol for now is that I will be back on the pill for 2 weeks. During that time they've ordered me 2 weeks worth of Lupron. (Lupron is a man-made form of a hormone that regulates many processes in the body. Leuprolide overstimulates the body's own production of certain hormones, which causes that production to shut down temporarily.)
I will start the Lupron several days before I start taking the follicle stimulation drugs... and will continue with the Lupron during the remainder of the cycle. They will also up the dosage on the Gonal-f (stimulation medication) because the Lupron will prevent me from making any of my own follicle stimulating hormones. But it will shut off my testosterone completely.
I think the biggest shocker here is that this is the EXACT protocol that we discussed with the doctor, and were leaning toward going forward with. The thing that talked us out of it at the time was that the doctor quoted that it would be another $500 for that medication. So the doctor didn't want us to spend the extra money on that drug if we didn't need it.
As it turns out, the 2 week supply of Lupron costs $130! OMG... we would have TOTALLY done that this time around if we had known.
So needless to say, tonight... I am broken, angry, upset, sad, and generally crushed. I don't know what I am more angry about - the cancellation, going against my gut feeling on the Lupron, or the lack of answer to all the prayers that have been said for us. My head tells me that I'm being irrational, but for right now - I need to ride the wave of emotions for a day or two.
I know that God's timing is perfect... but for today, I need to mourn that his timing isn't this cycle.
Then comes the blood work. Let me start off by saying that it's clear that I've got some serious problems with my hormone levels. SERIOUS. If you remember, when we met with the doctor - we talked at length about this issue... and the possibilities. There was a combination of drugs that we could have tried, but the doctor didn't think it was necessary yet... then there was also the possibility of testing my testosterone during the cycle and if it hadn't reached the upper limit - there was a medication that I could take to stop it right where the level was... and we could continue with the cycle.
Now, having had this discussion at length - just a few weeks ago... WHY on earth did I have to fight them to even test my testosterone level today?! I mean seriously... they looked at me like I was crazy... and I'm so glad that I fought them.
There were a myriad of reasons based on the number of follicles that could cause the cycle to be cancelled... but we'd crossed that hurdle this morning... so I was feeling GREAT. A pretty good emotional high point - actually.
That lasted until about 4:15 when the doctor's office called with my blood work results. My estrogen level is extremely low... which means that the follicles aren't on track to grow. My testosterone level is 44... it needs to be under 40 for you to be able to ovulate. This level is after only being off of my birth control pills for 9 days. (NINE!)
My body is seriously jacked up... so they told me that we are "wasting medicine" at this point and that I need to start back on the birth control pill tonight. So much for my 5 little "maybe babies."
The new protocol for now is that I will be back on the pill for 2 weeks. During that time they've ordered me 2 weeks worth of Lupron. (Lupron is a man-made form of a hormone that regulates many processes in the body. Leuprolide overstimulates the body's own production of certain hormones, which causes that production to shut down temporarily.)
I will start the Lupron several days before I start taking the follicle stimulation drugs... and will continue with the Lupron during the remainder of the cycle. They will also up the dosage on the Gonal-f (stimulation medication) because the Lupron will prevent me from making any of my own follicle stimulating hormones. But it will shut off my testosterone completely.
I think the biggest shocker here is that this is the EXACT protocol that we discussed with the doctor, and were leaning toward going forward with. The thing that talked us out of it at the time was that the doctor quoted that it would be another $500 for that medication. So the doctor didn't want us to spend the extra money on that drug if we didn't need it.
As it turns out, the 2 week supply of Lupron costs $130! OMG... we would have TOTALLY done that this time around if we had known.
So needless to say, tonight... I am broken, angry, upset, sad, and generally crushed. I don't know what I am more angry about - the cancellation, going against my gut feeling on the Lupron, or the lack of answer to all the prayers that have been said for us. My head tells me that I'm being irrational, but for right now - I need to ride the wave of emotions for a day or two.
I know that God's timing is perfect... but for today, I need to mourn that his timing isn't this cycle.
Sunday, August 23, 2009
Small Group Game Night
We had our final summer meeting with our small group yesterday at our house. We finished the study a few weeks ago, but wanted to get everyone together again for a fun event to just enjoy spending time together - all the kids were invited... (10 in all)
To keep the kids entertained we set up a slip n slide in the backyard along with having movies ready to go once they got tired. Believe it or not - they were great, kept the mess to one room of the house - and even allowed their parents to play games with minimal interruptions.
Here are some photos of the day:
The kids waiting for their turn on the slip n slide
Miss V... taking her turn
Miss B taking hers...
Miss A making a big splash...
Miss J making an entry into the splash pool...
One family all piled into the splash pool...
Miss L... enjoying some time in the water.
Alice in Wonderland keeping the kids entertained...
The mess stayed pretty contained, just like this... and was cleaned up before they left. Gotta love GREAT parents!!
Miss C - enjoying a cupcake to the fullest
Miss L eating her cupcake as well... they were a HUGE hit! (Thanks Laura!)
Miss A eating a cookie
Mr. H enjoying his taco
Mr. S showing me his classic grin... this boy is just adorable.
The adults getting ready for our first game of the night - Apples to Apples... we also played the 90's version of Trivial Pursuit in teams. 
Part of the study asked everyone (either individually or as a couple) to make an acrostic with the letters in the word Love... so we typed them all up and formatted them... and Laura made the frames. We hope that it will be a reminder to them in the months and years to come of their commitment to each other. We are looking for a good place to hang ours in the house that would allow us to see it everyday and remember.
To keep the kids entertained we set up a slip n slide in the backyard along with having movies ready to go once they got tired. Believe it or not - they were great, kept the mess to one room of the house - and even allowed their parents to play games with minimal interruptions.
Here are some photos of the day:
The kids waiting for their turn on the slip n slide
Miss V... taking her turn
Miss B taking hers...
Miss A making a big splash...
Miss J making an entry into the splash pool...
One family all piled into the splash pool...
Miss L... enjoying some time in the water.
Alice in Wonderland keeping the kids entertained...
The mess stayed pretty contained, just like this... and was cleaned up before they left. Gotta love GREAT parents!!
Miss C - enjoying a cupcake to the fullest
Miss L eating her cupcake as well... they were a HUGE hit! (Thanks Laura!)
Miss A eating a cookie
Mr. H enjoying his taco
Mr. S showing me his classic grin... this boy is just adorable.
The adults getting ready for our first game of the night - Apples to Apples... we also played the 90's version of Trivial Pursuit in teams. It was a great night spent with some wonderful friends, and was well worth all the prep that we did during the day yesterday. John spent literally from 7AM until 2PM working in the yard... in the extreme heat - it looks great though - even though we have some typical Houston burn spots in the yard. With the drought we've had - it is extremely hard to keep the yard green.
This morning, we recognized each couple that went through our study this past semester. I wasn't able to be in there - I filled in for one of our group members in the nursery... but each couple was given a plaque like this. One of our group members, Laura, is extremely talented and made them for everyone.
Part of the study asked everyone (either individually or as a couple) to make an acrostic with the letters in the word Love... so we typed them all up and formatted them... and Laura made the frames. We hope that it will be a reminder to them in the months and years to come of their commitment to each other. We are looking for a good place to hang ours in the house that would allow us to see it everyday and remember. That about wraps up our weekend. I took a good nap this afternoon and made 3 necklaces and a set... so a little progress was done there as well. I'll keep plugging away this week on the jewelry stuff - hopefully it'll keep my mind off of all the baby stuff as much as possible.
Mad Scientist
As previously promised... I took some photos of John mixing my medicine tonight. I left out the actual injection into my stomach for those of you that need to be spared from such medical truths. Hopefully these photos give you a small glimpse into what we're doing - without grossing anyone out.
The cast of characters - minus John and I... two needles, two vials of medicine, one prefilled syringe, and an alcohol swab... good times. Can anyone believe that these little tiny items cost $120?!
They trained me to release half of the liquid from the prefilled syringe...so this is John doing that very carefully.
The biggest needle that I've ever seen! It's the mixing needle... but this was the one that I originally freaked out about... I mean seriously - you could fit a BB up that thing!!
Cleaning the top of the medicine vial...
Putting the prefilled liquid into the medicine vial... you two this step twice. You mix everything into the one vial - then suck it back into the syringe, and do everything over again in the second vial.
John mixing the second vial...but I just loved that the cross hanging in our stairway is clearly visible... we are certainly relying on his grace to get us through all of this.
Releasing any remaining air bubbles... and we're ready to go...
I don't know if you can tell it very well in this shot but the actual needle for my injection is a lot shorter and smaller than the mixing one. It's still longer than my needles for my other injections that I take for my blood sugar - but it's manageable.
The cast of characters - minus John and I... two needles, two vials of medicine, one prefilled syringe, and an alcohol swab... good times. Can anyone believe that these little tiny items cost $120?! 
They trained me to release half of the liquid from the prefilled syringe...so this is John doing that very carefully.
The biggest needle that I've ever seen! It's the mixing needle... but this was the one that I originally freaked out about... I mean seriously - you could fit a BB up that thing!!
Cleaning the top of the medicine vial...
Putting the prefilled liquid into the medicine vial... you two this step twice. You mix everything into the one vial - then suck it back into the syringe, and do everything over again in the second vial.
John mixing the second vial...but I just loved that the cross hanging in our stairway is clearly visible... we are certainly relying on his grace to get us through all of this.
Releasing any remaining air bubbles... and we're ready to go...
I don't know if you can tell it very well in this shot but the actual needle for my injection is a lot shorter and smaller than the mixing one. It's still longer than my needles for my other injections that I take for my blood sugar - but it's manageable. There you have it folks... we do this every night around 5:00 - until Tuesday when we'll go back for the next appointment and find out what happens next. We might have our cycle canceled - we might have to adjust the number of vials down to one a day or up to three a day... they'll let us know before our shot on Tuesday.
Friday, August 21, 2009
Shot Report
Just a quick run down of the doctor's appointment today...
Things looked good on my ultrasound... all she really said at the time was that everything looked clear.
We then moved to a counseling room to go through the shot mixing and injection. In there she mentioned that my ovaries had several small follicles in them - so she was slightly concerned about hyper-stimulation. She said that with my young age (THANK YOU!!) and PCOS... there is always a possibility of that, and there is a condition where the hyper-stimulation can cause some serious problems... so they will be watching closely for that.
We went through the mixing of my first injection - I'll show you in pictures over the weekend... and I gave myself the first shot. No big deal there at all.
From there - I was done... confirmed my appointment for Tuesday morning and made another for Friday morning. Basically what will happen is that I will go through my appointment on Tuesday, and they'll have the blood work results back by the end of the day - at which time they will call and let me know if we need to adjust the dosage on the shots, continue with what we're doing, or cancel the cycle.
If all goes well - the IUI might be a week from Monday. It just seems so surreal. We'll be praying and keeping positive thoughts throughout the weekend, and then see what happens on Tuesday. John is going to go to all my remaining appointments with me... isn't that just the sweetest thing you've ever heard?
He wants to be as involved as he can be... so mixing the injections will be his job, and then his second job will be Chief Hand-Holder.
Things looked good on my ultrasound... all she really said at the time was that everything looked clear.
We then moved to a counseling room to go through the shot mixing and injection. In there she mentioned that my ovaries had several small follicles in them - so she was slightly concerned about hyper-stimulation. She said that with my young age (THANK YOU!!) and PCOS... there is always a possibility of that, and there is a condition where the hyper-stimulation can cause some serious problems... so they will be watching closely for that.
We went through the mixing of my first injection - I'll show you in pictures over the weekend... and I gave myself the first shot. No big deal there at all.
From there - I was done... confirmed my appointment for Tuesday morning and made another for Friday morning. Basically what will happen is that I will go through my appointment on Tuesday, and they'll have the blood work results back by the end of the day - at which time they will call and let me know if we need to adjust the dosage on the shots, continue with what we're doing, or cancel the cycle.
If all goes well - the IUI might be a week from Monday. It just seems so surreal. We'll be praying and keeping positive thoughts throughout the weekend, and then see what happens on Tuesday. John is going to go to all my remaining appointments with me... isn't that just the sweetest thing you've ever heard?
He wants to be as involved as he can be... so mixing the injections will be his job, and then his second job will be Chief Hand-Holder.
A Thought...
Ok, so when was it that I moved from getting a piece of candy after getting a shot... to getting nothing? Just because we are now big people - doesn't mean that we don't need some lovin' after a big bad doctor's appointment.
Am I the only one that thinks they should pass out pints of PREMIUM ice cream and/or brownies after a well woman exam?! Can I get an Amen?!
I was just thinking - that I'm about to go have a VERY invasive ultrasound... learn to mix my own shots, and the proper form on injecting them into myself...
So - I'm just wondering why I don't get a lollipop... or a fun sized snickers... you know, SOMETHING!!
I might have to treat myself to a $1 vanilla cone from Sonic on the way home - just for being a good patient...
Am I the only one that thinks they should pass out pints of PREMIUM ice cream and/or brownies after a well woman exam?! Can I get an Amen?!
I was just thinking - that I'm about to go have a VERY invasive ultrasound... learn to mix my own shots, and the proper form on injecting them into myself...
So - I'm just wondering why I don't get a lollipop... or a fun sized snickers... you know, SOMETHING!!
I might have to treat myself to a $1 vanilla cone from Sonic on the way home - just for being a good patient...
Really?!
This morning, I made a continuous decision to enjoy my last Starbucks Grande Nonfat Cafe Mocha on my way in to work... after all - today might be the beginning of a pregnancy - so I might as well start eating for fetal safety, right?
Imagine my surprise and heartbreak when I realized that my coffee... the one I've enjoyed so many mornings like this one - has taken a price increase?!
Seriously Starbucks?
I mean lets face it - it's a SHOT of espresso and some milk... of which you can buy an entire gallon of skim milk for less than the cost of one of your drinks! Or is there truly crack in those drinks? I'm beginning to wonder... I mean honestly - you ought to be able to get their drinks at a fraction of the cost considering how many people are completely addicted to them! They are REALLY banking...
And for those of you wondering what the big deal is because Sonic, McDonald's, and every other fast food chain is now offering the same drinks at a lower price... can I just tell you that you absolutely get what you pay for? I had a free coupon a few weeks ago to try a mocha from McDonald's... and no cash to buy the real thing - so I popped in on my way to church... OMG - it was the most disgusting thing I'd ever tried. I had to pour it out.
OOOh - I just remembered my cousin works at Starbucks in Dallas... I'm TOTALLY emailing her to complain. As if there is something she can do to change their corporate policy.... HA! That'd be like me being able to choose our brand of staples or something. :-)
Anyway, back to this morning - I must have had a funny look on my face trying to figure out why my exact change wasn't enough... and the lady tells me that they increased their prices yesterday. Oh come on now! Is this some big sign from God cosmically telling me that my days of enjoying Starbucks are done?
Imagine my surprise and heartbreak when I realized that my coffee... the one I've enjoyed so many mornings like this one - has taken a price increase?!
Seriously Starbucks?
I mean lets face it - it's a SHOT of espresso and some milk... of which you can buy an entire gallon of skim milk for less than the cost of one of your drinks! Or is there truly crack in those drinks? I'm beginning to wonder... I mean honestly - you ought to be able to get their drinks at a fraction of the cost considering how many people are completely addicted to them! They are REALLY banking...
And for those of you wondering what the big deal is because Sonic, McDonald's, and every other fast food chain is now offering the same drinks at a lower price... can I just tell you that you absolutely get what you pay for? I had a free coupon a few weeks ago to try a mocha from McDonald's... and no cash to buy the real thing - so I popped in on my way to church... OMG - it was the most disgusting thing I'd ever tried. I had to pour it out.
OOOh - I just remembered my cousin works at Starbucks in Dallas... I'm TOTALLY emailing her to complain. As if there is something she can do to change their corporate policy.... HA! That'd be like me being able to choose our brand of staples or something. :-)
Anyway, back to this morning - I must have had a funny look on my face trying to figure out why my exact change wasn't enough... and the lady tells me that they increased their prices yesterday. Oh come on now! Is this some big sign from God cosmically telling me that my days of enjoying Starbucks are done?
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Oddly At Peace
My friend Jenn I. asked me this morning if I was nervous or excited about the appointment tomorrow. To which I actually had an articulated response... or at least I'd already thought about that to some degree.
See, this morning on the way to work - I was looking around and reflecting how all of a sudden it seems like things are changing. It's slowly becoming fall, but the beauty of driving to work and being able to see the sunrise - is a pretty neat gift... if you're in the right frame of mind.
Change happens all around us every day... but rarely am I moving at a pace where I notice most of the changes... well, that an I'm very NOT observant... just ask John. I think he could move our furniture around completely and I might not notice. I'd just be happy to have somewhere to sit.
Anyway, I find myself at peace with this all today - ask me again in a week when the appointments mean the possibility of canceling the whole process... but for tomorrow - I don't have any worries. I believe that God has this all planned out already, and it's just my job to sit back and notice all the small beautiful things that happen along the way.
Once again - I can easily say that now... but come Tuesday... you may all be reminding me of this very post.
Ultimately - it's all part of a season in my life... very much like the real one (Summer) that is drawing to a close. Or at least in most parts of the country... here in Texas we'll be faking like it's fall until we actually feel some cool weather in November!
In terms of the weather seasons - summer is fading into fall... and it's just a gradual process that you don't even notice until one day you wake up and can clearly see the change. I feel like that might be happening in my life as a whole right now... maybe my days of being childless are slowly fading into motherhood.
Maybe right now things are wrapping up so that one day in about a month - or so... we'll find out that things have been changing all along - and finally wake up to notice that we're pregnant. I don't know - but there is an odd sense of stillness and calm right now...
I'm not scared of the ultrasound... I'm not scared of the shots - probably helped along by the shots that I've been taking for years to keep my blood sugars in line... I'm not feeling any stress about that at all - just an odd sense of contentment that we're finally able to move in the right direction instead of being forced to wait.
See, this morning on the way to work - I was looking around and reflecting how all of a sudden it seems like things are changing. It's slowly becoming fall, but the beauty of driving to work and being able to see the sunrise - is a pretty neat gift... if you're in the right frame of mind.
Change happens all around us every day... but rarely am I moving at a pace where I notice most of the changes... well, that an I'm very NOT observant... just ask John. I think he could move our furniture around completely and I might not notice. I'd just be happy to have somewhere to sit.
Anyway, I find myself at peace with this all today - ask me again in a week when the appointments mean the possibility of canceling the whole process... but for tomorrow - I don't have any worries. I believe that God has this all planned out already, and it's just my job to sit back and notice all the small beautiful things that happen along the way.
Once again - I can easily say that now... but come Tuesday... you may all be reminding me of this very post.
Ultimately - it's all part of a season in my life... very much like the real one (Summer) that is drawing to a close. Or at least in most parts of the country... here in Texas we'll be faking like it's fall until we actually feel some cool weather in November!
In terms of the weather seasons - summer is fading into fall... and it's just a gradual process that you don't even notice until one day you wake up and can clearly see the change. I feel like that might be happening in my life as a whole right now... maybe my days of being childless are slowly fading into motherhood.
Maybe right now things are wrapping up so that one day in about a month - or so... we'll find out that things have been changing all along - and finally wake up to notice that we're pregnant. I don't know - but there is an odd sense of stillness and calm right now...
I'm not scared of the ultrasound... I'm not scared of the shots - probably helped along by the shots that I've been taking for years to keep my blood sugars in line... I'm not feeling any stress about that at all - just an odd sense of contentment that we're finally able to move in the right direction instead of being forced to wait.
My Mess
I made a huge score yesterday at lunch by going to Hobby Lobby. The wonderful Karen bought a necklace set from me - so I used the proceeds from her purchase to go to Hobby Lobby while they are having a 50% off bead sale! So I got roughly $120 worth of stuff for like $56.00 - I LOVE it when that happens.
As I was laying everything out last night - I thought that the sight was funny... I mean most kitchen tables aren't covered in all things beading... so I had to share.
This is what my kitchen table looks like right now - at this very moment... I count at least 10 necklaces (some sets) waiting to happen.
I also have another package coming in from one of my best suppliers - Fire Mountain Gems and Beads - they have the largest selection of semi-precious stones that I've ever seen... so I typically buy those from them unless I see something somewhere else that intrigues me.
So I am all set for some serious jewelry making... of course the only problem is the big game night we're hosting for our small group on Saturday - so all of this stuff has to find a home for Saturday... then it can make its way back out until after the craft show.
As I was laying everything out last night - I thought that the sight was funny... I mean most kitchen tables aren't covered in all things beading... so I had to share.
This is what my kitchen table looks like right now - at this very moment... I count at least 10 necklaces (some sets) waiting to happen.I also have another package coming in from one of my best suppliers - Fire Mountain Gems and Beads - they have the largest selection of semi-precious stones that I've ever seen... so I typically buy those from them unless I see something somewhere else that intrigues me.
So I am all set for some serious jewelry making... of course the only problem is the big game night we're hosting for our small group on Saturday - so all of this stuff has to find a home for Saturday... then it can make its way back out until after the craft show.
All Things Equal
In our house... the movie Remember the Titans reigns right up there at the top of the list of favorites. I know it's a football movie, but the underlying story is just so beautiful... and I dig movies that can appeal to John's love of sports with a strong storyline that hooks me in as well.
It just so happens that it was on television recently - and a certain line in the movie always strikes a chord with me... ok - lots of them do, but this one in particular has been on my mind lately.
Coach Boone: Now I may be a mean cuss. But I'm the same mean cuss with everybody out there on that football field.
Oddly enough, I see the opposite of this happening in my office on a daily basis. Now, I know that I'm an anomaly when it comes to the working world - at least by worldly standards in today's society. I am not driven by my job... I'm not talking in a bad way here either... I'm just saying that in my eyes - my job is a means to provide the resources to do the things that I truly want to do.
Resources that provide me to be able to give back to my church - because after all - I believe that it's all God's anyway, and 10% is the least I can give to keep his house in working order. Resources to allow John and I to have a pretty great life. Resources to provide us to be able to enjoy several hobbies and activities that we are involved in. Resources to keep a roof over our heads, food on our table, our medical needs covered (for the most part), and transportation.
The point is that my job doesn't define me. It never has.
I find that in the work environment that I'm in, that doesn't always seem to be the case. It's not good or bad - it just is. There are a lot of people around me on a daily basis that do live, eat, and breathe for their jobs... and the part that gets the most amazing and frustrating to me are when those people assume that everyone should be of that same mindset.
Even worse when they have the tendency to be very feminist... which is however you define it, but very different from my personal beliefs. I've given John and our male friends a lot of grief about the Bible verses that talk about women being the helper and weaker sex... but in all reality - I fully life my life with that in mind.
So how does this relate back to the movie quote?
I think that sometimes the idea of treating everyone the same and holding everyone to the same standard is forgotten by our management. Sometimes people of certain ethnicities are held to higher standards... and with absolute certainty - people of certain genders are held to a higher standard as well. Personality differences are often regarded as being problems that should be overcome instead of being embraced... sometimes people are just wired differently - and can be more of an advantage than is realized.
For instance, my need to stay out of the spotlight - and work behind the scenes could be a HUGE advantage when paired up with someone that craves attention. My need for order and balance can greatly help someone that is chaotic... my strengths can help others and my weaknesses can allow for areas that others can pick up the slack.
I don't see that as a bad thing... I see that as being a "team" which is a term that can sometimes be used as a punchline in the working world.
I completely understand and embrace the need to push people to get them to accomplish more than they knew was possible... but at the same time - I don't think that it should bring people to their breaking point.
I guess that I've always thought that it is important to challenge people while giving them the challenges that would allow for the most potential success for them... sure, it can't always be like that... but it certainly would allow for the best possible outcome and morale for those involved.
I know that I am motivated by figuring out things that I know I can accomplish - but if the task is so large that it becomes overwhelming... I have a hard time. For me, spelling out a clear endpoint and letting me figure out how to get you to that point - is what I thrive on.
Now, my vice president is very different - and here lies our daily challenge... she is much more of a "global picture" person - meaning that she'll sort of give you some vague details and send you off to figure out how to get there... which can be viewed as a waste of time when often you find yourself spending hours working down one path and you should have been going down a vastly different one.
How do these two people come together and work harmoniously? I don't know - some days we do it - some days we don't... but above all else... higher standards and things of that nature being held relative... everyone in our department goes through these same ebbs and flows... and I'd almost rather be the one under the gun than watch others go through it.
Is that weird? I mean it almost stresses me out more to watch someone else going through a struggle that I know VERY well... and there isn't a thing I can do to help them through it.
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
One of Those Days
Have you ever had one of those days where it doesn't matter what you do - nothing seems to interest you?
Ok, maybe it's because I'm stuck under a mountain of data entry work that in all honesty a person in drug rehab could handle...
Or maybe it's the stress of:
Ok, maybe it's because I'm stuck under a mountain of data entry work that in all honesty a person in drug rehab could handle...
Or maybe it's the stress of:
1) The upcoming doctor's appointment
* Will the shots work?
* Will my body go into overdrive and make WAY too many eggs?
* Will my hormone levels go skyrocketing and cause my cycle to be canceled?
* Could this finally be the cycle that works out for us?
* What will happen if it does get canceled?
2) Not being able to see John much until Saturday after this evening...
* He has worship team tomorrow night
* Thursday night he's going to his parents - to get him an hour closer toward his destination for Friday
* Friday he has to go to a funeral in Ft. Worth - so in all reality - I'll see him again Saturday morning
* Will this be the time that the boogey man will actually get me? (Yes, I get totally scared when my husband isn't at home with me at night!)
3) All of the things spinning in my head for the craft show...
* Making displays
* Making business cards
* Making jewelry
* Pricing all the jewelry
* Is my stuff good enough?
* Will I have enough jewelry?
* Should I do a give a way?
* Can I physically handle the event?
All of that is only made more challenging by the fact that my body is still not cooperating with me... because all it wants to do is hibernate! Which would be great if I could somehow train my dogs to come do my data entry work at the office for me...
Anyone out there wonder why I haven't been sleeping very well at night? Man! If I could only shut these thoughts down long enough to fall into a deep sleep... I'm beginning to wonder if I need to take some of the pain medicine we have left over from John's surgery - just to knock myself out!
I wouldn't/can't actually do that - so it's not an option, but seriously... Mama needs a break... and a massage couldn't sound better at this point in time!
What do you do to clear your mind and relax?
Monday, August 17, 2009
All Aboard
We have a plan... a schedule... and I couldn't be more excited, scared, terrified, and thrilled all at the same time! Today - I am finally able to stop taking these crazy birth control pills... which my body is actually starting to revolt against. I told the nurse this morning that I wasn't sure how many continuous packs of pills I have taken, but this one is certainly one too many. She understood and told me that the cramps would likely stop in the next few days.
Only to be replaced by things that no one knows... emotional outbursts?
The plan is that I will go on Friday for my baseline ultrasound and teaching visit. My teaching visit will include learning how to mix the shots - which incidentally means taking two of those nifty little packs that I showed you in the photos earlier in the weekend... and making them into one shot. Which is nice - that means I'll only get 3 injections a day instead of the 4 that I expected.
So Friday will be Day 1... at least in terms of the shots - I don't know how to judge what "cycle day" that would be for all you other TTC girls out there.
I will then go back on Tuesday in the morning for a follicular ultrasound to see how I am responding to the shots - they'll also do some blood work to check my hormones to see how they are responding as well.
Remember that we'll be watching my testosterone level pretty closely - because they'll have to cancel the cycle if it gets over 40.
They will also cancel the cycle if I have more than 5 follicles - because our doctor will not do the IUI with more than 5 follicles, and even at that - more than 4 requires us to sign off on a special form so that we don't hold them liable for the possibility of all of them becoming babies.
I don't know what happens after Tuesday, but I do know that all of the appointments and the actual IUI will happen before the Labor Day weekend - which is just surreal. I mean it just blows my mind to know how long I have waited for this, and how quickly it all happens.
My friend Jenn sent me a link to this blog this morning... she was asking for advice. She apparently has no problem having children, but wasn't sure how to talk to or deal with her friends that are having fertility problems. She also was wondering why people didn't just adopt quickly while they are trying to get pregnant.
This was my response:
Your post was passed on to me by a friend, and as an infertile woman - I thought I might be able to help shed some light on the subject.
In all honesty - no woman out there would wish infertility on anyone else. Because it is a pain like no other... and for me, I'm in a world with all sorts of women with BIG families. Do I fault them for their ease at getting pregnant? Absolutely not. Does it sting a little? Sure.
The thing about it is that there are good days and bad days with everything. For me, my bad days tend to go hand in hand with the days when my friends want to tie their children to the roof and not deal with them... so that does make it tough.
Overall though, I think that it's like anything else - all you can do is be there for the friend, and listen. Sort of like when you have a friend that is dealing with a death in their family - there really isn't much you can say to make it better... but just the act of you being there with them on the journey is the best way you can support them.
In terms of the adoption thing, I think that is very personal. I am completely willing to adopt - but at the same time that comes with it's own challenges, expenses, and emotional roller coaster. Depending on how and where you adopt from - there can be considerable risk and pain with that as well.
So overall - it is a complicated issue, and one where every person is different. The idea of adoption is very upsetting to some - but for me - my husband was adopted, and I think there is no greater gift or act of selflessness than to give a child to a couple that wants a baby... it's hard to know where and when that suggestion might be helpful or harmful.
Your best bet, is to just love and support... offer advice when asked, but mainly just be willing to hold their hand and wipe their tears.
Of course it is just my two cents... which she can take for what it is worth. I just know that I have an amazing support system that gets me through this - just knowing that they are out there. Whether or not they are available (because of geography) to hold my hand or not... there is comfort in just knowing that they care.
Only to be replaced by things that no one knows... emotional outbursts?
The plan is that I will go on Friday for my baseline ultrasound and teaching visit. My teaching visit will include learning how to mix the shots - which incidentally means taking two of those nifty little packs that I showed you in the photos earlier in the weekend... and making them into one shot. Which is nice - that means I'll only get 3 injections a day instead of the 4 that I expected.
So Friday will be Day 1... at least in terms of the shots - I don't know how to judge what "cycle day" that would be for all you other TTC girls out there.
I will then go back on Tuesday in the morning for a follicular ultrasound to see how I am responding to the shots - they'll also do some blood work to check my hormones to see how they are responding as well.
Remember that we'll be watching my testosterone level pretty closely - because they'll have to cancel the cycle if it gets over 40.
They will also cancel the cycle if I have more than 5 follicles - because our doctor will not do the IUI with more than 5 follicles, and even at that - more than 4 requires us to sign off on a special form so that we don't hold them liable for the possibility of all of them becoming babies.
I don't know what happens after Tuesday, but I do know that all of the appointments and the actual IUI will happen before the Labor Day weekend - which is just surreal. I mean it just blows my mind to know how long I have waited for this, and how quickly it all happens.
My friend Jenn sent me a link to this blog this morning... she was asking for advice. She apparently has no problem having children, but wasn't sure how to talk to or deal with her friends that are having fertility problems. She also was wondering why people didn't just adopt quickly while they are trying to get pregnant.
This was my response:
Your post was passed on to me by a friend, and as an infertile woman - I thought I might be able to help shed some light on the subject.
In all honesty - no woman out there would wish infertility on anyone else. Because it is a pain like no other... and for me, I'm in a world with all sorts of women with BIG families. Do I fault them for their ease at getting pregnant? Absolutely not. Does it sting a little? Sure.
The thing about it is that there are good days and bad days with everything. For me, my bad days tend to go hand in hand with the days when my friends want to tie their children to the roof and not deal with them... so that does make it tough.
Overall though, I think that it's like anything else - all you can do is be there for the friend, and listen. Sort of like when you have a friend that is dealing with a death in their family - there really isn't much you can say to make it better... but just the act of you being there with them on the journey is the best way you can support them.
In terms of the adoption thing, I think that is very personal. I am completely willing to adopt - but at the same time that comes with it's own challenges, expenses, and emotional roller coaster. Depending on how and where you adopt from - there can be considerable risk and pain with that as well.
So overall - it is a complicated issue, and one where every person is different. The idea of adoption is very upsetting to some - but for me - my husband was adopted, and I think there is no greater gift or act of selflessness than to give a child to a couple that wants a baby... it's hard to know where and when that suggestion might be helpful or harmful.
Your best bet, is to just love and support... offer advice when asked, but mainly just be willing to hold their hand and wipe their tears.
Of course it is just my two cents... which she can take for what it is worth. I just know that I have an amazing support system that gets me through this - just knowing that they are out there. Whether or not they are available (because of geography) to hold my hand or not... there is comfort in just knowing that they care.
Saturday, August 15, 2009
Husband with a Death Wish
It's no secret that John has been pulling more than his share of the duties around the house over the last 6 weeks or so... but I think it's starting to get to him... or maybe he's suicidal? HA!
Seriously, we've got two stories from the last 48 hours that could have potentially burned the house down... or exploded it - depending on how you look at it.
Story #1
Thursday night - John cooked us a lovely dinner... sweet & sour pork chops over jasmine rice... everything went well - except that my stomach has been seriously pulling the nausea card after dinner for the last few nights... and Thursday night was one of the worst.
So we finished dinner, and by 8:30 - John sent me to bed. He packed up the leftovers from dinner for his lunch the next day... and came to bed around 10 or so. Never realizing that he'd left the gas burner on the stove on.
You'd think that we'd smell it the next morning, right? Nope.
We got ready, went to work... stopped for dinner on the way home last night... and it wasn't until we got home from work... almost 24 hours after the burner had been turned on... that we realized that it had been left on.
So we opened all the windows in the house, turned off the A/C for about an hour... and all was well. Other than it got fairly hot because you know... Texas heat and all.
We were so lucky... I mean it freaks me out to know that they are building two houses next to us... and all the equipment that is around here all the time with flames and the like... it could have really been bad.
We are grateful that Jesus had us in his hands on this one!
Story #2
While I made my marathon trip to WalMart for the next two weeks - John went to get a haircut and brought home breakfast tacos from Taco Cabana... well... he got home shortly before me - so he added cheese to our tacos and put them in the warming drawer on the bottom of the stove.
Where most stoves have that random drawer where you keep pots and pans - ours is actually functional for keeping food warm. It has an element which John thought was protected to be kept away from the food so that it doesn't get too hot.
Guess again...
Poor guy put the bag and everything in the drawer to keep it warm until I got home and we got the groceries put away... only to find out quickly that the bag was burning.
What am I going to do with him?? I guess make him get some more sleep - but also - there will be no cooking in our house today. Since we'll be eating at two different parties tonight - I think that we'll surely have enough there to fill us up for the evening... and probably more calories than we've had in the last few days.
Tomorrow - I'll be doing the cooking... no plans to cook for lunch tomorrow - but then I'm trying a new recipe "Honey Pecan Chicken" tomorrow night... so look for that on the Kim's Cuisine blog in the next few days. I'm on the hunt for recipes regularly... and have a lovely stockpile. My goal is to try one or two a week if I can manage it.
Anyway - hopefully that will give him a nice long break from playing with any of our kitchen appliances... and maybe reset his little pyromaniac tendency back to normal.
Seriously, we've got two stories from the last 48 hours that could have potentially burned the house down... or exploded it - depending on how you look at it.
Story #1
Thursday night - John cooked us a lovely dinner... sweet & sour pork chops over jasmine rice... everything went well - except that my stomach has been seriously pulling the nausea card after dinner for the last few nights... and Thursday night was one of the worst.
So we finished dinner, and by 8:30 - John sent me to bed. He packed up the leftovers from dinner for his lunch the next day... and came to bed around 10 or so. Never realizing that he'd left the gas burner on the stove on.
You'd think that we'd smell it the next morning, right? Nope.
We got ready, went to work... stopped for dinner on the way home last night... and it wasn't until we got home from work... almost 24 hours after the burner had been turned on... that we realized that it had been left on.
So we opened all the windows in the house, turned off the A/C for about an hour... and all was well. Other than it got fairly hot because you know... Texas heat and all.
We were so lucky... I mean it freaks me out to know that they are building two houses next to us... and all the equipment that is around here all the time with flames and the like... it could have really been bad.
We are grateful that Jesus had us in his hands on this one!
Story #2
While I made my marathon trip to WalMart for the next two weeks - John went to get a haircut and brought home breakfast tacos from Taco Cabana... well... he got home shortly before me - so he added cheese to our tacos and put them in the warming drawer on the bottom of the stove.
Where most stoves have that random drawer where you keep pots and pans - ours is actually functional for keeping food warm. It has an element which John thought was protected to be kept away from the food so that it doesn't get too hot.
Guess again...
Poor guy put the bag and everything in the drawer to keep it warm until I got home and we got the groceries put away... only to find out quickly that the bag was burning.
What am I going to do with him?? I guess make him get some more sleep - but also - there will be no cooking in our house today. Since we'll be eating at two different parties tonight - I think that we'll surely have enough there to fill us up for the evening... and probably more calories than we've had in the last few days.
Tomorrow - I'll be doing the cooking... no plans to cook for lunch tomorrow - but then I'm trying a new recipe "Honey Pecan Chicken" tomorrow night... so look for that on the Kim's Cuisine blog in the next few days. I'm on the hunt for recipes regularly... and have a lovely stockpile. My goal is to try one or two a week if I can manage it.
Anyway - hopefully that will give him a nice long break from playing with any of our kitchen appliances... and maybe reset his little pyromaniac tendency back to normal.
Another Busy Weekend
This is already shaping up to be another busy weekend. It seems like 1/2 of the people I know have birthdays this weekend or coming up shortly... so we've got two parties to go to tonight.
I started off the day going to WalMart for our groceries, but John realized earlier this week that Texas' Tax Free Back to School weekend is next weekend... and he knows how I loathe WalMart or any other shopping experience on that weekend. (It's seriously worse than the day after Thanksgiving!)
Anyway, we planned out two weeks worth of groceries, plus I needed a few cleaning items, and some things to go with the birthday gifts that I've purchased... and for all of that I spent $182... which is impressive - since I went last week and spent $150 for one week... although last week - I bought more jewelry supplies and a couple of tops for myself.
I do need to make a run to Hobby Lobby this week, but in terms of the groceries - we're looking good and I can spend all day next Saturday getting ready for our Small Group's game night... and I'm making a couple of other dishes for us to freeze for meals to take as lunches to work.
The parties for tonight are going to be a blast. My friend, Renee, is turning 29 tomorrow - so we're starting our evening at their house for hamburgers and fun. From there, we'll head over to my friend, Danielle's, for her 40th birthday party.
Tomorrow morning - I'll be in the toddler room bright and early playing with my kids while all their parents attend a meeting about our Children's Ministry and the upcoming year. Then I will attend the second service with John and his parents... I am thrilled that after a 4 week break - our regular pastor will be back... I love his messages, so I'm ready to get back into the word with his leading.
From there, we'll pick up something for lunch and hopefully spend the entire rest of the day relaxing and watching movies. I know that at that point - I will be 100% exhausted! Then it'll be time to start another week at work... ugh! I seriously need some vacation time... I'm planning on taking some soon - but am waiting to figure out what the schedule will be for our fertility cycle before putting it on the calendar.
I'd like to figure out what the doctor recommends for the IUI - because if I need to plan on taking some time off like a 1/2 day or whatever... I'd like to make sure that I can plan around all of that... and maximize my time off and relaxation.
I started off the day going to WalMart for our groceries, but John realized earlier this week that Texas' Tax Free Back to School weekend is next weekend... and he knows how I loathe WalMart or any other shopping experience on that weekend. (It's seriously worse than the day after Thanksgiving!)
Anyway, we planned out two weeks worth of groceries, plus I needed a few cleaning items, and some things to go with the birthday gifts that I've purchased... and for all of that I spent $182... which is impressive - since I went last week and spent $150 for one week... although last week - I bought more jewelry supplies and a couple of tops for myself.
I do need to make a run to Hobby Lobby this week, but in terms of the groceries - we're looking good and I can spend all day next Saturday getting ready for our Small Group's game night... and I'm making a couple of other dishes for us to freeze for meals to take as lunches to work.
The parties for tonight are going to be a blast. My friend, Renee, is turning 29 tomorrow - so we're starting our evening at their house for hamburgers and fun. From there, we'll head over to my friend, Danielle's, for her 40th birthday party.
Tomorrow morning - I'll be in the toddler room bright and early playing with my kids while all their parents attend a meeting about our Children's Ministry and the upcoming year. Then I will attend the second service with John and his parents... I am thrilled that after a 4 week break - our regular pastor will be back... I love his messages, so I'm ready to get back into the word with his leading.
From there, we'll pick up something for lunch and hopefully spend the entire rest of the day relaxing and watching movies. I know that at that point - I will be 100% exhausted! Then it'll be time to start another week at work... ugh! I seriously need some vacation time... I'm planning on taking some soon - but am waiting to figure out what the schedule will be for our fertility cycle before putting it on the calendar.
I'd like to figure out what the doctor recommends for the IUI - because if I need to plan on taking some time off like a 1/2 day or whatever... I'd like to make sure that I can plan around all of that... and maximize my time off and relaxation.
Baby in a Box
All of my girlfriends that have done IVF have posted pictures of their supply boxes upon arrival... so I felt like I needed to do the same for our own memories, but also to share in the excitement that is buzzing around our house.
To say that though - without telling you that we're preparing for the cycle to be canceled early would be wrong. We are trying to prepare for the fact that no one truly knows yet how my body will respond to all of these medications... and there is just a small window that would allow it to be successful.
We are certainly praying that this first round will work and that we'll be one of the lucky statistics - but also know that there is the possibility that my ovaries won't stimulate on this small dosage of the medicine... or it could over produce follicles as well. So we'll be praying for up to 5 follicles that all grow big and strong... or at least to the size that would allow us to take the second shot for the release!
I will call on Monday to start getting them to plan the schedule of our procedures and appointments - because I know that it'll be a challenge to plan around the upcoming Labor Day holiday. I finish my 14 days of Celebrex on Thursday - so best case would be that they tell me to stop taking the pill on Tuesday and then we go for our teaching visit on Friday. I don't know if that is realistic, but I'll know on Monday.
My hope is that they can get me off the pill soon because whatever number of continuous packs I'm on now - is one too many. I've got all the signs and symptoms that my body needs a break.
Anyway - some pictures of what we got and a little commentary:
This is everything that came in our lovely FedEx box... complete with cold pack. This represents 16 vials of the Gonal-f, 1 prefilled syringe of the ovidrel, and a sharps package.
The Gonal-f comes in these great little preset packages - they contain two needles, a prefilled syringe and the vial with a powder disk in the bottom.
I was trying to get a better shot of the Gonal-f package, but it's really hard with the plastic over it. When we start taking the shots - I'll get some closer pictures, and some pictures of John playing chemist.
This is the one syringe of Ovidrel... we've never gotten far enough into a cycle to be able to take this - so we're praying for that this time around.
To say that though - without telling you that we're preparing for the cycle to be canceled early would be wrong. We are trying to prepare for the fact that no one truly knows yet how my body will respond to all of these medications... and there is just a small window that would allow it to be successful.
We are certainly praying that this first round will work and that we'll be one of the lucky statistics - but also know that there is the possibility that my ovaries won't stimulate on this small dosage of the medicine... or it could over produce follicles as well. So we'll be praying for up to 5 follicles that all grow big and strong... or at least to the size that would allow us to take the second shot for the release!
I will call on Monday to start getting them to plan the schedule of our procedures and appointments - because I know that it'll be a challenge to plan around the upcoming Labor Day holiday. I finish my 14 days of Celebrex on Thursday - so best case would be that they tell me to stop taking the pill on Tuesday and then we go for our teaching visit on Friday. I don't know if that is realistic, but I'll know on Monday.
My hope is that they can get me off the pill soon because whatever number of continuous packs I'm on now - is one too many. I've got all the signs and symptoms that my body needs a break.
Anyway - some pictures of what we got and a little commentary:
This is everything that came in our lovely FedEx box... complete with cold pack. This represents 16 vials of the Gonal-f, 1 prefilled syringe of the ovidrel, and a sharps package. 
The Gonal-f comes in these great little preset packages - they contain two needles, a prefilled syringe and the vial with a powder disk in the bottom.We'll learn at our teaching visit how to mix all of this together in order to give me two shots a day. Funny thing though - when I first pulled one of these out to look at it - one of the needles is a reasonable size... while the other is so big and long that it looks like you could use it as a blow dart to shoot BB's at people... and I had a moment of freaking out wondering if I could truly handle this all. I talked to Karen (remember she's my boss that we won't call a boss. HA!) and she told me to visualize "being the mom" and that'll make it all better. I may have to play the soundtrack from Rocky every time a shot is needed, but we'll get through it.
I was trying to get a better shot of the Gonal-f package, but it's really hard with the plastic over it. When we start taking the shots - I'll get some closer pictures, and some pictures of John playing chemist.
This is the one syringe of Ovidrel... we've never gotten far enough into a cycle to be able to take this - so we're praying for that this time around. It is all very exciting, scary, and thrilling at the same time - it has been a LONG road just to get to the point of being able to order these shots... so I feel like we've made a small bit of progress. I'll keep filling you in as we move along.
Thursday, August 13, 2009
Survival Skills
Over the years... I've come to realize that it can be incredibly difficult to be a younger couple in a church with no children. When you are a couple that WANTS children - it is much more difficult... but if you don't want them - it's just annoying. One night after a small group meeting, one of our friends sent me a blog post from Stuff Christians Like that is so incredibly true - it actually made me laugh.
I'm going to quote it here, and then tell you all of these that have happened to me over the years...
Surviving Church as a MCWOK: Married Couple Without Kids
1. If you’ve been told “It will happen someday.” = +2 points (+10 bonus points if the person touches your face while speaking these words.)
Oh, I can't even count the number of times this has been said to me... in my head I'm usually thinking "yeah, and I'll pass away someday too..." depending on my hormones at the time.
2. If you’ve ever been told to “Just relax,” or “It will happen when you stop trying,” which is not physically possible. = +2 points
This comment usually goes hand in hand with the insinuation that you don't pray hard enough... but yes... I've heard this one in just about every aspect of my life - not just at church.
3. If you’ve ever been asked to “volunteer” in the nursery on Mother’s Day so the scheduled worker can enjoy the service. = +3 points
Countless times - and it always shocks me. It shouldn't, but just about everyone at our church knows about the fertility treatments and all of that business... but they still spring this on me. Even this weekend... I'll be working the nursery so that the "parents" can attend a meeting about our children's ministry.
4. If friends with kids invite you over and you wind up babysitting their kids the whole time. = +1 point
This has happened, but at the same time - I tend to gravitate toward younger kids... so I don't know that this would be any one's fault. It just is.
5. If friends offer to let you spend time with their kids for some “family time” or to get your “kid fix.” = +2 points
Of course this has happened - or my personal favorite "to try out life with kids." Yes, I've spent plenty of time with kids... and NO, I don't want to go from having no kids to "testing" out elementary aged ones. I'd like to enter into it with the infant and work up to that.
6. If people offer to give you their kids if you want some so badly. = +3 points
People will say to me all the time that if I want them so badly - I could take theirs home and try them out for a while. Honestly, I don't want to deal with their kids issues... I want to create my own kid with issues of their own!
7. If you can’t attend a church potluck without being asked about your sex life and/or personal doctor visits. = +3 points
This hasn't happened as much in a long time - because most people that want to know such things read this blog and know without having to ask... which is better. I'd much rather you read it on your own than have me try to explain it to you at a church event.
8. If friends tell you that spending time with their misbehaving kids will change your mind about wanting your own. = +1 point
Again, I want to tell them that I'd like to mess up my own kids!
9. If you find you’d rather skip the Mother’s Day/Father’s Day/Sermon series on the family services at church. = +2 points
AMEN!
10. If the term “family” at your church always refers to Mom+Dad+Kids. = +2 points
Every week when I look at the program... this crosses my mind. There are always photos of families with kids... and then the older grandparent type couples without kids... but never is there a photo of a young couple without kids.
11. If it is suggested that if you prayed hard enough or had enough faith, you’d have children. = +3 points
I guess it's wrong that this always makes me want to reach out and put a choke hold on their neck... but it has happened.
12. If you’ve ever been told that you are so “lucky” because you can go on vacations, go see movies at the theater, or sleep late. = +3 points
Riiiiight... lucky... the thing is, we don't do any of those things...
13. If you’ve been told that you should really enjoy your road trip because “at least you don’t have kids to entertain in the car.” = +1 point
Ok, for starters - every single one of those people that say that have one of those DVD players in the car... so how much actual active entertaining are they doing?! To me, part of the fun of a road trip is to teach kids the games and things that entertained you BEFORE the DVD players came into the world. Can I get an Amen for "The Alphabet Game", "I Spy" or "The License Plate Game"??
14. If you’ve heard countless stories of people who have adopted babies and then miraculously gotten pregnant. = +2 points for every occasion
Yeah, been there... heard that story. Amazingly enough, that is exactly what happened with John's parents... but that was a different time and adoption isn't as easy as people might think. We are certainly open to adoption - I think that is an incredible gift that someone can give a couple that wants to raise a child... I can't imagine anything more loving and selfless than giving the gift of life to someone and loving them enough to give them a better life.
15. If you’ve been asked “Why don’t you just adopt?” (As if the decision is as easy as picking out a new toothbrush.) = +3 points
Yep... and we've considered it, but would like to exhaust our natural options first... thankyouverymuch.
16. If it is assumed that you will work VBS every year because you “love being with kids so much” and probably have nothing else going on. = +1 point for every year you have worked VBS
Thank goodness for having a job... because my time off of work is very valuable... and I wouldn't consider taking 1/2 of my annual vacation time to spend doing VBS... I'd be more likely to use 1/2 of my vacation time for the year doing a mission trip.
17. If people assume that you sleep until noon every day. = +2 points
Yeah - not since 1998! I feel completely robbed if I get up after 8 on a weekend... I mean seriously weekends go fast enough... I almost hate napping for that reason, but then again at this point - I can't stop my body from falling asleep when it needs to.
18. If you tell people you are a homemaker and the first question they ask is “How many kids do you have?” = +1 point
Ahhhh... one that hasn't happened - because I've never been a homemaker. I have however had the "how many kids do you have?" question be the very first thing that is asked when meeting me... which I think is completely odd and way too personal.
19. If it has ever been suggested that you aren’t as “blessed” as others just because you don’t have children. = +3 points
I don't know that anyone has ever come out and said that - but I have felt that way...
20. If you have had people tell you about dreams and visions they’ve had of your future children. = +2 points for dreams; +3 points for visions
Yes, my cleaning lady has done it too.
21. If your “personal prayer request” about trying to have a baby gets printed on paper and put in the hands of every person in attendance at your church that day. = +10 points
This hasn't happened... but we don't do printed prayer requests. I think if I were a more private person - this might be offensive... but I put my personal prayer requests out on the internet all the time... so this one wouldn't bother me in the least.
22. If friends with kids eventually stop wanting to hang out with you because you’ve declined going with them to play dates a few too many times and you find out they would rather hang out with the new couple with young kids because they “understand what it’s like.” = +3 points
I'm not sure if this has happened... but we do get excluded from parties and things because of lack of children. It all correlates to the type of relationship you have with the parents though... there are people that think to include us because we have a relationship with the children, but others don't even think about it.
23. You can’t hold someone else’s baby at church without hearing “When are you going to get one of those?” or “That looks really good on you!” = +1 point
If I had a dollar for all the times... I could afford IVF already.
24. You’ve been told that you HAVE to watch the movie Facing the Giants. (Because, you know, it’s not just about facing “giants” in football…) = +2 points; +3 points if they tell you that the coach’s wife has a baby at the end
I have seen the movie, but no one has told me to watch it for that reason. I think that would invoke one of my classic looks of disgust - most people can read every thought and emotion that passes through my head... so they'd know that their comment was not well received.
25. Someone has ever asked you about your fertility during Meet & Greet time at a Sunday morning service. = +1 point; +2 points if yelled across more than 2 rows of people
Updates on doctors appointments and the like... yes... but that's okay. Sometimes, it's just nice to know they care. It's just shocking when those very people turn around and ask you do to #3!
Your Score:
0-30 That’s okay, you’re still young. Just keep trying!
31-60 You’re not quite there yet. Have you considered other options?
61+ You’re an overachiever! The world would benefit greatly if you procreated!
I do hope that you found that a little humorous - because I certainly was able to laugh about it. Some days are better than others, but overall I think sometimes people just lack the proper "edit" feature on their thoughts and words.
I'm going to quote it here, and then tell you all of these that have happened to me over the years...
Surviving Church as a MCWOK: Married Couple Without Kids
1. If you’ve been told “It will happen someday.” = +2 points (+10 bonus points if the person touches your face while speaking these words.)
Oh, I can't even count the number of times this has been said to me... in my head I'm usually thinking "yeah, and I'll pass away someday too..." depending on my hormones at the time.
2. If you’ve ever been told to “Just relax,” or “It will happen when you stop trying,” which is not physically possible. = +2 points
This comment usually goes hand in hand with the insinuation that you don't pray hard enough... but yes... I've heard this one in just about every aspect of my life - not just at church.
3. If you’ve ever been asked to “volunteer” in the nursery on Mother’s Day so the scheduled worker can enjoy the service. = +3 points
Countless times - and it always shocks me. It shouldn't, but just about everyone at our church knows about the fertility treatments and all of that business... but they still spring this on me. Even this weekend... I'll be working the nursery so that the "parents" can attend a meeting about our children's ministry.
4. If friends with kids invite you over and you wind up babysitting their kids the whole time. = +1 point
This has happened, but at the same time - I tend to gravitate toward younger kids... so I don't know that this would be any one's fault. It just is.
5. If friends offer to let you spend time with their kids for some “family time” or to get your “kid fix.” = +2 points
Of course this has happened - or my personal favorite "to try out life with kids." Yes, I've spent plenty of time with kids... and NO, I don't want to go from having no kids to "testing" out elementary aged ones. I'd like to enter into it with the infant and work up to that.
6. If people offer to give you their kids if you want some so badly. = +3 points
People will say to me all the time that if I want them so badly - I could take theirs home and try them out for a while. Honestly, I don't want to deal with their kids issues... I want to create my own kid with issues of their own!
7. If you can’t attend a church potluck without being asked about your sex life and/or personal doctor visits. = +3 points
This hasn't happened as much in a long time - because most people that want to know such things read this blog and know without having to ask... which is better. I'd much rather you read it on your own than have me try to explain it to you at a church event.
8. If friends tell you that spending time with their misbehaving kids will change your mind about wanting your own. = +1 point
Again, I want to tell them that I'd like to mess up my own kids!
9. If you find you’d rather skip the Mother’s Day/Father’s Day/Sermon series on the family services at church. = +2 points
AMEN!
10. If the term “family” at your church always refers to Mom+Dad+Kids. = +2 points
Every week when I look at the program... this crosses my mind. There are always photos of families with kids... and then the older grandparent type couples without kids... but never is there a photo of a young couple without kids.
11. If it is suggested that if you prayed hard enough or had enough faith, you’d have children. = +3 points
I guess it's wrong that this always makes me want to reach out and put a choke hold on their neck... but it has happened.
12. If you’ve ever been told that you are so “lucky” because you can go on vacations, go see movies at the theater, or sleep late. = +3 points
Riiiiight... lucky... the thing is, we don't do any of those things...
13. If you’ve been told that you should really enjoy your road trip because “at least you don’t have kids to entertain in the car.” = +1 point
Ok, for starters - every single one of those people that say that have one of those DVD players in the car... so how much actual active entertaining are they doing?! To me, part of the fun of a road trip is to teach kids the games and things that entertained you BEFORE the DVD players came into the world. Can I get an Amen for "The Alphabet Game", "I Spy" or "The License Plate Game"??
14. If you’ve heard countless stories of people who have adopted babies and then miraculously gotten pregnant. = +2 points for every occasion
Yeah, been there... heard that story. Amazingly enough, that is exactly what happened with John's parents... but that was a different time and adoption isn't as easy as people might think. We are certainly open to adoption - I think that is an incredible gift that someone can give a couple that wants to raise a child... I can't imagine anything more loving and selfless than giving the gift of life to someone and loving them enough to give them a better life.
15. If you’ve been asked “Why don’t you just adopt?” (As if the decision is as easy as picking out a new toothbrush.) = +3 points
Yep... and we've considered it, but would like to exhaust our natural options first... thankyouverymuch.
16. If it is assumed that you will work VBS every year because you “love being with kids so much” and probably have nothing else going on. = +1 point for every year you have worked VBS
Thank goodness for having a job... because my time off of work is very valuable... and I wouldn't consider taking 1/2 of my annual vacation time to spend doing VBS... I'd be more likely to use 1/2 of my vacation time for the year doing a mission trip.
17. If people assume that you sleep until noon every day. = +2 points
Yeah - not since 1998! I feel completely robbed if I get up after 8 on a weekend... I mean seriously weekends go fast enough... I almost hate napping for that reason, but then again at this point - I can't stop my body from falling asleep when it needs to.
18. If you tell people you are a homemaker and the first question they ask is “How many kids do you have?” = +1 point
Ahhhh... one that hasn't happened - because I've never been a homemaker. I have however had the "how many kids do you have?" question be the very first thing that is asked when meeting me... which I think is completely odd and way too personal.
19. If it has ever been suggested that you aren’t as “blessed” as others just because you don’t have children. = +3 points
I don't know that anyone has ever come out and said that - but I have felt that way...
20. If you have had people tell you about dreams and visions they’ve had of your future children. = +2 points for dreams; +3 points for visions
Yes, my cleaning lady has done it too.
21. If your “personal prayer request” about trying to have a baby gets printed on paper and put in the hands of every person in attendance at your church that day. = +10 points
This hasn't happened... but we don't do printed prayer requests. I think if I were a more private person - this might be offensive... but I put my personal prayer requests out on the internet all the time... so this one wouldn't bother me in the least.
22. If friends with kids eventually stop wanting to hang out with you because you’ve declined going with them to play dates a few too many times and you find out they would rather hang out with the new couple with young kids because they “understand what it’s like.” = +3 points
I'm not sure if this has happened... but we do get excluded from parties and things because of lack of children. It all correlates to the type of relationship you have with the parents though... there are people that think to include us because we have a relationship with the children, but others don't even think about it.
23. You can’t hold someone else’s baby at church without hearing “When are you going to get one of those?” or “That looks really good on you!” = +1 point
If I had a dollar for all the times... I could afford IVF already.
24. You’ve been told that you HAVE to watch the movie Facing the Giants. (Because, you know, it’s not just about facing “giants” in football…) = +2 points; +3 points if they tell you that the coach’s wife has a baby at the end
I have seen the movie, but no one has told me to watch it for that reason. I think that would invoke one of my classic looks of disgust - most people can read every thought and emotion that passes through my head... so they'd know that their comment was not well received.
25. Someone has ever asked you about your fertility during Meet & Greet time at a Sunday morning service. = +1 point; +2 points if yelled across more than 2 rows of people
Updates on doctors appointments and the like... yes... but that's okay. Sometimes, it's just nice to know they care. It's just shocking when those very people turn around and ask you do to #3!
Your Score:
0-30 That’s okay, you’re still young. Just keep trying!
31-60 You’re not quite there yet. Have you considered other options?
61+ You’re an overachiever! The world would benefit greatly if you procreated!
I do hope that you found that a little humorous - because I certainly was able to laugh about it. Some days are better than others, but overall I think sometimes people just lack the proper "edit" feature on their thoughts and words.
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Truths from the Love Dare
I found some important things over the last few months as we have done the Love Dare with our small group - and I'd like to share them with you...
From Day 23 "Love Protects"
Wives: you have a role as protector in your marriage. You must guard your heart from being led away through novels, magazines, and other forms of entertainment that blur your perception of reality and put unfair expectations on your husband. Instead you must do your part in helping him feel strong, while also avoiding talk-show thinking that can lure your attention away from your family. "The wise woman builds her house, but the foolish tears it down with her own hands" (Proverbs 14:1)
Husbands: you are the head of your home. You are the one responsible before God for guarding the gate and standing your ground against anything that would threaten your wife or marriage. This is no small assignment. It requires a heart of courage and a head for preemptive action. Jesus said, "If the head of the house had known at what time of the night the thief was coming, he would have been on the alert and would not have allowed his house to be broken into." (Matthew 24:43) This role is yours. Take it seriously.
Above all - the take away from this day... is to protect your marriage from unhealthy relationships, shame, and parasites.
Parasites are things that latch on to you or your partner that suck the life out of your marriage. Most often they show up in the form of addictions - such as: gambling, drugs, alcohol, or pornography. Parasites promise pleasure but grow like a disease and consume more and more of your thoughts, time and money. They steal away your loyalty and heart from those you love.
For us our main parasite - wasn't an addiction to any of the items listed above - but more an unhealthy addiction to media... in terms of the amount of time that got sucked away from us into computers and other things. We've made a concerted effort to not use our computers as much at home - certainly not actively if they are on... and it has made a difference. I feel like there is a little more time now in the evenings because I don't lose hours staring at a computer screen.
From Day 30 "Love Brings Unity"
Husbands - What would happen in your marriage if you devoted yourself to loving, honoring, and serving your wife in ALL things? What if you determined that the preservation of your oneness with this woman was worth every sacrifice and expression of love you could make? What would change in your home if you took that approach to your relationship on a daily basis?
Wives - What would happen if you made it your mission to do everything possible to promote togetherness of heart with your husband? What if every threat to your unity was treated as a poison, a cancer, an enemy to be eliminated by love, humility, and selflessness? What would your marriage become if you were never again willing to see your oneness torn apart?
I think these two paragraphs are profound... I mean what if all married people lived like this? What would divorce attorneys do?!
I'm not saying that there is never a reason for divorce... because sometimes when lives are threatened or adultery is a repeated sin... it might be alright... it's not for me to debate such things... I don't live in a marriage with such problems, and certainly am not here to judge people and their actions... not my place... or my mission.
The thing for me is that it isn't easy... I mean life gets in the way ALL. THE. TIME. but we have to make it our priority and our mission to learn to live like this. When the bad creeps up - and believe me it does regularly... you have to remember that your partner - is not your punching bag...
They are not the receptacle that receives the brunt of your anger, pain or suffering... they are your partner, and ultimately - they only want the best for you. Your hurt is their hurt... and I know that I sometimes have a hard time remembering that.
The interesting thing about life is that men and woman are so fundamentally different. We approach problems differently, we react differently, we solve problems differently... and just generally approach life with a different set of strengths and weaknesses.
The beauty in my mind is that God has made us all one perfect mate - one person that matches us in all areas of life. They are strong when we are weak. They are weak when we are strong. They can lift you up and keep you going - when you think that you can't make it one more day. It just just a beautiful partnership...
In my world, there is one place that I see this most often. In our struggle to have a baby... John and I approach every step of this process in very different ways. Neither is bad... they are just different. He is much more rational... I am emotional. Sometimes I am emotional about him not being emotional enough... yes, I know - crazy lives within me. (HA!) Sometimes in my whirlwind of emotions - I forget in my own hurt that he hurts too... his desire to have a child is no different than my own... we just process differently - like in all other areas of our life. So my challenge is to know how to lift him up in the ways that he needs, no matter what is going on with me... and his challenge is to do the same for me.
It's hard, and sometimes you get caught in the day to day mess of living... but that is JUST the moment when you have to stop. Take a day off, and go enjoy doing something together that you wouldn't normally do. Even if that "something" is within your own city. I'm not kidding - it can be just the boost and refresher that makes all the difference.
From Day 23 "Love Protects"
Wives: you have a role as protector in your marriage. You must guard your heart from being led away through novels, magazines, and other forms of entertainment that blur your perception of reality and put unfair expectations on your husband. Instead you must do your part in helping him feel strong, while also avoiding talk-show thinking that can lure your attention away from your family. "The wise woman builds her house, but the foolish tears it down with her own hands" (Proverbs 14:1)
Husbands: you are the head of your home. You are the one responsible before God for guarding the gate and standing your ground against anything that would threaten your wife or marriage. This is no small assignment. It requires a heart of courage and a head for preemptive action. Jesus said, "If the head of the house had known at what time of the night the thief was coming, he would have been on the alert and would not have allowed his house to be broken into." (Matthew 24:43) This role is yours. Take it seriously.
Above all - the take away from this day... is to protect your marriage from unhealthy relationships, shame, and parasites.
Parasites are things that latch on to you or your partner that suck the life out of your marriage. Most often they show up in the form of addictions - such as: gambling, drugs, alcohol, or pornography. Parasites promise pleasure but grow like a disease and consume more and more of your thoughts, time and money. They steal away your loyalty and heart from those you love.
For us our main parasite - wasn't an addiction to any of the items listed above - but more an unhealthy addiction to media... in terms of the amount of time that got sucked away from us into computers and other things. We've made a concerted effort to not use our computers as much at home - certainly not actively if they are on... and it has made a difference. I feel like there is a little more time now in the evenings because I don't lose hours staring at a computer screen.
From Day 30 "Love Brings Unity"
Husbands - What would happen in your marriage if you devoted yourself to loving, honoring, and serving your wife in ALL things? What if you determined that the preservation of your oneness with this woman was worth every sacrifice and expression of love you could make? What would change in your home if you took that approach to your relationship on a daily basis?
Wives - What would happen if you made it your mission to do everything possible to promote togetherness of heart with your husband? What if every threat to your unity was treated as a poison, a cancer, an enemy to be eliminated by love, humility, and selflessness? What would your marriage become if you were never again willing to see your oneness torn apart?
I think these two paragraphs are profound... I mean what if all married people lived like this? What would divorce attorneys do?!
I'm not saying that there is never a reason for divorce... because sometimes when lives are threatened or adultery is a repeated sin... it might be alright... it's not for me to debate such things... I don't live in a marriage with such problems, and certainly am not here to judge people and their actions... not my place... or my mission.
The thing for me is that it isn't easy... I mean life gets in the way ALL. THE. TIME. but we have to make it our priority and our mission to learn to live like this. When the bad creeps up - and believe me it does regularly... you have to remember that your partner - is not your punching bag...
They are not the receptacle that receives the brunt of your anger, pain or suffering... they are your partner, and ultimately - they only want the best for you. Your hurt is their hurt... and I know that I sometimes have a hard time remembering that.
The interesting thing about life is that men and woman are so fundamentally different. We approach problems differently, we react differently, we solve problems differently... and just generally approach life with a different set of strengths and weaknesses.
The beauty in my mind is that God has made us all one perfect mate - one person that matches us in all areas of life. They are strong when we are weak. They are weak when we are strong. They can lift you up and keep you going - when you think that you can't make it one more day. It just just a beautiful partnership...
In my world, there is one place that I see this most often. In our struggle to have a baby... John and I approach every step of this process in very different ways. Neither is bad... they are just different. He is much more rational... I am emotional. Sometimes I am emotional about him not being emotional enough... yes, I know - crazy lives within me. (HA!) Sometimes in my whirlwind of emotions - I forget in my own hurt that he hurts too... his desire to have a child is no different than my own... we just process differently - like in all other areas of our life. So my challenge is to know how to lift him up in the ways that he needs, no matter what is going on with me... and his challenge is to do the same for me.
It's hard, and sometimes you get caught in the day to day mess of living... but that is JUST the moment when you have to stop. Take a day off, and go enjoy doing something together that you wouldn't normally do. Even if that "something" is within your own city. I'm not kidding - it can be just the boost and refresher that makes all the difference.
Monday, August 10, 2009
One Lovely Blog Award
The rules of the "One Lovely Blog Award" are: accept the award, post it on your blog together with the name of the person who has granted the award, and his or her blog link. Pass the award to 15 other blogs that you’ve newly discovered. Remember to contact the bloggers to let them know they have been chosen for this award.
I got this award from a fantastic woman on a journey not too different from several others that I have encountered... Jennifer over at Hope Endures - she has been an amazing source of encouragement to me over the last few months, and I am grateful to have her sharing in this journey with us.
I have recently been on a sort of "new blog hold" because I have been barely keeping up with the women that I love dearly - and knew that until my life starts to stabilize - I couldn't possibly foster any new relationships in the blog world. I of course don't like doing anything half way - so I have to dive in and understand their story - pray for, encourage, and get to know these ladies... so all of that being said... the ladies that I choose won't be "newly discovered" but they are WELL deserving of the award. I do hope that you'll go check them out. (and in no particular order)
Jenn over at From the Desk of a Princess
Summer over at B is for Brown
Nicole over at Turning Over a New Leaf
Jenn over at Soap Operas and Bon-Bons?
Joanna over at Grace in the Home
Christi over at The Journey
Jenn over at Simpson Sightings
Heather over at Heather's HodgePodge
Heather over at Heather's Roller Coaster Journey
Kim over at Knitten Kittens
Meghan over at Megga Meggs
Laurie over at Adventures of Gastric Girl
Jill over at Shut Your Piehole
Becca over at Glory Laine
Donna at Ride (or Tri) like a Girl
Renee over at Eat at JoMama's
Becky at The Branches
Bonnie over at The Browns
There are so many others... but these would the the ones that I feel the most connected to at the moment - so please go check them out... we all need encouragement in our lives.
Sprinkling of Random
In light of it being a Monday morning... I've got a bulleted list of recent happenings:
- My "boss" shall henceforth be called Karen... because the title of boss freaks her out a little. HA! She just so happens to be the absolute coolest "boss" ever - and I'm so glad that she's with us. I knew her and worked briefly with her at my last job, and am looking forward to getting to know her MUCH better in a MUCH happier environment.
- I have revived my nickname, Kim Possible, from my old team (former job - thanks Allie for this nickname) - I think that it can be used as inspiration/motivation for lots of areas in my life... and it's just darn cute now that my hair is back to being red again. I even have another of the logos from the show posted on my wall in the office - it's one with her doing a karate chop move... too funny!
- I am dragging really bad today - which is weird because I woke up feeling okay... but I guess there is a magic hour that happens right after I wake up and from there it is downhill. You can ask John... literally - if there is anything he needs me to get done during the evening... I have to get to that RIGHT away before even trying to sit down to relax. So the evening magic hour is from about 5:15 to 6:30 (ish) if it lasts that long.
- I will be putting the new designs up on Etsy (hopefully tonight) because a couple of them have already been requested... gotta love Facebook! It is actually thrilling to be designing things again and seeing that I still "have it" - and maybe even the sale of a couple of things prior to the Shop Til You Drop event (9/12 craft fair) will help me buy some more supplies to keep cranking out the designs.
- The first order with Freedom Pharmacy has been placed... can I just tell you how easy that was? I literally said painless - but that depends on your source of pain... mine evidently is more in terms of the hassle involved and less with the cost. It was really great though - I honestly thought that they'd charge extra for everything... like say needles, syringes... the things that you HAVE to have in order to take the injections. I can honestly give them a seal of approval because the shipping is free, everything is included, and they send you the sharps package for free as well.
- They also automatically signed me up for a program through the drug manufacturer called "Fertility Assist" where on your second cycle you get a discount on the drugs... so if my dosage stayed the same for a second cycle we'd get $250 in savings... if it increased drastically (from 1,200 units in the month to 2,100 units) we'd get a savings of $500. Every little bit helps!!
- The drugs will be delivered to my office on Friday - so look for the obligatory photo of my fertility drug paraphernalia this weekend.
- The idea of actually having the shots and stuff in my hot little hands is almost surreal at this point. I guess since we've been waiting for our "next cycle" since May... it just seems odd that it's finally getting to that point.
- Anyone that knows me really well - knows that my all time favorite restaurant is Benihana's... and last night - we recreated portions of that meal at home. John made the most amazing Benihana Shrimp, with zucchini and onions... and of course we had some rice. It wasn't their chicken fried rice, but just steamed rice - but ya'll... it was WONDERFUL!
- John had a follow up with his doctor today - and is still going strong on the weight loss. Look for an updated ticker soon... I believe he said his new number is 109 pounds lost... AMAZING!
- As we speak, workmen are at my house (under the strictest of supervision) cutting wholes in my ceiling... when we built the house, we had them prewire all the surround sound and stuff for us. Unfortunately - they didn't put the connections for the back speakers in right place... so we're making them move them. They are also doing the final warranty things on the house as our 2 year warranty is up over Labor Day.
- Last on the list, but first in my heart today - please be praying for my friend Summer. Today is the end of her 2 week waiting period for her IVF cycle, and I know that this last part of the wait has to be the most brutal. I just pray that God surrounds her today, and no matter what the outcome - she has peace. (Certainly, if that peace comes with a great amount of rejoicing - that would be fantastic too!)
Sunday, August 9, 2009
Medical Update
I am surprised that I got information on Friday about our fertility stuff... and it's Sunday evening before I make time to blog about it. That is SO unlike me!
Basically, my C reactive protein level was high, which leads them to believe that I have inflammation due to an infection in my body. So the course of treatment for that is another round of antibiotics - I'm taking the liquid form of a Z-pack for 5 days... as well as 14 days of Celebrex. The idea is that the two of these medications will help bring my fevers down and keep them from coming back.
Again, the concern was that a fever would cause a problem with an embryo implanting - so we want to get them down before that becomes an issue.
At the same time that I'm taking these medications, they have already called in the order for the Gonal-f shots (the straight FSH shot that makes the follicles grow) that I'll be taking for 6-8 days (up to 10) and the Ovadryl (sp?) that would cause the follicles to release. I have a message to call Freedom Pharmacy to schedule the delivery and make the payment.
They called on Friday, but I was in a meeting - so I didn't get a chance to talk to them. I haven't even tried to call them back this weekend, because I'd guess that they aren't open... but really - I don't need to be in a huge hurry. I'll give them a call tomorrow, but I can't start taking them until I am done with the Celebrex anyway.
The plan now is that I'll take the 14 days of Celebrex (started on Friday) so a week from Thursday - I'll be finishing them up. I can call them early that week and set up my cycle schedule... meaning they can calendar it all so that it doesn't cross over a weekend - heaven forbid they work on a weekend. Oh I kid. (Smile)
From there - they'll tell me the exact day to stop the birth control pill... and 4 days later I go in for my baseline ultrasound and teaching visit. During the teaching visit - I'll get my first shot.
We are very grateful and happy that there is finally a light at the end of the tunnel... it has been a long time coming. If you remember back - my Clomid cycle was in April... and we've been waiting on the "next cycle" to come ever since that time - but have had challenge after challenge. So it's nice to see that we are making progress.
Certainly it is all in God's perfect timing and we are trying to remember that - but it sure will be nice to reach the day when we can share some joyous news with you all about our own special miracle.
Basically, my C reactive protein level was high, which leads them to believe that I have inflammation due to an infection in my body. So the course of treatment for that is another round of antibiotics - I'm taking the liquid form of a Z-pack for 5 days... as well as 14 days of Celebrex. The idea is that the two of these medications will help bring my fevers down and keep them from coming back.
Again, the concern was that a fever would cause a problem with an embryo implanting - so we want to get them down before that becomes an issue.
At the same time that I'm taking these medications, they have already called in the order for the Gonal-f shots (the straight FSH shot that makes the follicles grow) that I'll be taking for 6-8 days (up to 10) and the Ovadryl (sp?) that would cause the follicles to release. I have a message to call Freedom Pharmacy to schedule the delivery and make the payment.
They called on Friday, but I was in a meeting - so I didn't get a chance to talk to them. I haven't even tried to call them back this weekend, because I'd guess that they aren't open... but really - I don't need to be in a huge hurry. I'll give them a call tomorrow, but I can't start taking them until I am done with the Celebrex anyway.
The plan now is that I'll take the 14 days of Celebrex (started on Friday) so a week from Thursday - I'll be finishing them up. I can call them early that week and set up my cycle schedule... meaning they can calendar it all so that it doesn't cross over a weekend - heaven forbid they work on a weekend. Oh I kid. (Smile)
From there - they'll tell me the exact day to stop the birth control pill... and 4 days later I go in for my baseline ultrasound and teaching visit. During the teaching visit - I'll get my first shot.
We are very grateful and happy that there is finally a light at the end of the tunnel... it has been a long time coming. If you remember back - my Clomid cycle was in April... and we've been waiting on the "next cycle" to come ever since that time - but have had challenge after challenge. So it's nice to see that we are making progress.
Certainly it is all in God's perfect timing and we are trying to remember that - but it sure will be nice to reach the day when we can share some joyous news with you all about our own special miracle.
Sunday Crafts
Sundays are shorter on time since we're at church from about 8:15 in the morning until around 1:00 in the afternoon... or at least that's the time we walk back in the house. So after lunch and getting a few things done around the house - I spent the better part of the afternoon working on more designs.
I also fixed a necklace for my boss as well - but that didn't take much time at all. I made 5 more designs, but need to get some more supplies next weekend... I've now run out of the findings that I need to make earrings - and also the clasps that I use to make bracelets. I like to use the toggle clasps on bracelets so that they are slightly easier to put on by yourself when needed.
Once again, when I get these loaded onto Etsy - there will be several shots of each design and detailed photos of each individual piece within a set.
This is made with ice blue cubes and round beads... I think I'm going to put it on a black background and retake the photos.
Large Turquoise nuggets surrounded by Coral chips - I am really into the natural stones right now... and also the combination of the red coral with the turquoise.
Sodalite (a natural stone that is primarily blue with white accents) and silver
Tiger Eye, Black and Silver beads make up this design that is set with a lovely animal print pendant. The earrings also have the same Tiger Eye with black, and animal print charms.
Garnet triangular beads set with round sterling silver beads. This is a double strand necklace fastened with a sterling silver clasp.
I also fixed a necklace for my boss as well - but that didn't take much time at all. I made 5 more designs, but need to get some more supplies next weekend... I've now run out of the findings that I need to make earrings - and also the clasps that I use to make bracelets. I like to use the toggle clasps on bracelets so that they are slightly easier to put on by yourself when needed.
Once again, when I get these loaded onto Etsy - there will be several shots of each design and detailed photos of each individual piece within a set.
This is made with ice blue cubes and round beads... I think I'm going to put it on a black background and retake the photos. 
Large Turquoise nuggets surrounded by Coral chips - I am really into the natural stones right now... and also the combination of the red coral with the turquoise.
Sodalite (a natural stone that is primarily blue with white accents) and silver
Tiger Eye, Black and Silver beads make up this design that is set with a lovely animal print pendant. The earrings also have the same Tiger Eye with black, and animal print charms.
Garnet triangular beads set with round sterling silver beads. This is a double strand necklace fastened with a sterling silver clasp.That completes all my design work for this weekend - it's been a lot of fun getting back into an old hobby... it was slow at first, but the designs seem to be coming a little easier now... I've basically been doing my best to make what I can with the supplies that I had left over from when I had the business going... so I really haven't bought much other than a few findings, and a couple of accents. I'll see what I come up with for the remainder of the month until the craft show.
I made my friend Summer a little trinket to help her through her 2 week wait for her IVF cycle, but forgot to take pictures of the items myself... but Summer of course being the wonderful person she is - took some pictures for me and put them up on her own blog... so pop over and check out what I made for her here.
I'm debating on adding these items to Etsy before the show... any one out there have an opinion on that?
Saturday, August 8, 2009
Crafty Saturday
Now that I've committed to sharing the booth at the craft fair in September - I'm on a mission... my breakfast room is a jewelry studio.... and today I found the inspiration to get going. So I thought I'd share some photos of what I got made today.
Looking at pictures - it seems like for the amount of time involved - I should have lots more to show you... but here are 10 photos... when I get the items listed on Etsy - there will be more close up and detailed photos.
Green earrings
This is called a Salvation Bracelet, and each crystal's color symbolizes a portion of our walk in faith.
This is a black and silver necklace and bracelet set.
White, Pink and Black necklace and bracelet set - the large stones are swirled with white and pink.
Turquoise and Coral necklace, bracelet and earring set.
Brown earrings
Pink earrings
Silver earrings
Lime green necklace, bracelet and earring set.
Turquoise and Tiger Eye necklace, bracelet and earring set.
Looking at pictures - it seems like for the amount of time involved - I should have lots more to show you... but here are 10 photos... when I get the items listed on Etsy - there will be more close up and detailed photos.
Green earrings
This is called a Salvation Bracelet, and each crystal's color symbolizes a portion of our walk in faith.
This is a black and silver necklace and bracelet set.
White, Pink and Black necklace and bracelet set - the large stones are swirled with white and pink.
Turquoise and Coral necklace, bracelet and earring set.
Brown earrings
Pink earrings
Silver earrings
Lime green necklace, bracelet and earring set.
Turquoise and Tiger Eye necklace, bracelet and earring set.That is pretty much my entire day... with the exception of a trip to Wal*Mart, Hobby Lobby, and a 2 hour nap.
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