Loss & Legacy

In 2007, I began a journey that introduced me to two people (many others too, but for this story -- these two are the important players) - Laurie & Jil. These two wonderful women have been my friends ever since, and have lived through some great highs and some lows with me.

 (Laurie, Kim, and Jil - 2010)

I think about the things that have happened in my life since I met them -- I lost 100 pounds (some is back, but I've got a plan for that), Infertility struggles, 2 babies in 6 months, Moving to TN, Moving back to TX, and some great personal & professional successes. Last week, we were joking about all the things we were going to do once I got home to Texas again, but then life changed. Laurie got sick at the end of last week unexpectedly, and she passed away yesterday morning. The picture below is Laurie looking radiant with her boyfriend, John. The photo was used as part of a page that was set up to keep everyone in the loop on how she was doing -- but now, please Pray for Laurie's family & friends as we say good bye this week.

 

Laurie was one of the most encouraging and genuine people I've ever known. She loved selling Scentsy, which made us closer because I was on her team. When she passed, she had about 100 people in her group and she made time for each and every one of them. She loved each of us, and believed we could achieve anything in this business. She was a shy person, just like me... but she made it work. She went on all sorts of incentive trips, convention trips, and leadership trips with her business - she REALLY made it work.

I was able to attend the Scentsy Family Reunion with her this summer in Indianapolis, and I will treasure that time forever. We had 5 ladies sharing a room as well as friends everywhere we turned - it was truly an amazing experience. Here is a picture of Laurie and I just before we got to enjoy a Kelly Clarkson concert to open up the event.

It's very sad that I've lost a friend, but also that she won't be able to continue doing the things she loved so much. So a group of ladies that went to convention together this year have made it our mission to carry on Laurie's legacy. We all want to promote and walk the stage next year as Directors (Laurie's rank at the time she passed away) carrying a banner or wearing t-shirts honoring her.

I would be grateful for any help with I can get on this mission... there are 3 ways to help, 3 product lines to choose from, and you will have my gratitude forever for helping in any way. It'll be tough to meet this goal, but I have faith that it's the right thing.

Laurie helped everyone that she worked with without ever thinking twice about it or ever giving a single thought to if it would benefit her. She was a light in a sometimes dark world, and I want to be that for everyone I encounter as well. I want to touch lives, and help people... Scentsy gives me a vehicle for that.

Each party that is hosted, each sale made, and each person that signs up to be on my team will help to reach this goal of honoring Laurie's memory. Scentsy family has 3 brands to choose from: Scentsy, Velata, and Grace Adele.

Scentsy is a line of great fragrance products for the home, body, and laundry... wickless candle warming systems safe to use around kids and pets... bath & body products in some of the same familiar scents... and now you can even add the scents to your laundry!

Velata is a line of fabulous family friendly mealtime products...we started with chocolate fondue warmers... recently added cheese and chocolate flavorings... and now have an entirely new table top grilling product line coming out next week! Our mission is to bring families together at meal time -- to provide families with time to put their phones and electronics away and enjoy time together over a meal.

Grace Adele is a line of accessories that can be customized for every person's style... there are handbags, clutches, and wallets that you can put together to create the perfect look for you - in 8 of the hottest colors for the season, you can mix and match them. Additionally, there is jewelry to go along with these systems to create a complete look that is all your own.

How would YOU like to help make this mission a reality? How will YOU help us honor Laurie's legacy? Contact me today!

Body Image

I've been kicking this post around in my head for a few weeks. I've been unsure if I even want to go here or just keep to myself and bury it down as deep as possible. Depending on when you jumped on board reading my tiny piece of the internet - you may or may not know where this blog started.

It started in 2007, with a journal through my experience and recovery from weight loss surgery. Within one year from my surgery - I lost 95 pounds. Not what I wanted in terms of my goals, but still a good loss. The best news was that my diabetes and blood pressure issues were reversed.

Fast forward through fertility treatments, adoption, and pregnancy... and I feel like I'm back where I started. I know in reality that I'm not, but I'm headed in a direction that I don't like. My blood sugars are back on the rise, and while my weight isn't going up - it isn't going down either.

One of the things they warn you about when you have weight loss surgery is something called Body Dismorphia which is a condition that has many forms, but when you lose 100 pounds in a year - what you see in reality is very different from what you see in your head. While I was much thinner, I saw myself the same. In the mirror, I still saw the same person. I still see her today. I am still very much of the shy wall flower that I was back then in public settings - I'm the poster child for weight issues causing social anxiety. I do not put myself out there because I'm scared of what people think of me. It's sad, but very true.

I know that I've gained back some of the weight that I lost. I'm not happy with where I am, but more importantly I want to feel good enough to keep up with my kids. Bottom line, today - I also want to be healthy enough to conceive and carry our third child. There is a bit of work to be done before that's possible, thanks to some very bad medical advice - but I've seen an endocrinologist to get my blood chemistry where it needs to be... and one of the medications (a once a week shot) that I'm on has been known to help with weight loss.

I can tell you why... every time I've eaten since I took my first shot, I get nauseated and have stomach cramps. Which as you can imagine... causes me to not eat very much. I need to get myself to a place where I can work out on a regular basis as well... I just don't know where to fit that in. My best guess is to walk on the treadmill in the morning during the time between John leaves for work in the morning and the time the boys wake up. Hopefully I can walk and get in a shower during that time.

I know that the walking can only help with my blood chemistry, energy levels, stress levels, and overall health. Now I just need to put the plan into action. (Read, help me!!) I also need to learn to see myself for the good things that are there and not the short comings that I perceive to be there. No one is ever a complete project, and I certainly am a work in progress - I just want to do what is best for me. I want to do what is best for my family in the long run so that I can be the best Mommy and Wife that I can be for many years to come.

Body Image

Why is it that when I look in the mirror... all I see are flaws and nothing pretty? Is it me? Is it the unrealistic ideals that America puts on all of us?

I hate that I can't just be happy with who I am... and that I feel like I'm in some sort of horrible overwhelming plan to fix it. I mean - with so many things - I can break a goal up into smaller parts, but make it be something about health, weight, or exercise... and I'm a goner.

I've tried everything to start it up, but nothing seems to catch. I have to go big or it stops... like if I start working out - I have to do it everyday without a break or I lose momentum. Truly. If I take a rest day - I will somehow lose a week or month... or even more.

Am I alone on this?

Same thing with food. I was really successful on Atkins - once I got through the incredibly sick feelings of the first couple of days detoxing from carbs... but if I moved out of the initial (NO CARB) phase... it was a quick slide back into the world of carb-loading. I could last for a few months on that initial phase - like lose 40 pounds or so... then I'd fall off the wagon in a BIG way.

What is the answer?

I wish I knew. I wish that we could all just embrace what makes us different. Isn't that what makes us beautiful afterall?! I get the unhealthy - and the obesity epidemic... but why can't people just stop judging others based on things they know nothing about?

I for instance - don't really eat that poorly - I make bad decisions once in a while, but overall - it's not the "what" as much as the "when" - because of having two vultures (aka toddlers) that I live with. Meaning that I can't eat when they are awake or it becomes a huge screaming fest of not being able to get *my* food in their mouths.

So that means that breakfast/lunch comes at naptime - or around 11 - and then I don't really eat again until they are in bed for the night... at 8. Unhealthy, more than likely... but it's not because I sit around eating chips and bon bons all day.

I just hate that perception. I once went on a blind date with a guy that later (after the date) told me that he was repulsed by me... because all he could think about was me sitting at a buffet all day. Seriously?! Who says that to someone? Especially when it is so FAR from the truth. I guarantee Tyler can eat more in a meal at his 18 months than I can in a meal. It's sad really that he is thin as a rail, and I'm a fluffy marshmallow!

I'm starting to ramble a bit, but I just get tired of the constant battle that we put ourselves through with all of this both internally and against each other. I'd love to wake up one day and just feel comfortable in my own skin - while not being made to feel bad about that by other ladies out in the world. Anyone with me?

No Answers

I got fed up with these crazy symptoms that I have been having lately - and decided that I was going to get in to see my doctor today. John went with me... and we told him all about my crazy fatigue, nausea, temperature issues, muscle aches, and the like... to which he really had no answers for me. Weird thing about the nausea is that it is totally different than most other types of nausea... meaning that the only thing that makes it even remotely go away is food.

I was shocked that he tested nothing... no blood work... nothing! That is so unlike him... and I've gotten a battery of tests run for FAR less symptoms.

He said that it could be dehydration, a virus, a bad batch of thyroid medicine, or none of the above... basically he said:

* Take naps when needed - gee - thanks!

* Drink a ton of water - because I'm not drinking or using the restroom enough

* Change to brand name only thyroid medicine - done

* Change my vitamin to the Bariatric Advantage High ADEK formula... which I also got their Acidophilus pills as well... since I've been having some digestive problems... couldn't hurt. I've been eating those Activia formula yogurts and cheeses... with no real results - so we'll see if this helps.

* Call him back if I don't feel better within 10 days... UGH! TEN DAYS?! I can't survive like this for 10 more days...

* Good news was that my blood sugar levels haven't changed since the last time he took them - which means that my shots are hanging in there pretty well - and if I could get myself off of all this sugar - they'd probably be even better.

The only other thing I think I'm going to try for right now is to find a over the counter iron supplement - because there is ZERO iron in these new vitamins... any suggestions are welcomed...

Oh, and I'm going to go ahead and suck it up and take a pregnancy test - just to clear up any possibility that it might be the cause of my symptoms... but when I told the doctor about it - he didn't seem to think that was the root of these problems... even though EVERY one of them is a symptom.... but I know he's probably right. ** Updated to add - took two tests this morning - one had an error... and no dice. I needed a miracle, but it isn't to be this time around... which only serves to convince me more than something is wrong... ugh!

I won't be around all day today... I'll be at my all day photo shoot for work... so once we get home - I'll probably crash & burn very early... thank goodness for John's birthday present (the new NCAA Football 2010 video game) keeping him entertained tomorrow night...

He's been great tonight too though - as we all would expect - I've been planted on the couch and he won't let me get off. I had to sneak in to get the sheets out of the dryer and got in a little trouble for that. He takes such GOOD care of me!!

Hot'n Healthy Oatmeal Squares

So, what happens when Kim is left waiting too long for a prescription to be ready on Tuesday? She spends her time wandering the aisles of Walgreen's in search of things that she just can't live without!

I'd heard about these Pure Protein Hot'n Healthy Oatmeal Squares on several other blogs that I read from time to time... and they happened to be on sale - and I hadn't eaten all day because of my blood work... so I was hungry... and all planets aligned - so I bought the chocolate chip and cinnamon roll versions.

Yesterday, I finally ate the chocolate chip version - I left the cinnamon roll version for John to try... because I'm nice like that. And can I just say that these are REALLY good?! I ate it cold instead of warming it up, but I can see how that would only stand to make it better.

I didn't even feel like I was eating a protein supplement - it was sweet enough to suffice as a dessert even... and I'd totally buy another! If you haven't tried them - I think you should. They are a great alternative to getting some protein while you are on the go... or while you are feeling the need for something warm and yummy.

Don't forget to sign up for the necklace giveaway contest here... contest closes on Saturday - so don't miss out.

Vitamin Levels

Any of you weight loss surgery ladies know what this post is about... the dreaded vitamin testing... aka the times of the year that they suck out 20+ vials of blood to see if you're taking your supplements properly.

In all honesty, between the fertility treatments and vitamin testing - they could just put in a central line or something and continuously suck out blood daily... at least that way I wouldn't have the joy of them digging around in my arms trying to find a vein.

The interesting thing that happened last time though was that when the tech saw the tests I was having done... he was all "Soooo, weight loss surgery or pregnant?" Nice... looks like I'm in this pattern for the long haul... either way. I guess at least one does help the other.

Wow... I went WAY off topic there...

In looking through my levels - everything is basically normal... to low normal... with the exception of my vitamin K level. It is a little low... but seriously other than that I'm looking GOOD!

So my regimen of 3 Flintstones Complete (don't judge - that's what they tell me to take!), sublingual B-12, sublingual D, vitamin C (which they can't test for), and calcium... is all keeping me right where I need to be... (For those that might not be familiar - sublingual=under the tongue)

Dr. Weinstein did send me a note that I could get a Vitamin K supplement from Bariatric Advantage -but thus far I haven't used any of their products... and I'm a creature of last minute vitamin shopping - so I'll have to check our HEB this weekend and see what I can find there.

I did a quick Google search on vitamin K - and would you believe that a good source of that very vitamin comes in the form of spinach? Coincidence that it quickly became my vegetable of choice? I doubt it... because your body is such a fine tuned machine... it will crave the things that it's missing! Last time I was dehydrated - I was gravitating toward salt in a BIG way...

Which makes me wonder - what vitamin do you get from Coldstone Creamery - Sweet Cream Ice Cream?! Because seriously if my body/car could conspire against me... I'd be eating it daily! So far I've only actually gotten there once - but I have had a couple of vanilla cones from Sonic lately too... Geez - pregnancy and clomid are going to cause me to gain serious weight... I'm going to need an intervention!

Nah - I just have to make some better choices, and hope that my body will gravitate toward the vitamins that it needs during pregnancy... then if the occasional irrational Coldstone craving hits... it'll be okay in moderation.

I'm still waiting on the hormone test results from Dr. McWilliams' office... so as soon as I have any news there - I'll be back to share!

A Note

To the lovely lady that left me the comment telling me how I'm jealous of thin women and only wish I could be one... I only have this to say...

You know what?

I might be fat, but I can lose the weight. In fact, I've lost 94 pounds in a little over a year. You on the other hand are a very mean and unkind person, and the only way you'll ever overcome that is through learning about and accepting Jesus Christ. I will pray for you.

Just Because

So, just because they make certain clothing in your size - doesn't mean you should buy it... or wear it.

It's funny because I think when something comes into fashion sometimes - we forget the words "Age Appropriate" before buying it.

The new trend on leggings is freaking me out - I don't think you should wear things like that if say - you're older than Taylor Swift! It just doesn't look right on a middle aged woman - at any size, shape or form.

I certainly wouldn't buy them at my age or weight... somethings just aren't good - and it's up to America to decide what those standards should be... not some model in Hollywood or Paris. What do they know? Someone is paying them LOTS of money to put that stuff on and parade around in it.

Have you also noticed that the models are made up in fashion shows at lot of the time to look like they're half dead? or just rolled out of bed? What's wrong with making them look alive and happy - isn't that the image you want to portray of your clothing line?

I sometimes don't get it - I mean most other industries use sex to sell things - or well the idea of it anyway... buy their product because it leads to a better life... that's what they want you to believe... why isn't that the motto of the fashion industry?

Ok, rant over... this rant was brought to you by the grandmother wearing leggings and a weird sweater mini dress yesterday afternoon. Not. A. Good. Look.

Recipes Needed

Wonderful blog readers of the world... or well... of my world...

I need some serious help - I need new recipes. I have like 4 magazines of recipes to try at home, but I need some time to get that organized... and the grocery store trip for this week is happening before that will happen.

Here is what I'm looking for: (think high protein)

• Weight Loss Surgery Friendly Recipes
• Chicken or Beef Soups
• Crock-Pot/Slow Cooker Recipes
• Recipes that freeze well

I'm not a big fan of seafood - so try to avoid anything that has ever crawled in the water or has ever been a swimmer.

It can have carbohydrates - but I'll probably change the recipe a bit to make it a whole grain version.

If I use your recipe and like it - I'll put it over on the recipe blog, and give you full credit.

Come on folks... help me get more creative!!

Doctor Update

Yesterday afternoon I went to visit my favorite friendly PCP to get a check up on some things. I took some of my blood work results from my infertility specialist for his review on my blood sugar levels, and we made some adjustments.

I've been taking Byetta injections since last November, which have pushed my blood sugar levels into a fairly good range, but I was on the lower dosage - and with my wanting to get pregnant - being a little more aggressive will only serve to get my levels into an even better range.

This is what the injection pen looks like - I was using the orange - now it will be the yellow.

This is what the pen looks like when it is ready to inject. You basically dial up the end to the dosage - which you can't mess up - there is only one dosage on there... then you push the white end until it clicks... and you're all done.

We talked a bit about my frustration with the lack of weight loss after making some healthy changes - of course carbs have made their way back in... but I'm working on it! The changes in workouts alone should have gotten me somewhere - I'm not expecting big numbers here... just a pound a week or every two weeks would make me happy at this point.

He of course looked at me with a smile and said - look at how far you've come... and I know that - I truly do, but my concern is that this is it... and if it is - then I need to own it and get comfortable with my body in a maintenance phase... and not look to the scale for movement. John doesn't think that is the case - and the doctor didn't really give me that closer - he just said that sometimes it takes a while for our bodies to show the adjustment in our routine.... still not happy with that answer.

I'm wondering if I should join Weight Watchers or something with more of a plan than just tracking my food intake - I don't know...

We did adjust my thyroid medicine up from 75mg to 100mg - which Dr. Weinstein seems to act like it will make a difference in my weight loss and energy level, but it hasn't really done that in the past as we've adjusted it up... so I don't hold much stock in that.

The whole thing is so dang frustrating - and really is just a crap shoot - I mean no one really knows what's going on in there... and he doesn't live with me to see that I'm actually doing the things that I say I am - instead of just complaining and moaning... I honestly am trying - it's just not coming off... which makes me want to beat my head against the wall...

We also talked about some digestive issues that I've been having - and he thinks that I need to take some additional fiber supplements or use suppositories (ewww!). Up until this point he's been having me take Milk of Magnesia - which is vial and disgusting - so I was looking for something that maybe I wouldn't have to ingest. I honestly don't do well with drinking things... so I will probably be looking into fiber bars or other options instead of trying to drink it.

Finally - came the blood work drama. Seriously - I've mentioned my lack of enthusiasm for this part of my life before, but yesterday took the cake! With my insurance - I typically have to use Quest Diagnostic labs for my blood work, but Dr. W is extremely unhappy with their ability to get him accurate results on vitamin profile tests. So he wanted me to use a different lab (LabCorp)... no problem, right?

Well, the problem came in when I realized that the lab slip I had for my fertility stuff was from Quest... I tried to call the doctor's office to get it switched, but couldn't find anyone - so I had to go to TWO different labs to get blood drawn...

The first one was for my vitamin tests - so we can see how things are going there... and see if there is a deficiency that is causing my memory and focus issues. (Vitamins K, B6, and Folate could be causing these problems) That process is interesting because they have to keep the blood away from the light and freeze it before they can test it. It takes about 10 days to get the results from those tests too. So when he gets them - I'll find out what I need to do next. The crazy part was that the lady couldn't find my vein - she said it was there and that it was big, but about 5 minutes of digging around in my arm for it was about all I could take... GEEZ! Then when she did find it - it was pinching me... so I got the pleasure of filling up 8 vials of blood while the thing was pinching my arm. I don't know why I always seem to get the ones that have problems...

The next lab was really quick and easy - no problems at all... they used the other arm, and off we went. I should know in a few days (maybe Friday or Monday) how that one turns out - so we'll get the next bit of news from the fertility doctor when he reads the results.

That pretty much concludes the updates from the doctor. The changes in my medications are going rough - but I'm hanging in there. The injection change causes severe nausea - which can last for a week or two... and they aren't kidding about that! Whew! The thyroid one - I can't tell yet - but something feels weird... it could just be from the injection... but I just generally don't feel great.

I'm sort of jittery, nauseated, tired... and trying to work through it. Overall - pretty good appointment, I guess. No real answers yet, but at least we'll hopefully have some in a week or so.

Weird Things

One thing that I've noticed over the last year or so since my surgery is that the weirdest things interest me...

I've never once been interested in gardening... but all of a sudden this weekend, I've been thinking that it would be fun to get my hands in the dirt - of course that might mean taking these crazy nails off, but still...

I've been dreaming up what I think would be pretty in front of our house - because the landscaping that came from the builder just doesn't excite me in the least. I'd love to rip it all out and start over... but we'll see what is allowed by the boss man... aka our family's CFO. (chief financial officer)

I've certainly got a picture in my head of what it would look like... naturally the picture is after several years of establishment of the plants... but well - you know how that goes! At least we're in the same boat as everyone else in our neighborhood - we all have little weak looking plants, but boy - I see serious potential in my mind!!

I see a big wall of pink flowers with a shorter wall of white... (or vice versa) setting off our lovely porch rails that John will have built... he's been talking about them for a while... with some really great black iron rocking chairs on our porch... it would be beautiful!

For those that haven't seen pictures - we have a really great front porch that spans the length of the front of our house - with three big brick pillars... I'll try to get some pictures of what it looks like...

In addition to dreaming about the front I've been dreaming about having a vegetable garden in the back - but not just any vegetable garden... I'd like to have a raised box garden - depending on which idea John likes - I've been setting my mind's eye around two possibilities.

One would be raised up on legs against one of the side fences... and the other would be boxes on the ground up against the back of the house... again - in my head - I'm seeing lots of veggies! It will be a new adventure because short of our annual tomato plant that we get and put in a pot - I've never done any of this...

And even at that said tomato plant typically has never produced a single tomato for us to eat - they've been small... and well - even with the lack of trees in our neighborhood - last year every time we'd get ready to pick a tomato... we'd come to realize that a bird would have stuck their beak into it already!

I don't have what you'd call a green thumb... in fact - it's quite the opposite... so I wonder how much John would be willing to invest in this... maybe I should just take up needlepoint or knitting and make us some vegetables that way?! HA!

3 Girls in Heels

Watch how this one turns out...

Picture it, Houston 2009... (HA!! Points for anyone that gets the reference) I'm sitting in my office trying not to sneeze anymore than necessary, and what should walk past me?

A big HUGE tray of sub sandwiches (slices of a larger ones), a bunch of chips and a plate of the biggest chocolate chip cookies you've ever seen... and my brain is on overload. I mean the devil was at work people because you've never heard my brain doing so much work trying to talk me into some sort of portion of those treats.

I even walked into the kitchen once to take a piece of sandwich because I'd worked it out in my head that if I didn't let myself have one bite then it was going to make me crazy and I'd end up binge eating one later... like next week or something because things fester in my head like that folks. I'm not proud of this, but it happens.

Luckily during that trip to the kitchen people were in there, and in my strange little brain... the 320 pound chick shouldn't be grabbing a sandwich from the tray... because people will judge her for eating. Granted, that was 93 pounds ago... and she doesn't exist anymore, but she's still in my head... and I guess in some ways that's a good dieting tool, right?

Just as I'd finally given myself permission to go back and get a piece, there was only one left when I went in there the first time - so there was a pretty good chance that it wouldn't be there... and then I would be freed from this crazy head game that I was experiencing....

But what happened next??

Two of the most wonderful coworkers came and told me to come with them... I didn't know where we were going or what we were doing, but I went. Anything had to be better than the mental battle that was waging inside my head!

We went down the stairs and out of the building, and walked for 30 minutes!

Oh yes, we did... in our work clothes, heels and everything else... funny thing was we were all wearing black too. It's probably pushing 90 degrees outside and the sun felt amazing... and even though it wasn't a strenuous workout - it was 30 minutes of walking that kept me out of the kitchen, and I figure any movement is good movement.

By the time we got back to the office - I didn't need the stupid sandwich because I felt so great having done something that was far better for me! We're planning on doing that at least 3 times a week starting on Monday... as they're both off tomorrow.

Burst My Bubble

Ok, so I'll admit - I bought into the line "muscle weighs more than fat" hook line and sinker - because I need to believe that there is some logical reason why I am doing all this work and not getting any results on the scale... but then the other Kim mentioned that she heard Jillian Michaels talk about this issue on her podcast... and ya'll - I did some research.

I feel so dumb... and well frustrated because what in the WORLD is wrong with my body? It makes me absolutely crazy - and my doctor doesn't seem to think there is a problem... can anyone spell frustrating?!

Houston, we have a problem... a big one... what's the deal?

On top of that - I'm hanging my hat on the fact that I sincerely pray that Donna, Laurie and Heather are right in that my lower carbohydrate intake is the reason why my workouts are killing me.... ya'll I tried to do level 7 tonight and even had to back it down some... I was really hurting! Not to mention sweating profusely... which is weird... I mean yes, I sweat with this program... but not THAT much.

Anyone have any pearls of wisdom on this one for me?

Food Plan

In the spirit of complete disclosure - I thought I'd share with those of you that are interested what I'm eating today... there are a few more carbs than I've had in the last several days, BUT it's much better than it was... so bare with me while I get this plan adjusted... I'll probably post several of these while I'm working through my plan.



6:15 AM - South Beach Living High Protein Cereal Bar - Peanut Butter (typically this would be an Atkins Protein Shake, but today I wasn't feeling it.)





9:15 AM - Breakstone's Live Active Cottage Cheese (2%) and Del Monte Peaches with Splenda

These Cottage Doubles are also a favorite of mine, but I think they might have more sugar - and the H-E-B we're shopping at doesn't carry them. So they aren't an option for a while.

11:15 AM - Special K Protein Water Mix (Pink Lemonade) I was feeling hungry - so I looked around to see what I had to hold over until lunch... and I had no hopes of this truly helping, but it really has! I've only had a few sips of it, and I'll save the rest for after lunch.

11:45 AM - Homemade Vegetable Beef Soup - ground beef, canned tomatoes, canned green beans, and canned corn. I leave out the potatoes because they don't freeze well, and it helps lower the carbs anyway. (this was the closest picture I could find on the internet)

1:45 PM - Homemade Chicken Stir fry - chicken breast, zucchini, onion, mushrooms, and mung bean sprouts. (this was the closest picture I could find on the internet)

3:45 PM - South Beach Living High Protein Cereal Bar - Peanut Butter

7:00 PM - A side salad and one of my Chicken Roll Ups

8:45 PM - If I feel like I need a little something sweet - I'll have some Sugar Free Strawberry Jello with a bit of Light Cool Whip on top.

That's it for today my friends... stay tuned for another pictorial food diary on another day.

Whoa

Tonight after my workout, I noticed something new about my body that I promptly had to share with John.

Are you ready for this?!

Wait for it...

Maybe I should tell you a long story before I get to the point...

Maybe not...

Okay, I'll get to the point...

I have BICEP MUSCLES!! Granted they are small, but they're cute! Oh yeah!! If they weren't hidden by the fact that I have HUGE bat wings underneath - it would be even better... but I'm working on my triceps too. I just don't have much hope that I can completely erase the extra skin under there... plastic surgery might be the only answer there.

But at any rate - we had to go through the process of me flexing and John feeling the muscle... too funny.

5 Day Pouch Test Review

I thought that more than anything on this 5 day plan - those of you that have commented on the possibility of wanting to venture out on a journey like this - I owed at least a bulleted list (look Meg - bullets!) on the pros and cons.

Pros:

• It certainly is one way to force yourself back into focus about what eating for life really needs to be.
  
• It gives you a short timeline to follow in order to rid yourself from carbohydrates... which are truly the food industry's way of silently killing us, right? Anyone else notice the correlation between obesity rates rising and the rise of processed flour and sugar products in our culture?!
  
• It reminds you that your pouch is smaller than you think...
  
• It helps you stop the snacking that creeps back into your life over time...
  
• It has brought me back to a place where food is not my friend - it is simply a means to keep my body moving, and I truly am sick of eating at this point.
  
• It certainly feels like my tummy has shrunk in terms of the amount it can take in one sitting.
  
• More than the intake shrinking - it feels like the food stick with me longer - meaning that when the next meal time is upon me - I really don't want anything else. (Remember those days C&P girls?)
  
• It came at a time when John is just learning or relearning the rules of weight loss surgery - so it gives me a chance to start over.
  
• I'm focusing on only eating protein and getting my carbs from veggies and fruit...
  
• If I eat any other carbs will be from whole grain sources and no more than one meal a day can contain said carbs.
  
• I am focused on eating my protein first before anything else in the meal - if I have extra room, I'll eat a little something else on the plate.

Cons:

• It brings back all the horrible memories of the super restrictions right after weight loss surgery. Without the added benefits of just feeling like you didn't want to hear the word food because your insides were swollen.
  
• For me, it hasn't been the kick start to the weight loss that I thought it would be.
  
• For me, it is a bit too restrictive if you don't plan... meaning that I got bored with everything being the same texture.
  
• The carbohydrate withdrawls were a little intense... but not as bad as before my WLS when I tried Atkins for the first, second and third time.
  
• People at the office look at you funny for eating lunch time meals in the morning hours... (for instance my chicken that I ate at 9AM!)
  
• I haven't felt the greatest while on the plan, BUT with all the hormone issues and other things going on - it might vary well be other things causing those issues.

Overall, I'd recommend that anyone who wants to get back to the basics try this plan - it is certainly great at getting you there. Your experience might be vastly different than mine in the weight loss area as well. If you are interested, go here to read about the plan and get prepared to start your own.

Day 5 - 5DPT

Bleh... I'm ready for some variety back in my life... or at least varying textures in my meals! Nothing like a restrictive plan to make you crazy... and nothing like warming up chicken for your 9AM meal to make people in the office look at you like you're smoking crack.


It is extremely quiet around our office today - I guess a lot of people have taken off for Spring Break... but then there are a few of us suckers left here to carry the burden. I will try to take advantage and get my area cleaned up... because it's driving me crazy!


Yesterday brought more of the same in terms of mainly being an evening geared toward cooking, but on the bright side - all of that means that I don't have to cook a lick this week. Today I'm enjoying Sweet & Sour Pork Chops, Chicken Fajita Salads, and a Chicken Roll Up.


I wonder what next weekend will be like in terms of food preparation - especially since I will loose control of my entire day Saturday for John's Grandmother's 94th birthday party at his parent's house. Sadly, neither of us will be enjoying any of the food offerings (it's a fish fry) of the party... but since we're bringing the guest of honor to the event... we'll be there with bells on.

I'm still battling with the soreness in my shoulders, arms, and a bit in my head... so I'm not sure how the workout will go tonight, but if John goes out for his walk... I'll get myself up on the treadmill. If not, I might take one more siesta and try to get back at it tomorrow. On the bright side though, I'm not weepy today - is it possible that missing one dose of my progesterone cream could make me that emotional? Whew... sorry John - if it is true - you might be in for it!

The only irritating thing about this 5 day plan is that I've only lost a pound! I'm teetering on that even... I was solidly at having lost it, but this morning - I'd gained a few ounces. GEEZ! I can't catch a break... I thought for sure that I'd manage to lose a few more than that... and even really truly thought that it might get me to my 100 pounds lost since surgery mark... but no dice.

It's really frustrating... I won't lie. It is hard to workout, eat right, and manage to keep the motivation going when you feel like you should be losing some pounds... if I were trying to be in maintenance - I'd be alright with it, but that's not my focus right now. I'll keep plugging away and see what happens - thank goodness for another visit with the ever famous Dr. W next week. Believe me - he'll get an ear full of my normal crazy rantings about not losing enough weight. Surely at one of these visits he's got to see that I'm not crazy, right?

Day 4 - 5DPT

I woke up today feeling like a HUGE truck backed over me about 20 times. I hurt all over - my head, my arms, my shoulders... everything... I desperately wanted to stay in bed, but I got up anyway so that John wouldn't have to drive himself to church. I'll admit - I cried most of the way there out of frustration for feeling bad.

I ended up making it through all the way - both services... but when we made it home, I fell asleep for a good 4 hours.

After my nap we did some more cooking. Upon going to put away some of my food for tomorrow, I realized that I put tupperware in the cabinet last night WITH food in it! Unbelievable! I knew my mind was starting to go, but seriously... wow, this one takes the cake.

And what makes it even worse? When we got home from church we both thought the house smelled like something was still cooking from yesterday... or basically thought at the time that the aroma from my cooking last night had lingered - and it smelled good. Only to find that it probably was that food in the cabinet. Thank God, I did some more cooking today and found it... because can you imagine what it would have been like after a couple of days?!

My meals today consisted of: Salisbury Steak and Meatballs in Marinara - both recipes were really good, and I enjoyed them. I'm still a few meals behind today, but I feel full and happy with the eating that I've done.

I still think that this program was beneficial. If nothing else, I have been able to break the carbohydrate cycle that I was in, and am making some better choices of meals. That alone right now is a good step in the right direction.

Tomorrow marks the last day of the plan, and one more new recipe for this week.

In addition to my meals - John made himself some Potato Soup for him to eat this week.

Day 3 - 5DPT

I'm still kicking through this 5 day plan, and it is truly working!! I am extremely aware of my fullness and my pouch feels really tight... both are good things!

Today has been the soft-protein stage: which is basically cottage cheese, soft scrambled eggs, and a couple of recipes I swiped off the plan's website and customized.

I didn't eat any cottage cheese today - but I could have... I've just been so incredibly full that I've actually missed two meals today! That hasn't happened in a while - I've actually found myself snacking more and more... so this is a nice change.

My breakfast was tough on me - I had a soft scrambled egg, and for some reason - ever since my surgery... I can't tolerate eggs like that. If they are mixed in something... I can typically handle it alright, but if that's the meal... I'm sick for hours!

I started the day by making, Chicken Egg Salad and Feta Chicken Salad - which is what I've eaten all day today. The feta salad is a bit more rich than the other, but both were pretty good actually. I don't even like salads like those, but I was satisfied all day.

I did a treadmill workout - level 10!! I felt incredible working out today, that is except for the 5 minutes or so that the workout was pushing me to my limit... but other than that I felt better while working out than I can ever remember. (Imagine me doing little dance moves on the treadmill while walking - no there will NEVER be pictures)

After the workout, I made my meals for tomorrow... I will get them posted to the recipe blog after church and will tell you all about them - at least one of them is AMAZING! I took a little bite of one - but not the other... so they might both be amazing.

I'm off to bed now because I've got to be at church extra early tomorrow morning... I hope you're all having a great weekend. I really enjoyed being at home all day today without having to leave... sometimes those are my favorite days - even if I did work my tail off. Maybe that will afford me time for a nap tomorrow, but it's doubtful.

Day 2 - 5DPT

Whew, I'm so glad to be in Day 3...

The second day of full liquids wasn't too bad - other than the fact that I really wanted something savory to eat. I'd forgotten that part from the surgery recovery period... I was really tired of drinking chocolate/vanilla shakes - and just wanted something meaty.

If I do this again, I'll certainly plan better and make myself some creamy soup or something else on the recipe list just to give some variety. In some ways though, the lack of choice was refreshing... it sort of freed me from having to figure out what I might want with all the possibilities out there.

I've gotten in all my water for both days and while I was still having some headache symptoms... I felt fairly good.

I can honestly start to feel my pouch again - I notice that I feel full longer than I have been in recent months, and when it's time to eat another meal - I find myself not really wanting to eat it all. These are GREAT problems to have... and I'm hopeful that this only gets better and better over the next three days. That is just what I need - if it works as well as it seems to be right now... I might have to do this quarterly or at least twice a year just to remind myself of the tool that I was given to keep myself under control.

I didn't push the workout again though - instead John and I had date night... before you get too excited - for a man who just had major surgery a week ago, and his bride that can't have anything but liquids... this meant going to H-E-B for our weekly grocery shopping trip. (Sad, I know!)

We stocked up on everything we'll need for this week, and I'm trying out SEVERAL weight loss surgery friendly recipes... as I make them and try them over the next three days - I'll be posting them over on the recipe blog for all your enjoyment. They really are things that you can incorporate into your diet even if you're not a weight loss surgery patient - you'll just have bigger portions than I would. I've got two recipes for variations on chicken/egg salad that I'm making this morning for my Day 3 meals... and I'll let you know how that goes.

No significant weight loss yet - possibly a pound, but I'm holding out numbers until further into this because you just never know with me. My relationship with the scale is less than friendly - and sometimes it can really be a let down to think that you've lost only to find the next morning that you lost for about 12 hours only to be up 2 pounds the next day. We'll see - and believe me if there is a significant difference over the next three days - you'll know about it - as I'll be dancing, singing and shouting it from the rooftops... even Kim in Maryland will hear me!! :-)

I'm off to get cooking - I'll be back later to report on Day 3.