Well, I'm a bit late... but it's 2019!

I've learned a few things in the short time that it's been 2019, and I thought I'd start off a series of upcoming posts with that. What I've learned is that in years past - I've set goals and I've given resolutions of things like I'm going to lose 25 pounds... only to quickly fail. That gave way to me only setting resolutions of things like lose weight... with no set amount, because in my mind... even one pound gone in the year would be a success, right?

Well, none of it has been successful, and I found myself at the end of 2018 feeling pretty defeated. I thought that I was just destined to be heavy and on tons of diabetes meds for the rest of my life. Nothing could or would ever change for the better... Then I heard one of the most profound podcast episodes I've ever heard.

It was a couple of days in the new year and I was catching up on getting my Powersheets set up for the year, and determining what my goals would be and I heard something that I will never EVER forget... Two things actually: 1) There is nothing magical about January 1st. There is nothing special about January 1st other than the fact that for the next month or two you'll be writing the wrong year on everything... or maybe it's just me? 2) The reason that resolutions fail by and large is that there is no heart reason behind them. They are just shots in the dark at things that we feel like we need to improve.

That's when it clicked for me. Will I be perfect in this pursuit? Of course not, but what I can do is embrace the progress that is being made and know that things are better than not trying at all. How does that look different in real life?

It looks like choosing goals that are tied to reasons, real tangible reasons... for instance - with my weight loss goal - why do I want to do it in the first place? There are a few reasons there actually:

• to feel better and not have creaky joints
• to get off of all of my medications
• to have more energy for my family
• to be ALIVE longer for my family

Let's be real honest here - since few people read this anyway -- there is safety in putting it out there, but I was on a path to certain earlier death until I changed things. Granted I have only changed things in the last two weeks... but I'm headed in a better direction than the alternative. With my weight and my diabetes working together - it was almost a guaranteed certainty that I wouldn't make it until a natural old age. How can I look into the eyes of my family and not know to the depths of my soul that I need to do better for THEM? Take me out of the picture... but how can I not get control over this issue so that I can be there for many more years to come? 

I know that there will be struggles, but one thing I also know is that I love these people in my life fiercely -- both those that live within my home and those family and friends that I interact with on a regular basis... I happen to be someone that loves BIG often at the detriment of my own health because I also tend to be a people pleaser. Maybe of my goals, this year are all wrapped in on this topic. 

I'm one of those people that comes up with a word for the year, and each of my 7 goals for 2019 is tied to this word. My word for this year is Intentional. (I'd love to have a ring with that word stamped on it or even a bracelet -- I'll have to look for one)

Here are my 7 goals... 

1. Spend intentional time with God either through devotionals or Write the Word Journals
2. Intentional time with people that matter - John, the boys, friends, family
3. Intentionally improve health through diet, increased water, intermittent fasting, and exercise
4. Focus intentionally on our budget and debt snowball
5. Be intentional with my daily reading for enjoyment both nonfiction and fiction
6. Intentionally create a second book for publishing
7. Intentionally spend time on homemaking through decluttering and cleaning routines

Will these all happen perfectly - probably not, and some of them will take a backseat at times for the others -- but what I do know is that 2 weeks in -- I'm feeling better than I ever have and I'm showing no signs of stopping. Something has snapped in me this year and I feel so much more grounded in knowing that there will be bad days and there will be good days -- but showing up for myself will never EVER be a disappointment to those that matter. 

What Are We Doing?

I'm going to start by saying that I realize that people won't agree with me and, that's okay. Just please be respectful of all points of view.

Here I sit on the 17th anniversary of September 11th, and I wonder often... how did we get here? In so many ways we've gone backward on the unity of that time. I remember the incredible resilience and pride that you could visibly see for days, weeks, and months after that horrible day. So how is it that we got to this place in 2018?

What place, you might ask? The place where we are so divided on EVERYTHING. Is it the social media factor? I don't know... is it the keyboard warrior mentality? Maybe. Is it the complete lack of even attempting to see things from the other side? More on point.

I remember the days when we could freely be different - and that was okay. I mean, some of my dearest friends spend a lot of their time doing things that I don't agree with politically, but I respect their right to do that. We're even so aware of it that it's a joke now... she will call me out and say... I know you won't agree with this, Kim, but... You know what? It doesn't hurt me.

For me, I'm a firm believer in the "You Do You" way of life. If you want to do something, go all in. Many of my friends look completely different from me, and I think that is really cool... at least until my 8-year-olds ask them what a tattoo is... they were just curious why my friend drew on herself every day. HAHA Oh, kids. But, I digress.

More to the point - there are two things that I'm seeing lately and they just blow my mind.

One -- this whole Nike thing. Look, I stand for the anthem and for the flag. Last I checked, it's legal to burn that same flag... the fundamental difference for me is that you're not allowed to burn said flag at work... but that isn't the point either for this argument. Nike chose their spokesperson, and you don't agree with them. No problem. Burning shoes and clothing is a bit too far though. Donate them! There are plenty of people in your own backyard in need of those items and, they don't care what logo is on the item. If you want to boycott, fine... if you don't, fine. See, You Do You. It's okay to choose another brand to spend your dollars on, but it's also okay to continue wearing the items you already purchased. It's a commercial, and honestly... when was the last time you watched a commercial? I spend all of my time DVRing things or streaming them so that I DON'T have to watch them anymore.

Now for point 2 -- I've seen several articles, and I even believe there is a whole Facebook group devoted to this cause... but there is an uprising over the book Girl, Wash Your Face... such an uprise that when I posted about hosting a book club on the book - I got a message from a friend who I love and respect asking me to reconsider hosting or reading the book.

Her concern was that Rachel's theology wasn't sound, and she didn't want me to be swayed. Here is where I'm at with this. I love and respect this friend, but on this point and others, we don't agree. This can happen between people sitting next to you at church too. Fundamentally, those within the walls of your church will agree on salvation and that it comes from Jesus dying on the cross for our sins. From there, most of the rest is up to your interpretation... and how you read the Bible scriptures that day. Haven't you noticed that you can read a verse and it means one thing to you today... and if you read it again a couple years later - you might take something completely different way from the words.

This book is written by a woman that believes in Jesus. That's where her need for sound theology stops for this book because that isn't what the book is about. She is an imperfect Christian writing a book about things that she has believed in her life. I'm a Christian woman who has faced some of those same things in my life. So it resonates with me. It won't with everyone, I've seen some posts from people that just don't see what the hype is for... and that's okay too. It's not going to be for everyone, but that doesn't make her wrong.

I think the danger here comes when we put these expectations on Christians that everything they write, say, or do has to be theologically sound. We are sinners. We are broken people. There is only ONE perfect person, no one else will ever measure up to Him. Christians can write books that are not spiritually based... or at least I hope so.

I'm currently writing a book, and I would hope that people aren't looking for me to teach them anything beyond my words. My book is about our journey to parenthood, and it's about finding hope in God to endure the journey. I'm not trying to teach anyone how to apply it in their own lives, but sharing our story of hope and redemption for them to apply however they see fit. Not every book written by a Christian is meant to teach theology... there are plenty of them that are meant for that... Rachel's is not.

I pray for a day when life isn't this US or THEM mentality that we've got going right now because it's only serving to break us farther apart. If you don't agree with my points on these issues, that's perfectly okay because you haven't lived in my shoes... you've lived in yours, and you've got different filters. The fundamental difference is how you approach this information - do you attack first, or do you attempt to see it the way that I do - then disagree respectfully. That respectful disagreement and mutual respect is able to live and breathe again.

Seasons of Change

I'm not sure when or how it happened, but suddenly I'm at a place where I just am feeling so deeply grateful for the paths I've crossed in the last year.

If I look back about a year ago... not quite, but July 2016... things were looking very dark and I had a lot of turmoil in my life. There was a friendship that wasn't working, a community that wasn't working, and just general unhappiness. One morning, I woke up and it just wasn't my chosen path anymore.

I took a step out in faith and I walked away - as I've said before - when your heart attitude mirrors something that you don't like, it's time to walk away. I've done this a few times in my life, and I think that it's the place where I am able to uncover exactly where I need to be. Things along this new path may not always be easy, there will surely be rocks and obstacles... but it will be worth it.

This doesn't always look like a huge fight, but sometimes it is a drifting apart that just gets to a point that it needs a clean break... so at the end of July 2016, I made that clean break. It was time, and while it's hard and painful... it was truly time. I walked away. I don't harbor any bad feelings about any of it, but for me - it was freeing to be able to move in the direction that works best for my little world.

To shift my focus on things that matter to me -- and things that would matter to me when I'm at the end of my life. Who would be around me, what things would look like... and where I would be the most at peace in all things.

Ironically, it was at the same time that I started hearing about someone that has quickly become one of my favorite inspirational figures -- Lara Casey -- the first time I encountered her Facebook Page, she was completely open, raw, and vulnerable about having to start completely over on writing her new book. I was instantly drawn to her realness and her spiritualness even in the time of a huge struggle... and I just knew -- THIS is the type of person that would inspire me toward that place I am heading. She is a kindred spirit for me too because she also has two littles that are 6 months apart in age - so she gets exactly where I've been in that.

I'm looking for simplified, spiritual, and grateful... that's where I'm heading. When I reach the end of my time here on earth - I want the words -- spiritual, generous, loving, and grateful to be spoken about me.

• I want my family to know how deeply they were loved - even if it was imperfectly loved.
• I want my friends to know how much I cherished doing life alongside them.  
• I want people to think of me as being generous with all things - while also making sure to do those things well.
• I want people to know that everything they've done for me is appreciated... even things that I didn't like. 
• I want to take my last breath with everyone knowing that there isn't a single thing that I regret. 

Life hasn't been perfect, there have been many ups and downs along the way -- but all of those things shape us to the place that we are meant to go according to God's plan. There can be frustration in not knowing the ultimate plan, but everything worth having is worth waiting & struggling for. 

This quote is so true, now with some hindsight on where I've been spent the last year of my life, I can absolutely relate to it. In walking away from one friend, I lost another one for a while -- but we've reconnected and things are just much more fruitful right now in where we are. I look forward to growing our friendship, and that with another one who has never waivered in her support of me... good things are coming. 

My hope in writing this is to share that over the coming posts -- I'm going to show you more about this new outlook on life, share what I'm doing to get after these things, and love my people well. I hope that you'll stick around with me on this journey. 

Goals for 2017

It's 2017 y'all! I'm so excited to have turned the page on the year and to have a fresh start. I don't know why everything feels fresh and new magically on January 1st, but there is just something about the start of a new calendar year that gives me a whole new hope for doing things better and being stronger.

Well, this year I've got a new tool in my belt -- it's called Powersheets! I'll have a link down below to check out to see if there are any left for you to get them. If there aren't -- you should ABSOLUTELY go over and check out Lara Casey's Blog -- grab a notebook and DIY yourself some powersheets!

I wanted to take some time and share what I came up with for my goals this year... but I want to start with Lara's overarching words for this year that we are all about Progress over Perfection. I couldn't have said that any better than she did. So with that said -- my word for 2017 is: JOURNEY!

I want to embrace all of the ups and downs that come along with setting goals for the year... which I have often let derail my goals in the past. I've so often started something, had a hiccup along the way and let that completely stop the entire process.

My main goal for this year is to NOT let those hiccups take away from the good progress that is happening in my life.

So I worked through the entire prep work section of the Powersheets and ended up with these goals.

(feel free to click on this to get a better look)

These are the 10 things that I'm working on this year -- or at least for this first season of 2017. Every 3 months there is a goal refresh process that you can work through to make sure that your goals haven't changed a bit over time. If they have - then you can change them up a bit and keep going... 

Once you've written your goals for the year out -- which you can have as many or as few as you want... then you make an action plan for each of them. 

I chose this goal to show you the action plan -- just because I wanted to show an example and I thought that this one is the most important for the year. I also bought a new bible for my work this year... 

 

This One Year Chronological Bible is on sale right now and it's the NLT version so it's going to be pretty practical. I love that it also has some adult coloring spaces as well for you to get a little creative and spend some time soaking in the Word of the Lord. Mine should be here by the middle of next week -- so I'll be working hard to get caught up to the daily reading for whatever day it delivers, by pouring into it for a few days. 

After your action plan is written in your Powersheets for each Goal -- then you fill out your monthly tending list -- which is a place for you to write in your Monthly, Weekly, and Daily tasks that will help you accomplish progress toward your goals. 

This is my Tending List for January -- and I LOVE that it has a progress bar for the monthly goals, then a checkbox for the weekly and daily goals. I'm already loving seeing the check marks getting placed in the boxes. 

If you see down at the bottom there that nothing is happening with my first 3 daily goals... well, that's because I also am in the process of reading about a new lifestyle plan that my sister uses along with her Beachbody workout systems... so I'm going to give it a shot. I just may wait another week or so to get it all planned out. I'm planning to go visit my mom for a few days a week from Monday -- so I will likely not hit the ground running with this plan until the last week of the month, but I do plan to start working out again next week and getting more water in... and making healthier choices with food once we are back into our other routines. 

I'll write more about what I'm planning to do here in a few more days -- once I've finished the book! 

Use this link below to check out the shop where all of these amazing Powersheets and other items can be found. There isn't a thing on their site that I don't have on my wish list!

Incredible Books

 I read Kerrie's second book Revived over the last week, and it is phenomenal. I can't even describe it -- so I'll let Kerrie's book descriptions tell you about them, but you simply MUST pick up a copy or put it on your Christmas list! If you only choose one for now, I'd pick Revived and start there. Her newest book is out for pre-order, but it won't deliver until February 1st.

Kerrie is my sister's best friend, and just an amazing woman. I've heard her stories, I've been in her home. I've even had the pleasure of having Kerrie pray over me at my nephew's coming home party. To know Kerrie is to love her, and I sincerely hope that I can make it to one of her Revived Conferences at some point in my life.
 

The grace of God can completely transform an ordinary life, for an extraordinary purpose. This is the liberating message found in this book and in Kerrie Oles life and ministry. In Invisible Chains, Kerrie and Olivia wrote the inspiring and encouraging story of Kerrie's own departure from living in the shame of her past to discovering what it means to live a life covered in God's grace. Readers will see: - how being a prisoner to the past can hold them back from a promising future - that discovering the grace of God can set them free from a life of shame This book reveals that the chains of our past weigh us down and keep us from knowing how truly loved we are by God. It is an invitation to receive the grace of God and step into the call on your life. 

You can order your copy here.

Come with me. Let Jesus take your hand. No matter who you are or where you’ve been, you’ve experienced pain in your life. He can heal it, bringing life where there was death. Jesus brought life everywhere he went; it seems he couldn’t help it. And not only did He raise dead bodies, He sought out those who were dead on the inside. He took their hands, and He healed them. He revived them. Let Him take your hand. Let Him pull you to your feet—alive. Revived.

You can order your copy here. This book also has a study guide that you can work through as well that you can order from Kerrie's shop as well.

In For Real, author and sought-after speaker, Kerrie Oles helps us understand how to navigate through the turbulent seas of this life with great faith. She offers life-transforming insights how God will reveal His faithfulness and build our faith through each and every trial.

How do we take an age old story, and make it real to us?

Kerrie Oles, does just that. As she journey’s with a humorous style through her life, others, and the life of Job. Her stories and spiritual wisdom will inspire readers to listen for God and apply His Word and encouragement to their lives.

Job’s story is all of our story. We suffer in this life, but inside each of us is an overcomer, that can grow from hurtful experiences, and be equipped and empowered to help others. And, along the way, to our destination, it will build great faith!

Come with us. Get on board, let’s journey to being-For Real.

Pre-order your copy here. (This is the only one you can get via Amazon)

Scripture and Loving One Another

I've been reading and hearing about the Jen Hatmaker interview for a couple of weeks now, and I have definitely got some thoughts on this.

I don't even really want to go there because I think that her position is just a bit outside of what the Bible commands of us. Ultimately, we all are sinners in every aspect of life... we all fall short of the example of Christ, but that doesn't mean that we as Christ followers need to stay quiet on the subject either.

I think that the Bible commands us to tell someone when they are about to jump off of a bridge, but to do so lovingly and with complete regard for the person's heart. Meaning that the Bible is clear on what is right and wrong, but it is also clear on things like redemption. We all sin differently, and that is what makes us human.

Where we go wrong is how we deliver the message of the Bible. Sometimes it is not an easy message to hear, because we all tend to read it while using the lens making our own sin okay. I feel like some of us are aware of our sins while others tend to say to themselves, "My sin isn't as bad as theirs, so I'm okay." If only it worked that way.

Here is the thing about the Bible... it is the same today as it was thousands of years ago... the base message hasn't changed. So we can't filter it on what society thinks is okay in 2016 -- it is the same message of right and wrong from all those years ago. I shutter to think what some of these incredible biblical figures would say about all of the petty things that we are dealing with in 2016.

The insanity of the whole safe rooms on college campuses and the constantly offended culture we have today is just beyond the imaginable. Why is it that we can't disagree on things today without having a march and tear gas being needed? What happened to the days when we disagreed, and everyone went on about their day without having to scream and yell to defend your opposing viewpoints?

It's okay to disagree. One dear friend of mine and I are at complete odds over the whole Jen Hatmaker saga, but we can still love each other and respect our differing viewpoints.

Ultimately, what the whole Jen Hatmaker deal is about is that you can't change the scripture to fit 2016 society. You can't decide, this is now okay -- even though the Bible says that it is not. The main issue I have with her is that she does so with people knowing she is a Christian writer and speaker, so she has a large audience that has to hold her accountable when her message isn't what we believe to be the truth. Now, how you choose to handle it is completely up to you. You can choose to love all as you would hope that they would love you -- OR -- you can spew hate that makes everyone think that Christians are a bunch of bullies with Bibles.

I personally, choose the former as my point of view. As with any sin, I can't possibly know about someone else and their relationship with Christ. People that go to church on a weekly basis, can just as easily be living a lie as someone that doesn't go to church. You just never know what is in someone's heart -- so it's a dangerous assumption.

You just have to love others as they are part of your family, and know that one day, they will meet their maker too. They alone will deal with the choices they made, and they have to know for themselves where they will end up. It's not for us to judge or even condemn them for.

I just wish that everyone would stop making the opposing view point the villain in their own story, just remember that the people with those opposing view points are people that deserve to be loved too.

Compassion

I want to introduce everyone to a new member of our family - Isai! He is the sweetest little 4 year old that I have ever seen... besides the two that I've raised. I wanted the boys to be able to learn a little lesson about how other children live around the world as they grow up. They need to learn that other people out there can be extremely happy with much less.

I want them to know that this little guy is blessed by a little bit from us every month -- just $38.00 a month does so much for him, and enriches his life in so many ways. He gets bible lessons and healthcare... snacks, and nutrition enrichment... his parents will benefit from his sponsorship as well. I hope that we are able to go and meet him one day, but that's of course me dreaming out loud.

We sponsored Isai with Compassion International - you can go there and look through their online catalog of children waiting to be sponsored from all over the world. I personally wanted a little boy roughly James and Tyler's age... and this face just grabbed me from the screen. If you have girls, maybe you'd like to sponsor a little girl that is your kids' age. It really doesn't matter that much who you choose - just get in there and help these kids.

Another thing I love is that we can send him letters through the Compassion website - which I feel like gets there faster as well as it's easier to send photos that way... just upload and then it's able to be translated for him. We've received our first letter back from Isai and got a sweet little picture from him since he is so little - he doesn't write yet.

Additionally, I love that at his birthday we can send him a gift - which they recommend $10 for him... or at Christmas we can send his family $25. They do have maximums for the kids of $100 over the course of a year... and $1,000 for the family. That's a lot for us, but I imagine that even sending the small amounts would bless them greatly. I can't wait to learn more about his family...

So far, he is an only child and lives with his parents in the country. His parents both are employed, which is wonderful! I hope that our relationship grows and that he is truly blessed by getting to know us too.

I'm so proud to be a part of this journey with him, and I hope that the boys learn a lot through the experience as well. Maybe one day the three of the boys can be pen-pals as well! 

My Testimony - Part 2

If you want to start at the beginning -- Part 1 is here.

The desire to have children still weighed on my heart daily, and in 2009 we started the process of seeing another fertility specialist. I went through some serious craziness with the fertility drugs and all, but I never was able to produce a viable egg for the doctors to use for any of the procedures. Not one single egg. We were in the middle of the 13 week New Testament Challenge at the time with the church, and I stuck with that challenge… I even have a journal with the notes I took and my daily prayers – which are interesting to go back and read now. During the challenge, I remember the doctor calling me in to tell me there was only one last ditch effort they could try, but somewhere in my heart I knew that it wasn’t going to work out. We had gone to just tell them we were done, and that we were going to explore adoption. They talked me into the meds, and having my tubes cleared out with dye… so we went through with that procedure in September or October of 2009. 

I started taking that last medication, and the same day – I literally became virtually blind – I couldn’t see a thing. We were driving to John’s parents house that day, and decided that we were officially done. So we called the doctor and told them that we couldn’t do it anymore. There were 3 huge signs from God that we needed to look at adoption, and not just any adoption agency… but New Life Adoptions specifically. A friend directed me to one of the counselors and her daughter, then we heard another friend adopted from there, and I think we saw a billboard at our friends’ church for the agency. I’m talking it was clear that this was it. 

We started the adoption process, and had our first meeting with the agency in December of 2009. By February of 2010, we had been matched with a sweet birthmom that was going to give us a baby girl. February 20, 2010 – we were at the hospital and heard the chimes that the baby girl was born, but in the process – the birthmom decided to keep her baby. I was devastated, but even then I felt the presence of God. I never really worried about the baby other than just knowing that we could have given her more worldly things, but I worried about that sweet girl that must have felt so many emotions and fear. She never responded to the counselors trying to reach out to her after the birth, but I asked them to mail her a card for me. I think of them every year on her birthday, and pray that they are doing well. 

8 years, 1 month, and 17 days after we got married – we welcomed James Edward Hawkins to our family. He was born during the Women’s Retreat that year, and I remember texting pictures of him to a few close friends. The very night that we brought James home from the hospital… a mere 5-6 hours after signing the adoption papers for him, we found out that I was pregnant with Tyler. Can you imagine the looks you get when you show up to your first prenatal appointment with a newborn?!?

My pregnancy wasn’t easy by any means, and caring for a newborn at the same time was rough. We made it through, and Tyler was born at 36 weeks. We found out at my delivery that if the doctor had chosen for me to try a traditional birth instead of a c-section, I would have bled to death because the veins in my placenta were 5-10 times the normal size. He spent 12 days in the NICU, but was a little champ. We were thrilled to have everyone home. 

 

We had been praying about my job situation as it wasn’t good, and they fired me for being out on leave with two maternity leaves in one year. God was in the details there too, because he provided John a huge promotion… but it meant moving away from all of our friends for a couple of years. When Ty was 6 months old and James just over a year old we moved to Memphis.

My Testimony - Part 1

I was asked to write this for our church's women's retreat - it was put in a booklet that was given to all of the attendees at the end of the weekend. I'm so honored to have been a part of the book, and given a real reason to sit down and write out how I got to this point in my life.

My testimony begins with only growing up with a very basic knowledge of Jesus, in that I attended church with my Dad as a very young child on Saturdays at the small Catholic Chapel at the Brenham Hospital. My Mom grew up Baptist, but has never really practiced her faith. With parents so differing in their faith – I was never really brought up in church at all. 

Fast forward to college, and I met John just a few months before my 21^st birthday. He grew up knowing Christ, and really was the first person to talk to me about the gospel and his beliefs. At the time, I wasn’t sure what I believed and just wasn’t ready to pursue a walk with Jesus. We got married February 23, 2002 and things were great for a while. I wanted children so badly when we got married, I hoped that we’d get pregnant on our honeymoon. God had a different plan. By 2004, I started seeing a fertility specialist but that doctor at the time told me there was nothing he could do in light of my diabetes – so John and I started having some problems. 

In early 2005, John moved out of our apartment. It wasn’t just one single issue that caused our issues… they were most of the major ones that come up in marriages – money, sex, and fertility. He was gone for the weekend before we started talking again and deciding if we could work things out. During his weekend away, he had gone to church with his family again. He told me about his experience rededicating his life to Christ, and we decided that after the following work week I would come help him move his things back home. That Sunday we went to church together – I think it was the first time I’d been since our wedding, and I dedicated my life to Christ that Sunday in April of 2005. 

We joined a church here in Cypress, Fellowship of Houston (it’s since dissolved), we attended there for 2-3 years until that church merged with The Met. We didn’t feel at home at the Met, so we joined Cypress Family Fellowship when we were still meeting at the YMCA.