Friday, November 21, 2008

Judgement & Lessons Learned

There has been a lot of talk in my little circle of Weight Loss Surgery friends lately about what we're willing to share about our successes with the outside world... I am VERY open about my successes and failures - but that's also when I'm mainly cloaked in the anonymity of the blog world.

My friend Meghan had this to say recently about her experience... Here and the follow up message is Here. Then just yesterday, Jil had an experience that is nothing less than disheartening to those of us that have chosen weight loss surgery as our path... Here.

I wrap all this up with our message from last night's Bible study lesson... it was about speaking the truth in love to one another... and basically it's all about the way in which you say things, your motives, and then the way that your message is delivered to the recipient.

We all know how cruel this world can be a times, and sometimes the people that are the closest to us are the most hurtful - even when it's unintentional. Once those words are out there - you can't ever take them back... and sometimes recovery from that just never happens. In the case of what Jil experienced - if I were in the same situation, I don't know that I'd ever be able to carry on a normal relationship with the person that wronged her again.

Sure, I could be the bigger person - and move on - forgive if you will, but do you ever let that person back in as close as they were before? I'm not so sure.

The heart is an interesting part of us, don't you think? As I look back at my own life... there have been many people that have hurt or wronged me over the years, but each one of those moments has shaped me into the person that I am today... and for that - I thank each and every one of those people for their part in my life's story.

Every break up, lost friend... whatever the moment was that caused me pain - also caused me to learn a lesson of some sort, and led me down a path that has also brought me great joy too. Think about it, if you hadn't lost your first love... you wouldn't have experienced the moment of meeting your future spouse. (Unless they are one in the same - which for most of us isn't the case.) Somehow, I've gotten way off the topic that I thought I was writing about when I started this post...

To bring it back to Meg & Jil and their recent experiences - I have been very lucky so far in my journey through weight loss surgery. I have been very open in every avenue of my life about what I've done and what I'm going through... maybe it's different because the weight loss hasn't been as rapid for me has it has for others... but I haven't experienced anyone feeling anything other than happiness for my weight loss.

Occasionally at my last office, I'd hear grumblings about it being easier for me than for others to lose weight because of the path that I chose... but in all honesty - those people are jealous, and it's their way of justifying their own weight loss failures to themselves. I've done it a time or two in my life too - now - I chose to keep those feelings between myself and maybe John... but there have been times when I've been jealous for whatever reason and lashed out in my own emotions.

The difference is that I would NEVER say that to the person or to anyone else... because really it's a moment when God is trying to teach me about being content in the season of life that he's put me in, and learning whatever lesson I'm meant to learn from that season... some are harder to learn than others, but in the end - it shapes me into the person that I am supposed to be.

So why can't we all just embrace the successes of those around us? Maybe the lady in Jil's story needs to spend some time watching the videos our group has been watching over the last 4 weeks... she might learn a lot about what it means to love people around you... and get closer to God.


  1. It stinks to be the butt end of someone's hatred/judgement/insecurites/whatever, but there comes a point where you just have to move on and forgive, just like we talked about last night. It may mean talking to that person about what they did, or sometimes we just have to walk away and let ourselves heal for a moment.

    I got my feelings hurt very badly one time by my best friend in college. She got married and didn't include me as part of the all. I was devastated, and very, very angry.

    BUT, eventually I just got over it, and decided that she felt that she needed to do that for some reason, it could have been me, it could have been her, I have no idea. But it is in the past, and the truth is, she is a wonderful person who made a mistake. I had to decide if holding on to that hurt was worth wrecking our relationship.

    Sometimes we can reconcile our relationship, sometimes we can't...but we can always forgive and let go.

  2. Thanks Kim...I am proud of my success so far...I still have a ways to go and I am good with that. I think in some way because of the incident with Mary* I have been released from an unconscious fear. On some level I had been waiting for it...since the moment I made the decision and was "cut and pasted". I have subconsciously been waiting for the ignorant judgement I knew would eventually come. Did I expect it from a friend? No, but friend or no friend, I don't have to fear it anymore. I am better than that, I know that, I knew it yesterday. It was more the shock that got to me than anything but like I said in a way it was a blessing because I know what it feels like now, I know that I can handle the hurt and judgement because I KNOW that I made the right choice for myself. At the end of the day, I can only put MY best foot forward, I can only live the best life possible, for me that life includes having been cut and pasted...Love always, The Cut and Paste Girl aka JustJil

  3. This is a great way to synthesize what has been happening for all of us lately, and the final message from your bible study is a great reminder that it all happens to teach us something. I do take comfort in that, even when none of it seems to make any sense. It's also a reminder that our journey isn't a numbers-driven one, it's a relational one. We have to work just as hard on who we are and how we think as we do on our bodies. It's a big project to take on!!

  4. It shouldn't have to be so complicated; chosing a different path only makes us unique, just like every other individual on the planet. It doesn't make us wrong, or less than someone else.

    I have been fortunate too; I have not had any judgments, at least to my face. Like Jil, I am prepared for them if I ever do face them, but it will probably still be hurtful depending on who it comes from.


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