Sunday, October 11, 2009

Humbled and Amazed

Alright folks, I need you to each make a promise to me that you will not read this without listening to the two clips that I've put on here for the added benefit of the message I need to write about tonight. You promise? Good. (I promise you won't regret it)

If you've been around here for a little bit - you know bits and pieces of our story - or maybe you've been around for all of it... if so - some of this might be a bit of a review, but bare with me because I promise that this post will bring you to tears because of the beauty that is happening in my life and my testimony.

From the beginning - John and I got married in 2002, and immediately I started planning for us to have a child. (do the math...we're nearing our 8th anniversary in Feb '10) Shortly after we got married, in May of 2002 - we went to the doctor thinking we were pregnant - but found out that I actually was diabetic. This news hit me very hard, because I literally was there for a pregnancy test - but instead in a not very sympathetic manner got the news that I was instead facing a chronic illness.

In 2004, we met our first reproductive endocrinologist... who tinkered with my medicines and was unable to help us control my blood sugar - prompting him to LITERALLY fire me as his patient until I could get it under control.

I bounced around for the next three years trying to find someone that could control my blood sugar and help with my diabetes - I don't have to tell you guys that as 2007 rolled in... I was very sick. Blood pressure was out of control. Blood sugar was out of control. I got a small infection - lets leave it at that - I had to have surgery to remove the infection and was in the hospital for 5 days. (Very Sick!)

In 2007, miraculously - God opened my eyes to the suggestion that many doctors had been giving me for several years... to have weight loss surgery. It wasn't an easy road getting to the surgery, but through the help of some folks that I love dearly - and the support of many others... I did it and lost 97 pounds. All of this was done in the hope that we were preparing my body to create the pregnancy that has been our desire for such a long time.

In January 2009, we met our second reproductive endocrinologist - and the last 9 months or so has been an incredible blur... of emotions, heart ache, hope, joy, but the biggest part of the journey has been the learning curve that I've had between believing in God (who I accepted into my life in 2005) and living for his will. Two very different things as I've said in other posts.

That brings you up to now... where in the last two weeks we've learned that having our own child is not in the cards doing things as we have been doing them. I absolutely believe that God is in the hands of doctors for some people - but for others, when it doesn't feel right... it might not be.

In the beginning stages of our adoption process we are asked to write our personal testimony of faith. When I read John's - it was amazing... and I want to share this small portion of it with you.

It’s amazing how the small things in life can give you clarity and I remember knowing exactly when I felt like the fertility treatments were not for us anymore. I was listening to my niece sing a song that my sister use to sing in Church. Most people haven’t heard this song, but it is called “An Apple A Day” and the part that spoke to me goes something like this:

There’s somebody who hears you, understand just how you feel
So why not reach for Jesus, instead of reaching for a pill
He listen’s for His children, He wants to hear from you
So if an apple a day keeps the doctor away, think what a prayer will do

After hearing that line, I knew that we had to stop relying on the doctors and what they had to say and had to start leaning on the cross and relying on Jesus to give us the desires of our heart. I would say that my Testimony is a work in progress, but without a doubt I love the Lord with all my heart, all my soul and all my mind. I give Him all of the glory and the honor for bringing me this far and I know that he will carry me through!

Just after this moment that John realized that we needed to stop... he heard this song while on a road trip for work. Take a moment - close your eyes and listen to the words... (a BIG HUGE thank you to John – my hero - for making this video)

video

God has been working in me during the last few weeks, and that song really speaks to me. After last week's message at church on perseverance - I was moved to write an email to our pastor, Kevin. When he read it - he asked if he could use my words from the pulpit. Today, he did just that, and it was a beautiful moment for me. Listen to the message that came from my words, and our story...


Kim's E-Mail to Ke...

If you feel led to hear the whole message from today - you can listen to the entire sermon via our church podcast.

Even today, through the message - John has felt the pull of Christ to back away from the medicine element of this journey. So, as of tonight - we're faithfully stopping the newest protocol our doctor wanted to try and stepping out in faith. If we are to have a child of our own in the future at any point - it will literally be at the hands of a miracle from God himself. (I do believe that all babies are miracles no matter how they are concieved...) For us, though - he will have healed our bodies both from some factor that has previously prevented us being able to have a child.

In the meantime, we will move forward with adoption... and we will...

Be strong in the Lord and,
Never give up hope,
You're going to do great things,
I already know,
God's got His hand on you so,
Don't live life in fear,
Forgive and forget,
But don't forget why you're here,
Take your time and pray...
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7 comments:

  1. oh Kim..you are such an inspiration! :) Love reading your blog & the things yall are going through. Help me get from day to day. :) Lots of hugs!

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  2. Kim, that is wonderful. I can't view the clips at the moment as our desktop computer is a butthead and my little Acer has terrible sound, so I usually listen to stuff on the work computer but JJ is home sick today, so I am home today. But anyway, good for you and John! God totally led Chris and I on our adoption journey too and it was the right decision once we started listening to Him! Fertility stuff is so emotionally HARD. I often couldn't read all of your heartbreaking posts because it brought back my own painful memories of going through it. Adopting means you can still one day have a biological child of your own if it is in God's plan, but He may have far greater plans for you and John in your parental journey!

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  3. The best part of what I see now is how CLEARLY God is leading you and John on this particular path! How wonderful to know it's exactly what you're called to do! I can't wait to watch the journey unfold!

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  4. Kim I wasn't able to get the first video to work. It said something about not being available in "my country".

    It is such a blessing and encouragement to see how God has worked and is still working.

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  5. I was thinking earlier how blessed the child will be whom God has chosen for your home. Consider that right now there is a baby who will be born into a bad situation that will be delivered by God's hand into your home where he or she can receive love and nurture and care. God is doing this as much for or maybe even more for that child. And as you act in obedience, who knows? God may choose to bless you with a child born from you and John. But regardless, we obey God, because what God gives us is not just good, but best. You're awesome and I am so encouraged and excited to see what God has in store for you!

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  6. OK, so I'm a turkey for not posting a comment. I'm so used to chatting with you outside the blog, I forget to leave comments on here! Bad Jenn!!

    Well, you know how I feel about this decision and how proud I am of you for your willingness to obey God, to trust Him, to believe in His plan for your life and to put yourself completely into His care.

    While it's hard to see you hurt and suffer, it's ten times more magnificent to see God at work in your life, transforming you from the inside out and blessing you, as well as everyone else who is on the journey with you.

    Much love and hugs and girl - you KNOW I can't wait to visit Texas! Yee-haw!

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  7. So glad to hear your happy! I can't wait until the day that Kevin and I reach the same kind of peace you feel!!!

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Thank you so much for your comments. I really enjoy getting feedback on my writing!