Saturday, January 24, 2009

Catalyst Moments

I missed you guys yesterday, but it was a very emotional day for me - and I needed to take a little time to process through some information before trying to dive into writing about it.

Isn't it interesting how one moment can change so many things? One argument can be the catalyst to get several balls rolling in positive directions...

It's also interesting how men and women approach things so differently... or at least in my house they do. John approaches things much more cautiously than I ever would. When I'm ready to do something, I'm ready... lets go.

Well, yesterday we came to one of those crossing points where we had to figure out which way to proceed with a certain decision, and to a point - we're being more cautious than I'd like to be.

The time has come to get serious about starting our family, and while I'd like to throw caution to the wind and charge ahead - my decisions there are governed by my emotions. To say that my biological clock is ticking would be the biggest understatement possible... it's like a freaking time bomb!

I'm so clearly at the moment when my head is playing tricks on me - I can't pass the baby section of Wal-Mart without the strings of my heart playing a lullaby... or an image of me there buying something for our future baby...

Never did I dream in my life that I'd be 30 years old without a child... I know that many have gone before me, but honestly - it's the one thing missing from my life. I've got a great marriage, and a wonderful husband. We have a beautiful home, a wonderful church family, and I've done just about everything I've ever dreamed of in terms of working... the only thing missing is the pitter patter of little feet in the house.

Some of what John had to say made sense to my brain, but not to my heart... but we came out of the day with some doctors appointments set up that are positive steps in the right direction for two critical issues.

On February 9th, we are going to see the reproductive endocrinologist that I talked about a while back. His name is Dr. McWilliams, and he specializes in patients with PCOS. So with his guidance - we will figure out what the next steps are for us in order to have a healthy pregnancy and baby. I pray that we come out of that appointment with some more peace and information in terms of our journey.