I'm intentionally writing this to be fairly vague. I think that most of you how know me fairly well, by bloggy friendship or otherwise - will probably contact me and want to talk more about it, and I welcome that - but for the purposes of the internet masses... there isn't much need to go into details. (If you want to talk through it more - leave me a comment - and make sure I have your email...)
God and I have been having some serious heart to hearts lately - during our quiet time and sometimes at other moments when I just need his grace. It's interesting the messages and passages that he finds to put in your life at just the right moments, isn't it?
Well, yesterday - I stepped outside of a comfort zone and followed something that he'd been working on my heart about...
Since he calls us to be obedient and not to have fear - I stepped out in faith and did what I felt like he was asking me to do.
Colossians 2:6 (NLT) And now, just as you accepted Christ Jesus as your Lord, you must continue to live in obedience to him.
Deuteronomy 31:8 (NLT) Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the LORD is the one who goes before you. He will be with you; he will neither fail you nor forsake you.
Joshua 1:9 (NLT) I command you--be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the LORD your God is with you wherever you go.
I was still and listened to the Lord yesterday, and while I was scared of the outcome at the time - I knew that if nothing else came from it - I had reacted in a way that I could have peace about in my own life. After all, we can't control how other people treat us or react in situations - we can only control our own lives and our own reactions to problems.
Our message this Sunday told us about controlling our thoughts - no matter what happens control your thoughts and react out of Christian love.
You know the concept - you're fighting with your spouse, and while you might control your actual words... in your head you're having a different fight and you've said all the bad things - which God can still hear and knows what is going on in your head.
Well, our Pastor commanded us to take control of those thoughts and you guys - in the face of something really horrible... it gave me great peace. The worst possible outcome pretty much came to fruition, and honestly - I was okay.
It stung and it hurt (worse than anything I've felt in a long time), but in my mind - I just loved that person in spite of it all, and will continue to pray that they find Jesus in their lives... because it has changed mine in ways that I could never articulate.
I never once thought about telling them off or furthering the hurt - I just know in my heart that I've reached out in love... and even though the outcome is just about the worst one I could imagine - I'm going to be okay. I've done what I needed to do, and from here - it's up to them to find peace and a way to move forward - I will pray that happens sooner rather than later, but even if it doesn't happen... I'll be right here loving them and praying for them every day.
Above all else - I know that I followed my God, and that is the most important thing. He goes beyond my pain, and fear... and by following him... I will reach the most glorious life imaginable. He doesn't promise that it will always be easy, and right now it certainly isn't easy... but in the long run - it is worth it.