Monday, May 4, 2009

Facing the Test

I just got off the phone with the doctor's office, and while frustrating - at least I now have some sort of a plan that at least MIGHT move things forward in one direction or another.

Can I just stop here and explain why it was frustrating? Am I asking too much of my doctor's office? The lady literally just told me that they weren't really honestly expecting my cycle to restart on it's own... WHAT? You let me sit out here for like 2 weeks waiting and wondering when it was going to happen - all the while - you knew that it probably wouldn't?! Why wouldn't they tell you that?! Sometimes - I just want to scream at them!

Okay, so she told me that I need to take a pregnancy test in the morning - if it is negative - and it's not a big if... it's just a formality really... but I do know that God is bigger than all of this. But seriously, if it came up positive - you'll be able to hear the thud on the bathroom floor in the morning as I pass out.

I don't think I have to tell you guys that I dread this. I mean, I dream of the day that there is a positive result on one of these things. Right now though, the thought of seeing another one that is negative is really just not going to help the emotions.

My head knows that I need to do this just to make 100% sure that moving forward is the right thing to do... but my heart says "No, wait a little longer and then maybe it will be positive."

At any rate, when it's over - I'm supposed to call and let them know - negative results mean starting a medication that will completely whack my body out and hopefully allow it to reset... and then we'll be able to get moving again. However, if anyone knows us fairly well... you'll know that neither of us will get much sleep tonight in anticipation of taking that stupid test.

I'm even purposely waiting until tonight to get it - because I don't want to obsess about it anymore than I have to today. Geez - someone get me a Snickers!!