Thursday, August 20, 2009

Oddly At Peace

My friend Jenn I. asked me this morning if I was nervous or excited about the appointment tomorrow. To which I actually had an articulated response... or at least I'd already thought about that to some degree.

See, this morning on the way to work - I was looking around and reflecting how all of a sudden it seems like things are changing. It's slowly becoming fall, but the beauty of driving to work and being able to see the sunrise - is a pretty neat gift... if you're in the right frame of mind.

Change happens all around us every day... but rarely am I moving at a pace where I notice most of the changes... well, that an I'm very NOT observant... just ask John. I think he could move our furniture around completely and I might not notice. I'd just be happy to have somewhere to sit.

Anyway, I find myself at peace with this all today - ask me again in a week when the appointments mean the possibility of canceling the whole process... but for tomorrow - I don't have any worries. I believe that God has this all planned out already, and it's just my job to sit back and notice all the small beautiful things that happen along the way.

Once again - I can easily say that now... but come Tuesday... you may all be reminding me of this very post.

Ultimately - it's all part of a season in my life... very much like the real one (Summer) that is drawing to a close. Or at least in most parts of the country... here in Texas we'll be faking like it's fall until we actually feel some cool weather in November!

In terms of the weather seasons - summer is fading into fall... and it's just a gradual process that you don't even notice until one day you wake up and can clearly see the change. I feel like that might be happening in my life as a whole right now... maybe my days of being childless are slowly fading into motherhood.

Maybe right now things are wrapping up so that one day in about a month - or so... we'll find out that things have been changing all along - and finally wake up to notice that we're pregnant. I don't know - but there is an odd sense of stillness and calm right now...

I'm not scared of the ultrasound... I'm not scared of the shots - probably helped along by the shots that I've been taking for years to keep my blood sugars in line... I'm not feeling any stress about that at all - just an odd sense of contentment that we're finally able to move in the right direction instead of being forced to wait.