If you read my post from last Friday, you probably haven't quickly forgotten about it - or maybe you have... but I know some of my friends are still thinking about it. Well, things from there have only gotten worse. Far beyond anything that I would have thought possible. I have taken some of your advice, and some from offline - and when things get to a point that I'm ready to give more information, I will do that.
I'm not going to give too many specifics - but lets just say that decisions have to be made on my part - and I'm trying to work through it.
For some reason this morning - I was thinking about it, and this movie quote from Remember the Titans came to mind...
Big Ju: Why should I give a hoot about you, huh? Or anyone else out there? You wanna talk about the ways you're the captain?
Big Ju: You got a job?
Bertier: I've got a job.
Big Ju: You been doing your job?
Bertier: I've been doing my job.
Big Ju: Then why don't you tell your white buddies to block for Rev better? Because they have not blocked for him worth a blood nickel, and you know it! Nobody plays. Yourself included. I'm supposed to wear myself out for the team? What team? Nah, nah what I'm gonna do is look out for myself and I'ma get mine.
Bertier: See man, that's the worst attitude I ever heard.
Big Ju: Attitude reflects leadership, captain.
No words could be more true in my mind... poor leadership reflects in the attitudes of the people following said leader. In some cases however, when the leader is say - a bully... or abusive... the people following that leader instead become afraid to make a move or take a stand on their own. I'm watching it unfold live, in my life and in the lives of others - and it's a very sad thing.
It is true that there are different personality styles out there in every walk of life, some see that as a beautiful asset - others only want to break people down and turn them into miniature versions of their personality. I tend to be more on the beautiful end of the spectrum - because I can appreciate that people out there have talents that I don't have... but together we can use our strengths to accomplish tasks that need to be taken care of. Unfortunately, I'm working for someone that believes at the other end of the spectrum and it's not going well for either of us.
The stress of these two ideology differences has manifested itself into my back issues... of all things. Apparently, the problem in my back isn't isolated to that one location that was bothering me - yesterday as the day progressed - it moved up into my neck/shoulders. When the doctor checked it out - and for the record my doctor is a D.O. and specializes in some forms of muscular therapy - he found some pretty severe knots in my back and right shoulder.
He loaded me up with some anti-inflamatories and muscle relaxers... as well as told me to put heat on it, stretch as much as possible, and have John massage it gently until it stops hurting - then I can go have a professional massage to work it out completely. Can you imagine - the craizness of your life if it manifests itself in ways like this?! Oh and... weight gain, blood pressure rising... you know - general havock throughout much of my body.
Tonight is Worship Team rehersal - which means that John will be at the church for about 2 hours - and I will be bubble bathing, reading my Nook, working on another project, and praying that these muscles will loosen up slightly...