Monday, August 22, 2011

Expectations






The dynamics of our house have changed in the last couple of months, and in some ways - it's been difficult for me to navigate. Maybe this is normal growing pains for families in our situation, but then again... maybe not. When we moved, I officially became a stay at home Mom. At the same time, John's job changed.

Or at least it was the first time that I saw the reality of his new job - because for the first 6 months of  him working within his new responsibilities - I was in Texas and only saw him on the weekends. So when he was home, it was at a set time with a set pattern. Now that we're here in Memphis, the actual reality is that it's a bit different.

His responsibilities keep him at work longer hours than I'm used to, and with a much less predicable pattern than I'm used to. Meaning that I don't always know when he'll get home - and it's likely after the boys have had their dinner. (I acknowledge that they eat early... 5-5:30 PM) I hope to push their dinner time back a bit in the coming year so that when they are able to completely feed themselves - we can have a family sit down dinner together.

Anyway, I've struggled with these big changes - because I was used to a world where we carpooled together everyday - came home and got everything done together for the boys... and then relaxed together. Now, I'm so exhausted by the time he gets home - it's time to get the boys in bed, and I'm pretty much brain-fried by that point.

I was gently reminded that all this extra work and responsibility is the very reason that I am able to stay home with the boys now. Which is true, and I'm grateful for that - I guess really where my frustration lies is in the fact that I kinda miss hanging with John. Also, in the fact that I feel like I'm failing miserably at this stay at home Mom thing.

Not so much the Mom part... but the keeping a clean house, and all that goes with maintaining the house part. There are still some boxes - especially upstairs... and I just can't ever seem to get to it. I mean nap time is ridiculous - I have time for a shower, clean the kitchen, and a quick meal... then it seems like they're up again and I'm on duty.

I guess I need to get my expectations in check all the way around... especially with regards to what I can reasonably do while taking care of these two crazy men. I can't even leave the room without some near epic meltdowns... and that doesn't even take their safety (now that they are both mobile) into account.

Does everyone struggle with this? Am I just a horrible housekeeper? I'm making myself nuts!