Thursday, January 10, 2013

You've GOT to be Kidding...

So, an article was brought to my attention tonight -- and in my mind, it doesn't speak to the issue of Stay at Home Moms vs Working Moms as much as it does the fundamental difference between people with kids and people without kids. (I know, I would have punched myself in the throat for thinking there was a difference a couple of years ago.)

Please take a minute to read this... and then come back for my response, although the original answer is probably better than what I'll come up with. Ya'll, my initial reaction is to just bitch slap this chick... I mean honestly.

Here's my first thought, man... some days I miss the ability to do what I want when I want... like read a book, or eat when food is hot. I miss being able to go out to dinner with my husband, and then come home to watch a movie - not because of anything other than being too exhausted to even think about getting through a movie.

Having really young children is incredibly draining and tough -- and for me... I've got two of them! It's hard with one, but there REALLY is no down time with two. It's not about who is more efficient with their time, it's a matter of prioritizing. When you're raising tomorrow's functional society members -- there is a LOT to be considered... like Carolyn said in the original article... you're talking speech, manners, integrity, honesty, self-control, neatness, kindness, patience, rule following, not to play in their poop (I digress) -- the list goes on and on.

Honestly, if blogging wasn't my main way of processing through my thoughts and emotions -- and a way to document some of the things that go on with these crazy boys - I wouldn't even take the time to do it. I didn't for a long time, and even now -- I sit here late at night trying to fit it in around all the other things I need to be getting done.

So, to take my little bit of down time to make a personal phone call or write an email -- you've got to be joking. I can't make ANY phone calls during the day while my children are awake -- unless we're in the car. The minute that I pick up a phone - it's like someone thinks it's time to have an epic fight -- just ask the DirecTV guy that had the pleasure of talking to me today while the boys were awake. It means that my phone calls turn in to "those calls" -- you know the ones where the Mom wants to talk to you, but spends 90% of the call parenting. It's just not worth it.

I've learned the art of multi-tasking to the extreme, I can manage a lot -- but some things have to fall by the wayside at times. It's give and take -- so while I try to simultaneously cook dinner, feed the kids, clean the kitchen, feed the animals, and change the laundry all at the same time... it also means that sometimes (okay, every time) some food hits the floor... so that means that if I don't want food all over the walls/floor of my kitchen... I have to sit down and focus solely on that task. Same goes for everything else.

It is physically exhausting at times, but luckily -- I've got a lot of women in my life that have been in my shoes and encourage me in ways I can't even imagine. So, I would have loved to be able to tell the author of this initial letter that she is incredibly lucky to have friends -- because honestly if your biggest concern is googling why your Mom friends are so busy... you've got bigger problems. Stop judging them for not calling you, because really -- with an attitude like that, you'd be at the bottom of my call list too.

My best advice for this person would be to reach out first -- because it may not be that your friend doesn't want to talk to you... but she may just be completely brain dead and needs you to initiate the contact. Send her an email -- let her respond. Text her -- it may not be the same as a phone call, but at least you won't hear the craziness going on at her house -- and she can likely get a text message sent without someone going completely nuts in her house. Invite her for a girls night out -- TRUST ME -- she will appreciate the time just being herself with other ladies.

Above all else though -- NEVER ask a mother who works in the home or outside of the home the "what have you done all day" question... EVER. It's the fastest way to get yourself punched in the throat... trust me on this one.


  1. - on that article of course.

    To me, it goes back to the constant competition women have with each other to be better or best at everything. What happened to support and encouragement? Thats what REAL friends do?

    I don't feel the need to compare or compete. I'm satisfied with my life. People who spend their lives putting others down do it to make themselves feel better.

    You are rockin' the mommy thing girl. <3 U!

  2. As a childless 36 year old, let me just say that whoever the boob is that wrote into the article IS not the majority. It just takes a little common sense to understand that when you add little ones to the mix, your life becomes not your own. You only need a set of eyes and ears to get it. Geesh.

    To make the comparison that "I do the same things as you, I work 9 hours out of the home, etc." is to diminish what parents are required to do. They do EVERYTHING people like me do, only they do it while tending to needy little ones who depend on them for everything expect sleeping, eating, breathing and going potty.

    Come on! I get it Kim. :)


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