Monday, November 5, 2007

Nerves Take Hold

Well, it has happened... like an unwanted stomach virus - my nerves are taking hold today. You know, until this morning - all I felt was excitement over having this surgery... but something has changed. I can't explain what it is or why it is happening, but BOY is it happening!

I had a meeting this morning with my department and our boss. He asked me if I was getting my final preparations for my time off completed, and something snapped in my head. Maybe it's this crazy book I've been reading, "Weight Loss for Dummies", but something is definently raising my anxiety level exponentially.

In the past 24 hours - I've read about how my hormones are going to make me crazy while losing weight, people are not going to know how to relate to me, I probably will feel miserable for a while, and there is a strong possibility of getting depressed. No wonder there is a high divorce rate with people that have had this surgery... I'm sure that it's taxing on everyone around you while you're going through all of that. John and I have a long road ahead, but I pray that God will give him the understanding to live through it with me during this rough first year.

I get the feeling that this can be a very isolating proceedure because most patients get the feeling that no one understands what they are going through. To me - this is a strong case where you need to be plugged into support groups. The one at the hospital where I'm having the surgery done allows you to bring spouses or family members with you to the meetings - so maybe that will be a good thing for both John and I. They also tell you to get your spouse as involved in the process as possible - so I'm going to have to learn to talk to him about every stage and step along the way.

I pray that tomorrow will be a better day and that my mind will be eased from some of this anxiety with a little catch up on the missing sleep from our crazy weekend. Maybe my exhaustion has allowed the devil to creep in and make me think about the bad things that can happen with this surgery... who knows... but I really need God to give me some peace this afternoon!
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