Monday, February 25, 2008

Serenity Now

For today's message - I want to give you a glimpse of what I deal with at work on a daily basis. To say that I don't ever do anything right (totally my bosses' perception) is an understatement. Today however, takes the cake.

Let me set the scene for you - it was 11:30 and I was sitting in my cubical eating my lunch quietly reading my current book of choice... basically taking my lunch hour for a change - only I opted to not leave my desk because I have no where to go. Anyway, my boss walked by about 3 times... and came back to my desk. She gave me the most evil glare, and here is how the conversation went:

Boss: "What are you doing?" (imagine that in the most nasty tone you can)
Me: "Eating my lunch" (looking at her puzzled about what I could be doing wrong)
Boss: "Oh"

Now she could have said "Oh, I'm sorry...I didn't realize what time it was" or something else human like that, but instead she treats me like I'm committing a crime against humanity. I seriously think that she thought I was sitting there at 9AM reading a book just as if I was basically disregarding my job. Not at all - as I said before it was 11:30 - I'd been in a meeting with this same boss at 10AM... so it had to be lunch time...

Our Pastor's message yesterday was the third in our series about God's Pet Peeves, and it was about "Spilling Innocent Blood" - but what I took from the message was basically the old saying "Kill them with Kindness" and that is the best way we can show our opposition to evil in the world. Now, I'm certainly not saying that this situation is anything like murdering a child... or any of the other evil out there, but I'm trying to put the message into practice in my own life surroundings... and this is the biggest evil I face on a daily basis - and I do honestly believe that my company is filled with evil (from the top down).

What I'm trying to do is take these situations and let them roll off my back, which is a very hard thing to do on a daily basis. I'm trying to be as kind in my actions around here as possible - even to the extreme in some cases... but nothing so far has changed any of the treatment that I've recieved. This example from today might seem minor... but it's just the most current in a LONG line of situations that have been created by my supervisors. Neither of which must think much of me at all - because it truly in the most basic form is verbal abuse that I have to deal with on a daily basis. It's to the point where sometimes you really do have to sit back and ask yourself if you're that incompetent or unprofessional.

I know that I'm not either of those things deep down, but when you hear them often enough - you start to question if that really is you. If I were a weaker person, or if I didn't have Jesus on my side... I might let them break me into believeing those things... but my faith and my future plans are the only things that keep me going around here. I know that there must be some lesson I'm supposed to learn while I'm in this place or season of my life... I just wish that I had an inkling of what that was... but God has a funny way of making those lessons clear in his own time and way... typically after the season is complete.

So today I'll spend the rest of my hours here silently working, and saying the serenity prayer in my head.