Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Accountability

I have a confession to make, and really - it's something I've been struggling with for a while... I fell off the wagon on the workout front. I was on such a roll, but then got sick... and haven't been able to get back on track since.

Don't get me wrong, I understand how important it is. I really want to do it, but my body just isn't cooperating right now. I have really been feeling very lethargic lately, and am unsure about what's happening...

I'm going in to give all my samples of blood tomorrow morning on my way in to the office. It's getting inside of a month from my six month check up with my surgeon, and that means a visit to my PCP first. So maybe he can shed some light on what's happening with my crazy (lack of) energy level.

I've got to get in gear though - I'm halfway through this first year... and I really need this next 6 months to be the same if not better in the rate of weight loss department. I'm not completely tied into hitting a certain number on my weight... but I do want to get as low as I possibly can before my first year is over.

It's no secret that my big goal is to have a child, and I'm not the picture of patience... so the sooner the better for me. We're not getting any younger, and have been waiting for an addition to our family for 6 years... I just want us to be able to enjoy our children... and then enjoy our grandchildren and retirement. This is totally my impatience, and my need to know that I'm actually destined to be a mother - like I believe I am.

I sometimes struggle with being patient and waiting for God's plan to come to fruition, and believe me - I'm working on that... but in the mean time - I've got to get in gear and get to working out.

Maybe I focus to much on the big global picture and creating a habit, and not enough on the day to day... I don't know. I think in some way - my demons about being perfect are creating some of the problems. Someone at the hospital told me that I should work out at the beginning of the day before I eat anything, and if that doesn't happen for whatever reason (mainly because I can't get myself out of bed) it makes me feel like I've lost a day and then I just give up. Sort of like when I'd diet before the surgery, give in to some sort of temptation... resulting in some sort of cheating the program... then I'd feel completely defeated... and I'd fall off the wagon bigger than I'd ever done before.

But something has got to give... anyone want to be my accountability partner? (I'm even open to having several!!) To check on my daily progress? To see if I worked out each day or not? To guilt me into getting up on the bike if I didn't make it in the morning? Be an angel by motivating me with emails, articles, or anything else that will keep me moving in the right direction and not focusing on the insignificant details?
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