Thursday, July 10, 2008

Not As It Appears

I have a confession - I am not nearly as strong as I might seem to be. I've really struggled with the idea of not being a teacher this year, and what that means... because as you guys might or might not know - this will be the second year that I won't have made that dream come true. I started this process in August of 2006, and in some ways it feels like something that will never happen... but at the same time something that I desperately want to happen. I've got boxes and boxes of supplies ready - bulletin boards, noise level monitors, the whole bit... and lets face it - patience is not one of my virtues. Somehow I honestly am (deep down)/was convinced that this was going to work out - the timing on my lay off and severance package was just too perfect to not be a sign that this was finally my shot.

Now, I'm faced with the possibility that this job might come through before I truly get to pursue that, and I don't know that I'm comfortable with taking a job and then quitting a month later... much less do I know how I'd manage to interview the first month on a job. If I got in there and hated it - that would be one thing, but I don't know that it would be the case here. In so many ways - it seems like I've already wasted so many years doing fundraising, and I always go into each organization hoping to help people... but only find greed. I honestly believed that all of that part of my life was behind me... and sure teaching wouldn't be all sunshine and roses everyday - but I welcomed a new challenge, and doing something that I honestly would be proud of.

I guess that I'm basically an emotional mess about this - if you haven't already gotten to that realization. I know that if the job is offered I'll take it, but I don't know how happy I'll be about it. I do appreciate all the kind thoughts and helpful perspectives on this situation that you guys have left for me... they are all helpful... I guess it's just going to take some time for me to work through it and be more comfortable with it.

All of that being said - I spent another 2.5 hours with them today, and enjoyed meeting the ladies... it wasn't the same set up as yesterday - but it went well. I didn't meet with the lady that I met with yesterday, but I left the writing samples that she asked for. It's now a waiting game, and I can't remember if she said that she had other people to interview or not... I think that she said she did, but I might have just dreamed that. Who knows - in the meantime - we'll finally get to pick up my car tomorrow, and we've got a very busy weekend ahead of us... someone very close to me has a birthday tomorrow, and we'll be celebrating - then we've got church and two church events on Sunday.


  1. "In so many ways - it seems like I've already wasted so many years doing fundraising, and I always go into each organization hoping to help people... but only find greed."

    This really stuck out to me, Kim. I'm not exactly sure why, but my first thought is that God needs to show you that there really are good people out there doing good things for some reason.

    And girl, I bet you make a much bigger impact on anything you take on than you realize. You're helping people, just by being so transparent in writing this blog!

    Love you, and teaching will come, all in God's timing :)


  2. I feel your pain through your writing. God is not a God of confusion. He will clear things up for you. Try your hardest to listen to what HE wants you to do and DON'T lose your faith!!!


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