Thursday, July 10, 2008

Not As It Appears

I have a confession - I am not nearly as strong as I might seem to be. I've really struggled with the idea of not being a teacher this year, and what that means... because as you guys might or might not know - this will be the second year that I won't have made that dream come true. I started this process in August of 2006, and in some ways it feels like something that will never happen... but at the same time something that I desperately want to happen. I've got boxes and boxes of supplies ready - bulletin boards, noise level monitors, the whole bit... and lets face it - patience is not one of my virtues. Somehow I honestly am (deep down)/was convinced that this was going to work out - the timing on my lay off and severance package was just too perfect to not be a sign that this was finally my shot.

Now, I'm faced with the possibility that this job might come through before I truly get to pursue that, and I don't know that I'm comfortable with taking a job and then quitting a month later... much less do I know how I'd manage to interview the first month on a job. If I got in there and hated it - that would be one thing, but I don't know that it would be the case here. In so many ways - it seems like I've already wasted so many years doing fundraising, and I always go into each organization hoping to help people... but only find greed. I honestly believed that all of that part of my life was behind me... and sure teaching wouldn't be all sunshine and roses everyday - but I welcomed a new challenge, and doing something that I honestly would be proud of.

I guess that I'm basically an emotional mess about this - if you haven't already gotten to that realization. I know that if the job is offered I'll take it, but I don't know how happy I'll be about it. I do appreciate all the kind thoughts and helpful perspectives on this situation that you guys have left for me... they are all helpful... I guess it's just going to take some time for me to work through it and be more comfortable with it.

All of that being said - I spent another 2.5 hours with them today, and enjoyed meeting the ladies... it wasn't the same set up as yesterday - but it went well. I didn't meet with the lady that I met with yesterday, but I left the writing samples that she asked for. It's now a waiting game, and I can't remember if she said that she had other people to interview or not... I think that she said she did, but I might have just dreamed that. Who knows - in the meantime - we'll finally get to pick up my car tomorrow, and we've got a very busy weekend ahead of us... someone very close to me has a birthday tomorrow, and we'll be celebrating - then we've got church and two church events on Sunday.