Sunday, October 12, 2008

Reflections

This morning - I had a shock... you guys - I went to put on my new jeans, and I was dumbfounded at the size of them. That might sound crazy, but when I picked them up they just looked so small... now I know they are still a size 20, which is big by any standards... but a year ago - what size was I wearing?! The last pair of jeans I bought were purchased before my surgery and I lived in them... and they were a size 32!

So yes, progress has been made - but when I kept looking at my legs in the car - they looked so small... but when I look at this picture (which I can only assume is how the rest of the world sees me) I don't see the same progress. Is that weird? Maybe so, but it's how I feel... I just don't see the same definition in my legs, and I see a potato suck on some stumps.

I'm so ready for the fat on my hips to go away and for my stomach to deflate some more. I guess I'm just irritated because I've been tracking my food intake for two weeks now, and keep my calories right around my daily goal - but in two weeks I've only gotten back to being 1 pound over my best weight. What's happening?!

Am I not eating enough? I'm afraid that when I get going on the treadmill my calorie count will dip even lower and I'll go into starvation mode. (I've got to get some pictures while I'm doing that... maybe I can get John to do that tomorrow.) I guess this is my crazy head playing games with me as it always does, but honestly... I'm starting to think that this is the best it's going to get... and if that's the case - what am I waiting for on the pregnancy thing?


I guess I'm just being emotional - and preparing for the worst because the last couple of months have been such a let down on the weight loss deal... but what else can I do - the walking will be good for me if nothing else... so pray for me ladies because I really would love to see 100 pounds gone by 2009. I've given up on seeing it before my 1 year anniversary - being that it's only a month and a couple of days away... and there's around 20 pounds to go...