Sunday, October 12, 2008


This morning - I had a shock... you guys - I went to put on my new jeans, and I was dumbfounded at the size of them. That might sound crazy, but when I picked them up they just looked so small... now I know they are still a size 20, which is big by any standards... but a year ago - what size was I wearing?! The last pair of jeans I bought were purchased before my surgery and I lived in them... and they were a size 32!

So yes, progress has been made - but when I kept looking at my legs in the car - they looked so small... but when I look at this picture (which I can only assume is how the rest of the world sees me) I don't see the same progress. Is that weird? Maybe so, but it's how I feel... I just don't see the same definition in my legs, and I see a potato suck on some stumps.

I'm so ready for the fat on my hips to go away and for my stomach to deflate some more. I guess I'm just irritated because I've been tracking my food intake for two weeks now, and keep my calories right around my daily goal - but in two weeks I've only gotten back to being 1 pound over my best weight. What's happening?!

Am I not eating enough? I'm afraid that when I get going on the treadmill my calorie count will dip even lower and I'll go into starvation mode. (I've got to get some pictures while I'm doing that... maybe I can get John to do that tomorrow.) I guess this is my crazy head playing games with me as it always does, but honestly... I'm starting to think that this is the best it's going to get... and if that's the case - what am I waiting for on the pregnancy thing?

I guess I'm just being emotional - and preparing for the worst because the last couple of months have been such a let down on the weight loss deal... but what else can I do - the walking will be good for me if nothing else... so pray for me ladies because I really would love to see 100 pounds gone by 2009. I've given up on seeing it before my 1 year anniversary - being that it's only a month and a couple of days away... and there's around 20 pounds to go...


  1. I have to say, you look amazing! Even if you aren't where you want to be, you have definitely come a long way!

  2. you look great and you have so much to be proud of!!! You might take a look at your calories and where they are coming from...make sure you are balancing protein and complex carbs...and sometimes when you are losing weight, you just hit a plateau. Do you ever lift weights or do strength training? Mix up your workout and I bet you start losing again.

    Best wishes and again, congrats!

  3. I think you look fabulous and a size 20 down from a size 32 is not a failed diet!
    No, I don't think you will hit the 100 pound mark by your anniversary, so I would get that idea out of your head. Even at 6 months out, my weight loss has slowed, though I am doing some serious toning. Do you have your fitday for public viewing? I'd like to see what you are eating (though I am by no means an expert). I do know that there are things I absolutely will not eat (I caught The Brit eating a snack pack of regular chips yesterday and I wanted to smack him!) and I also know that getting in enough protein is a daily struggle for me still.
    But don't belittle how far you have come! You look great and though there is still work to be done, there is nothing saying it can't happen! You may have to tighten up your eating more or exercise more (I don't know what you are doing now, so these are just random thoughts!) but I truly believe that when we want something badly enough, we can make it happen!
    I also get the mirror thing, Kim, as it happens to me often too. I'll see myself one way, such as being curled up in a chair, marvelling at my now smaller thighs, but then see them in a mirror and wonder what I was thinking with ever thinking my thighs were small! This is just our fat mentality, I think. Our brains take way longer to catch up to what our bodies are becomming, so I try really hard to ignore that fat voice in my head when I look in a mirror.

  4. Kim, you look amazing! And what's weird is that you look the same in a 20 as I do in a 14. The numbers are so irrelevant to how we actually LOOK! :)

    And while I certainly don't think "this is as good as it's going to get," I still say bring on the baby! :)

  5. I am right along with you struggling with my weight, too. I have tried something first time ever and had shockingly amazing results. I hired a personal trainer for 11 one-hour sessions to work with me once a week, and the other days I'm walking on the treadmill. Last week was my first week, and I'm not kidding, I lost some serious inches in my tummy, hips, and thighs. I had no idea that I could see this kind of result practically instantly; however, I attribute it to the fact that so many of muscles haven't been pushed like this in sooooo long.
    Anyway though, I think you look beautiful. Keep up the grea work, and try not to get discouraged.

  6. Hey pretty girl! You are looking fab...don't despair. Your eyes could be playing tricks on you from the line of the clothes you're wearing...

    You may not make 20 lbs in the next 6 weeks...but you had better not give up!!! I will have to come after you!


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