Wednesday, December 10, 2008

When in Doubt

I've learned today that when you are down - you have to look for the small things in life that might bring a light to the tunnel. For me today, two such moments occurred.

1) It snowed - and is still snowing... In HOUSTON, TEXAS! This has only happened like one or two other times in my 30 years on this planet... granted it's not enough to really experience it - not enough for snowmen or snow-angels... but seeing one of God's wonders floating around in the sky was enough to bring a smile to my face this evening.

2) Little fun moments with my husband. Tonight I went by the store on my way home, and was convinced to bring with me a couple of Hersey's bars and a bag of marshmallows. John proceeded to make smores in the fireplace tonight - if that doesn't warm your soul - I don't know what would.

3) I ate a half of a smore, and was completely satisfied... again - amazing! A year and a half ago - I would have eaten 2-4 times as much and still not felt that it was too much sugar... hello? Can we say I was totally a diabetic in denial?

In other news, today was a big day in the world of figuring my life out - they really weren't kidding when they said that after having this surgery - you could wake up one day and not know who you are anymore. Ummm - that absolutely happened to me last Saturday...

Not only did I wake up and realize that I needed to work through some things, but I also knew that I couldn't live the rest of my life with all the unhealthy emotional issues that I've lived with for most of my life. Surely as I am typing this message - if I don't deal with all of this now - there will come another day when I begin eating my feelings again.

So today my friends, I wrote a "letter" (no one does that anymore - it was email) to my sisters - and I was shocked and amazed at the responses that I got. There is a lot to the story, but I never realized how things from our past effected them... we've missed out on a lot of years of being sisters in the real definition - but I think that today has really started us on a path of putting it all back together.

My parents split up when I was so incredibly young - and it was interesting to know that even my sisters who were in high school (I was 7-8) didn't see it coming either. I am really on the road to having a conversation sometime soon that has been 22 years in the making.

I've got some time to prepare for it emotionally, but I hope to be able to have it in person - rather than via letter/email. I don't know if I'll be able to do it - but one way or another - I hope to go into 2009 with a different perspective on events from my past. Once I know both sides of the story - then I can put it all behind me in a balanced way - and move on with my life... and with the relationships healthier.


  1. I decided to check my google reader before closing down my Mac for the night, and I'm glad I did.

    You can do it, Kim. Look at all you've accomplished in the last year.

    I'm praying for you to have the courage and peace you desire.

  2. Kim, this is AWESOME! I've had some moments with my own sister who is only 4 years younger than me, but we've had to acknowledge a few things that may be helpful to keep in mind when you go into this meeting w/ your sisters:
    1) You have the same parents, but you all have very different experiences being the child of those parents. Just because your sisters doesn't mean you have the same perception of how things went during your childhood.
    2) My sister sees some things as problematic that I disagree with--I accept that it's true in her experience, but I don't agree that it was my experience as well.
    3) Since our parents are human beings, they change over time and learn from their mistakes (hopefully). That just means that even if we have the same mom, for example, we may have experienced to very different versions of the same person.

    None of this is necessarily relevant to your particular situation, but I imagine it would be helpful to know that you all had very different experiences of the same event growing up!

  3. Good for you, Kim! I'm glad you are able to work through the problems with your family WITH them. Wish I could do the same but it is still really hard for me. I think that being obese for so long has made me feel like certain members of my family don't think I "count" as much as others and I have bought into that. I really need to find a way to move beyond it.


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