Wednesday, December 10, 2008

When in Doubt

I've learned today that when you are down - you have to look for the small things in life that might bring a light to the tunnel. For me today, two such moments occurred.

1) It snowed - and is still snowing... In HOUSTON, TEXAS! This has only happened like one or two other times in my 30 years on this planet... granted it's not enough to really experience it - not enough for snowmen or snow-angels... but seeing one of God's wonders floating around in the sky was enough to bring a smile to my face this evening.

2) Little fun moments with my husband. Tonight I went by the store on my way home, and was convinced to bring with me a couple of Hersey's bars and a bag of marshmallows. John proceeded to make smores in the fireplace tonight - if that doesn't warm your soul - I don't know what would.

3) I ate a half of a smore, and was completely satisfied... again - amazing! A year and a half ago - I would have eaten 2-4 times as much and still not felt that it was too much sugar... hello? Can we say I was totally a diabetic in denial?

In other news, today was a big day in the world of figuring my life out - they really weren't kidding when they said that after having this surgery - you could wake up one day and not know who you are anymore. Ummm - that absolutely happened to me last Saturday...

Not only did I wake up and realize that I needed to work through some things, but I also knew that I couldn't live the rest of my life with all the unhealthy emotional issues that I've lived with for most of my life. Surely as I am typing this message - if I don't deal with all of this now - there will come another day when I begin eating my feelings again.

So today my friends, I wrote a "letter" (no one does that anymore - it was email) to my sisters - and I was shocked and amazed at the responses that I got. There is a lot to the story, but I never realized how things from our past effected them... we've missed out on a lot of years of being sisters in the real definition - but I think that today has really started us on a path of putting it all back together.

My parents split up when I was so incredibly young - and it was interesting to know that even my sisters who were in high school (I was 7-8) didn't see it coming either. I am really on the road to having a conversation sometime soon that has been 22 years in the making.

I've got some time to prepare for it emotionally, but I hope to be able to have it in person - rather than via letter/email. I don't know if I'll be able to do it - but one way or another - I hope to go into 2009 with a different perspective on events from my past. Once I know both sides of the story - then I can put it all behind me in a balanced way - and move on with my life... and with the relationships healthier.