Friday, September 18, 2009

Some Days

As I return to the office from yet another trip to the reproductive endocrinologist's office (Dr. Mac as we affectionately call him) I find myself completely overwhelmed with this journey... and the depth of the complications.

Some days, it is just too much to bear... the load seems too great. In my mind, I know that God has a plan for us and that in his time we will be the parents that we so greatly desire to be. The problem is that my emotional side... doesn't get it.

The longer I am stuck taking these shots, the worse I feel... which quickly spirals me into some dark places emotionally. I've kept it in check this month more than I have in the past... but today the load seems to heavy to carry. The injustice too great.

You see, we're not even like normal couples going through fertility treatments - because we've never crossed the finish line with these cycles... we just get barely close enough... and then the rug gets pulled out from under us and our cycle gets cancelled.

Is it too much to ask to be able to experience the 2ww (2 week wait)? I mean just getting that far into the cycle would be some great progress for us!

I guess I just come to you guys today feeling very burdened, broken, and frustrated. I don't have any news from my blood work - maybe sometime this evening we'll have that... but the whole thing is just incredibly maddening.