Monday, October 5, 2009

Sweet Husband & Insensitivity

Can I just tell you guys that my husband is incredibly sweet?! After posting the list of things that make me happy last week or whenever it was... magically today a book that was on that list appeared for me in the mailbox. How sweet is that?!

I had to start this post out with bragging on him before I break something down for the rest of the world... of course not any of you that have commented on this blog - or to me on Facebook. But can I just tell you about a few things that are incredibly insensitive when dealing with someone in your life that is struggling with something major... like infertility... a divorce... or any other big life altering event...

When someone is dealing with something of that magnitude... it is generally considered inappropriate to make a joke about it - in any form.

Things like:
* Want to borrow my kids so that you can see how much trouble they are?
* I have a kid for sale...
* Why would you want to be married anyway?
* Want to spend some time with my husband (or wife - depending on who is making the joke) because they are a real pain...

Do any of those things seem like good things to say to someone in a time of struggle? I'm thinking no... and at least for the first two - I have some pretty witty and somewhat rude comments to say back - that I typically keep in my own head.

And for the most part - my goal in having children isn't to borrow someone else's that they've messed up... I want to mess up my own with my own mistakes. HA!

It is also generally considered sort of mean to ignore the situation completely and bring up some sort of random and unimportant trivial need that you might be having.... I'm just saying.

Overall, I have gotten some amazing support - even some that I find surprising from some sources - but some reactions have been somewhat insensitive. My mission here isn't to call anyone out - because that isn't my job... if you haven't done something you should - that is between you and God and not my place to worry about it. By and large - people have certainly gone above and beyond for me... and I love them all for it - I know that each and every one of you have a special place in heaven.

This has been on my mind for quite some time, and today - I felt the need to say it.

Just sometimes, people... think before you speak. That's all I'm saying.


  1. *thumbs up*

    I'm proud of ya girl. Good words, even without a voice.

    I will pray specifically that your Loving Father shield your heart from taking in any more hurtful words and that your ears discern what they hear so that you can rebuke the devil before his evil finds its way to the innermost parts of your spirit.

  2. Kim I am so sorry. Sometimes people are insensitive. They don't mean to be, but sometimes they are.

    I am getting worried about you. Are you physically feeling better than you were?

  3. People just don't think. When I was at the ER during my m/c, the Dr. said...It's no big deal. If you can get pregnant once, you can get pregnant again. Very sensitive.

  4. You're exactly right! When things didnt work out with the little boy we fostered, people said the same stuff "you can adopt MY kid" and worse "well you have to put YOUR kids first" - we felt like he WAS out kid, so that wasnt too comforting......when I went through breast cancer treatments I had a whole different experience with absolutely stupid you are right, it's amazing what people will say! I think some of it is out of sheer insensitivity and also out of just not knowing WHAT to say. It's good you point this out because it will make us all think next time we offer support, or THINK we are offerring support. Because sometimes the best thing we can say is nothing! :)


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