A few of you mentioned on my last post about the nursery how you thought that having to set one up in our house was sort of the cruel part of the adoption process. I'll be honest, when I first started looking into all of this - I completely agreed.
I couldn't imagine being in a place where setting a nursery up wouldn't just be a painful reminder of what is missing from our lives. I couldn't think of a time when looking into that room wouldn't bring me to my knees in tears.
Funny thing now - is that putting it in the house - or planning for putting it into the house... gives me an incredible peace. It is a place where our baby will live - at whatever time God provides us that child. It feels exactly like the type of things that you should step out in faith and do when called to do it. It also is a place that I will cherish being able to go and pray.
I can sit in that room surrounded by all sorts of things prepared for our child... and pray that God provide the child to us, protect them while we can't, help their birth mother deal with the choices she has to make, that the baby is born healthy, and all the other things people pray for their children before the arrive. Once the baby is there - I'll certainly go there to pray for all the things that mothers pray for their children... like, sleeping through the night! HA!
I've said it before, but the truth is that words just don't allow you to feel what is in my heart. The incredible peace that I feel about all of this is truly nothing short of a miracle in itself. It doesn't scare me or upset me to be setting up a nursery for a baby that I haven't encountered yet.
The same way that writing a letter to the birth mother and our baby doesn't scare me either. It gives me joy to be able to write such a letter for our child to someday cherish. Our baby will grow up with a keepsake telling them just how much we loved them and wanted them before they were brought into our lives. They will know that we weren't able to have a child on our own at the time, but that God brought them into our lives for the better of all our family and friends. Can you imagine anything more precious?
They will also grow up with the benefit of this blog - because it is sort of like a journal, and I know that we will have certain aspects of the blog made into a book for them to keep along with that very letter... so that they will know just what it meant for us to become their parent. So that they can see how our faith and love gave us all the opportunity to call each other family. Because that child might not have grown in my body for 9 months, but surely the moment I meet them... they will grow in my heart forever.
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