Friday, July 16, 2010


Isn't it amazing the amount of advice that you get when you are pregnant or raising an infant? I am literally speechless sometimes over the volume of emails, phone calls, and verbal advice that I am given on on a weekly basis - ranging in topics from delivery to the right way to hold my son. Does this happen to everyone?
I wasn't exactly prepared for it - and often times, I don't agree with what is being said... but I try to gracefully just take it all in with a grain of salt. When I have a question - I certainly put it out there for any and everyone to give me feedback... but the thing that blows my mind is just the amount of random stuff being told to me all the time about topics that really don't even apply.
Please don't take this as me asking for you to not leave comments - because that is NOT the case... I love hearing from each and every one of you... I'm just wondering how this phenomina starts. I guess it's everyone wanting to share their experience to help new mothers out - and that's truly a beautiful thing... it's very sweet and kind.
I guess the thing that I wonder about is if folks realize that every mother and every child is different... because what works for one might not work for the other. What works for James may not necessarily work for Tyler when he comes along... and you just have to be flexible and learn what your baby wants and needs.
I certainly am new to this game of motherhood - but my son is happy, growing, healthy, and thriving... so I consider that we're doing a pretty good job of it even with the ups and downs as they come. So, I think that for now, at this stage of his development - we have a pretty good handle on what soothes him, when he's hungry and things like that - so it baffles me when people tell me I'm wrong. Or that I'm not doing something correctly. For sure there are things that come up that we haven't experienced before - as will happen for the next 25+ years... but you just have to figure it out as it comes.
In terms of birth and delivery - I think some of the things I've written about that have become misunderstood in terms of what I'm trying to say - because some of the emails I've gotten have been to a certain extent - outside of the point that I was making. Here's the thing... I know my body fairly well - I'm not as in tune with it as some... BUT I know for the most part what I need at various times.
I know that my blood pressure, blood sugar, and vitamin levels are of the utmost importance... and believe me they are being strictly monitored - I promise. My doctors are wonderful at that part of the process and there are two of them working as a team in this with me... and I feel pretty confident that with that we're doing alright. Surprisingly enough, my body seems to be doing fairly well inspite of the issues that it could be having - so we're thrilled that as of right now my blood pressure levels are completely normal... no one expected that blessing! Even in spite of my swelling - the levels are staying at normal levels or just below.
In terms of delivery - natural vs c-section... I know that this is a pretty controvercial topic for some... and I certainly think every woman is entitled to having the delivery that they want... but I just want to clear the air on how I feel about it - and my plans. For starters - I think that every woman's view on this is shaped by her medical history and experiences in life... so no one is wrong - we're all just different. For me personally - I am not afraid, upset or anything else about having a c-section. I feel like for me, that will likely be how Tyler comes to join the family.
My own birth story was one where my mother and I both almost died because they weren't quick enough to realize that I should have been born that way - and by the time they did realize I was stuck in the birth canal - it was too late to change the course of the delivery. I realize that was 1978 and things have changed since then, BUT again... I'm totally fine with having a c-section if that is what my doctor feels is best.
Given the potential size of Tyler - being that I'm diabetic... and the issues that can come up with preeclampsia due to my blood pressure - I feel pretty confident that we'd make a good choice there to go ahead with a c-section. Now, if something changes and it looks like a vaginal delivery would be perfectly fine for both of us - then that's okay too. I'm just not going to be one of those women that fights to the end to have the vaginal delivery... that isn't me, and I know that. If the doctor says "I think we should do the c-section, because..." my response would be "great, let's do it!"
I know my body - and I know that typically... when it comes to medical things... I fall into the worst case scenario end of the spectrum, and I'm okay with that - I've learned to live with it. All I ask is that my choices be given the same respect that I'd give you in yours. I think it's wonderful that some of you deliver your children without medication... at home or otherwise... I really do - I think it's great that you can make those decisions and have that freedom, and I hope that each experience has been fantastic. I am not that person... I'm as far from being what has been called "granola" as one can get... and I'm okay with that.
I don't really do nature - on most levels... I'm not a camper... I'd rather be in a hotel. I'm not an all-natural no drugs sort of girl... and I'm okay with that too. It takes all of us to make this world go around - and we have to love and respect each other for those differences.
I think the single best advice I've gotten from some dear friends has been "Find what works for you and your baby - and stick with it" - best words ever... because they are so TRUE!! Even still - sometimes all a new mom needs is a smile, a hug, and someone to just tell them that they understand and have been there.
I hope that I haven't run you guys off - because honestly - I love hearing from you, and have picked up parenting/pregnancy tricks from you that I didn't know existed... I just wondered if others out there experienced a crazy onslaught of advice during this period of their parenting journey... and does it continue as the kids get older, or is this just something that happens with the baby stage...
(Also realize that I'm insanely hormonal... so like I've done with some of the advice... take my words with a grain of salt... and if needed with a lime and a margarita!)


  1. Agreed on all accounts! I feel the same way about labor/delivery and letting the doctor decide what's best. I also have friends who have used midwives and birthing centers for a less "medicalized" experience, but I'm actually far more comfortable in the regular hospital routine. I've had surgery many times, and if a c-section is best for my baby, fine with me. The only person I've come across who's REALLY trying to convince me is a friend who uses cloth diapers--saves money, saves the environment, better for baby... I get it! But not going to happen! :)

  2. Okay so I know this is a Christian blog, but here are my two cents.

    Opinions (and advice) are like, um, bottoms. Everybody has one and they all stink.

    Just try "well isn't that nice" as a general response. Sometime I'll give you the full story behind that one:-)

  3. The biggest mistake we can make is try to put others in our box.

    That goes both ways - others trying to persuade you to take the bait on their very staunch opinions on the subject of motherhood and you wanting people to be less opinionated when it comes to your pregnancy and how you raise your sons.

    You can't control what others say; others can't control what your final decision is.

    Unfortunately, you won't be able to stop people from sharing their thoughts on what's a widely opinionated subject.

    You're a smart cookie, love. You know when someone's opinion is for crap. That's when you just need to reject it, move on and don't look back.

    Now, someone telling me what I'm doing is wrong when my baby is happy and healthy? That's a different story and one that would have a very different ending...

  4. You tell 'em sistah! This is YOUR decision.. all of it. No one else's.

  5. Kim, when people tell me I am doing something wrong, I always say with regards to Sylvie, "She's mine and I can screw her up if I want!"

  6. I whole heartedly agree! Different things work for different moms. Some people are horrified that I'll probably be induced and will most definitely have an epidural. Different things work best for different moms - from birthing, feeding, etc, etc. The most important thing is that the mother and baby are happy and healthy.

  7. Mother's Intuition!!! You are a Mommy of two now. Trust me you know what is best :)

  8. K- I was like you, didn't care much one way or the other just wanted them out safely! After a long,long labor ended up with a C-section and it was great! My recovery was so easy, no post delivery incontinence, no painful sex, or any of the other side effects related to a "natural" delivery. You don't sound scared of one at all, but I know some are so I just wanted to encourage you if that is the way you go! Oooh, and to add to the taboo I didn't nurse either and my kids are happy healthy and well attached!!!! :)


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