Thursday, March 3, 2011

Not Cool

So while this tired, old, weepy Momma was eating her lunch today - I was browsing the interwebs for news to occupy my brain. Cause otherwise - I'd likely fall asleep face planted into my salad. I was poking around on our local newspaper website, looking really for news updates about the daycare fire and search for the coward that created that situation... but I happened across THIS blog post.

If you don't want to pop over there to read it - let me give you the highlights. Basically, this lady's 4-5 year old daughter did a project for school about various things she likes and such... in the section for what she wants to be when she grows up - she basically says "housewife" - the mother takes this to mean that her daughter has no ambition. She does come back and try to redeem herself at the end of the post... but it didn't take away from my wanting to slap her.

What the crap?!

Since when is it not ambitious to want to take care of your family? To be a good parent? I see those as admirable qualities... and if you are in a financial situation to be able to do such a thing... I say "good for her!"

First of all, she's 5! What does she really know about what she wants to do with the rest of her life? She can barely tie her shoes or count to 100... I mean honestly. I'm sure she'll change her mind 15,000 times before she is actually old enough to do anything about starting any real career path.

Secondly, the teacher explained to her that boys and girls process differently - so her response was completely age appropriate. So why mess with that? Why not let this little girl maintain some of the sweet innocence that brought on such a response?

Would it be so bad for people to step back from all the "things" they want in this world, and take care of the "things/people" that really matter? At the end of the day... does she really need that new iPad2 or would it be better to raise her family and make memories at the zoo or just at the park?

I think that it's a sad testimony about where people have their priorities these days... I mean come on!

Now, that being said - I understand that for a lot of families 2 incomes are a MUST, and I respect that too... I completely stand behind people doing whatever they have to do in order to take care of their families to the best of their abilities. Be happy, people... take care of the people that matter...

I have done both, and can say that neither situation is easy. On the one hand, while staying at home - you can get to a point where you need some outside interaction... but on the other hand, working a full-time job and then going home to properly care for your family (a second full-time job) can be exhausting and overwhelming.

I guess my point to this lady is this. Don't for one second think that someone staying home to take care of the people that matter most in their life as anything other than highly ambitions and admirable! Quite the same to me as someone setting out to be a brain surgeon or anything else.


  1. I read the post, and it irritated me too. The author wrote in the comments:

    "I would be 100% supportive about Hazel staying home with her children. But that is very different than stating marriage as a goal."

    This is, in my opinion, such a big part of the problems our country faces today. Traditional, male-female marriage is under attack. (Recent developments with DOMA, anyone?) Families are under attack. I can't think of a single show on tv that shows a family unit with a mother who puts her kids before herself (and who treats her husband nicely), a father who isn't made out to be an idiot, and children who are respectful. Being a wife and a mother is a wonderful thing to aspire to, and it's a shame that poor little Hazel is being given a different message.

    Go Fish Guys have a great Mom song. I'll try to find it and post a link.

  2. Here it is...The Mom Song by Go Fish Guys. (Love them btw!)

  3. I'm extremely proud that my friend Nicki made you angry, because insipid people like you huffily defending their own padded-pastel mediocrity with fatuous collections of emotional knee-jerks framed in breathless hyphens and ellipses is what's really wrong with this country.

  4. "I think that it's a sad testimony about where people have their priorities these days... I mean come on!"

    I couldn't agree more. People writing entire blog posts to complain about other blog posts they misread sure is a wacky priority. The author's concern was not about her daughter wanting to be a SAHM, but that her career goal was to "get married." That's different from raising a family, staying home with kids, or even staying home at all. The author didn't once express concern about the goal of staying at home with kids. The whole point of the post was to identify the difference between the career goals of girls and the career goals of boys, and whether that is nature or nurture or both. That's it.

    So, yeah. Writing a lengthy defensive post, defending against something that was never said, on a completely separate blog, is a strange priority indeed.

  5. I agree with NoShowMo - I think you're defenses are up and prickly over something the author never said??

    The author of the original post was initially concerned that her daughter's response to a career question was "nothing" but then re-thought to be "I'll get married". The author wonders if she should be concerned and tries to focus her daughter on the idea of "career" and the idea of earning money to live. No where does she say the idea of a SAHM isn't work? The author then expands her thought process to question the messages we send boys and girls about what constitutes a career - and how they differ.

    I think your post was a tad over reactionary and perhaps the original post needs a second pass. I question if your points are at all in line with the point(s) the original author made nor am I clear that you even offered a second perspective on the incident. It seems rather like an unprovoked attack.

  6. Why is mom so fired up over a class exercise? Why can't Hazel just be 5 and have 5 year old dreams? Later in her article, mom all but implies disappointment that her daughter didn't list a more "noble" career - one that would pay well (construction worker, vet), simply because Hazel's idea of what she wants to be when she grows up didn't align with her idea. I think the teacher's explanation of boys vs girls and what they want to be when they grow up is valid.

    Personally, motherhood and being a good spouse are both full time jobs that require lifetime commitment and effort and are no less noble of a goal to strive towards than a career outside the home. Why does one have to treated as superior to the other? Many women today balance both brilliantly, especially the author of this post and my FRIEND.

    Personally, Hazel's exact words could be interpretated in a few different ways. I think the whole thing was blown out of proportion.

    Sounds like mom's only problem with the robot is the fact that her daughter isn't becoming one fashioned from her own ideas of what/who she should be.

    And to're a coward. Period. Wanna go on the attack of people having opinions? Go ahead. We all wear our big-girl panties around here.

  7. I wear Big Boy Underwear, thank you;)

    I could argue both sides here but I really wish to focus on this:

    "I'm extremely proud that my friend Nicki made you angry, because insipid people like you huffily defending their own padded-pastel mediocrity with fatuous collections of emotional knee-jerks framed in breathless hyphens and ellipses is what's really wrong with this country."
    March 3, 2011 4:23 PM


    You probably concider yourself smart? Is Nicki your "real" friend, or your imaginary Internet friend? I'm betting you are pretty uncomfortable around real people? Couldn't keep your marriage together and now the realities of being a single mom are hitting home for you? Resentful? Oh yeah, I got your number. You only thought you were anon-a-mouse! <---see? I use big words too!

    Kevin Simpson.

  8. I just wanted to say thank you for this post. Not only do I completely admire you as a mother, this post is something I NEEDED.

    1-you are AWESOME. I don't think I could ever walk in your shoes, although I also cannot imagine the joy in your life between those two sweet boys of yours. I love my 1 to death and I cannot fathom 2! But I can only imagine :) What a great mommy you are!

    2-I recently had a pregnant "friend" of mine pretty much downgrade every inch of my mothering life. I'm a SAHM for the time being because it has worked for our family up until now, and my sweet boy is MIRACLE as I struggled with IF/PCOS and was told it wouldn't happen naturally. Anyways, she told me that I had no ambitions, etc. and that she doesn't understand wanting to give 100% of your time just to be available to your child.

    I was really down. This opinion of yours just lifted me up and reassured my decision of doing the RIGHT thing for me and my family. I am proud of taking care of my family and I just wanted to THANK you! :)


Thank you so much for your comments. I really enjoy getting feedback on my writing!