There is so much in life that is different for each of us based on our own life's course and our perspective on the situation. Take pregnancy for instance... some love it because their experience is magical and doesn't involve being sick for 36+ weeks - others hate it because of the aforementioned illness and swelling that is nothing short of being absolutely ridiculous!
As we were driving to MOPS last week, we passed a church that had about 200 tiny little crosses in their lawn. I didn't notice it on the way, but on the way home - I saw the sign. Each cross was representing an aborted baby in our area. This got me thinking.
We all have our own thoughts and opinions on abortion and if it's something you'd consider for yourself - those things are based on various different points within your life's perspective. Politics, Ethics, Morality, Spirituality, Circumstance, or even just plain Choice. This post isn't about debating those issues.
This post is about my own perspective... when I saw each of those crosses - a name in my life crossed my mind. John. James. Joshua. Gabriella. Carl. Tiffany. Addison. David. Tristan. Stephanie. (I'm sure there are others) Each of those names is a person in close relationship with my family and/or me... each one is adopted. Each one could have instead been a cross on that lawn.
Can you imagine? It is hard for me to fathom the choice that the ladies that would become these birth mother's had to make, but I thank God for everything they endured for these people. It takes on a whole different meaning when your own child's name is on that list though.
I remember sitting in the doctor's office in September 2009 hearing the words and knowing in my heart that our journey through infertility treatments was over... there was nothing else those doctors could try that would give us any more hope. I remember thinking that it didn't matter to me if I carried the baby myself or if someone else did it, but one way or another - I would be a mother. On the flip side of that, I couldn't imagine carrying a baby knowing that I wouldn't parent that child. My own perspective prevented me from understanding that decision - or how someone could make that choice.
I'm grateful that things like that are outside of my understanding, but that God has a plan and holds the birth mother's hand through it all. I'm grateful for her wisdom beyond her years to know that there is a life out there for her child even if she isn't in it everyday. I'm grateful for people like Sara, Cindy and Susan who work at New Life Pregnancy Center in Texas that minister to so many of these ladies and help them make the choices and plans that best bring God's glory to the lives of these babies.
Finally, I'm grateful for God allowing me to understand that motherhood isn't about carrying the baby - it's about pouring your love and heart into the life of the child you are given to raise. Of course my perspective has changed on this several times, but no matter what - I am beyond words grateful that the lives of my husband and son are a part of my family instead of being a cross on a church lawn somewhere.
There are so many families out there waiting for their hearts and lives to be filled with babies of their own - and I wish that more ladies would have the education and courage to be able to help give those children they are carrying a chance to fill those hearts and families. I'm not writing this today to judge anyone that has made a different choice - I'm just hoping that if one person out there might read this and know the difference that adoption has made for me... they might change their perspective and fill a mother's arms who is waiting for her baby.
I know it's incredibly difficult and painful... but I'm here to tell you that it can work. We view James' birth mother as a part of our family and would love to have her involved with us as much as she wants to be. We didn't start out with that perspective on the situation - but we grew and learned how that relationship could work, and can't imagine anything different.
Everyday we live changes us in ways we may never know. You see things. You experience things. You read things. You decide things. All of these things change your perspective a little bit - and mold you into the person you are this very moment. I for one am glad that I can look at that display and see so much in those crosses - I'm sad for the ones that are planted on that lawn today, but at the same time... I'm beyond grateful for the ones that aren't there.