Monday, April 16, 2012

Body Image

Why is it that when I look in the mirror... all I see are flaws and nothing pretty? Is it me? Is it the unrealistic ideals that America puts on all of us?

I hate that I can't just be happy with who I am... and that I feel like I'm in some sort of horrible overwhelming plan to fix it. I mean - with so many things - I can break a goal up into smaller parts, but make it be something about health, weight, or exercise... and I'm a goner.

I've tried everything to start it up, but nothing seems to catch. I have to go big or it stops... like if I start working out - I have to do it everyday without a break or I lose momentum. Truly. If I take a rest day - I will somehow lose a week or month... or even more.

Am I alone on this?

Same thing with food. I was really successful on Atkins - once I got through the incredibly sick feelings of the first couple of days detoxing from carbs... but if I moved out of the initial (NO CARB) phase... it was a quick slide back into the world of carb-loading. I could last for a few months on that initial phase - like lose 40 pounds or so... then I'd fall off the wagon in a BIG way.

What is the answer?

I wish I knew. I wish that we could all just embrace what makes us different. Isn't that what makes us beautiful afterall?! I get the unhealthy - and the obesity epidemic... but why can't people just stop judging others based on things they know nothing about?

I for instance - don't really eat that poorly - I make bad decisions once in a while, but overall - it's not the "what" as much as the "when" - because of having two vultures (aka toddlers) that I live with. Meaning that I can't eat when they are awake or it becomes a huge screaming fest of not being able to get *my* food in their mouths.

So that means that breakfast/lunch comes at naptime - or around 11 - and then I don't really eat again until they are in bed for the night... at 8. Unhealthy, more than likely... but it's not because I sit around eating chips and bon bons all day.

I just hate that perception. I once went on a blind date with a guy that later (after the date) told me that he was repulsed by me... because all he could think about was me sitting at a buffet all day. Seriously?! Who says that to someone? Especially when it is so FAR from the truth. I guarantee Tyler can eat more in a meal at his 18 months than I can in a meal. It's sad really that he is thin as a rail, and I'm a fluffy marshmallow!

I'm starting to ramble a bit, but I just get tired of the constant battle that we put ourselves through with all of this both internally and against each other. I'd love to wake up one day and just feel comfortable in my own skin - while not being made to feel bad about that by other ladies out in the world. Anyone with me?


  1. Yes I am with you all the way!!! It is hard. I was talking to a girl last night with our same issue and she said she tried to focus on what God thought about her, not others. When she started looking up scriptures on His view of us then she started feeling better about herself. What a great idea.
    And as far as that guy.... I bet he is still single or divorced!
    I had a similar situation.... I talked to a guy on the phone for hours and hours. I was very honest that I was not slim. When he saw me (at my door) he "acted" lost and stop answering his phone. When I finally did talk to him he said he didn't realize I was large. I now thank God I didn't spend any more time on him and waited around for someone like Kevin!
    Keep fighting for your health. Try to eat right, take a walk, and make sure you have plenty of outlets for stress. You are God's favorite. He thinks the world of you and it hurts Him that you don't feel the same way about yourself. Chin up girlfriend! And kudos to you for sharing. It's a tough subject.

  2. Is there any way you can eat when they eat? I bet that would help a lot. If you eat while they are playing, I can understand them wanting your food, but if you eat while they are eating they would be more likely to focus on their own food. Especially if y'all are eating the same thing.

  3. You are too hard on yourself!

  4. I'm leaving you a blog award today, check it out!

  5. Couldn't agree more. How could someone say that to you? How awful. Some things should not be said, and that's one of them. How inconsiderate.

    I'm the same way with exercise. I worked out 3 times a week for 3 weeks, but then we went out of town. I haven't been back to the gym since. I need constant motivation. I have come to the conclusion that I will not be able to go to the gym, so I've just cut back on the amount I eat. I also suggest eating when the kiddos eat. Easier said that done, but giving it a try could help.

  6. No, you're not alone and yes, unrealistic ideals are slowly chipping away at self-esteems around the world.

    I'm frustrated with how I'm looking these days. Well, I go back & forth. Depending on what I wear, I look skinny to myself, but when I try on clothes, I feel like a tub. Fashion/current trends have managed to make a size 10 look like the Titanic wrapped in denim. It's ridiculous.

    More than anything, I realize I sit WAY too much during the day since I work at home now. Then, come 5 o'clock, it's time for dinner and a little time with the hubs before it's time to wind down for the evening, around 7-7:30. By then, almost an entire day of sitting has gone by and I'm feeling the effects of it. Plus, we get lazy with out eating habits too.

    It's a lot to balance and it's especially hard to stay focused! I have gotten on & off the health & fitness bandwagon many, MANY times over the past couple of years. Currently, I'm back "on". We'll see how it goes.

    Lifestlyes & schedules heavily dictate how we take care of ourselves. The more you try to fit into an already busy day, the more likely you are to put yourself last. I don't think there's an easy answer Kim. First and foremost, there needs to be self-acceptance. If you compare yourself to others, stop. I'm BRUTAL toward myself in this way sometimes, but it's seriously destructive. Secondly, if you make your efforts about "appearances", don't. Make it about having more energy, not needing medication to manage your health and for being the most healthy you can be for your kids & your husband(not to mention, setting good examples for them on how to be good to their bodies).

    I worry about my cholesterol or gall bladder issues. When I focus on how I'm damaging my health, I'm more motivated to not let it continue down the wrong path.

    Trash talk is just that - trash. Don't listen to it, don't acknowledge it. No one knows your life, your schedule and your body better than you. They are nothing more than careless, thoughtless judgments.


Thank you so much for your comments. I really enjoy getting feedback on my writing!