Monday, April 16, 2012

Body Image

Why is it that when I look in the mirror... all I see are flaws and nothing pretty? Is it me? Is it the unrealistic ideals that America puts on all of us?

I hate that I can't just be happy with who I am... and that I feel like I'm in some sort of horrible overwhelming plan to fix it. I mean - with so many things - I can break a goal up into smaller parts, but make it be something about health, weight, or exercise... and I'm a goner.

I've tried everything to start it up, but nothing seems to catch. I have to go big or it stops... like if I start working out - I have to do it everyday without a break or I lose momentum. Truly. If I take a rest day - I will somehow lose a week or month... or even more.

Am I alone on this?

Same thing with food. I was really successful on Atkins - once I got through the incredibly sick feelings of the first couple of days detoxing from carbs... but if I moved out of the initial (NO CARB) phase... it was a quick slide back into the world of carb-loading. I could last for a few months on that initial phase - like lose 40 pounds or so... then I'd fall off the wagon in a BIG way.

What is the answer?

I wish I knew. I wish that we could all just embrace what makes us different. Isn't that what makes us beautiful afterall?! I get the unhealthy - and the obesity epidemic... but why can't people just stop judging others based on things they know nothing about?

I for instance - don't really eat that poorly - I make bad decisions once in a while, but overall - it's not the "what" as much as the "when" - because of having two vultures (aka toddlers) that I live with. Meaning that I can't eat when they are awake or it becomes a huge screaming fest of not being able to get *my* food in their mouths.

So that means that breakfast/lunch comes at naptime - or around 11 - and then I don't really eat again until they are in bed for the night... at 8. Unhealthy, more than likely... but it's not because I sit around eating chips and bon bons all day.

I just hate that perception. I once went on a blind date with a guy that later (after the date) told me that he was repulsed by me... because all he could think about was me sitting at a buffet all day. Seriously?! Who says that to someone? Especially when it is so FAR from the truth. I guarantee Tyler can eat more in a meal at his 18 months than I can in a meal. It's sad really that he is thin as a rail, and I'm a fluffy marshmallow!

I'm starting to ramble a bit, but I just get tired of the constant battle that we put ourselves through with all of this both internally and against each other. I'd love to wake up one day and just feel comfortable in my own skin - while not being made to feel bad about that by other ladies out in the world. Anyone with me?