Monday, January 7, 2013

Back to School

Tomorrow the boys go back to school for their first day since December 14th. I'm super excited for a bit of a break, but at the same time a little sad that 1/2 their school year is over already.

James had a tough transition this fall, and just started getting settled in when they went on this long break... so I'm sure there will the crying in the morning. Poor little buddy. I'm not sure which was worse the changing of teachers (I love his new teachers -- don't get me wrong) or being separated from Tyler.

It's good for them to have a little time apart for sure, but I just hope that it's the best thing for them at the moment. I'm trusting that it is. I've got so many things I want to talk about, but I need to save some of it and pace myself.

For tonight, lets just say that I'm struggling a little bit with Mom guilt. The kind of guilt that comes from being too hard on your toddlers and stressing too much about stuff that doesn't matter. I mean honestly, Kim, does it matter if their toys are perfectly sorted into bins? No. Does it matter that they play with their toys and learn life skills by mastering the things that they are learning with those toys? Yes.

Does it matter that your house is a wreck most days? No. Does it matter that you're there with your children and that they are having a good time? Yes.

Does it matter that your housekeeping is severely lacking and that laundry almost never makes it to the completely finished point before it's time to do more laundry? No. Does it matter that your kids are fed, healthy, and happy? Yes.

Why is it that my head tells me these things, but when those crazy little boys are awake -- all bets are off with my brain? I wish I could find a way to relax and enjoy these days that I've been gifted with instead of wishing them away to a certain extent. It's not that I am wishing my children away -- I love them more than anything... but what I do find myself doing is wishing for them to be a bit more independent... or wishing they'd watch a movie by themselves so that I can get laundry done or whatever other insignificant task could be completed in that moment.

Contentment is my struggle. I'm always wanting more or wishing for something to be different. I need to be content with things the way they are... right now. Today. I know that these days will never come again with the boys -- they deserve the best Mommy they can get -- so I'm off to get some sleep and try to be that Mom in the morning when James needs a little extra love and support to into his classroom.
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