Tuesday, January 29, 2013

Mommy-sitter

I feel like I need a Mommy-sitter, someone to babysit me while John is at work. I have a migraine today -- and I swear it has both of us freaking out. I am trying to just realize that there is bad weather in the area, and it could be a result of that.

Is it? I don't know. I just know that my head hurts - which wasn't happening in the hospital -- so it's different. I haven't lost my ability to speak or form sentences... I'm completely normal other than this headache and shakiness.

I left the hospital diagnosed with a sinus infection on top of the other issues, and before this attack -- I would have just attributed everything to the infection, but now... I'm second guessing and questioning everything. I wonder if this is the new normal -- where everything is over analyzed because we are nervous about all of this happening again. Or does this fade over time where we get back to not worrying about it all the time?

I hope that it's the ladder because it makes me sad to think that at 34, my life has become a constant fear of my health turning for the worse.

Maybe we'd feel more comfortable if I had a person watching me for signs of something being off? Maybe it would be better if this wasn't a super crazy work week for John -- including working through the weekend? There aren't any real answers -- and maybe it would be okay if the boys understood the concept of 911?

One thing I can say with a little more certainty is that if they had found something -- a definitive cause of this attack, and then fixed it -- I think there wouldn't be this *thing* hanging out there where we are waiting for the shoe to drop. I'm not sure how to move forward without fear, and on top of that -- I've got a sick little man to take care of.

My poor James has a terrible cough that is keeping him from sleeping, and a fever... which I also have. James rarely is the one that is sick, and I hope that we can get him in to see our pediatrician tomorrow morning. If not, I pray that they'll call something in for him. I normally would give him some Delsym, or I would give it to Tyler... but it makes James a crazed maniac -- so I need something else for him.

Keep us in your prayers, dear friends... we are struggling a bit over here.
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2 comments:

  1. Praying for you. I've had times in the past of health anxiety too - allergic reactions to the unknown; and panic attacks. For me, turning to the Psalms was comforting. Hang in there, He's got you!

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  2. I'm sorry you're going through this. Praying you and your little one feel better soon and the rest of your week gets better. I hope you get answers on what caused the seizure. So scary but I'm glad it wasn't worse!

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