Thursday, December 6, 2007

Irrational Thoughts

Today marks my third week out from my surgery, and irrational thoughts have taken over after my trip to the scale this morning. I am down 21 pounds, but am actually up two from the last time I weighed... so my mind immedately started hashing through all the craziness that comes with a let down at the scale. Thoughts like "Why did I have surgery if it's not going to work" and "Did I really need to have my insides reworked to have the same results that I've had for years?" Deep down - I know that for obvious reasons this is really an issue of water retention and my body going into a little bit of shock this week... but it's hard for your intellect to win out over your emotions.

I did have a couple of odd experiences this week... it started with my dinner on Monday night - I wanted some mashed potatoes so John agreed to make them for me, but made me promise to eat some lunchmeat at the same time for the protein benefits. I agreed, and must have gotten a little over excited about having something new - which must have made me forget to really focus on chewing that lunchmeat really well... and about 5 - 10 minutes later - I felt it push through into my stomach. Let me tell you this is the most bizzare and slightly painful experience I've had since my surgery... and I can only describe it in one of two ways:

1) It felt like what I would imagine it would feel like to actually get a stick to cram the food down when you get really full... you know how people will say that they wish they had a stick when they have eaten WAY to much. I can't picture that actually feeling good - so I think that would be option one.
2) It felt like one of those cartoons where the cat swallows a bird (or anything else) and you can see the image of the bird through the cat's throat... and watch it slowly move down... yeah - that's what it felt like... GROSS!

Luckily, John was sitting on the floor in front of me when it happened - or I'm sure we would have made a trip to the ER that night. The look on my face must have been priceless... but only Maggie and Missy will ever know the truth about that one. (if only they could really talk!)

The following morning - I thought I'd try another new item, peanut butter. When the doctor told me that I could eat soft-solid foods - I thought peanut butter would apply to that because it's not really solid... but I never thought about the fact that it's really sticky!! ARG! I felt it push through as I had felt the turkey the night before... not fun! I haven't had anymore experiences like that since, and I hope that I don't have anymore...