Thursday, March 20, 2008

Grateful

As we roll into the Easter weekend, I'm struck with a real sense of gratitude for all the changes that have/are happening in my life. As a person seeking weight loss surgery - you dream about the possibilities of being a normal sized person, and all of the freedom that would come along with it.... but there is the dark side too. Being that most of us have tried just about all the weight loss programs out there in the world... you have that self doubt that pops up after years and years of failure at those various programs.

In a lot of ways though, this surgery gives you the gift of (at least initially) taking the choices out of the equation. For at least the first year, it is really hard to "fall off the wagon" because of the physical illness that would come from that... and the fear of that illness to a certain extent. So instead of having a stressful day and eating a pan of brownies, (no - I never did that!!) you are forced to deal with the causes of those emotional eating patterns in some other way. It truly is a gift because it makes you get outside of your own head, and make healthier choices.

That being said - your job, (read - the hard part) is sticking to the plan and the new lifestyle for the long term. If you get lazy - the weight will come back on.

In the meantime, I'm focusing on the small gifts that come along the way - like wearing skirts to work, and clothes that haven't fit in years... some even in over a decade. Also, finding that I have bones underneath all the fat... things that might be taken for granted, but are completely new and wonderous to those of us on this journey.

It truly is the most amazing thing to get your life back after so many years of trying to fade into the background of life... and I for one am excited to get out there and see what is in store for me. I'm already finding myself wanting to do more things instead of wanting to sit out because of my weight... and while I have a long way to go still... I am amazed at how far I've already come.