Tuesday, April 1, 2008

Bad Gets Worse

Well, as we close the first day back from vacation... I officially got called in and yelled at this afternoon. This time - she actually had someone check my work (I'm a researcher and its very subjective) but while I was gone... or at least that's the cover she was using - because I know she was going to ask her to check it either way.

So the other lady found two pieces of information that I didn't... and one of them is a REAL leap... I've been told that she's giving me a verbal warning... and that I need to step up my work or figure something else out... Geez - if only today were a day in July!!

In a very weak moment coming out of her office - I ran into my friend Hope and actually let the boss win... I couldn't help but lose it emotionally... there has got to be something I'm supposed to learn here because I know that God isn't cruel enough to just put me here to suffer. I just wish that it would be come apparent what that lesson is... because it's getting harder and harder to bite my tongue and just "grin & bear it"...

I know that I'm an intelligent person, and not only that... every other boss I've had wrote me a glowing recommendation for my teaching application - so I know that I'm not completely crazy when it comes to me thinking that I'm an above average employee... but I just don't understand what it is that is really going on here. There has to be something more to this picture... but at this point - I don't even care... I'm completely fed up, and already basically sit here quietly and do my work everyday - I have no desire to talk to people (other than my one friend)... no desire to be a part of the imaginary team that they talk about all the time... I just basically sit here and take it - which on some level is really interfering with my own self-respect.

I guess it just really concerns me that people think it's okay to talk to other people like that... I mean even when I did really bad (it's a relative term - because I really was a good kid) things as a child... my parents never talked to me like this! John and I have fought over the years, but he'd never even think about talking to me like this... so why is it okay for them to do it? I guess mainly because there's nothing I can do - our HR department is completely wrapped around their finger... and is absolutely no help to those of us taking the abuse. In the three years I've been here 20 people have quit or been fired (our department is only 35 positions!), and on top of that they've had 12 people go complain to the HR department... only to turn around and get forced out themselves.

I know it's only for a couple of more months... but some days it's really hard... and I guess today she's taking it out on me for having a life and taking a vacation.


  1. I see potentially a couple of things that could be going on here. Of course, the easier one is simply "misery loves company" and it sounds like this witch (and I have my letters confused; I'm being nice) is definately unhappy in her own life in some way. The other thing I wonder I only think about because I once worked in Corporate America and I watched that company when they set their sights on forcing someone to quit. I would hate to think that was what was happening, but I have witnessed it before and it is horrible and below the belt.

    I wish I had advice to give on why you are there or how to handle this woman. Does she have a boss? Is her boss constantly coming down on her? It just feels like something else is going on here, but then again, you may never know.

    I'm sorry your day back sucked, but keep your chin up and hang in there! In the words of a character I played once in Steel Magnolias: "That which does not kill us makes us stronger." And besides, God will never give us more than we can handle.

  2. Is it possible that your boss might be reading your blog? I ask because I am amazed at the people who have requested to be on mine. Just by googling Aaron's name someone he knew in LA found our blog. Weird. Just be careful.


  3. Kim, remember this...

    Her lecturing you is feeding her own Ego. It is not about you, and don't let your Ego make you feel that it is You said yourself that you know you are smart and intelligent. Plus you have independent confirmation from others based on the recommendations you have received.

    Sometimes it is more powerful to say/do nothing. It leaves the other person's Ego hungry and confused.

    You will find that as you lose weight, the perception of you changes in the eyes of others. Sometimes it's helpful. Sometimes it's not. Just stay true to who you are and not how others identify you.

    We're never dealt more than we can handle, right?


  4. Staci,

    I really doubt it - because that would actually mean caring enough to look me up on google... and that isn't the type of person she is.

  5. kim

    we all know and have been there

    i'm praying for you. :(


  6. I'm sorry you're having such issues at work! My work is no where near perfect, but at least I don't have an abusive boss. Just keep in mind.. not much longer!! :)

  7. Kim,

    I cannot WAIT until the day you don't need that job anymore and you can tell your boss to shove it! : )

    We spend too much time at work to be miserable. Just hang in there... you're ALMOST out of there!


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