Tuesday, April 1, 2008

Bad Gets Worse

Well, as we close the first day back from vacation... I officially got called in and yelled at this afternoon. This time - she actually had someone check my work (I'm a researcher and its very subjective) but while I was gone... or at least that's the cover she was using - because I know she was going to ask her to check it either way.

So the other lady found two pieces of information that I didn't... and one of them is a REAL leap... I've been told that she's giving me a verbal warning... and that I need to step up my work or figure something else out... Geez - if only today were a day in July!!

In a very weak moment coming out of her office - I ran into my friend Hope and actually let the boss win... I couldn't help but lose it emotionally... there has got to be something I'm supposed to learn here because I know that God isn't cruel enough to just put me here to suffer. I just wish that it would be come apparent what that lesson is... because it's getting harder and harder to bite my tongue and just "grin & bear it"...

I know that I'm an intelligent person, and not only that... every other boss I've had wrote me a glowing recommendation for my teaching application - so I know that I'm not completely crazy when it comes to me thinking that I'm an above average employee... but I just don't understand what it is that is really going on here. There has to be something more to this picture... but at this point - I don't even care... I'm completely fed up, and already basically sit here quietly and do my work everyday - I have no desire to talk to people (other than my one friend)... no desire to be a part of the imaginary team that they talk about all the time... I just basically sit here and take it - which on some level is really interfering with my own self-respect.

I guess it just really concerns me that people think it's okay to talk to other people like that... I mean even when I did really bad (it's a relative term - because I really was a good kid) things as a child... my parents never talked to me like this! John and I have fought over the years, but he'd never even think about talking to me like this... so why is it okay for them to do it? I guess mainly because there's nothing I can do - our HR department is completely wrapped around their finger... and is absolutely no help to those of us taking the abuse. In the three years I've been here 20 people have quit or been fired (our department is only 35 positions!), and on top of that they've had 12 people go complain to the HR department... only to turn around and get forced out themselves.

I know it's only for a couple of more months... but some days it's really hard... and I guess today she's taking it out on me for having a life and taking a vacation.