Saturday, May 3, 2008

All About Me

The theme of today is - All About Me... I think what I needed most in the ordeal that has been the last three days of my life... as just an hour or so to do something for myself. I needed to take some time to realize again that I did nothing wrong to warrant being laid off... and I can hold my head up high no matter what they have done to me. Which believe me - is more than I've put up with from anyone else I've ever met.

It still hasn't completely become real yet - as I still don't have the feeling of being free from them. It hasn't occurred to me yet that I won't have to put up with the berating and belittling that I've become so accustomed to in the last three years.

Today has been another crazy whirlwind... but of course now it just keeps getting funnier. Our cleaning lady was scheduled to come today - so we decided to just go ahead with it, and see what happens between now and her next visit. I told her to call me in June to see if I can afford for her to come... so we'll see what happens in the next few weeks.

While Christina was working upstairs on cleaning - I decided to do some more cleaning in our closet... and I found a mess... we have a leak... it's coming from our shower and goes all the way into our closet and up one of the walls. I had a plummer come out as part of our warranty - and he said that the builder didn't seal the shower... so he turned on the water and pointed it toward the shower door... and this line of water just pours out everytime we use it... so he cut some holes in the wall of the closet and ripped up our carpet... so hopefully it'll dry out between now and Monday so that it can be fixed.

Normally - this sort of thing would tick me off, but I just can't go there... while it's a major hassle... at least it gives me some sort of a reason to get dressed on Monday. (if you know what I mean)

Our new television is broken as well - so we're having to ship it back and have a new one sent to us.... swell... something else I can deal with next week...

I've also got to get with the company that rented us our CPAP machines - because our insurance changed in January and they haven't been able to get their billing information updated... since we don't use them - I decided that they can just come pick them up and that's two less items in the house collecting dust and taking up space. So I can scratch that off my list of things that I'd do "one day".

I did make it out today to get my nails done (the one extra item that we left in the budget) and get a couple of things that I couldn't find at the grocery store yesterday. John has been working on our budget this weekend, and it looks like our fun money has been suspended for the time being and a couple of other things... just trying to save as much as we can - in the event that I get a teaching job and we need to cover a few weeks between my severence and my new salary starting.

I'm praying that God will show me the way to a teaching position in the next couple of weeks - not because I want to spend the next couple of months pretending to be a house wife, but because I really feel that it's my calling to work with children. I used to feel like fundraising was my calling - you know - that I could help people, and make a difference.

Well, let me tell you that I've found that isn't the case. The 5 different non-profit agencies that I've worked for have had their share of corruption... which leaves me feeling really uneasy about taking people's money... and don't get me started on the greed that I've experienced in my most recent position. I can't imagine anywhere else being as greedy as what I've seen there - I mean - to the point of where literally in one meeting, someone talked about doing whatever (and she meant using whatever "assets" were needed) to get the gift closed before the end of our fiscal year.

I don't know - I just haven't seen a lot of God in those environments, and I'm at a place in my life where I need to glorify him in all aspects of my life - not just the aspects that I can control... so I'm chosing to believe that this is his way of getting me to that particular environment.