Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Irrational Anger

I'm only stopping by so that you guys won't think that I've disappeared. The second round of the stimulation shot went alright last night - there might need to be some changes in logistics, but overall it went fine. (if any of you missed John's comment on the last post - you should go read it - priceless!)

Today, however, has been much different on the old emotion meter... I'm used to being a weepy basket-case... but today - I've been a rage-machine. Can I just tell you that there is nothing in this world that will prepare you for the roller coaster that your body can go through during all of this?!

I mean, one phone call - normally just a simple little problem to fix... and I just felt complete rage and disgust well up inside of me like a volcano. The strange part of it is that it was very much like an out of body experience... because it was like my emotions and my brain were separate.

I knew that I was getting angry over nothing really significant, but I was completely powerless to stop it.

Insert - Kim sitting in her office with the door shut - for SEVERAL hours. Until I finally felt like I could emerge a decent human being again.

The price I'm paying for the anger though, is an extremely painful headache. Which I believe is a common symptom of the stimulation medications... (Oh My GOSH... ya'll, I just coughed and thought that my left temple was going to shoot off across the room!)

Needless to say, this is no picnic... physically I am drained... emotionally I am drained...

Is it worth it? Absolutely!

Am I ready for the prize? More than you could imagine!

Am I freaked out that the subject of triplets keeps coming up all around me? Not at all.

While triplets sure would be a challenge... I know that God doesn't give us more than we can handle... and I think John and I are up to the task of raising exactly the number of children that God grants us.

My blood work will be drawn tomorrow morning at 10AM... so please be continuing to pray with us that my testosterone level has remained low (that is the whole reason I'm on the Lupron injections) and that we'll be able to proceed with our ultrasound on Friday to see how the follicles are growing.

It's almost time for me to go home and get all my injections - then probably an evening of laying on the couch... my hope would be to get a few things done, but the reality is that I'm probably just going to try to sleep away the pain - because I don't want to take anything that could jeopardize our cycle at this point.


  1. Oh my gosh, forgive me --- but I am totally cracking up over your self-induced punishment by sequestering yourself in your office until you could emerge "decent" again. :-)

    I can only compare this emotional roller coaster of which you have absolutely NO control to when my doc decided to have me try Seasonique (the 4 period a year BC pill). HOLY MOLY. I was a MESS. I would literally burst into tears if someone looked at me a certain way or because of something said that was totally innocent. I'm a pretty balanced person, so for me to be SUCH a wack job was strange. I got to the point where the sudden urges to cry were untolerable, I called my doc, said I took myself off it and would be to his office later that day to pick up new samples. I didn't want to hear anything more on the subject.

    Girl, I so feel ya on this and I know it stinks. I just hope and pray it passes sooner rather than later for you!

  2. I have gotten angry almost like that, although it was due to my own wacked out hormones. It is very strange because the rational side is thinking "Wow, wish I had some popcorn. This is going to be quite a show." And the other side feels angry/sick/strange. Luckily it hasn't happened very often (I can only think of 4 times) but it is an awful feeling.

    I hope tomorrow/today is better for you.


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