Tuesday, August 9, 2011

E is for Enlightened

There are few certainties in life these days... one that you can hang your hat on though is that you will never truly understand the choices and decisions of other people - because you aren't them. You can't ever truly walk a mile in their shoes to understand their world.

You can certainly try, but you will always question and wonder.

For instance, I will never know what it's like to have 1 child grow into being a toddler on his own... or experience a few years with him being the only child. Is that good or bad - no... it is what it is, and there are beautiful things that come from it too - he will always have a playmate waiting in the wings. He has a best friend and enemy rolled into one - that will be a life long partner and will be able to laugh with him about things that no one else will experience... namely, his parents.

No one will ever truly understand the circus/symphony that comes with going from zero two 2 kids within 6 months. I can honestly say that in a different way than others - because we literally really had zero preparation time. If you were with us back then... we had the failed placement in February of 2010 - and had no idea when the next time would come for us to potentially be chosen to parent. We certainly didn't have 9 months to prepare for James or the reality of being his parents... and from the first day of bringing him home - we struggled and worked toward being able to bring Tyler into our home too. A newborn and a tough pregnancy... at the same time.

I say all of that to get to a different point. I remember the days before the boys came along - there were so many things that I just knew I would or wouldn't do as a parent... and those things have come and gone by the wayside in so many ways. Some things, are holding true... but others, were just from lack of being enlightened on what it's really like to be a parent. Some days - you'd let them juggle knives just for a minute of peace and quiet. (ok, not really... but you'd do some things that you never thought you would!)

So much of life is just trying to survive with the circumstances you are given. Each of those experiences serve to enlighten you further on the person you are. I just hope that one of these days, I'll get it together and be the parent my kiddos deserve. I love them more than life itself, and just want for them to be able to experience so many things - so hopefully one of these days we can get out there and start exploring those!
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