Line in the Sand

If there is one thing that weight loss surgery has taught me - it is that there are times in life when it is necessary to take a step back from your routine, turn, and go in the opposite direction. The other thing I've learned is that it's okay to do that.

Well, today I've made some decisions about my life and once again - I'm going out in unfamiliar territory. It's certainly not going to be easy - but in the end - it is time.

There is a long history that has brought me to this moment in time, but the pain and hurt feelings will stop. Everyone has family drama, and the thing that amazes me the most is that family seems to be the one place where the hurt and pain is the most intense.

The final line in the sand, if you will, for me is when someone calls my home and disrespects John when the issues involved go much deeper than that. The juggling act started over 20 years ago, and my entire adult life has been a balancing act of making everyone else in my life happy. With jealousy constantly being an obstacle for some in my life.

Somewhere in the last 30 years my life became about everyone except me, and it's entirely possible that my eating habits were formed as some sort of coping mechanism during all of the insanity. But that's a different topic for a different day.

The bottom line is that when people get married - that becomes the most important relationship in their life - next to their relationship with God. For me that means that a healthy marriage is something you fight for, nurture, and appreciate. The two of you come together and decide what is best for you as a couple, and what I've learned the hard way is that you can't make everyone happy - even part of the time.

The sad thing is that it has taken me 30 years to learn that. The only person I truly can control is myself, and it is my turn to be happy. It is my job to serve my husband with a glad and happy heart - and his job to do the same for me. Everything else is secondary to that.

This might be pretty vague to some of you, others already know about some of what has been going on with me over the last month... but today - I ended it. I drew the line, and from here - I will do things differently. I will not stress about everyone else's feelings. I will not kill myself to do everything that is asked of me. I will be more deliberate about planning things, and above all else - do what it takes to keep the stress level in my life to a minimum.

John and I will start our own traditions and carry those forward, and hopefully in the next year God will bless us with children... and from there our traditions will grow and evolve into what they will remember as they grow up.

Lord Give Me Strength

Oh ya'll - remember yesterday when I said a side effect of my medication might be nausea? Oh my goodness... it has swept over me like a tidal wave today, and during the biggest presentation of my time in the new job.

I survived that, and am now headed to bed...

Doctor Visit

Overall - I'd have to say that my first year follow up is pretty good. There are things that I wish were better, but we'll take our blessings and run too.

My vitamin levels are okay - that is to say that my B12 and Folate are better (seriously... what's up with my LACK of energy!!) than they were 6 months ago. My vitamin D level has tanked though - so I've been given a prescription to take to a compound pharmacy - for a monthly supplement.

I am upping my daily vitamin (Flintstones) to three a day instead of two a day. I'll go back in a month and figure out what needs to be retested there.

My thyroid level is still not exactly where it should be - so we've added another 1/2 dose to my current prescription... this might help with my energy levels... so there's some hope there!

My cholesterol has gone down... so a big WOO HOO on that one. I'm still considering adding those new Promise Activ Supershots yogurt smoothie drinks to my regimen. Just to get it down even further...

My blood pressure looked really good - and that was after a Starbucks - so I'm happy with that. I felt a little jittery - so ummm... I figure that it might be lower when I go back in a month. I've got to remember - no Starbucks on that day. I'm thinking that might be a New Year's resolution for me - to only have the Bux once or twice a month. So we'll see how that goes in January.

The newest change is for my Hemoglobin A1C (an average of your blood glucose over a period of time) - before I started this whole process my level was a 9.0... it had come down some before surgery, but just for reference - in order to have a healthy pregnancy and/or not be considered a diabetic the level needs to be 6.0 or below. Right now, my level is 6.9... we're the closest I've been to 6.0 since 2002 - so this is certainly progress my friends!

So in order to try to push things along - I'm going back on a twice daily shot. The medication is called Byetta - it is not insulin... it is a drug that helps your body make more of it's own insulin. Here's how it works:

• It signals the pancreas to make the right amount of insulin after you eat. It also helps prevent high blood glucose levels after you eat... which helps lower your overall level closer to normal.
  
• It also stops the liver from making too much glucose when your body does not need it.
  
• It may reduce your appetite and the amount of food you eat - this actually cracks me up, but the result for most patients is weight loss... so I'm totally up for that!!
  
• It helps slow down how quickly food and glucose leave the stomach... this helps prevent high glucose levels after you eat as well.

The only bad thing is that for the first week - you can experience some bad nausea and side effects while you get used to the drug being in your system. Overall we believe that this might help me get things a little more into the range that is needed for pregnancy, and overall health. I did get the referral (or they are working on it) to see the endocrinologist... so I'll be getting his opinion about this as well.

The best news of the day was that my highest weight was 1 pound higher on his records than what I gave myself credit for... so when I get home tonight - I'll be changing my ticker!! Give me credit for losing that one additional pound please... (**Update - already done... official loss is 88 pounds)

If things haven't started rolling again by the time I see him in early January - I'm totally going to be exploring other things that could be wrong, but for now - we'll see how the additional thyroid medication and the Byetta work to help me in achieving my goals.

Prayers Needed

Tonight - I am humbled and prayerful for the best friend (other than John) I've ever had... Renee. Her family has been going through some really rough times lately, and is currently dealing with watching another (this is the third since this summer) family member be taken by illness.

I've got some wonderful readers out there - you've been with me through a lot of things, and have made such a difference in my life. Renee could use some extra love, support and prayer right now - so please go over to her blog and read about her inspiring view on how Jesus is and will continue to help her through all this grief.

Right Foot Forward

I'm hanging in there - and will report in after meeting with Dr. W in the morning.

Truth Tuesday

So, I am at a loss for a real title - and once again - Music Monday hasn't happened for this week. Ya'll what can I say? I'm so overwhelmed at work and with the holidays - it's all I can do to keep myself moving. I'm getting some progress and momentum on the gift purchasing... hopefully I can place another big order in the next day or so and be close to finished with all this "fun." I really do love this season, but when you travel for the holidays - it just sneaks up on you so quickly.

I guess I'm used to being able to get a lot of internet shopping and things done at work in the past, but not this year... from the moment I get started in the mornings - it doesn't stop until I leave. Which is really better than being bored, but when there are personal things that you could be doing... as in Christmas shopping - it stinks to have your job get in the way of your real life. I'm totally kidding - because it's a blessing to just have a job... but I do wish that there were several more hours in the day!

Oh and would anyone believe that my two dogs have had some sort of stomach virus for the last two days?! As if things aren't crazy enough... not to mention how in the WORLD does a dog get an illness like that? It really could have been a LOT worse... but if anyone knows me - I worry by nature/hobby... so this has made me a wreck for two days. They seem to be on the up swing, and are playing and doing some of their normal activities - so pray that we're done with this for good!

It would really help too if I had a smidge more energy - I'm so going to beg my doctor to give me a B-12 shot or something on Thursday! Would it be wrong to sit on the floor until they give me one? I'm ready to get some energy back - because I desperately need a boost to get through the holiday season!

I'm hopeful that I can get the paperwork in order to be able to see the endocrinologist the week between Christmas and New Years if it's at all possible... I really want John to go with me to that appointment, and it would be lots easier if it could happen while he's on vacation. We'll just have to see what happens when I talk to Dr. W on Thursday.

It's so strange - because for a year and a half - this is the longest I've ever gone between doctor's appointments. I haven't seen Dr. W since I had my gallbladder out - literally - the last time I saw him was when he came in the recovery room at the hospital to check on me, and make sure that they prescribed the correct pain medication. It'll be interesting to see what he says about my weight loss... or lack there of. I haven't really lost any weight since then... so maybe for the first time, I won't be just plain crazy - there hopefully will be some sort of answer as it what could be going on in there.

I'm starting to ramble... so I'm going to go get ready for bed.

$500 Giveaway & Money Saving Holiday Tip

Do you want $500 to spend for the holidays at Wal-Mart? This contest is being hosted by Wal-Mart and Nickelodeon (the company that provides programing for children).

Part of the contest is to give money saving tips for the holidays - but each contest is a little different. (I'm posting several contests here so that you can get multiple entries and I can too... but this isn't all of the contests by far.)

My best money saving tip is: To give gifts of your time. Each year we try to have some things on our Christmas lists that don't require going out to buy a gift item - we will give gifts of our time. For instance - give someone a coupon for babysitting... for doing the dishes every night for a week... the laundry... a weekend without football. One year my husband gave me "The 12 Months of Christmas" which involved a coupon for each month of the next year giving me a gift of his time... BEST gift ever!

To Think is To Create...

You can also get another entry by going to Frugal Upstate's contest as well.

Another contest is over at Skimbaco Lifestyle - (you guys - you can get lots of entries for this contest!!)

Yet another at Being Frugal.net

Once again at Mommy Brain Reports

I'll be back later in the day with another post. See you then!