If you're new to the blog - go here to see where this all began...
I've got some amazing friends, ya'll! Amazing... words truly can't tell you how blessed I am. I love that my friends both real and bloggy - are willing to take the time to show me that God's word is absolute... and applies to every situation, every pain, every struggle...
I wish I could come to you today and tell you that I've gotten over the struggle that I wrote about earlier this week, but it's still with me... I'm just learning how to give it over to God, and find some peace.
When I was talking with Renee about it she was amazing - and told me that I need to give myself time to grieve for the loss of the pregnancy that I thought could have happened last month... since the doctor did give me some false hope. (In retrospect - maybe they ought to think about what they're telling women who are coming to them with this desire - hold the comments until you get the blood work done!!)
I never really thought about it being similar to a grieving process, but it's true. It's hard, but she also reminded me of something that I know... but I need to own it as the truth... God is in control. Yes, he is - and thank goodness for that!
I also talked with another friend, Sarah, last night - and she made some amazing points too. She reminded me that God gave me the desires of my heart, and in his time - he will grant them in the way that he sees fit. Something else I have to know/believe in my heart and own as the truth.
This part of faith - the unknown timetables and the seasons of darkness are hard, friends... BUT without them - we all know that we wouldn't experience the highs of life either. You have to know where the bottom is in order to truly appreciate the top, right? If you didn't experience the lows in life - would the highs feel as good?
One of my struggles was understanding how I give my problem over to God, and truly seek his guideance in working through it. Sarah asked me to think about the last time that I felt completely overwhelmed and at a point where I couldn't take it anymore. The only one that sprung to mind at the time was last summer/fall when I so desperately wanted to be teaching school - but it wasn't happening.
It was too much to take on for me at that time, and thus I was forced to give it over to God and work through it with him. I got the job that I have for some reason - still unknown to me - but undoubtedly God is teaching me through it.
Only he knows what will be happening a month from now, a year from now, or 10 years from now... in both situations, and that is the part where I have to surrender to him and know that he will give me the desires of my heart - in the way that he knows will be best. It all comes back to the verse that was put in my life at the most timely moment...
Ephesians 3:20 (NLT) Now glory be to God! By his mighty power at work within us, he is able to accomplish infinitely more than we would ever dare to ask or hope.
I'm laying it down for him today - this of course doesn't mean that the struggle won't be tough on some days, but he WILL get me through it... and he WILL give me more than I could ever think to ask... I just need to be reminded of that sometimes.
Other people have said some wonderfully profound things to me as well that have helped...so know that I've been listening... and I appreciate it all from the bottom of my heart.
This post reminded me of a song I love by Kathy Troccoli called "Break my Heart". The refrain goes:ReplyDelete
"But it's been the rain,
it's been the storms,
it's been the days when I've been worn;
that I have found you, Lord, that I have seen you, Father.
It's in the pain that I have grown,
through all the sorrow I have known,
but if that's what it takes for you to lead me this far, go ahead and break my heart."
I've always loved these lyrics because without the hard stuff, we would never learn to truly appreciate the blessings he gives us.
Hi! I found your blog from That Family, and I would love to write to you about all this. I spent three years trying to get pregnant with my son, one of those with a fertility clinic, and I think I might have some helpful insight about Clomid and the other drugs on the usual roster when they're trying to deal with ovulatory dysfunction. Your experience this month seems to be mirroring my first month in treatment with my clinic... If you're interested, email me at ellenwit at yahoo dot com. I'll be praying for you. This is a very hard and long journey, and I remember it very vividly. Oh yeah, I'm now pregnant with a miracle second, had to go to the clinic again, but it took one month with the right meds.... finally. It can happen... sometimes they have to try a lot of different kinds of meds to get you to ovulate.ReplyDelete