Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Q&A Wednesday



Here are the questions for this week answered.

Kim asked:

My question is from a Christian standpoint. How do you deal with a fellow employee who is supposed to be your friend but is a "one friend" kinda person, meaning, when she has someone else in her life, I take a backseat? Also this person is pre-menopausal and subject to getting her Crazy on and getting rather mean and emo. I have no idea how to deal with her! (This is the same person who I had the Christmas drama with because my hubby said something she took in a way he didn't mean it and then she stuck me in the middle if you recall.) Consider yourself my "Dear Abby" for the day!

Whew, Kim... I have had a friend like that before, but knowing what I already know about this person - she has issues and they go far beyond you... or anything you can help her with really. I think that what I'd do is sit back when those flare ups in her personality happen and evaluate. Not evaluate her, but evaluate the situation - was there anything that you did to cause the situation? Is there something valid for her to be upset about? Is there anything you can do immediately to change it?

My gut feeling in most cases - no - there isn't much you can do when someone is being irrational because of their hormones. Our sermon this weekend was on conflict resolution... and it really brought some things to light for me.

You see when conflict comes up - you need to pray about it above all else... if you need to walk away for a little bit and pray about it... that's okay, but really seek God in the moment. The next thing to do is reconcile... which is rebuilding the relationship. It is very different from forgiveness...which is the act of dealing with the action itself more so than the relationship.

Now, is this someone that you are truly friends with...or is it someone that is there out of convenience? Because it sounds like she drops you when something better comes along, and to me that doesn't sound like true friendship.

I think you have to step back and look to see if you need to forgive the action or if you need to reconcile the friendship... from there - you'll figure it out. The other key to reconciliation is both parties owning their portion of the problem - so if I am The Brit (her husband for my readers) and I'm constantly late for dinner... I, The Brit, need to own that it is disrespectful to you that you don't know where I am or what time to have dinner ready... and you, Kim, have to own that sometimes it is out of his control. Together you have to come up with a solution that you can both work with.

Relationships are messy, and people are constantly hurt in the process of living life. People are going to let us down from time to time - that is just a function of being human... the only person that won't let us down is God. Look to him for guidance on how to move forward with this particular friend.

I also believe that you can only control yourself... your own actions, feelings, and responses... so as long as you are doing the best you can and are trying to react as God would have you react... there isn't much else you can do. She is going through something hard, and is choosing to take it out on you - or put you in the middle of it. That isn't fair, but maybe the only thing to do is hang on for the ride until she gets through it. Maybe writing her a letter validating her feelings while explaining your own is the way to go... I don't know... I know that you have a history with avoiding conflict - and you have to deal with that too.

I'm here for you though - so email me if you need to and I'd be happy to talk you through it as much as I can.

Christi asked:

What is one form of exercise that you enjoy? Even if it is impractical - such as snow skiing in Texas, ain't gonna happen but it still could be fun.

I honestly don't know - I guess the funny thing is that if I enjoy it - I don't think of it as exercise... so the concept of enjoying something that is also exercise is crazy! I would love to go back and try snow skiing again though...

It's silly, but I guess I'd say swimming - which is totally practical - but since I haven't owned a bathing suit since 1988... it is impractical at the same time. (it has been 21 years!) I'm going to try to get over my fear this summer and buy one... but that won't get me in a public pool...

Now for a thinking question, do you have a "life verse" (or a couple of them - I find it hard to narrow it down to only one. So I cheat. and have more.) And if you do have one, what is it?

I've said that my verse is Ephesians 3:20 - which I got after reading Kelly's Korner... it says "Now glory be to God! By his mighty power at work within us, he is able to accomplish infinitely more than we would ever dare to ask or hope."

That is exactly true - I find that when I sit back and look at my life - a lot of the good things are there purely by his grace... because I would have never thought to ask him to make John the Assistant Worship Leader at our church...

I would have never asked him for so many things that we have - blessings that I couldn't have hoped for... that is how I know in my heart that when he does bless us with children - it will be better than I could ever imagine. The struggle we've gone through to get there will only make it that much more of a praise to Him.

Remember that you can enter your questions to be answered next week in the comments section... start today!
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