Giggle & Sniff

Exactly 1 year ago tomorrow (April 9th) - my first baby boy was born! It's so hard to believe that it's already been a year... I remember sitting there that Friday morning waiting with baited breath to hear that he was safely out of his birth mother's tummy and waiting to meet me. Of course, in those exact moments - Tyler was with us as well... and would almost make me faint while giving James his first bottle.

It's crazy right? I mean 1 year ago - I woke up with no children... and went to bed with 1 in the hospital... and one that I didn't know about yet in my tummy.

We're having James a big Farm themed birthday party on Saturday - and I will be back with photos of that... and this morning we're off to get his 1st birthday pictures done and Tyler's 6 month pictures done. Crazy... time is moving so fast!

In honor of James' birthday... I thought I'd give you a little photo history of my little dude's first year.

 The first moment we saw him... about 30 minutes or so after being born.

Going home - 2 days old.

1 month

2 months

3 months

4 months

5 months

6 months

7 months

8 months

 9 months

10 months

11 months - Oh, that face... gets me every time!

12 months... sampling a pancake

This little man is such a sweetie - we've been through the single best year of our lives, and it's only getting better and better. 

At this stage:

• He is crawling
• Standing with help
• Claps when you say "YAY"
• Smiles more than ever
• Says "DaDa", "MaMa" (though only when upset), "BaBa", and "Bubba"
• Knows his name... and will turn around to look when you say it
• Enjoys jumping in his jumper, his walker, and on his parents
• Seems to have some musical rhythm... he'll sort of wiggle to the beat of music... which is cute!
• Is a squealer... we've called him a baby pterodactyl
• Has winked at us... though it was a 1 weekend trick
• Loves playing with electronic cords (oiy)
• Loves cars
• Loves Baby Einstein
• Does not like for his videos to be on a shelf... he'll immediately knock them down
• Is sampling adult foods - so far pancakes are by far his favorite choice! 
• Will snuggle on occasion
• Has 8 baby teeth - 4 top and 4 bottom
• Sleeps from 7PM - until about 7:30 AM if we don't have to wake him up
• Melts his parents' heart when he gives us one of those big smiles... which now typically happens with his eyes closed. :-)

James, we love you so much and look forward to celebrating each and every milestone and birthday with you for as long as we're able.

Help the B's

*** Well, lovely... this was supposed to post A LONG time ago, but didn't... Please help this lovely family!

So, you guys have all witnessed my calls for prayers and love for my dear friend Summer and her husband Adam. They have been through the wringer! After all that they've been through:

• 2 lost angels & the loss of a fallopian tube
• 5 failed IVF's
• the loss of Sum's beautiful Daddy, Butch
• sick kitties
• and many other struggles along the way

Summer and Adam want to adopt. They know that they are destined to be parents and want to share their love and warmth with a baby. This couple is amazing - they've weathered everything with grace and a fighting attitude, and I can't wait to celebrate their baby in whatever way he or she comes.

Maybe they'll be like John and I and be doubly blessed - I can only say that it's tough, but SO worth it.

Summer, I love you girlie and I know with all my heart that you will be a wonderful mother WHEN it happens... because it's only a matter of time.

So, how can you help? Well... the adoption costs are adding up - spreading the word and placing the ads they need to attract potential birth mothers isn't a cheap process - emotionally or financially. With the help of Kristen - Summer took one of her beloved Daddy's favorite sayings and turned it in to a print.

 

100% of the proceeds from the purchase of this print will go toward Summer & Adams adoption costs, and I'd really appreciate it if you'd wander over and get yourself a copy. You can buy it by clicking here.  I promise you these are two very deserving adorable people that you are helping, and two of the most grateful and gracious folks around.

Video Production

John's cousin, Joe, made this video of the boys from their Grandmother's birthday party last weekend. It is just the sweetest gift ever... and I'm thrilled that he was able to do it. Joe makes amazing videos both animated and live action, and is extremely talented. Enjoy!

Here are a couple of photos from the party as well....

Keepin' It Real

I need to start this post with a disclaimer - to those of you ladies out there that are still waiting for your miracle... I urge you to read even if you don't want to. I know you'll likely be irritated by this post, and I'm sorry. I COMPLETELY remember 100% how I used to feel when I heard some of these things, BUT I want to tell you the truth... and WHEN (because I believe that for most it's only a matter of time) you do get your miracle - I promise you'll remember this post and think... "Wow... no kidding."

After a really bad night on Tuesday (read REALLY REALLY bad), I needed to hear from some of my fellow infant Moms to see if I had completely lost it - or if I was just in need of a breather. I sent an email to 7 ladies from all over the country - Texas, Michigan, Florida, Ohio, and Nevada - and what I found was astounding to me.

Five of the ladies responded to me, and the phenomenon that I found was crazy. Out of the 8 of us ladies... 6 (SIX) found motherhood to be completely different than they thought it would be. I think I can speak for most of us in saying that when we used to hear about people struggling with their babies - we thought that they just weren't doing something right... oh how self righteous... people really, when it comes down to it... you just do what you have to do in order to keep a little sanity in this process.

I believe that 6 out of the 8 ladies struggled in some form - to varying degrees - with infertility... which I think we all had some sort of preconceived notion that since it was so difficult to actually get pregnant... and deliver a healthy baby - that we deserved some sort of pass to having an easier ride on the motherhood roller coaster, but that just isn't what we've found.

One of the other ladies really struck a cord with me though in her response because she identified something that has REALLY been bothering me a lot. She has twins, and I've got my little Irish twins... or so they've been called. The thing for us is that one of them is always crying or in need of something - so there is a whole lot of juggling between the two... and not a lot of time to enjoy the babies, hold them, snuggle with them, play with them, or just generally spend quality bonding time with them uninterrupted. Which can lead to a lot of added pressure being put on yourself to do it all better and faster so that you don't miss out on those beautiful moments.

The reality is that ALL of the ladies that responded sort of felt like the truth about motherhood was some sort of closely guarded secret that we weren't let in on prior to having our children. Not that any of us would trade our children for the world... but wow... some days this gig will bring you to your knees, and make you wish that you could hand the baby back to their mother. (only to find that you ARE their mother!)

A while ago - I posted this "schedule" of my day... and it's still similar only - add in a Tyler feeding somewhere between 2 and 3:30. But there is so much more to be said than that. My nights these days sort of resemble a war zone with me trying to side step landmines at every turn. It's funny because I remember in the days before the boys - when the work day was over... it seemed like the rest of the day was a gentle coasting into relaxation before bed... now it's an all out sprint from the moment I leave the office to get through the traffic to pick up the boys and get them fed, bathed, and played out before their bedtimes.

Right now they are both teething in some form... so the night are a little tougher than they used to be... which means that probably 80% of the time - the only thing I do for myself before bed is get a shower. (is that really for me or more for the people I encounter during the day? HA!) By that I literally mean that is the ONLY thing I do.

I skip dinner to hold one of my hurting little munchkins. I haven't actually watched and paid attention to an entire television show in a year. (Is it wrong that Tyler loves watching Bones?) I literally race to get in a shower and repack the bag while Tyler is taking a very short nap between his two nightly feedings. I still wear open toed shoes even though I haven't had a pedicure since before Tyler was born - because damn it - it's the spring. I have gotten poop on me more than I can count... and it doesn't even gross me out anymore. I've been thrown up on even more than I've been doused in poop. Sometimes the crying leads to all three of us crying together. The laundry - oh my stars - the laundry.

Children truly are blessings, but no matter how hard you've prayed for them... and believe me - I prayed for mine for 8 years... some days - you'll wonder what in the world you were thinking. Then you'll get a little sleep... see them smile at you... hear a baby giggle... and it'll all be alright again.

And just for your viewing pleasure... here are my two little men - I do love them fiercely even though some days I think they might literally either send me to the funny farm or just flat out bring me to an early death.

Those were taken before our first swim of the season... James' second time and Tyler's first...

The Story of Bob

 

That is Bob.

Bob decided yesterday to make a grand move from downtown Houston to the suburbs - Cypress to be exact. He hopped on with us at John's office building, and rode with us to Cypress.

He is a tough little guy because he managed to hang on to the window going 60 miles an hour on the HOV lane for 20+ miles... and through that we bonded a little bit. I sort of wondered if I picked him back up this morning if I could have driven the HOV with him as my second passenger... and if I brought his brother out with me this evening if that would count as well. (not likely since someone tried to claim a blow up doll as their second passenger and that didn't qualify)

Anyway, back to Bob.

He hung on for dear life for the trip from the city to the suburbs... and brought about this conversation and ensuing hilarity upon our arrival to Cypress.

John: "Do you want that thing to jump on you when you open the door to get the boys?"
Me: "No, but I was scared to crack the window to get him off because if he flew in the car - we'd have a serious wreck because I'd flip out."
(Bob was still on the window taunting me... and surely laughing)
John: "Well, lets try to get him off at the light."

I rolled down the window at said light... and Bob didn't budge. At least until I started rolling the window up... at which point he jumped inside the car... and caused a lot of screaming and flailing. I didn't know where he went, but then found him on my door inside the car... and of course the light turned green right as Bob jumped on to the STEERING WHEEL... and from there he proceeded to find his way over to John's side of the car. Much more screaming and lots of laughter came... and we had to pull over into the driveway of the high school in the middle of the street...

Upon opening the car door - Bob was spotted on the passenger seat, and was beaten with a spare baby bib that was in the car. We don't really know what happened to Bob after that - my happy place is that he is happily living in the area with the ducks and the pond... or reeking havoc with the high school girls there in Cy Ranch High School.

After much more laughter - bringing on tears - we continued on our way to get the boys. Just before we reached Miss Amanda's house though John caught a glimpse of a shadow and thought Bob had reappeared which spawned more laughter and more shrieking.

When we got to Amanda's - I got out to get the boys while John thoroughly inspected every inch of the car... no Bob was found... and we went on about our lives.

You just CAN'T make this stuff up!

Another Day, Another Lesson Learned

Sometimes, ok... it's really an indisputable fact of life... people are going to let you down. Some more than others, to be sure - but people are human and it's just going to happen - intentionally and unintentionally. Knowing this however doesn't take the sting out of it when it happens.

There do happen to be some groups that sting more than others, and there in lies my frustration. To be fair, I am VERY bad at accepting help 99.9% of the time. I don't turn it down when it shows up at my door and can't be denied, but when I can tell you not to worry about it... I will. I can't help it - I just don't want to inconvenience anyone and just about everyone I know has bigger and better things to do than come help little old me.

That being said, there are some basic things that can be done for people even when you don't have time to physically be there. You can just send an email to say "I'm thinking about you" or "Wondering how you're doing" - just something to let someone know that you care. I think that is within most of our ability... because honestly - sometimes that's really the best way to help. To let someone know you're out there thinking about them and that you understand what they're going through is difficult.I think that's true in any situation - because how many times have we all thought and/or said, "I know words won't help take away your pain or struggle, but I'm here nonetheless."

I haven't ever made a big move like I'm about to do at a time when the rest of my peer group wasn't doing just the same - basically my big "moves" have been around graduation from high school and college. The rest of the time - I've stayed really local... which doesn't cause many ripples in the social life.

This time - there are big waves happening, and it's sad to see how people really sort of write you off from the moment the move is announced. Now, not everyone - for sure... but it is an interesting dynamic that happens. Especially while you wait for the move to happen - because this period of limbo is truly FOR THE BIRDS! It's hard to be in the middle - not yet leaving and not yet arriving. There is no getting on with life. There is no getting settled in a new normal. There isn't even a time frame for it to happen.

It's tough. It's even tougher when people you care about come under attack and they aren't the ones leaving. Some dear friends of ours got some unsettling news recently, and I'm sad for them... betrayed for them... and just plain hurt for them. Will they be alright in the end, sure. Probably better off... but that doesn't take the sting out of either of our situations. I hope that the people that have caused these hurts and let others of us down will prayerfully learn from their actions, and just try their hardest to do better next time.

No one is perfect, we all make mistakes. Sometimes though... we need to "practice what we preach" - so to speak. I know that before James and Tyler came along - I was better about this myself... the reaching out and letting everyone know that I care - unfortunately right now, I'm in a season where I need it more than I can give it. Sadly, it's also a time where our lives are changing yet again in another major way... it's a lot of change within roughly 1 year - give or take depending on when we actually move. Every bit of the change is worth it, and I wouldn't change a thing... I love my boys more than I could ever put into words... and I know that our move to Memphis will be an adventure that will change us for the better in ways I can't imagine yet. I'm just ready for the adventure to start and to stop being in this sometimes painful cycle of limbo.