Friday Favorites 3

I don't even know what to say about this one, because she truly is one of the best friends I've ever had... we've got an incredible bond that spans across this country - and I can't wait to meet her sometime (hopefully soon!!) - so please welcome one of my Bestie's...

Well hey there, esteemed readers of Thoughts by Kim!

I'm JLI, the Princess behind "From The Desk of a Princess". You're probably thinking "Princess? What's that all about? Is she a snob? A diva? Does she wear a lot of pink?" None of the above!

I am a Daughter of the King. See for yourself:
 

2 Corinthians 6:18 says "And I will be a father to you, And you shall be sons and daughters to me." Because I know the Word of God is true, I decided to get stamped with it. It's a beautiful and personal description of how He thinks of little old me. I strive (and fail frequently) to live out the truth of this passage, but it's hard. Really hard. Amazing that it would be so tough to accept the idea of truly unconditional love from my Father, but it is. Perhaps it's because love from my biological father was something very coveted and equally elusive when I was a child. Let me just stop right here to say that I love my dad with all my heart and don't hold one ounce of anything from my childhood against him, although that was a work that could have given one of Michaelangelo's masterpieces a run for its money when it came to how much time it took to complete! Today, we have a very good relationship that depends on our continual decision to start from today and pay no attention to yesterday. It works well for us.

 
If you visit me at The Desk, there's no telling what you'll find! My interests vary as do my moods! ha ha! The Desk began as...oh, heck. I don't know! What it's evolved into is something I can put words to: it's my place to journal about the day to day things that I find humor in. It's where I write about my spiritual struggles and victories. You can always count on getting straight up honesty from me. After all, it's my blog and my little home on the web where I have full liberty to decorate as I like - with pain, sadness, joy, laughter and encouragement. Especially encouragement. That's the most fun! There's plenty of each to be found and it's my hope that during the past two years, I've made it a comfortable place for you to settle in to. Feel free to put your feet up on the coffee table and stay a while!
 
More recently, textiles have taken my blog captive. I recently picked back up with crochet and knitting and have been exploiting my projects quite often. The project that really jump started the crochet movement was for the lovely Kim and her husband John, who are in the process of adopting a baby. I have since begun several other projects (that are still in the works!) and completed a few (mostly washcloths, which I am now addicted to making! They are w-o-n-d-e-r-f-u-l!). Needles and yarn are running rampant around our apartment! Bless my husband's heart, he's finally coming around to the notion that this isn't a "grandma" hobby, but one that relaxes me and that I derive great enjoyment from. He even expressed interest, albeit VERY BRIEF, in having me teach him to knit. Hey, I'm all for it!
 
I also love photography, although I don't find winter very conducive to this particular creative outlet. Check me out in the spring and summer...you're sure to see lots of pretty images!
 
To this day, I still can't remember how Kim & I found one another. I'm sure it was through another blog. She could probably tell you better than I! All that matters to me is that we did meet and have developed a very strong and meaningful friendship. For those who wonder how it's possible to care so deeply about another human you've never met, I say, don't question it! I believe when God decides on relationships, He will make pave the way for them to develop and grow, as is the case with Kim and I. Above all else, we are family - Sisters in Christ - bound eternally by the blood of our Savior and destined to spend eternity in glory together.
 
Oh, funny tidbit - um....{thinking}...okay. Here's one from the vault: It was my freshman year of high school. I had English with Mr. Navarro. Mr. "The Hottest Teacher in The School" Navarro. Mr. "Plays Guitar in a Band" Navarro! The pressure was on to look cute and be all cool walking in to class for the first time. I timed it perfectly. I would walk in just before the bell, being one of the last students to arrive so that the attention - specifically Mr. Navarro's attention - would be on me. In all theory, it was a genius plan, executed almost perfectly, until...
 
I approached the door to the classroom, only to come shoulder to shoulder with him. Yep. I was HOT for teacher! So hot, and flustered in fact, that I pulled the door open a little to hard and it hit me square between the eyes as he stood next to me. I imagine my head reared back and a low "Ungh!" forced its way out of my mouth. He asked me if I was okay, to which I said "Yes!" and scooted to the first desk I could find, flushed from embarrassment. I left my first day of English class with a big red bump in the middle of my forehead and a doozie of a headache. The worst pain was, of course, my bruised ego and wasted chance to land the hottest teach in the school (teenage girls...they are so lofty, aren't they?!).
 
I recently found him on Facebook through a fellow student. In his profile picture, he was sporting a sweet cowboy hat, goatee and guitar. Yeeaaah. Let's just say he aged well.
 
I hope you'll come pay me a visit! I love new followers and love to find great new blogs to stalk...I mean read!
 
Blessings,
JLI

So there you have it... seriously, go check her out!!

Now, if YOU want to be featured on Friday Favorites - and I hope some of you do... because this will be the last week if I don't get some more submissions!

Write a post for me and be sure to include:
* Tell us how you found my little corner of the internet (aka Thoughts by Kim)
* Tell us a little about yourself
* Tell us what you like to write about
* Tell us a funny tidbit about you
* Tell us generally about your blog and why we should read it
* Make sure to include a link to your blog so people can pop over to read

Email the post to me (you can find my email by clicking through the "About Me" section to the link that says view my complete profile) and I'll post them on a first come first serve basis every Friday until I run out of posts. All are welcome - so please post this on your blogs as well... grab the picture and let others know about it, because the more the merrier.

Beyond Exhaustion

I might have miscalculated a few things that happen when you have a pretty severe emotional trauma go on in your life. I did not expect that the level of exhaustion to be this high with one day back at the office, but then again... it is MY office!

It took several deep breaths for me to walk in this morning... a round of tears while getting dressed...and of course my pacifier, Starbucks... but I did it.

I was there all of about an hour before the tears started up again. One of my coworkers came by trying to be sweet and supportive, but he just had this look of pity on his face... which proved to be WAY more than I could handle. I saw that look on everyone's face this morning, and I guess I will continue to see it until I've seen everyone in my life for the first time.

Not long after that, another coworker came in - and since she and I are on the same level - she filled me in on all the happenings of the office since I'd left. In three days - THREE DAYS - they managed to promote our Vice President to Senior VP & Chief Development Officer... hire a new Vice President to manage us.... AND my supervisor went out on medical leave herself. Basically all of this happened between Monday and Tuesday... but GEEZ!

With our major fundraiser happening tomorrow - as you can imagine - today was nonstop... but I can say that thanks to John, I was picked up at 4:30... he had me tell them on Monday when I decided when I'd go back to work that I couldn't work late tonight. He thought that working 8 hours was more than enough for me to be expected to endure... and he was right that I couldn't have handled any more.

Tomorrow will be spent at the hotel entirely - but hopefully I'll get some pictures to share with you like I did last year... the food is usually incredible... and you know how I love food! The dessert last year with the gold flakes on it was to die for... so I can't wait to see what they came up with for this year.

Overall, it could have been worse... but it wasn't easy. I did manage to get my card/note for Ashlie in the mail to our adoption agency today - and I felt good about that. One thing that I can hold my head high about is the fact that through all of this - I have not once gotten angry directly at Ashlie or the birth father... and really have mourned the loss of having her as a part of our family every bit as much as the baby.

Last night, one special friend of mine - who used to be an English teacher sent me this... after it snowed in Houston for the second time this year... but it was very special... so I thought I'd share:

Ok- symbolism from an English teacher: It is snowing on your anniversary( In Texas!) Snow always symbolizes the laying down of something fresh and pure. God may be saying ok- start over from here- take a fresh start and the blessings will soon come! God is in control and has many ways of speaking to us. What a blessing- snow on your anniversary! Definite blessings in your marriage and family in 2010!

Sight Unseen

 

Keep in mind that we've both lost quite a bit of weight since this photo - but it's a photo from our wedding and it's still beautiful.

In honor of our 8th anniversary today - I thought I'd tell you a story that sort of relates to the last few days. Some of you may know the story of how John and I met, but some of you may not... so just humor me and let me tell the story.

When I was 18, the internet was just getting popular and America Online was all the rage... so of course I joined it to stay in touch with friends that had scattered off to various colleges. In the spring semester of my first year in college...John send me an instant message on AOL. We chatted for a while, and eventually he asked if I had a picture of myself to send to him. I sent him my favorite photo of myself, but it was from 10th grade...which made him think I was too young for him. (We have a 5 year age difference) So that abruptly ended our chatting online.

Roughly a year later, I was in an abusive relationship - and John popped back into my life via AOL again. He was seeing someone at the time, but desperately tried to help me have the courage to walk away from the relationship I was in... it didn't work, and once again we parted ways online.

Another year passed, and John popped into my life one more time. This time we were both single, and open to exploring a relationship together. It took us about a month or so before we were able to get together for our first date. Before that time came, we had both already told each other that we loved each other... sight unseen. We literally fell in love with the people we are on the inside before we ever really had seen each other. I think that is one of the most beautiful things about our relationship... of course we weren't disappointed on the physical beauty either... but that was secondary.

In so many ways, this translates to the experience we've had with the baby as well... because I literally fell in love with her sight unseen as well. I guess this is one way that I know that I have a mother's heart... because the hardest part for me to reconcile for myself is that her life will certainly be different now than it would have been with us.

I can't say that it will be worse, but it certainly will be harder. Her parents have two other young children to care for, with VERY limited means to take care of them. There certainly won't be much left over after their basic needs are met - if they can afford to meet all of those needs - for anything extra like vacations or extra curricular activities... which saddens me.

Another thing that saddens me is the fact that I had fallen in love with the birth mother, Ashlie. I was so impressed by her - and the similarities in personality that I saw between the two of us. In my mind, I was looking forward to having her be a part of our extended family and being able to become friends with her... mentor her whenever possible... and share the next 18 years of the baby's life with her - and beyond.

I reached out to our agency today, and found out that they visited Ashlie yesterday. They told her that if she changed her mind, to call them... but the birth father has moved back in and is helping her raise the children. I can only hope that he will still around for the long-term, but I know that from what I've heard there were problems in their relationship that a baby just won't solve.

Our profile is there ready to be shown to another birth mother when needed... and I'm sending a card to Ashlie to let her know that we love her and are continuing to pray for her as well as her family - that they have continued happiness and love.

For tonight, John and I will try to celebrate our anniversary by having dinner and curling up to watch a movie by our fireplace. It's certainly not how we planned on celebrating this day, but drawing strength from each other is what we need to do right now. I will be preparing to go back to work tomorrow - which still seems to be the thing that scares me the most. I guess because it is truly the last thing that will happen to move on without this baby and that just breaks my heart. One day at a time though... that's all I can ask for.

Breaking Out

I can't begin to explain how or why this is happening... but the very thought of getting off my couch right now is un-nerving... to the point of that being one of the biggest moments that the tears start flowing. I can't even put clear thoughts together as to what that is about, but I just know that it happens.

Friday, John wanted to keep me busy so that I wouldn't think about things... so we went out initially to go to lunch and then a movie, but about halfway to lunch - it became apparent that I just wasn't going to be able to hold it together in a restaurant... so we went to the mall instead for a few minutes, and then saw The Tooth Fairy at one of those theater/restaurant places. I had a hard time paying attention to the movie, but I don't think I had any crying fits through it either - so I guess it was a mission accomplished.

On Saturday, it was Danielle's job to keep me busy - so she was going to pick me up at 8:30 in the morning... at that point in time, I couldn't even breathe at the thought of leaving the house... literally - I would almost hyperventilate. So I sent her a text message that I couldn't do it. So she let me stay in my pajamas until time for a 2:40 showing of When in Rome followed by a trip to World Market and dinner at "our place." (aka PF Chang's)

I hadn't left the house again since I got home on Saturday at 8:30ish, and today when John suggested we make a quick trip to Home Depot and Bed, Bath & Beyond... it was more than I could handle. It took me about an hour and a half to work up to it... but we made it. I cried before we left, while we were driving, and on the way home... then again when we got home... but we made it. We got a few goodies for the garden, and for us too.

I decided then that I needed another day before going back to work - this is a very high stress week at my office with a big fundraiser on Thursday. So the idea of going back and jumping into something like that puts me on edge, but I've asked that they not expect me to work late on Wednesday night - which really was more of a request from John... because he doesn't want me to be driving right now. He is afraid that if I got really upset in the car - that I could have an accident. I also asked that they find me something lower profile and lower stress to do at the event on Thursday.

Last year, I was the girl that the angry and upset people would go to when they weren't on the original guest list and it would be my job to try to find them a seat in the ballroom. My personality on a normal day doesn't lend well to that kind of stress, but right now - I could just see it as a moment that could push me over the edge and cause a meltdown... which is not what anyone would want in that environment.

I am terrified of going back to work, but I guess that I've got to get back out there sometime. I really just want to hide until I can get to a place where I understand in my heart what happened, but I can't afford that... so I'll try to get back on the horse in one more day.

I have been humbled and amazed at how wonderful everyone has been the last few days. Your comments, the comments on Facebook, chatting with a couple of you online (Jenn & Summer) and even the emails have been wonderful. I've gotten a couple of messages about people wishing they could hop on a plane and just come sit with me while I cry it out... which is exactly the response I would have if anyone I cared about were going through something like this. While, I don't like the idea of my friends hurting because of our situation... knowing that you are out there and that you care means a great deal to both John and I. 

I got a couple of responses to my request for guest posts that said I should continue to post what is happening with me even during this time - because it is therapeutic for me, my words are beautiful, and people want to know how I'm doing... so I will continue to post as often as I feel up to it. Any of you that offered to write a post - I'd love to get them still... just to have a little variety in the wake of this storm. 

Pain and Understanding

I've spent the better part of the last 50+ hours trying to understand what has happened to us within the last 12 days or so. It's truly hard to comprehend. The extreme highs and then the lowest low that I've ever felt in my entire life. It's almost beyond being able to write about it.

It started about a week ago Tuesday, when we got a phone call that a birth mother had chosen us for her baby. We set up a meeting with her because she was going to be having the baby quickly, and we met her the very next day. The meeting went extremely well, in spite of some initial nervousness on all of our parts. The meeting lasted about an hour, and from there our lives spun off into a tailspin of getting ready for not only a baby... but a baby girl.

We learned at the meeting that by the following Monday we'd know the day that our baby would be born. So we set out to get our registries set up, get meals made for the freezer, attend the classes that we needed for the adoption agency, get everything at work ready to be without me for 8 weeks, and all the other things that one would do to get ready for your entire life to change.

Fast forward, and we found out that our birth mother would be induced on Friday morning and that she wanted us to be at the hospital. She also wanted to give me the second wrist band so that I would have access to the baby to begin bonding with her immediately. So we made our final preparations for all the expected excitement... including spending some time on our knees praying that everything would go well for the baby, the mother, and for us the next day.

Friday morning we headed to the hospital, and found a waiting room to take up our post... we got there at about 6:30 in the morning... and by 9:30-10... our world took another drastic turn in a direction we hadn't ever expected. The nurse with our adoption agency spoke with the mother a few times the night before, and because of some concern with the birth father's family... she had convinced her to be a "no information" patient. Which meant that no one could get any information on how things were going with the delivery. So we had to wait for the hospital's social worker to go check on her... and that's when we found out that the father talked the mother into keeping the baby.

They have no money, and three children under the age of 2 1/2 now... and I can't even comprehend what happened to us. One minute we were sitting in a room waiting for the most exciting thing to happen in our married lives... and the next - all of the air in the room was sucked out and I couldn't breathe. As I sat there crying and reeling from the news that we'd just gotten... John and our agency rep, Cindy, put their hands on me and both prayed separately.

The only thing I can think to compare this to is a miscarriage, only its not the same as that either. Somewhere out there, our baby girl - the one that we've dreamed about - is out there with someone else. All because she held the decision for our lives in her hands. I struggle to understand all of this  because there is such uncertainty - the mother could change her mind... and she was so incredibly sure of herself for the 10 days leading up to the birth.

I struggle to understand how within a matter of less than 8 hours - she completely changed everything in her life for this boy that hadn't been involved in her life for the months of the pregnancy. I struggle to understand how or why God could put us through yet another horribly painful series of events like this.

I don't know how to let go - or move on... I've prayed, I've begged, I've allowed others to try to keep me busy in attempts to keep my mind off of things... but nothing is working. The pain is still there and it still takes my breath away. I don't know if I'll ever understand it... I really don't.

In my heart this was my baby... the timing of her birthday fell right into the pattern of all the other grandchildren on my Dad's side of the family... the impending birth of this little girl bridged some relationships in our lives... and had the promise of giving us such a story to tell of God's glory. Right now, all I can feel is an incredible sense that I'm being punished for something... and I can't for the life of me figure out what that "something" is.

I'm even questioning now the ability to use the name that I have dreamed about for my daughter since I was 6 years old... because I gave it in my heart and in my mind to this baby... and I just don't know if I could turn around and use it for a different baby.

I'm not sure how to put my life back together... how to go back to work instead of being on my maternity leave... how to be in public again with all the babies, mothers, strollers, and pregnant women... how to get off of the couch... how to breathe anymore...

The one thing I learned is that I am a much more open person than your typical adoptive/infertile woman... I need to be able to share the highs and lows with all of you that are reading... and I tried to follow along with the guidelines set forth by our agency to not tell anyone when we get matched up... well, that isn't how I roll... and I found myself devastated by this... crushed, really... and it was the first that many of you had even heard about there being a match.

I don't know what the future holds for us in this process... but knowing how badly it hurts... I know that I can share it with you all - the good and the bad... and you'll be there. So I am grateful for that. Next time, we will undoubtedly do some things differently, including being more open... or at least that is my plan.

One thing I can say is that once again, our support system has been incredible... sometimes I know that there aren't words that can fix the pain, but just knowing that you're all out there and that you care is comforting.  If it weren't for John & Danielle taking care of me... I probably wouldn't have eaten or even gotten dressed in the last couple of days... they mean the world to me. The constant text messages of love and support - along with emails and Facebook have been incredible... I love you all dearly.

In the meantime, friends... I need some of you to help me keep this little blog running... I will post some when I can.... but I need some of you to write some posts for me to use when I just can't muster any words to share.

Dear Friends

It is with a sad heart that I write to tell you all that for the time being our birth mother has changed her mind.  Apparently the birth father showed up at the hospital this morning and convinced her to keep the baby.  Our agency will try to speak with her again, but she is not wanting to talk to them right now.  Things of this nature do happen with adoptions and sometimes birthmom's change their minds several times.  We know that God's will ultimately is what we want for our lives, so while this is certainly sad and devastating news, we will put our faith and our comfort in Him.  He knows what is best for us and He will carry us through these tough times.  I am sure you will all understand, but I don't think that Kim is in a place where she wants to have to discuss this with everyone at this time, but we would very much appreciate your prayers.  We love you all and please don't take this to mean that Kim doesn't want to hear from you - it's just too difficult to discuss this part of our lives with everyone at this time.  Thanks so much for being there and when we have more news to share, we will do so.


God Bless!

John

Laughs Optional

Because I'm in a fairly irritated mood today - I thought that I'd share some things that lift my spirits...

Reading, Reading, and More Reading

Over the last several months, John and I have been focused on reading 5 books for our adoption agency’s required reading list. We are to read the books and then send in a short summary explaining what we got out of the reading for the agency to keep with their records. These books are considered to be part of our education process – and will be followed up by 2 all day classes (May 1st and September 25th) at the agency office.

So I thought that I’d share all of the things that I’ve been reading lately with you… a couple of them I haven’t started yet, but they are on tap for me to read in the near future – so I’ll share about them as well. The first 5 books are the required reading for our agency – the others are supplemental. (All Images are from Amazon.com)

 
Dear Birthmother: This book was the first one that we tackled because we thought it would help us understand the communication that we would be having with our birth mom over the 18 years that our child is growing up. I think when we started reading this book – both John and I were unsure if we were ready for the concept of open adoption – mainly out of fear and not knowing what it could be like. I truly felt more prepared to write my initial letter to the birth mothers to look at as a part of our adoption profile. The book is an equal amount of explanation of the concept of open adoption as well as showing some really poignant examples of letters shared between actual adoptive families and their birth mothers… and from birth mothers to adoptive families. It is an interesting bond that is formed in this process, and I look forward to sharing that with the special woman that chooses us for her child.
 

Good Grief: This is a very small book – it took me about an hour or so to read it. I would HIGHLY recommend this book to anyone going through any sort of major life change… or any type of grief. I found this to be an interesting reflection on the process that I went through emotionally during September and early October. I grieved briefly each cycle that we went through the infertility treatments when we'd get so close, but the cycle would be cancelled before being able to go through the entire process. Ultimately, I grieved the loss of the opportunity to have our own child through medical intervention. I went through each stage - I can remember each stage at varying times of the process going from anger, denial, depression, and finally coming to accept that our family might be brought together through other methods as part of God's will for us. I know that having gone through this process – and even sharing it with all of you through the blog has certainly made me a stronger woman!

How to Really Love Your Child: This book was extremely enlightening for me… it changed the way that I think about some things. I have to say that I really enjoyed this book - it opened my eyes to things that I hadn't thought of before. The idea that children who act out are missing out on feeling completely loved, was certainly an eye opener. I have always heard that when children need attention, they will sometimes act out just to get someone to react to them... because negative attention is at least something. So to think of it in terms of the child missing some critical form of love was different, but it really makes sense. The real life examples used in the book helped me to understand where these ideas might be able to fit into our own lives, and it also explains some things that I've wondered about with a few of the children in our lives that seem to be more strong willed than others.

I think that the most important role of the parent is to make sure that the child feels loved - unconditionally - and that takes many forms. I know that it won't always be easy, but I want to do my best to make sure that whenever our child acts out in any way that we stop and make sure that we are giving them enough undivided attention, eye contact, and touch. It seems so simple, but when we are caught up in the daily struggles of everyday life - it can get away from you, but it truly is the most important thing in the world - to love and show love to your children and spouse. It will my goal to make sure that our children always know they are loved in every way that I can, and to stop and think about why my children might be acting in ways that aren't normal before disciplining or correcting them.

Holding Time: For me the jury is still out on this book – I’m about half way through it, and the basic idea is about having a deeper connection with your children through a special technique of holding them. This technique involves holding them in such a way that you are forced to make eye contact with them and deal with any and ALL emotions that they are feeling – often this starts off with the child fighting against the holding, but when the session is complete… you’ve moved from that initial fighting to a resolution that brings about a deeper connection for both the mother and the child. This can be used with children of any age, and is typically used with toddlers and older children because sometimes the lack of complete dependence on the parents can create a loss of some of the initial bond that you form with the baby when they rely on you completely for all of their daily needs. I think I personally am still a little resistant to this book because the concept is completely foreign to me, but I am trying to have an open mind – and maybe when we have a child that is a little older than the baby stage… I will see the need and benefits of this technique.

Twenty Things Adoptive Kids Wish Their Parents Knew: I haven’t started this book yet – we were advised to read it last of our 5 books because it can be the scariest of them to read. It goes through 20 potential things that adopted kids might have going through their minds at different stages of their development. I’m interested to see if John has ever thought of any of these things in his life as an adopted child, but I am grateful that we will have his experience – and the experience of several of his cousins as well as my little brother and sister to draw from if our child ever has any questions about why they were put up for adoption. I also hope that we will be able to keep an open line of communication with the birth mother to help with these things as well.

Now for the books that are not a part of our adoption…

BabyWise: This book comes highly recommended by our pastor’s wife, Lisa as well as John’s boss. Apparently it helped John’s boss and his wife get their baby sleeping through the night by 8 weeks of age. I’m sure that I’ll start reading it as soon as I get done with these others – because I’m certainly interested in getting some good quality sleep in for all of our family!

Baby 411: This was given to me as a gift by another adoptive mother – she has a 5 month old now, and says that she still refers to it daily. It seems to be a bit of a reference guide on all things baby – including an entire chapter devoted to poop! Oiy! I’m sure that when we bring a baby home – we will find this book to be extremely useful!

One book I’m reading that has NOTHING to do with babies…

Comfort Food: This is by the lady, Kate Jacobs, who wrote Friday Night Knitting Club – which is a phenomenal book. This book is centered on a group of people involved in a television cooking show instead of a knitting club, but it is equally good! This writer has an incredible way of writing characters that you care about and want to get to know… I am really enjoying the story line and it is a great book to read when I just can’t think about the adoption process for a little bit during my day.

That's pretty much what I do with my time these days in between working, meetings for the adoption, and sleeping... so are there other books you can suggest for me?

Baby Classes

Yesterday, we completed both our Life with Baby class and our Infant CPR class. They weren't exactly as I expected, but I think we got enough information to be worth the cost.

The Life with Baby class didn't have a whole lot of information that I didn't already know, but there were some tidbits here and there that made it worth the 4 hours that it lasted. I think that above all else, it made John feel more comfortable to bring a baby home soon.

We learned some things about bathing the baby, the 5 S's (Swaddling, Side positioning, Shhhhh, Swinging, and Sucking) involved in comforting the baby, some about the stages of consciousness for babies, and what to expect in terms of pooping... hahahahaha! The only thing about the class that bothered me a bit was the way that they talked about feeding and the options involved with that part of parenting. I'd be happy to explain the 5 S's further to anyone that would like to hear about it. 

They only spent about 5 minutes on bottle feeding, but I'd say a good 45 minutes or more on breast feeding - including the part where she talked at length about their 5 hour class on breast feeding. She made a point to talk about how babies that are formula fed have more ear infections and many other problems - even going so far as to say that SIDS is more common with babies that aren't breast fed. I was a little offended - just because breast feeding really won't be an option for us...

I sort of felt like it was hard enough being in that class with all the pregnant couples - without having to be reminded of the things that my body can't and won't do for our baby. I know that if I were able to have my own child - I'd give breast feeding a good honest try, but I don't know that I agree with the pressure put on women to make one choice over the other. Parenting is hard enough without all of that!

After the first class we went for a quick dinner, and then off to our Infant CPR class. I'd HIGHLY recommend that class to anyone with an infant. Apparently when adults require CPR it is typically because of a heart related issue, but with infants - it is usually a respiratory issue. So CPR can make all the difference when you're dealing with a baby. We learned the techniques for both an unresponsive baby and for a choking baby. The CPR class was required for our adoption agency, but I'm glad that we made a day of it and took both classes.

It was a long day, but well worth it!

Friday Favorites 2

 

Today's Favorite is my friend Pam. We used to work together at my last job, and she certainly kept me entertained. As you'll see - she has an incredible whit, and will have you in stitches in no time! The adventures of her two kids and the rest of her family are often hysterical... I mean you just can't make that stuff up! 

About Me

Hi, I’m Pammer, and I can’t believe Kim has asked me to do this.  She clearly needs some sleep.

I am an old soul in high heels. I am a recovering IT consultant and sales executive and right now I’m just happy to be here.

In what could only have been a drunken moment, I decided to chuck my previously lucrative career to work in the world of philanthropy – where I met Kim. I wasn't really a fundraiser, I just played one on TV -- and I made 40% of my previous salary. I was clearly a moron.

A moron with great jewelry.

I graduated from the University of Missouri in 1992 (go Tigers) with a degree in Communications. I also have two post-graduate degrees. That means that I am educated on much, but qualified for nothing.

I have pulled things in my career that HR people just marvel at and I was happy to admit that if someone told me I could quit tomorrow I'd walk out grinning like the Cheshire cat.

I love cheesecake, magazines, etsy, raunchy comedy, great finds at ridiculous prices and my insanely powered blow drier because I have the most difficult hair in the world. Oh, and I’m an internet ninja and a bit of an accessories whore.

My family includes my husband and three daughters (ages 29, 22 and 8), son (3) and son-in-law (29), and grandbaby (newly born) and once upon a time the most high-strung dog ever to walk the earth.

And just a warning, I have a potty mouth.

What you like to write about

My blog is full of the ridiculous things that happen to me on any given day.  There are moments of clarity  – some tears – and a healthy dose of humor if I’ve done my job right.  I started writing just to see if I could, garnered some very hilarious followers and commenters then stopped writing for about a year.  Because that makes sense, right?  I’m back at it again, getting my writing legs back and adding a few new features to my little purple piece of the internet.  So, here’s your party invite.  Pull up a barstool – your waitress will be around shortly to take your order. 

http://www.outsidevoice.net/

There you have it... seriously, go check her out!

If you'd like to be one of my Friday Favorites...

Your post should include:
* Tell us how you found this little corner of the internet (aka Thoughts by Kim)

* Tell us a little about yourself
* What you like to write about
* A funny tidbit
* Just generally tell us about your blog and why we should read it
* Make sure to include a link to your blog

Email the post to me (you can find my email by clicking through the "About Me" section to the link that says view my complete profile) and I'll post them on a first come first serve basis every Friday until I run out of posts. All are welcome - so please post this on your blogs as well... grab the picture and let others know about it, because the more the merrier...

Where have I been?

I'm sorry that this week has gotten away from me... it's been a whirlwind that I will surely tell you about soon - when I have some time to catch up! Work has been nuts, and things at home have been busier than ever... so bear with me, and I promise that rewards for your patience will come very soon.

In the meantime - I wanted to share a photo with you that is simply amazing...

 

John has lost over 150 pounds at this point, and the transformation is incredible! He will have his one year anniversary of his surgery on March 5th, but I had to share this photo with you already! 

We'll be in our Life with Baby class and Infant CPR class tomorrow for the bulk of the day - but I'll try to write on Sunday!

Q&A Wednesday

It's that time again!! Send me your questions and I'll send you some answers... you've got until 7:00 PM CST tonight to send in your questions.


Feel free to ask about anything - as usual... adoption, infertility, marriage, spirituality, weight loss surgery... you name it, and I'll do my best to answer it.

This has been an extremely crazy week - but bare with me, and I know that things will get back on track soon! It's an incredibly busy time at work this month - our biggest fundraiser of the year is in 2 weeks, so we're working feverishly to get everything ready for that.

Friday Favorite #1

Alright folks, first up is my workout she-ro, Donna! I met Donna shortly before my weight loss surgery back in 2007, my best guess is that we initially met because of the Yahoo group that our hospital had as a form of an online support group for those of us having weight loss surgery. I'll be that Donna emailed me at the time of my surgery being scheduled - because our surgery dates are exactly 1 year apart to the day. She couldn't be more sweet and supportive - even if she is a democrat! (HAHAHAHA! We've made our piece about that!) She truly is inspiring in her stories about conquering all and going from being morbidly obese to a triathlete! You simply must go check her out...

In honor of it being Go Red for Women Day - I'd like to make Donna's answers post in red today... I know it sort of clashes with the blog color scheme and the image for this post feature - but roll with if for today, please.

• Tell us how you found this little corner of the internet (aka Thoughts by Kim)

I can't remember exactly how I found Kim, or if she found me! I know it was because we both had RNY at the same hospital, and even share the same PCP. I believe we "virtually" met right before she had her surgery. I had a very brief chance to meet Kim in "real life" in a Whole Foods parking lot, and she is just as nice in person as you read in her blog.

• Tell us a little about yourself

I am a 42 years year old, full-time working Wife, Mom, sometime student and triathlete.

My Husband, Darren, and I have been together for almost 12 years and we have a 5 year old Daughter, Cassie. My Husband is an engineer with Boeing and my 5 year old, is every bit of a girlie-girl! Both of them make me want to be a better than I was the day before. Our families live in New Jersey (my family) and Alabama (his family), so we are loners here in Houston when it comes to family, but we are blessed with a group of exceptional friends.
 
I've been in technology for 20 years and currently serve as IT Manager with a distribution company, but it's not my passion. I'm coming to a cross-roads in my career; trying to decide what I want to be as I grow up! It's an exciting time for me right now because for the first time I have some clarity and am nearly certain of the direction I want to proceed.


I have spent nearly all my life overweight reaching an all-time high of 347 lbs. In spite of my weight I was always active, but terribly unhealthy living morbidly obese. 4 years ago I suffered with sleep apnea and was an insulin dependent Diabetic, along with a host of other ailments; 3 years ago I chose to have Gastric Bypass, which corrected both major disorders for me. I am extremely lucky in that I haven't experienced complications, but I attribute that to my surgeon, support and the fact I'm a rule-follower. Other than being diagnosed hypo-thyroid in the last year, I am leading my life keeping busy doing the very things I don't want to regret not having done 20 years from now. I have a passion for triathlon and my ultimate goal is to one day complete an Ironman... I'm working my way there slowly, training for my first Olympic distance triathlon in April 2010.


• What you like to write about


Generally I write about my training, my post-op life, learning about and dealing with hypo-thyroidism and whatever mental acrobatics may be happening inside my noggin. I really believe it is important to get to the source of what caused me to become so overweight, deal with it and move forward -- unfortunately it's a slow process. I also enjoy finding bits and pieces of motivation and things that inspire me or others to believe that they can do anything they want, they just have to 1) Believe you can, and 2) Start with something/anything... even if it's just a walk around the block. I also like sharing about things I find; athletic apparel, recipes, things I've made and itneresting pepole I find on the I'net.

• A funny tidbit

Some people find it funny that I took tap as an adult, weighing over 300 lbs. It might be funny, but I've got great calves to prove it! :)

• Just generally tell us about your blog and why we should read it

I guess if someone were looking to find a blog of a real life person, attempting to do some challenging things... things that against the expected odds, then I'm your subject-matter. If for a moment you think you can't do something because it's too hard, or takes too much commitment, I'm the one that will hopefully show you anything is possible.

• Make sure to include a link to your blog

http://www.donnainhouston.blogspot.com

There you have it... seriously, go check her out!

If you'd like to be one of my Friday Favorites...

Your post should include:
* Tell us how you found this little corner of the internet (aka Thoughts by Kim)

* Tell us a little about yourself
* What you like to write about
* A funny tidbit
* Just generally tell us about your blog and why we should read it
* Make sure to include a link to your blog

Email the post to me (you can find my email by clicking through the "About Me" section to the link that says view my complete profile) and I'll post them on a first come first serve basis every Friday until I run out of posts. All are welcome - so please post this on your blogs as well... grab the picture and let others know about it, because the more the merrier...

Your Q's Answered

My heart really isn't in this, but I promised... so I'm intent on keeping that promise. An otherwise okay day - ended on a couple of REALLY sour notes... so I'm in retreat mode again... and headed to lay in a bubble bath after this - or I might just take my medicine and go to bed. Either way - not the ending to the day that I anticipated.

So without further delay...

Christi asked:

What is your favorite childhood memory?


My favorite childhood memory... hmmm... I don't have any true childhood memories. I have found that I've actually blocked most of my childhood out - I don't remember much before 5th grade. If I had one though - I'd probably choose something where all of the important people in my life were present... which would have happened before I was 7. Most likely it would be a Christmas memory... 

What are you most eager to re-experience with your child (favorite book, favorite game, favorite vacation)? 

There is so much that I'm eager to experience with a child... but I'd say that there is a laundry list of books (Santa Mouse, The Little Engine that Could, Good Night Moon... and so many others), lots of games (Candy Land & Hungry Hippo... for starters), and on the vacations - I'm not much of a traveler... so I'm not sure on that one. I'd probably say that Washington D.C., NYC, Gatlinburg, and Disney World would be on the list. Other than that, baking... anything relating to Texas A&M... a love of Jesus... and many many more things.

ae asked:


Do you do bible studies? If so, what has been your favorite one?

I'd have to say the Love Dare would be the most memorable study that I've done. I also did one by Beth Moore - the follow up (small white & green cover) to Breaking Free. We did 40 Days of Community by Rick Warren a little over a year ago - which was alright... if you can deal with listening to/watching Rick Warren. We're about to start Growing Kids God's Way with our small group at the end of the month - so I'm sure that one will be really great. 

Becky asked:

Since I know you make jewelry what is your favorite stone to work with or if you could have any one piece of DREAM jewelry what would that be?

I'm not sure that I have a favorite - I love them all. I really like the natural stones the most though - because of their irregularity. I enjoy having things that are "one of a kind" but at times it makes it hard to recreate things when more than one person wants to have that piece. I am drawn to many of the different stones and crystals... I typically look for things that fit with the season's style - but also speaks to me. I've got a WIDE variety of stones set in different pieces... just check out the link to my Etsy store in the left side bar.

Katy asked:

Hmmm...ok so I saw that you mentioned something about you having to go to the doctor for your adoption proceedings. Is it a requirement that be healthy enough or something? I get so frustrated when I teach class after class of pregnant teenagers or teen parents and then think...I might not even be allowed to adopt if I tried and couldn't pass a physical... 

We basically just had to get checked and have a form filled out saying that we're healthy enough to have a child placed in our home. There is no reason that you wouldn't be healthy enough to have a child... they are mainly looking for severe mental illnesses and terminal illnesses. If it were found that you had cancer at the time of that physical - they'd put your adoption on hold until you finished treatment... so it's things like that. For the majority of people it is just a formality. I go to the doctor enough that he really just filled in the blanks based on the 3 years of history he has from treating me. Same thing with John... the only things he did other than look through our chart and fill in a few details were doing a urine test and a TB test. We actually did a blood TB test that was drawn on the day I had my initial appointment for my back pain. So don't worry about being healthy enough - believe me - if I'm healthy enough - you would be too! 


It is a little mind blowing the things that we have to do to make this happen - but I can understand it to a certain extent. It's just frustrating being people that care enough to follow the letter of everything they've given us - knowing that there are people out there having babies that haven't done a fraction of this stuff to prepare themselves. 


Alright folks... that's it for the questions for the week. Don't forget to become one of my Friday Favorites!

Q&A Wednesday

Alright - I promise, pinky swear, and all that fun stuff that the answers will get posted tonight...by the time I go to bed - the post will be written, questions answered... and it'll either post right then, or I will schedule it to post in the morning...but without fail by 9AM tomorrow - you will have your Q's A'ed...

We'll leave the theme off this week - since my brain is jumbled... so ask anything you'd like... by 7PM CST... and it'll get answered.

** On another note...I'm going to bring back the Friday Favorites post - just to share the love with my bloggy friends... so if you'd like to be featured on my Friday Favorites... write a guest post with some of this stuff in it:

• Tell us how you found this little corner of the internet (aka Thoughts by Kim)
• Tell us a little about yourself
• What you like to write about
• A funny tidbit
• Just generally tell us about your blog and why we should read it
• Make sure to include a link to your blog

Email the post to me (you can find my email by clicking through the "About Me" section to the link that says view my complete profile) and I'll post them on a first come first serve basis every Friday until I run out of posts. All are welcome - so please post this on your blogs as well... just grab this picture and send your friends on over!!

Alright, so get to it - send me your questions by 7PM CST tonight, and they'll get answered along with last week's questions... AND write me a guest post for Friday Favorites!

What to say...

I'm at a loss - a big huge stinking loss... Which is weird... my brain is so cloudy it is almost blank. Have you ever felt like you were in a room but completely invisible... even to yourself? Like you're just sitting there - you can see the action of life happening around you - but you just can't quite engage in the moment...

It's surreal, to say the least.

There was an episode of ER during one of the seasons where Cynthia Nixon played the role of a mother that had a stroke. In this episode, they played it for a good portion of the show from her perspective... and it was interesting because she was completely aware of everything that was happening - but she was unable to communicate that back to the doctors.

I sort of feel like that a little bit.

Like I'm in here, and I know this isn't normal... for me or for anyone... but I am helpless to pull myself out of it and begin to get back to normal. Like for instance, at this very moment... I am sitting under the brightest florescent lighting known to man, and I could literally pass out right now and sleep for hours.

I can feel my heart beating - which is weird, because normally - I am moving and talking to people and don't even notice it.

The visit with my doctor went well - without much discussion - he agreed that I needed something for a month or two to combat all the things I've been feeling... so he gave me a prescription, and we'll see where we go from there. He did say though that for some people, the medicine can actually make it worse... so if I start to see signs of that - to call him back next week.

So I guess that's it - I'm on "meds" now... you know the ones... the kind where if you start to act funny - people ask if you've stopped taking your "meds"... yeah, those.

The pharmacist said that they might make me drowsy - so I'm going to hold off on taking it until this evening - because I can't afford to literally fall asleep here at the office... and I'm fighting it hard enough!