Jumbled Up Emotions

I don't know if I'm normal or not, but I feel like I'm living in the part of the movie Something's Gotta Give after Harry has the heart attack when his emotions are completely out of control. This is so me! I'm grateful that I was able to come home to my boys without there being some serious change to our routine. I'm embarrassed and ashamed that this happened to me at 34. I'm furious that I'm stuck in a body that on the inside is 30ish years older than it really is. I'm terrified that it'll all happen again at some point in the future.

My emotions since being in the hospital are really all over the map. Throw in these migraines, and I'm a complete mess. Mainly -- I would think no one notices it except for me, other than the fact that I've pretty much dropped out of society.

I don't want to do anywhere or be around people much at all. I mainly stick to the folks that share my last name right now because I'm ashamed of my feelings and entire ordeal. I mean lets face it folks -- it's a wake up call of sorts and a very scary one. Could it have been worse? Sure. However, I would say that anytime your brain goes nuts and you can't speak for any amount of time - it's enough to scare you into the ER.

I'm not sure how to break back into normal. Maybe I'm not supposed to? Maybe this is a call to give up some things and refocus on others... there really isn't a way to know for sure. I think for now, if I'm not 100% interested in an activity -- I think I'll skip it and do something else.

I will figure it all out eventually. For now, I'm just waiting for my follow up appointment with the neurologist. It was moved back to the 21st-- so we'll have to see what she says in terms of the migraines and if we need further testing on my small blood vessels.

Pics of Cute Kids

Some days, I don't have the time or patience to flush out a fully written post... so indulge me today and look at some cute kids -- and a special appearance by their Daddy. I'm trying to catch up and get back in track with things, but the migraines that are still happening everyday since I was in the hospital are just killers! I go see the neurologist on the 14th - so I hope to be back in action by then.

Mommy-sitter

I feel like I need a Mommy-sitter, someone to babysit me while John is at work. I have a migraine today -- and I swear it has both of us freaking out. I am trying to just realize that there is bad weather in the area, and it could be a result of that.

Is it? I don't know. I just know that my head hurts - which wasn't happening in the hospital -- so it's different. I haven't lost my ability to speak or form sentences... I'm completely normal other than this headache and shakiness.

I left the hospital diagnosed with a sinus infection on top of the other issues, and before this attack -- I would have just attributed everything to the infection, but now... I'm second guessing and questioning everything. I wonder if this is the new normal -- where everything is over analyzed because we are nervous about all of this happening again. Or does this fade over time where we get back to not worrying about it all the time?

I hope that it's the ladder because it makes me sad to think that at 34, my life has become a constant fear of my health turning for the worse.

Maybe we'd feel more comfortable if I had a person watching me for signs of something being off? Maybe it would be better if this wasn't a super crazy work week for John -- including working through the weekend? There aren't any real answers -- and maybe it would be okay if the boys understood the concept of 911?

One thing I can say with a little more certainty is that if they had found something -- a definitive cause of this attack, and then fixed it -- I think there wouldn't be this *thing* hanging out there where we are waiting for the shoe to drop. I'm not sure how to move forward without fear, and on top of that -- I've got a sick little man to take care of.

My poor James has a terrible cough that is keeping him from sleeping, and a fever... which I also have. James rarely is the one that is sick, and I hope that we can get him in to see our pediatrician tomorrow morning. If not, I pray that they'll call something in for him. I normally would give him some Delsym, or I would give it to Tyler... but it makes James a crazed maniac -- so I need something else for him.

Keep us in your prayers, dear friends... we are struggling a bit over here.

Menu Plan Monday

I'm still in the process of moving to a clean eating lifestyle... so I'm making more and more things on my own instead of trusting the packaged items there on the grocery store shelves. Even more so now that I had my episode this weekend -- if you don't know what I'm talking about - please read this post. I found this article leading me to the most nutritious whole foods available as well -- so I'll be incorporating some of these into our menu next week strategically.

Some of these aren't the best choices available, but like I said -- we are transitioning slowly and are using up things that we have in the house and replacing them with better options. So, we aren't completely clean eaters yet, but a few meals are headed that way. I'm making as much as I can from scratch as well -- so I do feel a bit better about that than if I just bought it all and didn't care what was on the label.

I use Pinterest a lot in my meal planning, and have some new recipes I am testing this week. I also used a great template I found online for planning out our meal and creating a sorted grocery list to help make the trip as quick as possible.

Here is our plan:

Breakfast: Homemade Chocolate Chip Scones -- will have them throughout the week and supplement with eggs and other normal breakfast items like fresh fruit & yogurt.

Lunch: Turkey Avocado Club Sandwiches -- and lots of left overs from the dinners that are made throughout the week

Dinner:
Sunday: Roast, Rice & Green Beans
Monday: Lasagna Roll Ups, Salad, Garlic Bread
Tuesday: Chicken, Spinach & Lemon Spaghetti, Greek Salad, and Parker House Rolls
Wednesday: Sweet & Sour Pork Chops, Rice, and Pot Stickers
Thursday: Jack Daniels Chicken, Wild Rice, and Salad
Friday: Taco Salads with Guacamole
Saturday: Steak, Roasted New Potatoes, and Roasted Broccoli

Snacks: Homemade Cheez Its - a popular snack in our house, but this time... I'm making them myself with just 4 ingredients!

Dessert: Baked Apples with Vanilla Ice Cream & Pink Chocolate Chip Cookies (testing these for the boys' school party in a couple of weeks)

Recipes will be added to the blog for new things throughout the week.

In great news -- I've lost 7 pounds since starting this plan 2 weeks ago. I think that with adding the new higher fiber things like the homemade granola I keep in the house -- I'm staying fuller and not snacking nearly as much as I was before.

Crazy Boys

Here are some pictures of the boys from the hospital and the weekend...

Saturday at the hospital...

Tyler fells asleep in the car on the way home from the hospital both nights...

We had a really lazy day and relaxed while I recovered from the weekend.

In the Hospital... Still...

I spent a second night in the hospital, for basically no reason. Top that off with not getting breakfast or lunch... it was completely frustrating.

When I finally got out of the hospital, the doctor told me that I could have gotten out the night before. You DO NOT tell a woman that when she spent the day waiting for you to show up to sign the release forms! You also don't tell her that after having the lady in the room next door complain about my kids -- sigh.

We survived, thankfully.

I couldn't have been more thrilled to get to go home to be with my boys. I really missed being at home. While I'm nervous about the future and what may or may not ever happen again... I was brought to the place where I don't want to be away from my men any more than is absolutely necessary. I'm sure this will change over time, and I'll be ready for a break... today though, I'm just wanting to soak it all up.

The events of the weekend certainly brought me to the place that makes you realize life is previous and a gift. You aren't guaranteed to be here tomorrow - so you've got to make each day and moment count. I hope that I can do that and keep doing it with my family.

Even though this episode could have been much worse, it was certainly enough to scare you straight... I want to take it and turn it into a positive by continuing to change my diet and health both with the foods we eat, but adding in some exercise as well.

I'm not going off the deep end with it because I need to rest and recuperate, but it's time to take charge of this body that I'm in and try to make it the best it can be -- or at least better than it has been. I'd love some buddies along the way -- so let me know if you're interested in walking this journey together.

So, Basically I Had A Stroke

Let me set the picture for you...

Last Thursday night, we had just put the boys down for bed at about 7:30 and I came downstairs feeling a little light-headed. Otherwise, I felt totally normal. We had dinner around 8:00, and soon after things got strange. I stopped being able to properly communicate or get sentences out correctly. Everything was fine in my head, but the words were coming out jumbled or completely different. John noticed the problem and talked about calling an ambulance, but I got him to wait a few minutes. I asked for some advice from some nurses that I know, and decided that I should go get checked out at the hospital.

Here is an example of what happened with my speech & writing -- most that know me knew there was a problem when seeing this because I'm almost always clear with my writing.

A friend from my MOPS group came and took me to the emergency room. While being examined, they noticed that my eyes were twitching -- while I was following the doctor's finger with my eyes -- it was happening, but I never knew it. They did a CT scan & an EKG, and there weren't any brain bleeds -- so that was good news, but they admitted me for further testing the next morning.

I had a MRI/MRA and a electrocardiogram done on Friday morning... as well as being seen by speech therapy and physical therapy. The tests revealed that I have some abnormally small blood vessels in my brain, they appear to be all different sizes instead of being consistent. They didn't see any clear signs of why this happened -- so I was diagnosed as having a TIA. It could have been because of an abnormal migraine according to the neurologist, but I wasn't having a headache at the time -- so I guess we won't ever know exactly.

She is sending the tests out for further testing to make sure that there aren't some other tests that need to be ordered to check out why my vessels are smaller. I'll follow up with the doctor in about 3 weeks, and will have my other doctors check out my blood sugar medicines and my blood pressure medication as well. I just want to make sure everything is monitored closely.

In reality we don't have a whole lot of answers as to why this happened, but it certainly has scared us. What if this had happened while I was home alone with the boys?! That is the most terrifying thing to me, but of course I'm the only mother that my boys have... so it has convinced me even more that it's time to make some serious changes for my health and for our family.

I'm a little nervous about being alone with the boys, but I know that John is monitoring things too - and has done an amazing job this weekend picking up where I had to leave things. The boys did well -- or at least as well as they could, and they even got a dinner date out with Daddy.

Parenting Against the Rules

This fall, James was supposed to move into the pre-school program within the same church that has their current MDO program. Only, they require that children be completely potty trained to enter that program. By completely potty trained, that meant that he'd have to handle it all on his own and if he had 3 accidents - they'd kick him out of the program.

This seems like a recipe for disaster for a family that is determined above all else to let these boys handle the potty training without any pressure from us or outside sources. I expressed my concerns over this rule to our current MDO director, and was pleasantly surprised to hear that we had some other options.

She said that we could hold James back in the MDO class and reevaluate at Christmas-time... or even leave him there the whole year next year. I couldn't be more relieved! I love the women that are in that part of the building, and the boys really seem to respond well to them. They will be back in the same class next year, and I'm pretty excited about that. They have the rest of their lives to be separated, so one more year of security isn't so bad.

The pre-school program had the option of a 3 day per week program, which is great... but that would mean that the boys would be on opposite days which was less than ideal. I typically use my MDO days to run errands that aren't easily done with children in tow, and for doctor's appointments -- so it was going to be a logistical challenge on top of everything else.

We already know that James is a bit of a late bloomer -- in terms of his growth, and I want to focus on celebrating his milestones rather than setting him up to fail in a program that he isn't ready for. It just isn't necessary to push him like that right now. It may become that way in the future on certain issues, but right now -- I'm happy just letting him be a sweet innocent little boy figuring his way in a big crazy world.

The next school year, they can move into their regularly aged programs -- with James going to the 4 year old class and Tyler to the 3 year old class. I'm totally at peace with that, and couldn't be more grateful that God lead us to this little school when we moved here. It was the only school at the time that would accept Tyler because he was under a year old at the time and I needed help getting us settled into our new house... what a gift it was to be blessed by these wonderful women and their ministry to our family.

Lets Talk Discipline

This shirt is awesome in so many ways - I think it's a great idea. As a youngest child, who was actually raised as an only child and then became the middle child in her 20's -- long detailed story, but even thought I have two older sisters (and now a younger brother & sister) -- we never really lived together that I remember. So there weren't any of these sibling parent tricks being used with me... but I can see how they will be necessary in our future.

At almost 2.5 & 3... we have already seen signs of things to come - toys being stolen by a brother and thrown out of reach of the other brother. Biting. Hitting. Fighting. You know it, and I know it's coming. It's part of growing up and having someone that is so close to you -- I can only imagine that it's worse the closer they are. So I will probably order several of these from my friend, Annie, in the future. I just can't for the life of me figure out the size you'd order.

Anyway, that wasn't the purpose of this post. I wanted to talk about the differences in parenting between husbands and wives. I think we are fundamentally as people drawn to the parent of the opposite gender, there is a powerful relationship between fathers & daughters and mothers & sons... it almost goes without understanding.

I know for me as a child growing up - I always looked for my Dad's approval more so than my Mom's -- not in a bad way, but just somewhere in my genetic make up - it seemed more satisfying. My Mom by nature was more of a disciplinarian with me, and I think there is something to that.

I've noticed now that I'm a mother, I can get angry and discipline my boys... but it is very different than the way that John does it. I don't know if he is actually tougher on them than I am, but it certainly gets under my skin from time to time. I have to sometimes hold my tongue and fight really hard to not intervene because I want to protect the boys.

Not that John is an ogre or anything like that -- it just is something within me that wants to protect like a Momma Bear when someone else is fussing at them. I don't know if the same would be true if we had girls, part of me thinks that it might be -- or maybe the tables would be turned and he'd be on the defensive if I were disciplining our daughter...

I can't be sure either way because for now we only have boys, but what an interesting phenomenon I've noticed within myself.

I think this applies to every form of punishment that you choose for your family -- maybe it's more of an issue of one parent takes the lead and one is a little more lenient?

What do you think? Do you have both boys and girls -- and find that this theory holds true?

Haircut Day!

Yesterday was haircut day!! My shaggy boys look neat and handsome again -- okay, they're always handsome, but now they look older and more put together. It's always an adventure because we do it ourselves... or well, John does it. I try to manage the rest of the chaos in the garage.

Tyler found a box of hand-me-down dinosaurs from my brother, and loved them. I'm hoping they can stay in the garage for a while before being moved into the house. 

Tyler was first up in the salon, but was not as sure about the situation as his Daddy. Hilarious, I ended up having to feed him Skittles to get the job done.

See the unhappy face on the toddler? We must have been in between Skittles. He did survive and get to play while James got his hair done.

Here he is just about finished -- looking so much lighter and older. Why do haircuts on boys make them look so much older?

James entertained himself in the meantime by watching the clothes in the dryer spin around, and by sweeping. The boys both took turns sweeping and using the dustpan after seeing me cleaning up around the litter box and getting some stray leaves that were around the garage. They are big into helping these days! 

James is like, "Whatever Dad, lets just get this overwith, k?" He is getting to the point that haircuts don't bother him as much, at least until the end with the last set of clippers that John uses. They seem to tickle him, so he doesn't know whether to scream or laugh. HA! 

He had his trusty haircut companion of a rubber lizard found in the dinosaur box, whenever he got nervous or wanted to laugh -- he just bit down on the lizard.

Here we are chomping on the lizard's head... nice. I do NOT look forward to the days of toy snakes & lizards -- because I already know it'll be a constant battle of finding them hidden to scare me... from not just the people under the age of 18... 

Tyler is waiting for James it be finished so they can hit the showers... he looks kinda unsure about this car, but that's more than likely because James claims 100% ownership of it when he is available to use it.

Just about finished, and ready to go get a bath to clean all the hair off of everyone. James was relieved to be finished and to get some Skittles too. 

A quick pit stop before hitting the bath, who would have ever thought that I'd have two crazy boys? This of course means two froggy potties and a froggy bath toy holder. For some unknown reason they insist on sitting on the potty backwards -- I think they said something about doing that at school so maybe that is where it comes from, but it makes me laugh.

Clean Eating - Week 2 Update

I'm still trying to catch my stride with this, and after taking my family with me to the grocery store - I am now more convinced of three things:

1) I will do my best to always shop alone in the future!
2) The grocery store can be overwhelming for a person trying to change some serious lifelong eating habits.
3) My family is definitely hooked on these bad choices, and it will take some time to get them out of our house for good.

That last one, I'm fine with because I didn't set out for this to be an over night process. I think every change is a change in the right direction and good for us. I chose my battles today, and let most of the things my husband threw in the cart go because I'd rather not fight about it and just gradually show him a healthier way of eating by making the changes with our meals.

That's not to say that he isn't on board with this plan that I've cooked up, he just wasn't on board with paying $6.99 for organic strawberries -- which I'm okay with at this point. I'd rather the boys eat strawberries than nothing at all - so we went with the regular produce this time around.

I'm trying to make more fresh meals with vegetables added in right now, and this week we're having - stuffed bell peppers, chicken & vegetable stir fry, taco salads, spinach lasagna roll ups, and marinated pork chops with roasted veggies. I'm pretty happy with that right now because one thing that I can say is that I was much more intentional with my planning of meals.

What has been happening in the past has been a bad combination of trying to throw it together at the last minute, and it being after a meal -- so the combo of me being full while it being late at night -- I really haven't cared what was on the meal plan lately - it was more about getting it done so I could go to bed. This week was different - I wasn't exhausted, and I looked around at several sites while choosing our menu. The meals on this plan are things that are familiar, but might be tweaked in a small way... some won't be tweaked, but it's all a learning process.

I said that the grocery store can be overwhelming... and I'm not kidding. When you think about changing habits - it's not easy to make that work if you aren't constantly vigilant with your choices. Reading labels isn't easy when you have two toddlers with you... so that's a lesson learned that for the time being they can't be a part of these trips. More so for the fact that they aren't patient than anything else -- and momma needs some time to figure out what the best choices are for our family.

I did try some new things this week - I found some new chicken nuggets for the boys to try - they probably aren't perfectly clean (well, I know they aren't because they were processed in some way) -- but they are better than the ones we were getting for them. Until I can get on top of this and make my own -- I feel better about giving them this because it's real pieces of chicken instead of a pressed product.

I hope that they will eat them and not notice the difference, but Tyler is so reluctant to try anything different. 99% of the time he enjoys it, but it's a HUGE fight to get him to try things. I wonder if he just doesn't trust us or if it's a phase of some sort. He will even pick out veggies if we try to hide them on his fork, whereas James hasn't met a veggie or fruit he didn't like for the most part. I made them a meal last week with a spinach & alfredo sauce on pasta and chicken... James ate it without any problem while Tyler picked all the spinach off of every bite before he'd eat it.

Any one out there with good toddler friendly clean recipes -- let me know! I'm going to keep trying. Most of the time they eat before John and I do -- so convenience foods were a lot of their diet, with a fruit & vegetable at every meal. I'm transitioning them as much as I can to eating the same meal that John and I are - even if it's as leftovers the next day.

I wish I could make them healthy paninis and things like that, but James doesn't really like bread  which makes sandwiches problematic. Any help with meals that have worked for your family would be awesome - send them my way!

Boys, Boys, Boys...

Right now, I'm the only girl in the house -- except for the dog & cat... and it's quite apparent. There is now slowing down to color or much of anything else - it's constant movement around here folks. We've got cars, trucks, and the like all over the place -- along with two little men that are starting to enjoy making siren sounds with their mouths. 

Santa brought the boys a few different sports related things this year, but the biggest hit off all has been the set that they got with a soccer ball, a basketball, and a football. It's interesting how Tyler has taken to the basketball, and loves it... while James is obsessed with his soccer ball. It's in his bed with him while he sleeps -- it's in the room at all times, and even has become a game just before naps/bed time. 

They love kicking the soccer ball around with their Daddy. It's so cute, and James can even run along and kick it while he's going - which seems pretty good to me, but I don't have much else to compare it to. Other than Tyler throwing the basketball, which I swear he does with the arch that it would take to make a basket. Are boys born with these sorts of talents?

Here they are before bed time last night playing upstairs... such silly guys! Tyler ends up being in the way a lot, and falling down while trying to capture the ball... I predict a lot of broken windows and trips to the ER with these crazies!

Here they are playing catch before naps yesterday, and you can see how they prefer different sports -- they can both catch the ball now, and are pretty good at throwing as well.

They also routinely lay on the floor when someone is behind a closed door trying to figure out what is going on in the room they are blocked from. Most of the time it's our bedroom -- and one of us is getting dressed or plugging in our phones... but they want to be in there causing mischief wherever they can.

These crazy boys sure do make my life interesting. I wouldn't trade them for the world... I just might need a bit more Tylenol over the years than I expected. HA!

Tender Hearted

It's nap time in the house of Hawk, and John is watching a movie. This particular movie is called War Horse, and it's killing me. I've got such a soft side for animals when it comes to story telling. I've never been more effected by movies than the ones where an animal is at the center of the story line.

The movie Hatchi just about did me in several years ago - I mean full on sobbing crying over this sweet dog. I remember doing the same thing in Dances with Wolves over the field full of dead buffalo, the horses, and the wolf...

Don't get me wrong, I am a sobbing mess at movies with sad messages... but for some reason an animal gets me every single time... without fail and without question.

I've only been sort of watching this movie with a lot of distraction, but the way this horse has been taken and put through so much in a war (I'm guessing WWI or WWII) is just horrible. He keeps getting taken from his owners and put to use in the war, and I know this is the way it was done back then -- I just can't help feeling sorry for him. The whole thing seems so barbaric.

I'm totally missing the point of this movie because of the animal factor too -- which makes me laugh. I am such a dope. I much prefer movies that don't use animals in the center of the story -- unless it's super happy. That's just my personal issue...

I guess it's no surprise that I'm snuggled down between a dog and a cat while writing this. I'm sure it's not a super shock that I'd rather bring any stray home than hear about it getting hurt -- I guess that goes for animals or kids. John used to laugh at my career goal when we were younger -- I wanted to be a social worker, but he knew that if I worked with CPS -- it would be bad.

He always said that he'd end up bailing me out of jail for beating up some kid's parent to show them what child abuse feels like... HAHA! Then he'd have to bring me home to a house full of wall to wall kids because I would take them home instead of trusting them to the system. This might be true, but I never got into that career field, and I guess maybe that is because God knew that wasn't the right ministry for me.

James' Football

James is in the Toddler 2 class at his school, and was given a homework project last fall - they were assigned the bulletin board for the entrance of the school for the month of January and asked that all of the kids work on a football with their families.

Clearly we are the only ones that took this to be a serious project for his future development, because we are obnoxious! You can see James' football right there front and center next to the word "with" -- clearly we are proud Aggies this year with a great season behind us, a Heisman trophy winner, and a preseason ranking of #1... lets keep this going!

The only way it gets better is for us to move back home to Texas and be able to take the boys to an actual game. James already shows signs of enjoying watching the games with his Daddy, they scream and yell with each other while Tyler looks at them like they're crazy.

For having two parents that are not artistic in the least -- we did alright. I got a second football to make one for Tyler, and then I will likely frame them with some sort of magazine or something commemorating this year's season. Since this is the first season in the SEC - John got a set of reprints of our tickets so that we can frame them too.

We are all about the Aggie Swag in this family -- I just can't wait until we have a game room or study to hang them in... I miss having an area designated for these trinkets and pieces of art.

The One with the Poop

We are rocking along with our non-potty training plan... except for the fact that I need James to be potty trained by August, and I'm a little scared about that. Anyway... I think the boys are becoming more and more aware of what is going on -- or they are totally manipulating me for candy.

They ask to go to the potty all day long, and we do act on most requests. It can get cumbersome with the trips to the potty taking most of our day by the time everyone has fought me on getting up or getting redressed. (You name it and they try to stall)

There we are -- we've been hearing for an hour or so that someone might need to poop. (I'm not naming names so I don't embarrass anyone... but rest assured that it was a toddler.) We suffered through a couple of false alarms with said child, and opted to go ahead with giving their nightly baths - because well, we had no reason to think otherwise.

In almost 3 years of parenting -- we'd never had a floater in the bathtub, until now. John was in the middle of giving the boys their bath, and I was fluttering around doing something when I heard one of the boys start screaming bloody murder. John calls for me, and then I realize what has happened... so we have both boys in the tub, one covered in soap, and the other standing there freaking out.

I scooped up the child having the breakdown, and wrapped him in his towel and snuggled him while John drained the tub, fished out the floater, and tried to keep the other child calm. After 5 or so minutes, the pooper calmed down and I got him dressed again.

We went on about our night without anymore incident, but I wonder what will happen when said child needs to go again.

Wintertime Beauty

Some of you likely live in much colder areas and see these things all the time. For me, growing up in TX... it just doesn't happen often at all. The last time I experienced anything like ice I saw yesterday/today was in 1997!

It's really pretty to see, especially if you don't have to get out and deal with it -- which today we did need to get out, but other than turning my car on for a good while before leaving - it wasn't a big deal - the roads were clear by the time we needed to head to the pediatrician at 9:30.

Anyway, I took some pretty decent pictures - and really it's not that much ice... but for a Texas girl -- it sure was fun to see! I just pray that we'll get at least 1 good snow so that we can take the boys out to experience it before we move back home.

 

This was from inside the car this morning -- I turned it on to start warming up about 30 minutes before we got in, and I even had to crack the doors open to get inside to get it started up.

I know that I'm weird, but I just love cold weather. I'd much prefer being cold over being hot -- I can layer up in the cold, but there is only so naked you can get... and typically people prefer you to be clothed in public which is problematic. <totally joking>

What's Your Process?

What is your writing process... if you write? When you get the opportunity - do you make a big production of it with a special place and setting? Or do you just sit anywhere and let the words flow?

I'm more of a let the words flow type of person, but I love a good topic. What I mean by that is that I love to have something specific in mind and then just let off the gas and see where it takes me. I never go back and read it again -- unless it's something that needs to be edited for submission -- and often end my session not knowing if I've even made a single point that matters.

I am told that I do make a lot of valid points, and write really well -- but that of course isn't my motivation. Mainly, I want to write to keep the ability alive -- if that makes sense, and allow myself to process and preserve memories.

It's too bad that the whole blog book thing came up too far into my journey - because it would have been fun to compartmentalize the transformations that have happened in the time I've been writing this blog. Sometimes it's astounding to look back and see how far I've come.

I started in 2007 with a journey toward weight loss surgery as a married woman with no kids. Look at me now... while some might think the weight loss journey was a failure - there are so many other things that I've been through in that time. 100 pounds of weight lost in a year. Infertility treatments. Adoption. Pregnancy with a newborn. Two kids 6 months apart. It's mind blowing sometimes.

I write this to ask, how you turn your life into topics for posts? Do you blog in the same spot at the same time every day? What sorts of things do you want to hear about from me? Do you have any questions you'd like me to answer?

New Year a New Us

I've been thinking lately that we needed to make some changes for our health... and for the boys too. So we've decided to give clean eating a try... what does that mean exactly? For us, it will be a slow gradual change over time -- so I will share my plans for that as well...

Let me start by telling ya'll, I NEVER thought that I'd ever be headed down this path. For a long time, my sister has been following her own version of this plan -- and I thought she was nuts. Here is the thing, this is a plan where you can customize it for your own family every step of the way. So, I'm taking the plunge - and sharing it with you!

Let me share what I've learned so far from reading an excellent book! (the photos are links to the books on Amazon -- where I got them!) It's not often that I sit down with my iPad and a computer to take notes from a book, but I've gotten two pages of notes out of 2 chapters so far... and I'm enjoying it. I'm such a nerd!

 

I've also gotten this book to read next! (the photo is a link to the book on Amazon)

I have several others planned for purchase, but I'll share those as I read them and get going.

What I've gotten from the Dummies book has been amazing -- I know that I feel like a dork buying those books, but they are easy to read and typically have some great information in them -- so give it a try if you're interested.

The basics of the plan are:

Eat whole, unrefined, and unprocessed foods that are low on the food chain
Eat a wide variety of unprocessed foods
Avoid artificial substances: including artificial flavorings, colors, preservatives, and sweeteners
Cut back on sugars, especially processed sugars like high fructose corn syrup and artificial sweeteners
Avoid trans fats and artificial fat substitutes
Choose low-fat, but not nonfat dairy products
Choose foods that are nutrient dense
Combine protein, complex carbohydrates, and healthy fats at every meal for the most satisfaction
Drink LOTS of water
Eat 5-6 mini-meals a day rather than 3 large ones
Practice portion control, especially when you eat more than 3 meals a day

 These seem like simple changes to make - especially in the age of Pinterest - I've seen tons of recipes and things to try for meals, but also for spice mixes and even things like condensed soup alternatives. For us, I do think that there will still be some convenience items in the mix, but I'll try to use these guidelines for choosing the best options available: 

Choosing packaged foods:
Read the labels
Bread – make sure it only has 5-7 ingredients
If you can’t pronounce, spell, or understand ingredients – don’t buy it
Avoid foods with sugar, processed ingredients, or fat as the first or second ingredient on the label
Choose foods that are low on the food chain

Did you know that all of these additives we've been fed over the years are like addictive drugs? Literally, our bodies react to them like they would heroin... and I believe it too. I know that I've been programmed to prefer certain things over healthier options, but I'm here to tell you that I'm going to give all my effort to correcting that for my family. I want the boys to choose healthier options, but know reasonably that sometimes we're going to have slip ups. 

I'm not trying to deprive us of anything either - my philosophy is that if it's something we want -- I'll find a way to make it myself with whole ingredients. I'd much rather be able to control what is going into my family than just blindly taking what manufacturers offer us. I say that with a food manufacturer being our sole source of income... I know that John's company is not the evil food manufacturer that people often make them out to be, and I will continue to use their products -- mainly because they make rice - which is not as processed as one might think. I just plan to use more of their whole grain brown rice products.

I digress... 

Here is the plan for us -- 

6 Degrees of Clean Eating:
20% - Start by changing 1 meal in a 5 day week to a clean meal
40% - Add another clean meal a week to your plan
50% - Try to make the majority of your meals/food choices clean, but room for some slip ups
60% - Most foods are clean, but you still have processed foods 2-3 days a week
80% - The majority of your foods/meals are clean, but you have room for the occasional bottled pasta sauce or bakery bread
100% - Eating entirely clean

This week, I will be trying out three new clean eating recipes while I continue to do more research and planning. Next week, I'll add more.  My ultimate goal will likely be the 80% range... because I want to be realistic with myself that things will get busy and no one is perfect.

This week's focus is to drink more water, and eat more veggies/fruits. Next week, we'll add it something else. I'll be making green smoothies for the boys and I, and trying out a few items I found in the organic/health food section of our store.

I will be adding in exercise and other healthier things over time too. While weight loss is certainly a goal for me, I just want to make healthy choices and do things that I can keep up with over time. I am focusing on the choices more than numbers on a scale. My goals are bigger than that because mainly, I want to have the healthiest family that I can -- I want to stop my diabetes from controlling my body, and prevent the boys from ever having to worry about their blood sugars (if possible). I also want to make sure that I have the energy to keep up with two crazy boys, and hopefully a third child in the not to distant future. 

Stay tuned, and join in this journey with us -- if you want to join along, let me know... if you just want to read, that's great too!