Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Question and Answer Wednesday

Summer asked:

your perfect weekend but it has to be a fantasy??? dream big.

Hmmm...well, I think that judging by my current circumstances... I'd choose a long weekend either at a spa... or on Mackinac Island, MI... the spa for obvious reasons, but Mackinac because it is fairly remote. We went there in 2001, and it was heaven... no cars allowed on the island, you have to take a ferry... and everything is either by bike, walk, or horse drawn carriage... we stayed in the most amazing bed & breakfast... I just remember being totally at peace there.

favorite childhood game?

I'm not really sure, I loved playing school. But I guess game wise - I'd choose Life or Cleaver Endeavor... it was a game that my Dad and I played when I'd visit...

chocolate or vanilla?

There was a time that I would have exclusively said chocolate, but now it depends - I've learned to appreciate a great vanilla... at least in terms of ice cream!

if you could learn any language, which would you choose?

Italian - I don't know why... but Spanish seems too generic being in Texas... Italian is close to Spanish so I think I could pick it up - but it just sounds more romantic.

what are you afraid of at the circus or fair? for example, i am terrified of roller coasters.

I can't think of anything - I'm not a huge fan of roller coasters either - I get way to tense and then end up hurting myself. It's been a VERY long time since I've experienced either one though.

what is the first thing you would want to do when visiting me in nyc?

I'd like to say visit some of the 9/11 stuff - because that wasn't there on my first visit to NYC... but since you said when visiting you... I'd say that it would most definitely involve a cupcake and a BIG hug!

where would you take me shopping for vintage clothing in Houston?

Oh goodness... I'd have to ask some of my more trendy friends... but I'll bet that it would be somewhere in the Heights or Montrose area. Could we stop by Crave Cupcakes first?

what is your fave holiday and if you like Halloween, what was your fave costume as a child?

I'm not a big Halloween fan, I don't know why... I guess it's a character flaw with my being so unwilling to be something other than myself. I'd say my favorite holiday is Christmas... I think it's just one time of year when people are at their best... really the whole Christmas Season... I love being out and about hearing people treating others a little gentler and nicer than they do the rest of the year.

I also really like Easter, for obvious reasons. The reminder of what Jesus did for us is just an amazing day to celebrate every year.


Jenn asked:

David Letterman features people on his "Stupid Human Trick" segment. Do you have one?

No, I don't think I do... but maybe I should defer to John?

Biggest pet peeve while driving (or in your case, being chauffeured!)?

I don't always get chauffeured - I drive us home from work most days - John drives us to work most days... anyway - the biggest pet peeve I have at least with Houston drivers is the fact that if you show weakness by turning on your blinker... you most assuredly won't be able to get over into the lane you need to be in... people will speed up in order to keep you from getting in.

Also, people that don't wait their turn... they either wait until the last minute to get over when a lane is blocked and force everyone else to wait longer... or they just act so arrogant that they push their way ahead of everyone else. I mean honestly - we all have somewhere to be... just be courteous.

A slang word you use all the time?

I'm not sure - I guess "Ya'll"... I'd also say "seriously?" but that's not really slang.

Does John have any nicknames for you?

Not really, the usual... Honey, Baby, Sweetie... I think the cutest nickname that I have right now was given to me by Summer - she calls me Kimmie Bean... which for some reason makes me smile.

Most memorable part of your wedding day?

Wow, so many. It is a toss up between the moment that I heard the music start playing for the ceremony - and I just started having this constant flow of tears running down my face. I was so happy... so in love... and so aware of the fact that I was with the perfect man for me.

I think the funniest part of the day, was driving to the reception and realizing that we had to stop for gas. There I was in my BIG wedding dress stuffed into the front seat of John's Mustang... while he had to dig a credit card out of the trunk! Priceless!

The one thing you are the LEAST concerned about.

Least concerned about... well - pretty much anything that is unrelated to babies... Groceries, cooking, cleaning... working... shopping - I'm just not really interested in anything other than sitting on my couch and feeling numb at the moment.

That does it for this week... go ahead and start submitting questions for next week... I'll put out a reminder on Tuesday of next week. I hope that you guys start enjoying this series again - it gives me a chance to blog from a different perspective - filling in the blanks on things that you want to know about me. Not in some sort of weird narcissistic way, but just if there is something that I've left out - you can ask me and I can fill in the blanks. Fun questions like these are of course welcomed too!

Guest Posting

Hi guys... things for me have reverted back to one of the previous stages of the grieving process today - so I'm dealing with some serious anger issues.

I will be fine, and I promise you that Question and Answer Wednesday is still going to happen - it just probably will not post until tonight... the good news for you? You have some extra time to get in your questions... fire away!

In the meantime, I wrote a guest post for Summer over at B is for Brown - please go over and check it out. It is a post all about my favorite recipes from the Kim's Cuisine blog... there is a ton of yumminess over there!

Give Summer some love while you are there too - she is fantabulous, and you will not regret becoming one of her regular readers!! I promise... she comes my BIGGEST stamp of approval. You will absolutely love her!

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Prayer

You all know that I am in the midst of a challenge with my church to read the entire New Testament in 12 weeks. We are in week 3 of the challenge, and I tend to do my reading each day at lunch - it is a really nice way to keep myself grounded in one of the most chaotic places that I spend my time.

Today's reading focused on Mark 10-11.

When reading my study notes about Mark 11 - I found some absolute pearls of wisdom that I can absolutely see happening in my life right now.

If you don't already know about Mark 11 - go ahead and go read it. What caught my eye was the part about the fig tree... and the study notes that accompany that portion of the reading.

In the study notes of my Bible - I copied down the following:
* God will answer your prayers, but not as a result of your positive mental attitude. Other conditions must be met:
1) You must be a believer
2) You must not hold a grudge against another person
3) You must not pray with selfish motives
4) Your request must be for the good of God's Kingdom
* When we pray, we can express our desires, but we should want his will above all else.
* God accepts our requests for anything. God wants to give us what is best for us, not merely what we want. He denies some of our requests for our own good.

I followed these notes with the following prayer:

Dear Heavenly Father, I ask for you to show John and I your will for how to move forward with having a family. If adoption is what you want for us - to give a Godly home to someone else's baby - we are ready to accept the challenge. If we need to do nothing - show us. If we need to continue seeking treatment through Dr. Mac - tell us. Show us the clear path that leads us to your plan for us. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Before getting the news on Friday that literally shook me to the core - I believe that my prayers were different. I tried to box God into the plan that I had for myself. I know this to be true, and I believe that my eyes are opening to a new way of staying the course.

After all, if I am a true believer - I know in my heart that God has a better plan for us than I can ever imagine for myself... so it is my job to be open and go wherever God leads me. I am trying to become that person.

I am trying to become less dependent on HOW I become a mother, and instead just owning that God will grant me the desire of my heart - in whatever way he sees fit. It may be that I never have my own children or experience the wonderful mysteries of pregnancy... but that doesn't mean that I can't open my home to one of God's creations born to another woman unable to provide the sort of environment that I can for that child.

I have certainly felt a shift in my own heart the last few days, and while it is hard to close the door on one chapter - it might just be the very thing that changes my life in the best possible way.

Things to Smile About

You all know that I'm trying to remain as positive as I can... because I think the husband has seen enough of my face while crying lately. (Picture big sad, red, puffy... cow eyes - as they've been described by my vice president at work)

So here is a list of things that make me happy right now:
  • A big hug from the man of my dreams... the husband can make it all better.
  • Holding hands with John... knowing that we're in this together
  • Butterfingers
  • Pedicures
  • Massages
  • Flowers
  • Notes/Emails/Texts from friends
  • Being at home - away from the harsh realities of life
  • Anything warm, chocolate and gooey
  • Ice Cream (enough with the FOOD)
  • Prayers
  • Reading the Bible
  • Trying new recipes
  • Magazines - oh, how I love magazines
  • Starbucks
  • A good book (I need the new Women's Murder Club book!!)
  • Making new jewelry designs
  • Scrapbooking
  • Lunch with girlfriends
  • Staycations
  • Baking
  • Lifetime Movie Network
  • Selling things on Etsy

Speaking of good books - I am just finishing American Wife... a great read for anyone that likes a good fiction story.

This is just the list that came to me off the top of my head... what makes you smile?

Revive an Old Standby

In an attempt to try to dust myself off and move forward in some sort of fashion... it looks like God is leading us into a certain direction, but before I roll that out - I want to remain quiet, and make sure that I am hearing him clearly on all of his direction. You will start hearing about it as soon as we make any official moves on anything - because that's how I roll... but until then...

I thought that I'd bring back an old weekly series of posts that I haven't done in a long time.

Does anyone remember Question and Answer Wednesdays? Well, the idea is that you can leave me a comment here, email me, or even leave me a question/comment on Facebook - and I'll come back and answer them all tomorrow.

The only thing I ask is that you keep your questions clean (nothing rated R)... other than that - the sky is the limit - ask me anything... on any topic... and I'll tell you what I think.

Monday, September 28, 2009

Why

I can safely tell you that this last three days has been probably some of the hardest that I've ever experienced. We've faced the ups and downs of infertility and the cancelling of cycles before - BUT - this time is different.

This time is very different. This time has brought tears every single day... a big wave of tears throughout our church Worship Service and prayers... tears at every turn.

This time the only thing that consoles me is reading the Bible... which in the last three days - I can safely say that I've put in about 5 hours or more of time in doing just that. Maybe it was part of his design for me to be a few days behind on my New Testament Challenge when this was dropped into my reality.

This time, I am mad at the situation, but I'm trying my best to hold my heart near to God and not become angry with him. It is hard... and a lot of worldly things are taking the brunt of my anger instead of him... but I have to work through my grief in some form. So if it means that I spend a few more days doing less of the things that I normally would because I'm sad and angry... then so be it.

Part of our message yesterday at church talked about using the circumstances of our life to use our faith.

A wise friend of mine spoke to me this morning about not using my prayers to specifically ask God for what I've worked out on my own... meaning that I pray for him to work through the avenues that I've chosen. Pray more broadly to find his will and follow his lead.

In my reading at lunchtime, I read that even though Christ has brought us through trial and temptations in the past - it is often hard for us to believe that he'll be able to do it again in the future.

This is all true, and has impacted me greatly.

Parts of that message got me through Brooklyn's birthday party yesterday - where literally out of the 20 or so guests - 2 were visibly pregnant and one had a brand new baby. One of the pregnant ladies was complaining about having her third boy... and all I could do was to physically stay in my seat instead of going over to give her a piece of my mind.

I mean really? You're lucky you have children at all, lady. How about be grateful that you don't have bigger problems...

I have absolutely changed the way that I've been praying about our situation, because to a certain extent - I was boxing God in and praying specifically for our fertility treatments to work, and maybe that isn't part of his plan for us... I don't know. I don't know if you ever truly can know... but I do believe that he has a plan.

I can only listen and try to hear his guidance. If his plan is to bless our family through adoption instead of naturally having our own children, will I be okay with that? Absolutely... but at the same time... yes, I will have to mourn the fact that I can't do it on my own... and that my body isn't able to do something that so many take for granted.

Sometimes, God's plan is very hard for us to reconcile in our own brains... in our human world. Like for instance, on Friday... literally less than an hour after we got the news that our cycle was going to need to be cancelled... we were driving home and saw a man literally pick his child up by the arm (like a monkey) and carry it back into their apartment. It's hard to see things like that.... it's hard to see others driving around without putting their children in car seats... or any of the other things that we all see on a regular basis, and understand why you are the one that has to sit on the sidelines. Why you are the one on the bench waiting to be called into the parenting game.

Right now, all I really want is to be inside my house in the comfort of my own little bubble... and not have to deal with the outside world. Not have to be out where literally at every turn someone is either pregnant or has a tiny baby with them... Not have to deal with the harshness and cruelty of being reminded that you're still waiting for your miracle... Not have to try to function at work while holding back tears... Not have to go on with life when it changed so drastically from having so much hope to having very little in the blink of an eye - with the breath of one word.

I don't know that there is much hope of us going forward with fertility treatments, because every instinct that I have tells me what no matter what it is that he might be able to do with me medically - it will be expensive. It will be expensive in terms not only of our finances, but also our emotions... because right now - the difference between fertility treatments and adoption is that with adoption - you are paying for something concrete. With fertility treatments - you're paying for a maybe.

Both have advantages and disadvantages... and of course there are things like donor eggs and embryo adoption... but with both of those again - you're paying for a big maybe.

Could we be lucky and start the process of adoption or go completely through with an adoption - and miraculously have our own child... absolutely. I know that it can happen, and has... my in laws had that experience... one of my cousins has had that experience...

Right now though, I'm taking the next week - until we meet with the doctor - to research all the options... to pray broadly for God to clearly direct our path as to what to do next... and to spend as much time with Jesus as possible... trying to find some sort of peace within the storm.

Sunday, September 27, 2009

Gluten Free

I have tried the Pillsbury reduced sugar cake mixes that are out there along with the icing... and they are pretty good. I'm here today to report on another new product line that I saw while shopping today.



Have any of you seen this in the stores?


I just was at WalMart this morning for our biweekly (is that right? we go twice a month) trip for groceries... and I happened to be in the baking aisle picking up a thing or two... check the recipe blog because things are booming over there this week.

Anyway, I looked at the cake and brownie mixes just to see if there was something over there that caught my eye... and I saw these gluten free mixes. I only saw the yellow cake mix and the brownie mix, but they might have some of the others as well.

I don't know how many readers I have out there that are trying to eat gluten free - but I thought that I'd pass the information along. Because I so giving like that...

I'm curious though, if any of you are gluten free, do you just put regular icing on these mixes? How does that work? I'm guessing icing is gluten free because it doesn't have flour in it... is that right?

1,000th Post

We've reached a milestone here at Thoughts by Kim... this is our 1,000th post!

Can you believe it?!

Some of you have been with me from the beginning - others have picked up on our journey somewhere along the way... but what an amazing journey it has been... and it is FAR from over.

When I started this blog in July of 2007 - I had no idea of the things that would come over the course of 1,000 posts.

We have:
  • We bought a house
  • We gained a new niece
  • I had weight loss surgery
  • We watched our first church home close
  • We joined a new - FANTASTIC - church
  • I stepped out in faith and went on my first women's church retreat
  • I lost a job (a horrible one at that)
  • I turned 30!
  • I got baptized!!
  • I had my gallbladder removed
  • I struggled through an unrealized dream of becoming a teacher
  • I got a new job
  • We endured Hurricane Ike and it's aftermath
  • John had weight loss surgery
  • I went on my second women's church retreat... these are AMAZING!!!
  • We have led small group for our church two semesters
  • We gained a new brother-in-law
  • We have endured the struggles of infertility
  • We have had three unsuccessful fertility treatment cycles
  • Relationships have been gained and lost
  • And the list will continue to grow...

When you look back on that list knowing that it only spans the time of just over two years... can you believe how much change has happened for us?!

This blog has been therapeutic in so many ways, and I am so grateful for each of you that reads it often to find out what is going on in our little world. The friendships that I have gained through this little virtual community have been an amazing source of comfort and strength through each struggle... and I look forward to what the next 1,000 posts brings for us...

Saturday, September 26, 2009

Transparency

After my last post, I got a message from one of my cousins. She shared with me how my transparency is able to help encourage her. She said that knowing about my struggles it is encouraging to know that while I don't understand God's plan... I am still a believer.

She is having some struggles herself of a different kind, but I am grateful to know that in some small way - my story and my life can be an encouragement to others and a blessing to the kingdom of God.

I personally, just spend the better part of the last hour or so doing my reading for the New Testament Challenge... and while you might not think that is very involved... for me it is a process of reading the scripture, journaling things learned from the study notes in my Bible, answering the daily question my church gives us for the week, and then journaling my prayer. I was actually amazed to see that as I did two days worth of study... the first day's prayer was all about other people... my cousin, my friend Summer, my friend Renee, and my friend Natalie were the main recipients in my prayer.

I found it interesting that even in the light of a very dark day in my own life - when I went to pray... I prayed for everyone else before myself. Is that Jesus working in me? Surely. Because I can't imagine that I would think of others first in the midst of such a struggle.

Which then took me back to a couple of ideas that I'd journaled from the notes in that very reading in Matthew 25:
* What we do for others demonstrates what we really think about Jesus' words to us.
* Love for others glorifies God by reflecting our love for him.

Interesting. It is funny, because over the last 24 hours - quite a few people have reached out to me to offer encouragement, love and prayers... one in particular who is at this very moment awaiting the transfer of her newly fertilized embryos into her body... and her greatest concern is to not be hurting me further by sharing her good news and excitement.

I care about her so much though, that I want to know - no matter where I am in my life - I want to know that my friends are being lifted up, happy, healthy, and getting all of their hearts desires... I want that for them almost more than I want it for myself. How can you explain that away without realizing that the only answer as to why I feel that way... is Jesus.

I've often thought about the people closest to me that are awaiting the miracle of parenthood... and more than I can count - I've wished that they all achieve that glorious miracle ahead of me... because I want them to have it so badly - that I can't imagine getting it before them. In reality there will be people still waiting when the time comes for John and I to be parents in whatever form that takes... but even still... I hope that all of those close to me have their hearts desires before I have mine.

I only really came back to post to share with you the prayer that I said about my situation today - because it might better shape your prayers specifically to align them with what I am asking for in this journey.... but then when I sat down to write and realized how much more I got out of the last hour spent reading from the gospel... I had to share it all with you.

Alas... here is the prayer that I intended to share with you:

Dear Heavenly Father, I come before you today on my knees in despair over the cancellation of another fertility cycle. God, I don't know of the plans you have for us, but I know that they are greater than I can imagine. Please show John and I clarity on what path to take, what our next step is, and how we can use the expansion of our family to glorify you for all to see. Our greatest desire is to have a child that we can raise together in a godly home, and we need your grace to do that. Please give us peace in this struggle and clarity on how to move forward: whether that is to wait for you, to try new treatment, to adopt, or to do something else - show us clearly and directly. In your name, I pray. Amen.

I used the word grace in my prayer because last week in church we learned that the very definition of grace is to receive something without deserving it... I felt that in this moment that is a very appropriate word to use.

Dreaded Phone Call

I got the call yesterday at about 4:15... the phone call that ended all hope for our 7 follicles this time around.

My estrogen count was only 44, and at this point in the cycle it should be well over 100. So this tells the doctor that my eggs aren't maturing properly.

The gave us two options: 1) cancel the cycle and come in to consult with the doctor or 2) pump up my medicine from 3 vials a shot to 5. At a cost of $300 a shot.

In order for us to do option 2 - we would have needed to order some more medicine, and even at that they didn't see much reason or hope for going down that path.

So we opted to cancel the cycle... and we'll go back to see the doctor on October 8th to see if there is anything we can do.

With the current state of my ovaries, we wouldn't even be able to do IVF at this point - because they can't get my ovaries to stimulate to the point of producing it's own estrogen.

All this time we were thinking that my only true problem was the mass amounts of testosterone that my body produces, but apparently our problems don't stop there. Which is a very difficult pill to swallow.

I feel very defeated today, and without hope of having my own child. Not that I believe that having your own child is the only way to motherhood, but feeling like that option is slipping away is something that you have to mourn and accept before moving on.

I can sort of see how people slip into drug addiction or alcoholism right now - because honestly - being in some sort of chemical induced coma that would take away the awareness of the pain that I am feeling. (No one worry... I'm not going out for a drink... or anything else) The only thing that we have a chance of is me drowning the pain in food... which is the one thing that weight loss surgery doesn't help you with... I might eat less of whatever it is, but the tendency to eat away the pain is still there... and old habits die hard.

I don't know what the appointment on October 8th will bring, but my guess is that it will be an expensive option... and one that we will have to weigh with the other options out there. I am starting to research adoption and embryo adoption - just so that we'll have information ready to choose our path wisely.

Some friends of ours just adopted a little girl about a week ago, so I've got an email out to her asking what the name of their agency is so that I can look into them - they are Christian based - so I want to start looking there. They are also local... which is ideal.

I've looked at a couple of embryo adoption websites, but the basic idea there is that it would be pretty much like a frozen embryo transfer - so we'd adopt some one's unused embryo and they'd transfer that to me... which we initially thought was sort of creepy, but given the circumstances that we are in - I think we need to research the option just to know more about it and make an educated decision.

Our hope would be to have our own child, but I'm not sure that it will ever happen... so I want to be prepared. In the meantime - I am trying to find a way to struggle through this and stay close to God... because right now - I'm not feeling it. I sort of feel like I'm being punished for something that I did... but I don't know what it was that I did wrong.

My friend, Renee, and I were talking yesterday - before I knew anything was wrong, and she made the statement that God can be cruel sometimes... and while that isn't an overall picture of who God is... sometimes when it comes to our emotions, it can seem that way. Right now, in both of our lives - we are in that place.

The place of being desperate to create a life and expand our families... but both being denied that opportunity... in different ways and different problems... but the pain is real and it is similar.

I can't speak for her... but I know that in my case it is a deep agony that I would never wish for anyone to have to endure... the kind of pain that brings tears to your eyes just walking past the baby section at the WalMart... the kind that makes you look at people in the store with babies and wonder why you can't have that...

The kind of pain that only God could heal... so I'm trying to remember that, and I will spend a good part of my day today in prayer catching up on my New Testament Challenge... I'm a couple of days behind, but it's a good day for me to get all of my feelings out in prayer and see what God can tell me.

Friday, September 25, 2009

More To Come

There will be more information later - in terms of the progress of our cycle... but the last 36 hours have been so action packed... I felt like I needed to give you something to hold you over until I get the final report this afternoon.

Walk back in time with me... picture it, yesterday - about 9AM.

Shortly after I saw the entertaining ladies at the stop light...

I went to the doctor's office for blood work. Now, some of you may not experience doctor's offices in a major medical center on a regular basis... but at our doctor in the heart of the Texas Medical Center... we have to pay for parking in a garage... and for like every 15 minutes you get charged a dollar.

Anyway, on the front side of the garage - you park and walk right into the elevators... but if you park on the back side of the garage - somehow you have to walk down about 6 steps to get to the elevator.

Well, yesterday... I parked on the back side of the garage... you see where this is going yet??

Insert every joke I've ever heard about my graceful nature...

I stepped wrong on a step, and twisted my ankle - knee - foot (all of the above) - but thank God, I caught myself on the railing and didn't take a total nose dive down the stairs. I went on about my business though... hoping that it wasn't any big deal.

I made my way up to the 11th floor and had my blood drawn for the testosterone tests. Then off I went back to my office.... the whole time, my leg is swelling up like a Macy's Parade float. I pulled off my "trowzer sock" and checked for bruising when I got to my office - none could be seen, so I just let it swell.

The day continued on - as normal... all with me knowing that my doctor's office should get the results back from my blood tests at about 3. We've been down this road before, and they've never failed to call - I'd heard them say things like "It might be 6 before we call, but we'll get you the results today."

So, I trust them... like I should, right?

3:00 goes by... 3:30.... 4:00... no call... 4:30... 4:45 - John asked if I should call then, but I said "No, lets give them the benefit of the doubt"... 5:00... 5:30... 6:00... 6:30 - still no call. They never called last night.

Which you might think isn't a big deal, but the results from that testosterone level has cancelled every cycle we've tried this far... so it was the difference of knowing that we were injecting $200 worth of medication for a good cause, or in complete vain.

So we took the leap of faith and did the shots without knowing the results.

Went to bed, not knowing how my body is reacting to the meds this time.

Up this morning, off to John's office - where I hung out for about an hour reading my Bible... then to the doctor's office for our appointment.

I was literally sick to my stomach worrying about having to get bad news face to face... I can usually hold on during a phone conversation long enough to get done with them... then I fall apart.

Anyway, we walk in the door - and John tells the nurse practitioner that we never got our blood work results last night. She looks puzzled... and says that she'll look for our chart.

5 minutes or so passes, and she comes back out to tell me that they wouldn't get those results back until today sometime... and I almost lost it. I told her that we'd never had this problem before, and the WHOLE point of me having that test run yesterday was to get the results back before the ultrasound today - because if it was an unnecessary expense - we didn't want to go through with it.

She says, ok... and goes back to look for the chart again. She finds it and the results - somehow since I had my appointment this morning - the chart with the results made it back to some one's office before I got my phone call. Luckily, the results were that my level is now 26.

26 is still a very good number... we started at 22 - so in the last 4 days of stimulation... it's gone up about a point a day.

We had our ultrasound... which showed a bunch of follicles - I'll tell you more about them when we get the results back from today's blood work. I should get it back before 5 - but if I haven't heard from them by 4:30 - you better believe I'll be calling!

Hopefully I'll be back shortly to give you the update and next steps for our cycle... I'm very nervous waiting for this call... so I'm thankful to my friend Renee, John, and others for chatting with me today on Facebook & Gmail to keep my mind off of the endless waiting game.

Thursday, September 24, 2009

Open Letter - Red Light Ladies

Dearest Red Light Ladies,

I just have to tell you that you certainly made my morning a little brighter... and my breakfast went down with a laugh.

I find you breaking it down at the light - to whatever music was playing in your car... to be quite humorous. The flare with which you were able to groove, clap, and sing at the same time was unlike any I've seen in a long time. You had style... and flare!

It made me smile, which says a lot with these whacked out hormones I have right now.

I didn't get the opportunity to show you my appreciation in giggling or by giving you applause because you never looked in my direction, but I sure wish that you had. It is a great service you're doing to make people smile first thing in the morning - and I for one appreciate it.

I also am grateful that whatever music you were listening to and enjoying so immensely... was not able to be heard in my car... because you have some common courtesy and didn't have it blasting at the maximum volume... and beyond that - you kept your windows closed.

The only thing I'd change might be the shower cap that you were wearing... it was a little distracting, and probably not your best look - but again, you wore it with style!

You, my friend... are the best of your kind. Thank you so much for brightening my morning!

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Irrational Anger

I'm only stopping by so that you guys won't think that I've disappeared. The second round of the stimulation shot went alright last night - there might need to be some changes in logistics, but overall it went fine. (if any of you missed John's comment on the last post - you should go read it - priceless!)

Today, however, has been much different on the old emotion meter... I'm used to being a weepy basket-case... but today - I've been a rage-machine. Can I just tell you that there is nothing in this world that will prepare you for the roller coaster that your body can go through during all of this?!

I mean, one phone call - normally just a simple little problem to fix... and I just felt complete rage and disgust well up inside of me like a volcano. The strange part of it is that it was very much like an out of body experience... because it was like my emotions and my brain were separate.

I knew that I was getting angry over nothing really significant, but I was completely powerless to stop it.

Insert - Kim sitting in her office with the door shut - for SEVERAL hours. Until I finally felt like I could emerge a decent human being again.

The price I'm paying for the anger though, is an extremely painful headache. Which I believe is a common symptom of the stimulation medications... (Oh My GOSH... ya'll, I just coughed and thought that my left temple was going to shoot off across the room!)

Needless to say, this is no picnic... physically I am drained... emotionally I am drained...

Is it worth it? Absolutely!

Am I ready for the prize? More than you could imagine!

Am I freaked out that the subject of triplets keeps coming up all around me? Not at all.

While triplets sure would be a challenge... I know that God doesn't give us more than we can handle... and I think John and I are up to the task of raising exactly the number of children that God grants us.

My blood work will be drawn tomorrow morning at 10AM... so please be continuing to pray with us that my testosterone level has remained low (that is the whole reason I'm on the Lupron injections) and that we'll be able to proceed with our ultrasound on Friday to see how the follicles are growing.

It's almost time for me to go home and get all my injections - then probably an evening of laying on the couch... my hope would be to get a few things done, but the reality is that I'm probably just going to try to sleep away the pain - because I don't want to take anything that could jeopardize our cycle at this point.

Monday, September 21, 2009

One Down...

....Several more to go.

I literally just got back to the office from our doctor's appointment. Everything on the ultrasound looked good... my lining is perfect and we have several small follicles in there that are now being given "miracle grow."

Any of you that have been where I was today - in ultrasound land - know what that's like, but seriously - when another lady is doing the ultrasound... is it too much to ask for her to be gentle?! I mean come on!

The part that I was dreading was the shot portion of our visit - nothing new with learning to mix the medicine. It's pretty much like last time - only instead of mixing the liquid with two vials of medicine... this time we're doing three. Easy.

The big change is that this time the shots are going intramuscular (in the rear) instead of in my stomach. So this means that I need an assistant for the actual shot... John asked the nurse if they provide the attorneys as needed when the shot administration goes poorly. HA!

So we talk through our "game plan" and head into an exam room for the actual shot. So there I am holding my pants up so that they can do the shot... but before the shot can be administered...she LITERALLY drew circles on my hips for John to use as a guide. Lovely.

She then tells him that it hurts less if you slide the needle in quickly... anyone else feeling weak in the knees?! Just me... great.

Of course this brings him to the subject of when he used to give his cows injections back in FFA... great... I'm being compared to a cow. LOVE THAT!

The nurse looks at me and says, "Are you alright standing for this?" I'm thinking - ok - I know the needle is big... but seriously? Is it THAT big? For the record... it IS that big. It is every bit as big as the needle that they use to draw blood for testing... think about THAT going into the muscle in your rear.

We establish that I'll be ok... but she suggests that I balance myself over the examination table while standing on only the leg opposite the side that he's giving the shot. (We will switch right and left each night)

So, there I am - perched on one leg... waiting for John to jab this huge needle in... and I look at his face... and I'd swear he'd turned three shades whiter than normal... Great!

It was over in a flash though - and could have honestly been a lot more painful... thank goodness for my saddle bags on my hips - because whew! Neither of us passed out... which is a bonus in my book.

We made a break for it - and went directly to Sonic for a treat... and I'm now back at the office feeling very light headed and ill. Gotta love my body for it's reaction to foreign substances.... I think it's motto is "when in doubt... switch on the nausea." Only this time it's going to accompany it with a pretty hefty headache right along side.

We'll be enjoying this regimen on top of the daily Lupron shots until I go back on Thursday.

On Thursday they will check my testosterone level, and if all goes well with that. I go back Friday morning for more blood work (estrodial) and an ultrasound... then more of the same next week until we're ready for the insemination.

Please be praying that we can get over the hump this time and stay with this treatment cycle until the end... I'd really love to see what could happen if my body would just hang in there and do what it is supposed to do!

Sunday, September 20, 2009

On the Road Again

On Friday afternoon, we got the news that we are finally going to be able to start the treatment cycle back up again. It's amazing what a difference one week can make in my blood work numbers!

My testosterone had dropped to 22 from 42 last week! Praise God!

So we go in tomorrow at 1:00 to start our stimulation shots. This treatment cycle - we've gotten the doctor's office to agree to run my blood work hormone labs the day before doing any ultrasounds. That way if my testosterone levels drastically go up and cause our cycle to be cancelled - we'll only be out the $85 for the blood test.

If my hormone levels look good - then I'll go back the next day to have the ultrasound... we feel better about this because at least we're guarding ourselves and the $350 that the ultrasounds cost. It also hopefully will go a long way toward guarding our emotions as well...

If the hormone levels end our cycle at least we won't have seen the follicles and gotten the idea that those could become our baby...

As I've said before - we are in the middle of doing the New Testament Challenge with our church and I've been writing down and thinking about how I've been praying for our fertility treatments. The thing that I've neglected to pray for in the past is for our story to be used for God's glory. That our success and our baby can become a story that we can shout from the roof tops in order to bring people closer to him.

So to recap.... tomorrow we start the BIG MAMA shots in my rear. (John isn't looking forward to this) Then Thursday, I'll go in for my blood work. Once those results are in, I'll know if I will be having an ultrasound on Friday or not.

Please continue to pray with us that the Lupron can keep my hormones in check and that we can complete this treatment cycle.

Friday, September 18, 2009

Some Days

As I return to the office from yet another trip to the reproductive endocrinologist's office (Dr. Mac as we affectionately call him) I find myself completely overwhelmed with this journey... and the depth of the complications.

Some days, it is just too much to bear... the load seems too great. In my mind, I know that God has a plan for us and that in his time we will be the parents that we so greatly desire to be. The problem is that my emotional side... doesn't get it.

The longer I am stuck taking these shots, the worse I feel... which quickly spirals me into some dark places emotionally. I've kept it in check this month more than I have in the past... but today the load seems to heavy to carry. The injustice too great.

You see, we're not even like normal couples going through fertility treatments - because we've never crossed the finish line with these cycles... we just get barely close enough... and then the rug gets pulled out from under us and our cycle gets cancelled.

Is it too much to ask to be able to experience the 2ww (2 week wait)? I mean just getting that far into the cycle would be some great progress for us!

I guess I just come to you guys today feeling very burdened, broken, and frustrated. I don't have any news from my blood work - maybe sometime this evening we'll have that... but the whole thing is just incredibly maddening.

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Alive and Kicking

It's been a rough couple of days for me - health wise... so I'm happy to announce that I'm at least back to work today. Whew...

Monday night - I couldn't sleep at all because I was having these horrible cramps...beyond anything normal since they kept me awake. It was sort of like flowing waves - or maybe like childbirth - in that they would be alright for a little bit and then get intense for a little bit. It seemed like I was having the intense pain about every 5 to 10 minutes... All. Night. Long.

So when we woke up on Tuesday, John was also suffering from a hefty sinus infection. So we both ended up staying home - I worked from home on Tuesday and we both made trips to our doctor's offices.

Armed with antibiotics for John and Tylenol & anti-nausea medicine for me... yeah - more on that later. We continued on with our day. During the night on Tuesday - I again had the pleasure of not sleeping a single wink.

Tuesday night - I took some of the anti-nausea medicine right before bed... I might have gotten an hour of sleep... then it hit me. I was literally up every 20 minutes because the nausea was so bad... nothing like spending an entire night dry heaving. UGH! (sorry Dad)

If I tried to lay down in our bed - I literally would have to get right back up... so I finally tried to make myself a place to lay on our couch - propped up by every pillow I could find. I took another round of the anti-nausea stuff around midnight - and the ordeal continued until I finally got up at 5 to get a shower.

I still planned to go to work, but after my shower - I sat down on the bed, and next thing I knew it was WAY past time to leave for work... so I ended up staying home. I literally slept all day yesterday... from 5AM-8AM, 9AM-12:30PM, 2PM-4PM, 7PM-8PM... and to bed around 10PM... up at 5AM... so literally ALL. DAY.

I surely must have needed it, right?

So here I am at the office, waiting to see what this day brings. Hopefully nothing alarming or special - I need low key, and steady.

When I talked to my Doctor on Tuesday - they said that the cramping is fairly common with the Lupron shots - because your body is reacting to the lack of estrogen. So that sort of explains it - with the exception of the fact that until that night - I'd never experienced a single cramp. The nausea on the other hand - I'm the first patient they've ever had with this reaction. Lovely... cause we all know that I like to be unique!

Lets just all pray that my testosterone level has dropped significantly by tomorrow morning - so that I can get moving in the direction of being able to stop taking all of these crazy shots!

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Purposeful

I've always wanted to feel like my blog is out here to make some sort of a difference. I blog for a lot of reasons, but at the same time - I want to make sure that I maximize the impact that my words can have on the people that read them.

What does that mean? Well, I write this blog to pass along information to those that want to know what is going on in my life... I write so that just maybe my story can help someone else in their life... I write to share my faith in whatever way I can with anyone that is open to hearing about it.

I am not very good with the spoken word, so sitting down to witness to someone is just about out of the question... but can you imagine how thrilled I'd be if someone came to know Jesus through my blog or my writing?!

I wrote yesterday about the New Testament Challenge that my church is doing... and I wrote a little bit last week about the 36 hour fast that we did in order to prepare ourselves for this challenge. I completed the first day of the challenge by spending my lunch hour reading the Bible.

When we talked about it at church - they said that our daily reading might take us 15 minutes. But I spent an hour reading through it, studying the study notes, journaling, answering the daily question, and praying. Do you know that my lunch hour was the most effective and important hour of my entire day yesterday? How many times can a person say that these days?

I'd planned on it taking 15 minutes, but it took me 60... and they were the best 60 minutes of my day. I am doing this reading plan again today for my lunch hour - although today, I'm working from home... so it won't need to be me finding a hiding spot to not be interrupted... it'll just be me sitting down with God to learn from his words, and talk to him about everything that is going on in my life.

Believe me... there is a LOT going on in my life. I've got a crazy busy schedule at work; I'm trying to get my Etsy store off the ground; I've got one friend in crisis with the loss of a baby; another friend in the middle of a new IVF cycle; yet another friend experiencing the biggest gift of her life (it's a secret right now, but I'll share the good news once it's official); John is ill; I'm having debilitating cramps today; and our own infertility struggle is going strong... with no real end in sight yet.

Even with all of that - I am able to pick myself up everyday, help the people that I can in my life... and keep moving forward. Do you know the only reason that I'm able to do that? God.

If I hadn't found God in 2006 - I surely would have crumbled through all of the struggles over the last three years. Without. A. Doubt.

The struggles over the last three years have been nothing without his grace. He has gotten us through some serious marital problems, illness, two weight loss surgeries, infertility... and many other things. I can honestly tell you that had I not found him when I did - my life would be VERY different today than it is in actuality.

It's a scary thought... I was headed into a dark place at that time, and now - I can't tell you how many times I look up and realize that I'm surrounded by bright light even in the midst of the darkest moments of infertility. God meets me in the places where I need him the most, and lifts me up to carry me through.

That is an amazing gift, and I am grateful that even just in day two of this new 12 week challenge... I am able to see what a gift it is.

We are embarking on this for 12 weeks, as I said before... so we'll be finished by December 6th. Do you know how much can happen in just in my life within that time span? Our infertility journey could take a major turn for the positive... we could finish the 12 weeks pregnant.

We could have several friends who have the same experience - ending their infertility journey with pregnancies. We could watch God do some much needed healing in the lives of some of our closest friends. We could see God deliver a miracle to a couple that deserves it as much as anyone else I know.

God can do anything - and surely - when this 12 weeks is over... our lives will all be changed forever. In what ways, we don't know... but with God anything is possible.

Monday, September 14, 2009

Medical Update

It was brought to my attention this morning that I neglected to give you guys the update on our medical status last week - as it was happening. Apparently some people, my Dad, have grown dependent on the blog for updates... and well: friends in crisis, craft fairs, work, feeling ill, and everything else has had me completely zapped.

So here is the run down of where we are right now.

Let me give you a little historical information. In months past, when my testosterone level shot back up... and a cycle was cancelled... I'd be put back on the birth control pill, and within the first pack - my testosterone level would go back down from 40 to 20.

This time however, when our cycle was cancelled the testosterone level was at 44... after a month of being on the birth control pill, AND 2 weeks of Lupron (which is supposed to shut my body down from making ANY hormones on it's own)... my level is 42. FORTY TWO! Which means that it has only gone down two "points" since we were cancelled.

When I talked to the nurse at the doctor's office - they were ready to start stimulating for the next cycle... but we also have the knowledge that there is a slight possibility that my level could go up once we start stimulating regardless of being on the Lupron shots. The possibility is much less than not being on those shots, but it is there.

So after some discussion with John... we decided to not start immediately back on the stimulation shots this week. (We would have started them today) We instead opted to go back and recheck my blood work again on Friday and see if there is any change. We honestly would like for my testosterone level to come down much more significantly.

Our hope would be that it would come down to a level around 20 so that should it start going back up a little with the stimulation drugs - that we'd have some room for that to happen without having to cancel the cycle completely.

So, I go on Friday to check my labs again, and we'll see where we are from there.

In good news from those lab results... based on the two glucose and insulin levels that were taken... I'm still hanging in there with controlled levels on both of those. Apparently, those levels being high can also cause your testosterone level to rise, but that isn't a hurdle that we have to worry about right now. Which is good news! It also means that my current course of treatment - is holding steady enough to where we don't need to add anymore drugs at this time.

I suspect that when/if I do become pregnant - that I will have to add some sort of insulin to my regimen for the safety of myself and the baby. For now, however - we are doing good on that front.

The only complaint right now is that the Lupron shots just might be killing me slowly... over dramatic, party of one...

I know... it's not that bad, but it isn't that great either. These shots are killer. Everyday when I take it at 5... I literally can feel it hit my blood stream. By literally feel it, I mean instant nausea... and headaches. The kind where I literally have to lay down and not even THINK about food. It's not fun... but yes, it is worth it if it helps us to our goal. I just know that it's frustrating for John - because if it doesn't happen before I take my shot... there is a strong chance that it's not going to happen at all.

Spiritual Challenge

Yesterday, or today - depending on how you handle it... we started The New Testament Challenge at our church. For the next 12 weeks - we have a daily reading list in order for us to read the New Testament completely.

We aren't reading this just for the sake of reading it or as our pastor, Kevin said... we're not reading in order to check a box on our reading list. We are reading for LIFE CHANGE. We are reading to truly hear the word of God in our lives and to make ourselves, our church, and our community better.

In turn, I want to challenge all of you to follow along with us... who couldn't use a little life change?

I am starting today... and for the next 12 weeks, my plan is to use my lunch hour at work to read the daily reading, the study notes in my Bible, and journal about what I've read... in an attempt to truly gain an understanding of the passages that I am reading.

I've typed up the reading list that we were given yesterday. As well as the discussion questions that we've been given for week 1. The discussion questions are designed to be a part of an open discussion with our families - as our entire church Kindergarten through Adult - are going through this challenge. So challenge your spouse to do this with you if you'd like... or I'd happily be the recipient of a daily email from you with discussion about your reading. Make this whatever you want to in order to grow deeper with your faith... and to change your life.

For those of you that need the "check box" list - email me - and I'll shoot you the attachment that I typed up for John's parents.

Who's with me?? Anyone willing to challenge yourself to a deeper relationship with Christ over the next 12 weeks and beyond?

Week 1
Day 1 – Matthew 1-4
Day 2 – Matthew 5-6
Day 3 – Matthew 7-9
Day 4 – Matthew 10-12
Day 5 – Matthew 13-14
Day 6 – Matthew 15-17
Day 7 – Matthew 18-20

Week 2
Day 1 – Matthew 21-22
Day 2 – Matthew 23-24
Day 3 – Matthew 25-26
Day 4 – Matthew 27-28
Day 5 – Mark 1-3
Day 6 – Mark 4-5
Day 7 – Mark 6-7

Week 3
Day 1 – Mark 8-9
Day 2 – Mark 10-11
Day 3 – Mark 12-13
Day 4 – Mark- 14-15
Day 5 – Mark 16, Luke 1
Day 6 – Luke 2-3
Day 7 – Luke 4-5

Week 4
Day 1 – Luke 6-7
Day 2 – Luke 8-9
Day 3 – Luke 10-11
Day 4 – Luke 12-13
Day 5 – Luke 14-16
Day 6 – Luke 17-18
Day 7 – Luke 19-20

Week 5
Day 1 – Luke 21-22
Day 2 – Luke 23-24
Day 3 – John 1-3
Day 4 – John 4-5
Day 5 – John 6-7
Day 6 – John 8-9
Day 7 – John 10-11

Week 6
Day 1 – John 12-13
Day 2 – John 14-16
Day 3 – John 17-19
Day 4 – John 20-21
Day 5 – Acts 1-3
Day 6 – Acts 4-6
Day 7 – Acts 7-8

Week 7
Day 1 – Acts 9-10
Day 2 – Acts 11-13
Day 3 – Acts 14-16
Day 4 – Acts 17-19
Day 5 – Acts 20-22
Day 6 – Acts 23-25
Day 7 – Acts 26-28

Week 8
Day 1 – Romans 1-3
Day 2 – Romans 4-7
Day 3 – Romans 8-10
Day 4 – Romans 11-14
Day 5 – Romans 15-16
Day 6 – 1 Corinthians 1-6
Day 7 – 1 Corinthians 7-9

Week 9
Day 1 – 1 Corinthians 10-13
Day 2 – 1 Corinthians 14-16
Day 3 – 2 Corinthians 1-5
Day 4 – 2 Corinthians 6-10
Day 5 – 2 Corinthians 11-13
Day 6 – Galatians 1-3
Day 7 – Galatians 4-6

Week 10
Day 1 – Ephesians 1-3
Day 2 – Ephesians 4-6
Day 3 – Philippians
Day 4 – Colossians
Day 5 – 1 Thessalonians
Day 6 – 2 Thessalonians
Day 7 – 1 Timothy

Week 11
Day 1 – 2 Timothy, Titus
Day 2 – Philemon, Hebrews 1-5
Day 3 – Hebrews 6-9
Day 4 – Hebrews 10-13
Day 5 – James
Day 6 – 1 Peter
Day 7 – 2 Peter

Week 12
Day 1 – 1 John
Day 2 – 2 John, 3 John, Jude
Day 3 – Revelation 1-4
Day 4 – Revelation 5-9
Day 5 – Revelation 10-14
Day 6 – Revelation 15-19
Day 7 – Revelation 20-22

Every Day Questions:
1. What verse(s) caught your attention in today’s reading? Why?
2. What are some things that God might want you to do based on today’s reading?

Question of the Day:
Day 1 - What do you notice about Matthew’s Christmas story that is different from what you are used to hearing?

Day 2 – Worrying is a way of life for many people. What does Jesus say about worrying?

Day 3 – How do you know the true nature of people (or fruit of trees)?

Day 4 – What will those who lose their life for Jesus’ sake find?

Day 5 – Chapter 13 is packed with the “parables of the Kingdom.” What things does Jesus say the Kingdom of God is like?

Day 6 – What makes a person “unclean”?

Day 7 – According to Jesus how should we go about resolving disagreements in the church? How many times should we go through this process?

Sunday, September 13, 2009

Craft Fair Report

Alright as promised, a rundown of how the craft fair is coming... but first... this picture cracks me up.

This is my dog, Missy, she is so OVER me working on Friday night...
Now for the real reason for the post... the Shop Til You Drop craft fair. It was a great experience and I learned a lot... but let me show you the pictures before talking about all the things that I learned from the weekend.


Here we are all set up at the craft fair.

A shot of the left side of the table...

A closer view of the table... earrings on the far left, next were the bracelets, next were necklaces, and finally jewelry sets on the far right...

These counter thingy things were in our area at first - so we used them to set up... but then they took them to the doors... and I had to lose my portfolio for the show.

A closeup of the right side of the table with all the jewelry sets...

Me ready to sell...
I didn't sell a whole lot, but it was truly a great learning experience. I was told during the show that basically these things have a circuit of sorts. The first one of the year (yesterday) brings a lot of people to look at products... but not a lot of sales. The sales in October, November, and December bring the sales.
So the two ladies that I shared the booth with on Saturday and I are going to do one other show, or possibly two. We are talking about doing the second. We will for sure buy a booth for a show in December, but are potentially looking into a show in October as well.
We laughed a lot, got our names out there... and it was great. Totally not something I'd normally do... but it was great. I had lots of people come by the booth and talk about one item or another that was "beautiful"... they just didn't buy... so we'll give it another go and see how it works.
There were a LOT of jewelry booths... but we all seemed to be packing up a lot of product at the end of the day. In fact all of the vendors seemed to have that experience... but if you work some of the other shows on the circuit... you ought to be alright.
The only comment that I heard that I found unsettling was that my products were priced too high... that wasn't from a customer - but from one of the show organizers. I don't know what to make of her comment - because I try my best to keep my prices as low as possible, and they are totally dependent on the price of the materials used. There is a VERY modest markup... seriously... it's not much... but I put in a couple of dollars for my time and labor. So I guess there isn't much else I can do. I don't know if other jewelry booths make their own jewelry by hand... or if it's purchased from cheap vendors and resold at cheaper prices.
I did also hear that my prices were much lower than some other vendors from one of the ladies I shared the booth with - she had another friend there with another booth who had MUCH higher prices. Who knows... I guess it's a guessing game.
I did price most of my earrings at $5 a piece and sold several pair of those over the course of the day. I'll be beefing up my stock of earrings for the next couple of shows.

This little guy was purchased from another vendor by my friend Danielle.
I absolutely loved him... and their little noses light up when you plug it in!! If they are at some of the other shows - I will absolutely be coming home with one of them. They sold for only $36!
Products are being added this week to the Etsy store that didn't sell at the show... I made a lot of new stuff that I didn't list on the store before the show... so I'm catching up there. The 5 products in the box to the top left of this blog are new... more will be added daily.
In other news... I am putting together an email newsletter list for my Etsy store... so if you want to be added to the list - please leave me a comment with your email address.

Friday, September 11, 2009

Long Day

It has been an incredibly long day, but I think that I'm ready for the show tomorrow... I am so glad I took the day off to get ready... I can't even imagine what I would have done if I had worked! I literally spent the last 16 hours getting ready for this show!


Here are a few things that I made today - I'm quite fond of all of them...

Green Turquoise Nuggets and Silver


Another multi colored shell necklace with matching earrings




Swarovski crystals in varying shades of blue with silver

Large Turquoise Nuggets and Coral... I've done this one before, but did a complete set this time. The Turquoise and the Coral are larger than the previous version as well.


Turquoise Nuggets and Silver

Rose Quartz Double Strand Necklace - I also made this one in yellow.

That's about it - I'll take lots of pictures tomorrow. But it's almost 11, and I'll be up at 5:30... and I still have to make the bed.
Memo to me... do not try to wash the sheets or do other domestic things while getting ready for a craft fair... because at the end of the night - all you want to do is crawl in bed...not have to make it first!
The only thing I forgot to do today was go get cash to use as change... but I think John has found a solution for me. He called a grocery store on the way to the show and they said if we get there before 7 - they could make change for us. So we'll be stopping in there on the way in the morning... but hey, they have a Starbucks... so it's all good!
I can't wait to report on how the day went and show you what everything looked like... lets hope that I'll be reporting a HUGE success too!

Thursday, September 10, 2009

36 Hour Fast

From 8PM last night until 8AM tomorrow morning - our church is participating in a fast. We are preparing to go through the New Testament Challenge for the next 12 weeks, and this fast is a way for us to open ourselves up to receive God and let him change us from the inside out.

Our discussion last night was mainly about what a fast is by definition and how it would work. I thought I'd share the notes from last night's service with you - just for your own reference.

What is fasting? Abstaining from anything to concentrate (focus) on the scripture (Word).

What are the Biblical examples of fasting?

The Disciple Fast – Breaking free from the bonds of wickedness – Isaiah 58:6

The Ezra Fast – For “undoing heavy burdens”

The Samuel Fast – To bring about revival & free those in bondage (This is the fast that we are doing)

The Elijah Fast – To undo mental & physical anguish

The Widows Fast – To meet humanitarian needs

The Paul Fast – To seek God’s guidance in decision-making

The Daniel Fast – For improvement of health or well-being

The John the Baptist Fast – To enhance your testimony

The Esther Fast – To protect us from the Evil One

Entering Into a Samuel Fast

Step One: Join Together

Step Two: Confess Sin

Step Three: Demonstrate True Repentance

Step Four: Acknowledge the Power of the Word

Remember, we cannot by our actions force God to do anything. We simply use our time of fasting as our personal expression of our brokenness before God.

What should our fast look like? Water only unless you have a medical condition that requires you consume food to take medication or to sustain life (such as diabetes). Listen to your body and if during the 36 hour fast you feel you body needs food, do not ignore it. You will feel hungry, but if you start feeling ill, light headed or just generally bad you shouldn’t continue the fast. You may be able to use protein shakes to substitute for real food if you desire to try to continue.

What can we expect during the fast? Temptation. If you are at the office, don’t be surprised if it is someone’s birthday. If you have a “dependence” on caffeine, don’t be surprised if you are tempted by someone to consume something other than water. Satan will be tempting you because he knows as humans we are weak.

What will be the results? The obvious results will be that after the fast, your stomach will shrink. Don’t try to eat too much immediately following. You should take things slow and work your way back up to normal portion sizes. The other result should be a closeness to God.

What should we pray?

God, change me.
Expand my testimony and my influence.
Root out sin in my life and help me to abstain from it in the days following the fast.
God change my Church.
Heal sickness, heal marriages, as well as relationships.
Make our Church a Church that makes a difference.
God, affect our community through CFF.

Scripture References on Fasting

Examples:
Moses (Exodus 34:28; Deuteronomy 9:9, 18), David (2 Samuel 12:16), Elijah (1 Kings 19:8), Nehemiah (Nehemiah 1:4), Esther (Esther 4:16), Daniel (Daniel 1:12), Anna (Luke 2:37), Paul (Acts 14:23), Jesus (Matthew 4:1-2)

Jesus on Fasting:
Example: Matthew 4:1-2
Teaching: Matthew 6:1-18; Matthew 9:15

Paul on Fasting:
1 Corinthians 7:5

Purposes of Fasting:
Zechariah 7:5; 1 Corinthians 6:12; 2 Samuel 12:16, Acts 14:23; Acts 13:2; Daniel 1:12

So for most of our church, they are resolving to only consume water for the remainder of the fast. Since I am a diabetic, and have to take medications with food - I chose to fast from other things... I'm cutting out sweets, but my main fast is a partial media fast... I'm fasting from Facebook.

You might think that is silly, but if you have spent any time on Facebook - and have been sucked into any of those little games... you'll understand what I'm doing more. I'm taking the day and every time I would have gone to check on one of those silly games... I'll be praying instead.

I will also be focusing on work stuff, as I'm taking tomorrow off to get ready for the craft fair - and need to get some things around here squared away before leaving early today.

On a sad note, please keep my dear friend Renee in your prayers right now. She is going through something very painful and tragic - and my heart goes out to her.

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Summer Rocks

I've told you guys about my dear blog friend Summer... ok... lets get real... some blog friends are more than that. Once you cross over to my daytime gmail chat daily entertainment... I'm much more invested. We spend most of our working hours - that is when we can fit it in with our work duties... chatting and helping each other through all sorts of struggles.

The amazing thing is that when I am down - she seems to be in an upswing...and vice versa... so we are a great match emotionally - at least so far. Summer has been a wonderful friend... and we've truly been able to share in the highs and lows of this fertility battle that we're both struggling through.

So last week, Summer send me a little something in the mail. I wasn't able to get it until Friday afternoon... but it was just so sweet that I had to share it with you.

She sent me this adorable plate...


Here is a close up so you can read what it says...

She also included this adorable card that says... Hair Changes. Friendship Stays.

Very few words, but so true... the whole package made me smile... and realize what a treasure I have found with Summer. She truly has become such an important part of my life... and I'm grateful that God put us on paths that crossed.
Like my friend Jenn says... I hope to meet her on this side of heaven. Since she lives in New York City... what a bonus for getting to see my favorite city to visit and a great friend at the same time!

Monday, September 7, 2009

New KH Jewelry Products

As promised, here are some pictures of the newest items in my collection... all will be on sale this weekend at the Shop Til You Drop craft fair... and I'm excited to see how things go. I'll take lots of pictures of setting up and all the fun... I've got lots more to make between now and then... but I'll just do the best I can this week.

These are the wider shots - less detailed... but as I said in my previous post... anything that doesn't sell this weekend will be put up on Etsy...

Remember that you can click on the images and see larger pictures...

A fabulous pair of purple earrings...

Pink & White Crystal dangle earrings...

Purple Crystal Dangle Earrings...

Lime Green Dangle Earrings...

Blue Crystal Dangle Earrings...

Champagne Pearls with silver accents... a necklace and bracelet set

Red and Blue Clay Beads with silver and black accents

Large Gray beads with black and silver accents...

Green and Blue swirl beads with blue accents... a necklace and earring set.

Antique Bronze with brown and blue beads... lovely dangle earrings.

Teal, Orange, Green, and Silver beaded earrings...

Dangle earrings with black cracked glass beads with silver accents...

White circles with black accents...

Orange and white swirl beads with white accents... a necklace and bracelet set.

Wooden beads of varying shapes and colors... a necklace, bracelet and earring set.

Green, Yellow, Orange, and Blue clay beads with black accents... a necklace and earring set.

Amethyst (natural purple stone) chips in a double strand necklace setting... it is truly one of my favorites... beautiful!

Varying natural stones all set for a very unique look... Turquoise, Jasper, Rose Quartz, and others make up this beautiful look...

Pink ceramic beads in two different shapes with black accents... a necklace and earring set.

Blue iridescent shell beads in a coin shape paired up with white pearls... a lovely necklace.

A delicate pink coral heishe necklace with white fresh water pearl accents.

Blue, Orange, Green, and Tan shell beads in a triple strand design... set on an adjustable clasp so it can be worn at different lengths.
This last one was inspired by a necklace that Renee wore not to long ago... and I've got some other shell beads to make another design. The next design will have jewel tone shell beads similar to the ones used here... but they will be in a fuchsia, teal, purple, and brown...
I've got lots of other designs floating around in my head... so I'll try to get pictures put up of the latest pieces to the collection before I go to the show on Saturday. I'm taking Friday off from work to get ready for the craft show... I've got LOTS to do... so hopefully I won't run out of time with one extra day to get it all together.